Why the double standard?

[cpc28655]

Ok, I will make this short and to the point. Me and my buddy "E" were at a bar last week. Not trying to pick up anybody, just sitting at the bar, drinking beer, eating hot wings, playing that trivia game that alot of bars have, and talking with the regulars. Well, this lady starts hitting on E. He makes it quiet clear that he is not intrested (he is going through a divorce much messier then mine). It is painfully obvious that this lady was NOT intoxicated, but over the next 4 hours, she will not leave him alone. E being the kind of guy he is, is too kind to be rude to this person. But I got to thinking, if this were reversed and he was annoying her for 4 hours, he would be sitting in a jail cell with a restraining order against him, lol. Why the double standard?

[New_Horizons]

Good question, and I'm afraid there is no answer. It's just one of the major flaws in our society that needs to be changed. It is very unfair and proves that gender equality is a sham.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

I agree its so stupid. I see all the ads for violence against women and stuff on our tv why isnt it just as important for men? Ok So they may be stronger most of the time, but what about the minority??? Everyone can hurt someone if they try. Everyone can get hurt by someone stronger or even weaker if they have better strategy. Its stupid to promote all these things, now im sure some guys/men are to ashamed to come forward about being attacked by a woman, though they should have nothing to be ashamed about. Why all the sexism?

[cpc28655]

wo wo wo, lol. there wasn't any violence involved.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I too hate sexism cpc....and that's what that is.

 

Any time something is exclusively one way for a long time, the pendulum swings the other way. It's only a matter of time....

[HurleyBabe6917]

Because men have always won everything over women, so now they get to win in sexist thigns like that.

[cpc28655]

Because men have always won everything over women, so now they get to win in sexist thigns like that.

 

So it is a matter of vengeance? So exactly what did E do to this lady to deserve this act of revenge??

[HurleyBabe6917]

Nothing.

That's just how it seems things have gotten in the sexist department.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I don't think it is man vs. woman, i just think that there are some people out there who are totally rude and obnoxious and want what they want and do not take normal social cues that you want to be left alone...

 

I think lots of women are too polite too to tell some jerk to leave them alone at a bar, they just smile and avoid them, so most cases of jerky guys do NOT end up with them being in jail either...

 

so the real issue is why isn't your friend assertive enough to tell the woman to go away, after he has been polite and she refuses to accept it? next time, tell her to back off, or you'll call the bouncer...

[cpc28655]

I agree that the sexist angle is complete garbage. That is making the problem more general than it needs to be.

[cpc28655]

I don't think it is man vs. woman, i just think that there are some people out there who are totally rude and obnoxious and want what they want and do not take normal social cues that you want to be left alone...

 

I think lots of women are too polite too to tell some jerk to leave them alone at a bar, they just smile and avoid them, so most cases of jerky guys do NOT end up with them being in jail either...

 

so the real issue is why isn't your friend assertive enough to tell the woman to go away, after he has been polite and she refuses to accept it? next time, tell her to back off, or you'll call the bouncer...

 

he did tell her to go away, lol. thats the whole point.

[agent1607307371]

Restraining order? I wish.

 

Because when men are pestering women, they're just being persistent and charming and women should be glad for the attention, whereas women who won't give up are just pathetic and desperate.

 

And women bothering men in public are hardly ever as scary as a man who the woman doesn't know isn't going to follow her out and attempt to rape her. Physical intimidation is a big problem that many men don't seem to think about (and when a man is drunk and won't leave you alone it's very scary).

 

Rozi - the reason you see so many ads about violence against women is because women worked hard to get the message out. Not to be cruel here, but if men want the same level of recognition, they should work for it too. They do benefit some from the attention brought to dv by womren, but if they want more they have to work towards chaging societal views too. It was not so long ago that domestic violence against women was actually seen as something that should be kept private and inside the marriage and was shameful for women to speak about.

[HurleyBabe6917]

Yeah.

If I was E, and that lady was really bothering me, I think I would have just built up my inner a-hole and just told her to buzz off.

[charley]

Gender equality means, or should mean that we have equal opportunities. No one ever said that makes us the same, did they?

 

Normally, it'd be me pestering (politely and discreetly) the gals at work, not the other way around, but most of them like me, at least as a friend. However, sometimes it happens the other way around.

 

One woman kept staring at me through the window in my office door. I'd be at my computer or desk and start getting a creeped out feeling like someone was watching me. After 30 seconds to a minute I'd instinctively turn towards the window in my door, and there was her eyeball and nose literally pressed against the window with her breath steaming up the glass. How creepy was that? This happened several times. I was never attracted to her, but her behavior gave me a total aversion to her.

 

If I did that with any woman at work, I'd be reported for it the first or second time. This gal did this to me for 6 months. Not every day, but several times a week. It was really creeping me out so I started taping newspaper over my office window whenever she was on duty. She eventually took the hint and stopping staring at me and I no longer needed the newspaper on window. However, the newspaper on window had already started rumors with others as to "what in heck is he doing in his office?". Because of those rumors, I had to explain to her supervisor and office administrator what was going on. Her supervisor offered to tell her to knock it off, but I asked the supervisor to say and do nothing since the gal had already taken the hint and stopped staring at me and I'd already stopped taping newspaper over my door window.

 

However, the double standard is clear. A man can get reported for sexual harassment for doing very little even one time at work. A woman can get away with a lot even over months and most men will not report her, even if he is bothered by it.

 

Here are some other sexual double standards.

 

A woman is judged negatively if she admits to having had to many lovers, what ever number that would be. A man is judge negatively for having had to few.

 

A woman can talk about sex or sexual issues. If a man does the same, he's in serious danger of being branded a pervert, pathetic, to aggressive, inappropriate, or whatever.

 

A woman can wear woman's clothes, men's clothes, or whatever she wants and no one is going to think anything of it. Most men would not want to wear women's clothes, but even if they did, it wouldn't be accepted.

 

In most divorces, judges strongly favor giving custody of children to the woman just because she's a woman. It is very difficult for a man to get custody, or even equal custody.

 

The list of double standards is longer than I have room to list here. For every double standard against women, there's one against men too.

 

In the case of the specific double standard you mentioned, which is similar to my having to tape newspaper over my office window, let's look at that double standard specifically. Why is it that women get so much more tolerance than men do? I think it's because women have to fear for their safety, in addition to being uncomfortable and annoyed, when a man won't stop hitting on her. When it's the other way around, and the woman won't stop hitting on the man, he is likely uncomfortable and annoyed, but he does not have to fear for his safety. thereforeeee, it really is less serious (no danger) when it's the guy being harassed. When the woman is being harassed, it might really be dangerous for her. No doubt it's equally annoying for men, but they don't have the fear factor. So in the case of this double standard, it makes sense to me that women receive some extra tolerance. He could have told her in plain language that he's not interested, right?

 

Now there's a couple other women at work who press their faces to the glass on my door and stare at me for a few seconds. Not because they're into me, but because they think it's funny since they heard about the other gal from before. I don't think it's funny. I hate when they do it and I tell them I don't like it, but they don't stop. They're my friends, but in this situation, they really irritate me. This is exactly why I didn't want to report it in the first place. If a woman reports being harassed by a man, that a serious thing. If a man reports being harassed by a woman, then it's the big company joke and now the men, and especially the women, laugh at both me and the gal who used to stare at me. Now you see why I never wanted to report it? This is yet another double standard.

[cpc28655]

the restraining order remark was only a metaphore, lol.

[cpc28655]

an issue of safety???? this is truly the least educated statement I have read on this forum to date. Just because women commit far less violent crimes then men, does not mean they are not able to do so. Last time I checked, women have 2 hands and 5 fingers just like men do. Now, I am not a doctor, but this indicates to me that they are just as able to operate guns, knives, ect. as us men are.

[charley]

an issue of safety???? this is truly the least educated statement I have read on this forum to date. Just because women commit far less violent crimes then men, does not mean they are not able to do so. Last time I checked, women have 2 hands and 5 fingers just like men do. Now, I am not a doctor, but this indicates to me that they are just as able to operate guns, knives, ect. as us men are.

 

Yes, but they typically don't. Not trying to be an advocate for women here, but they are typically much less prone to violence. All crimes stats back that up. Common sense also backs that up. When's the last time you heard of a woman raping a man?

 

What's with the hostility?

[cpc28655]

you misunderstand, no hostility intended. i promise

[charley]

OK. Well, if it bothered your friend as much as I perceive it bothered you, then he should have politely told her he's not interested the first time. If a second time was needed, he should have then told her to "go away and don't bother me again" or something like that.

 

You are correct about the fact that women can be violent. Years ago I was once hit with a purse (with a hard object in it) after telling a woman in college that I was not interested.

 

I was kind and polite the first time I told her, but she ignored it, or it never registered. I was less polite the second time I told her a few days later. The third time I told her I was harshly blunt about it and she then hit me with her purse and it hurt badly because she had some hard object in it. I told her that if she ever touched me again I was going to punch her in the nose and I meant it. She never bothered me again.

 

So you are correct that women can be violent. However, my level of injury was less than a woman would typically receive if assaulted by a man. Also, I was in no danger of being raped. So as traumatic as it was for me, it was not in the same class of fear or problem as when a woman is assaulted.

 

I really think that this difference of fear and likely injury figures into why women receive more tolerance. They simply aren't likley as dangerous, but that's not to say that they can't be somewhat dangerous. However, I think most men perceive women as not dangerous, even if annoying. Usually they aren't dangerous.

[cpc28655]

It is the complacentcy that bothers me. Allow me to offer a crude, but effective comparison. At the hospital I work in, we have something called a "code pink". This means infant abduction. Even though there has never been a baby abducted in this hospital's 100 year history, code Pinks get called literally about 3 times an hour. I'll elaborate.

 

The hospital fits a baby with an electronic braclet soon after it is born. On the 3rd floor of this hospital (which is peds and the family center) there are sensors in the walls at every hallway intersection, and every patient room. If a baby is carried past one of these sensors without proper authorization, it trips the system. This causes all kinds of hell, lol. It locks down the entire 3rd floor using magnetic seals on all exits, prevents the elevators from opening on the third floor, and sounds a code pink. This is usually caused by someone not doing their job. Like taking a baby to x-ray without following the proper procedures (entering the code, swiping the employee's badge, ect.) causing the system to trip.

 

The point is that everytime this happens, everybody does their assigned duties. My department watches the 2 exits at the south end of the loading dock. Even though it never happens, complacentcy could result in it happening.

[cpc28655]

I just re-read that one post, it did sound kinda hostile. I apologize, it certinally was not intentional. Please don't take personally.

[Baby Carrot]

if this were reversed and he was annoying her for 4 hours, he would be sitting in a jail cell with a restraining order against him, lol. Why the double standard?

 

Well, we do live in a hypocrite sexist society with double morals.

 

Double standards bug me as hell too.

 

We claim for being "equal" but look at all those girls grabbing guy´s butts at the bars and clubs. They´re seen as "naughty" and "bold" and that´s it. Keep walking butt grabbed dude (don´t even feel disrespected, feel lucky and sexy)

 

But if a drunk guy grabs some of that same girls' butt, we have some major drama. Ends up in court and everything. He´s a sex offender and a son of a BLEEP that only sees women as objects right?

 

Sheesh.

 

But also, when men attempt bold gestures, it´s generally considered romantic. When women do it, it´s often considered desperate or psycho.

 

I mean, is all part of the same bull, honestly.

[jbutterfly2020]

Since when do guys go to jail for bothering a lady at a bar? It was just a role reversal, instead of you guys hounding a girl, she was doing that to him.

It wasn't cute at all, was it? So pass this story on to any guy you know that tries to pick up girls at bars or anywhere.

[Baby Carrot]

Since when do guys go to jail for bothering a lady at a bar? It was just a role reversal, instead of you guys hounding a girl, she was doing that to him.

It wasn't cute at all, was it? So pass this story on to any guy you know that tries to pick up girls at bars or anywhere.

 

Maybe not for "bothering" her, but is very possible that they end up in jail if they grab her butt while drunk. Which, does not apply for the ladies. That´s the whole point.

[Budman]

Personally I had some thoughts on this the other day.

 

While going to the Doctor with my wifey (PEr her request mind you), Everytime I go the nurses always say, "And we help with domestic violence if you ever need it", and then GLARES AT ME, and says, "So you can come to us honey if you have any issues" Of course I get a lil angry at this point because, they are accusing me, or making me feel uncomfortable at that point.

 

Anyway, Personally I think that its basically as simple as a guy usually doesn't get scared or as scared. It's the same thing as many men wouldn't have a problem being raped by a woman, or taken advantage of by them I should say.

 

Anyway, my brain is all messed up from just waking up. Soo, I will have to post more later.