Whats the secret on getting dates from online dating?

[quietgrl]

This thread is funny in a way.Are we talking about lying about a man height because everytime i think about this thread. I think about Prince and his high heels. .I would go out on a date with prince.

[Batya33]

This thread is funny in a way.Are we talking about lying about a man height because everytime i think about this thread. I think about Prince and his high heels. .I would go out on a date with prince.

 

I was totally fine if they lied about height within two inches or so - but 6 inches or more was in my view ridiculous and a little insulting to me. I date shorter men - not an issue for me - I prefer it - but I strongly prefer not to date liars . .. .

[Luke Skywalker]

EXCELLENT IDEA QUIET-GIRL -

 

Some girls like guys who wear high heel boots. That's the 'magickman's little ploy of attracting women, wear high heel boots.

 

So, of the OP were to buy a pair of high heel boots, and then measure his new height, then it will be an honest profile.

[annie24]

er.... no, still not honest. you measure your height with shoes off, not with your go-go boots on.

 

(off topic, prince is a sexy sexy little man! I don't care that he is 5'3", I would go for him!)

[Batya33]

er.... no, still not honest. you measure your height with shoes off, not with your go-go boots on.

 

(off topic, prince is a sexy sexy little man! I don't care that he is 5'3", I would go for him!)

 

I make the allowances because men of my ethnic background tend to be shorter, it is often a very sensitive subject and we (women in my ethnic background) have been accustomed for years of hearing the men claim to be two inches taller than they are - this was wayyyy before on line dating was in existence. So, you just subtract two inches and decide whether you can deal with it.

[Budman]

Do not listen to this advice, Your height its not whats wrong. PERIOD.

 

Luke, we yelled at you for this too didn't we?

 

YOU DO NOT LIE, Whats the point of getting a date if its under false presumptions?

 

Also luke, What would be the purpose of finding out the proof of something that he cannot change?

 

That makes me liken to, "I'm short, might as well live my life well all alone, never destined to have anyone." Considering I've dated women that are literally 4'9 most guys can find someone who is shorter than them.

 

HEIGHT is not the issue, but HEIGHT and the COMPLEX that can be generated from not being tall is a big contributing factor.

 

This is really poor advice, because one: He would not have the personality of a tall person (if it is the complex), so he would still have the same results.

 

Op, I'm gonna reread and post a more indepth post on this particular issue, please stand by.

[Luke Skywalker]

This is childsplay Budman.

 

I'm a bit Machevillian - the ends justify the means. If a guy is complaining about not meeting a girl in 8 years, and feels the reason for this is because of height, then that would attack the issue head-on, of what you are saying - it is a complex - but it's not height - but the only way to prove that is for him to change his height and see for himself that it is irrelevant.

 

I'm not going to advocate lying, but I do advocate testing reality and dont see anything wrong with that. If what you are saying is true, then our friend can say he is 6-7 foot tall, and guess what, SAME RESULTS, debunking the myth the problem is height, the problem is all in the mind, a point we can both agree on.

[Budman]

Lying is defined as telling someone you love them for a relationship who is into you, when you only want sex and then dumping them afterwards.

 

This is childsplay.

 

 

Lie - a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood.

 

You're incorrect luke, they are both lies, both equally apprehensible. Have you been doing this in your own profile?

This is childsplay Budman.

 

I'm a bit Machevillian - the ends justify the means. If a guy is complaining about not meeting a girl in 8 years, and feels the reason for this is because of height, then that would attack the issue head-on, of what you are saying - it is a complex - but it's not height - but the only way to prove that is for him to change his height and see for himself that it is irrelevant.

 

I'm not going to advocate lying, but I do advocate testing reality and dont see anything wrong with that. If what you are saying is true, then our friend can say he is 6-7 foot tall, and guess what, SAME RESULTS, debunking the myth the problem is height, the problem is all in the mind, a point we can both agree on.

 

Granted but it could backfire causing an even worse inferiority complex then the height complex. The height may be a contributing factor but it is not the only factor. Many women will look over height for personality any day. Just many people who've not had the experience lack the confidence to show their true personality in my opinion.

 

 

Anyway, onto the op

 

IwishIknew, First off, I'm here to help I read your profile and I think quite honestly we're gonna have to do a bit of a tune up here.

 

Granted its simple elegant and its very easy to read but its a rather boring read. Are you humorous at all Iwish? Also, a tip from me I've found that asking someone to reply is a turn off to some women, maybe not consiously, but subconsiously.

 

Anyway, your profile

 

About Me

 

Hello ladies! I am John from suburbs of Chicago..I am Italian and Filipino.. I am educated and I do have a Bachelor Degree from SIU.. I am very outgoing fun person whos enjoys having a good time!..I love the outdoors! I enjoy playing sports, I do play ice hockey, going to the park..biking,rollerblading..running..working out..car shows, I do also enjoy working on cars on my spare time. I love going to museums, events, concerts, playing pool, watching movies..anything that is fun and exciting..

 

I am looking for an honest, sweet,caring, confident, intelligent, respectful, and fairly ambitious girl whos outgoing and has a positive outlook on life. Someone who is goal oriented. Someone I can have good conversations with and a good time. I love going out and randomly finding new and fun things to do. I need someone that is open minded and willing to try new things. I'm always on the go, and I need you to keep up with me. If you find me interesting please reply

 

First Date

Anything thats fun and exciting either going to a concert or event, going ice skating, walk in the park, rollerblading, dinner and a movie..

 

It's a little bland, let's throw some humor in here let's spice it up, let's add some humor, let's make it less of a run on.

 

Hi my name is John *small voice* "Hi john"

I'm an online dater, we'll I suppose you are too if you're reading this. Well, since right now I'm feelin like a piece of meat on the auction block I'd like to let you fine people out there that I'm a fine mixture of philipino and Italian, that's right not only do I ride a moped and say "hey" but I'm one fine cook too. *disclaimer: I do not infact own a moped but I do say,hey*.

 

Well, when I'm not outside hitting my car with a wrench, erm fixing it I enjoy my time out there immensely I love roller blading in the summer and Ice skating in the winter, truthfully the latter didn't work in summer it was more like swimming which I love as well. Of course when I'm not outdoors, I'm actually indoors enjoying the finer things in life like movies, museums, and a plethora of concerts.

 

Personally I'm looking for someone to challenge me mentally, physically, and help each other grow and improve.

 

Well, how much is it you say, how much does it cost to meet this man you ask? Well, it's free and includes coffee! Don't wait Act now!

 

 

First date

First off, my first date should be fun. That's first and foremost, that's the only thing I require, if we want to have fun we will!

 

That's one Idea it may not bode well because of the "infomercial theme" but it may.

 

I will have to come up with another once I get more sleep and can *think*.

 

Anyway, we'll work together on this IwishIknew. You have my assistance if ya want it.

[Batya33]

That is "cute" but probably wouldn't appeal to me since when I did on line dating, I didn't really take to those ads that poked fun at the process of on line dating - I didn't dismiss them but they didn't appeal to me. I much preferred the straightforward direct approach and to be able to tell that, like me, the man in question: (1) dates people, not profiles and (2) saw the ad as a mean to an end - meaning to meet in person as soon as possible if the very brief email exchange and moderate length phone conversation went well. Sometimes when I saw humor like that I presumed that the guy had done a lot of on line dating - not a bad thing (so did I!) but I didn't need that to be "in my face" right up front and also it could seem that the guy was "trying too hard" to be funny.

 

Again, this is just me - many women love the whole shtick, the game, of on line dating and enjoy emailing, IMing, chuckling at profiles. Me, I wanted the basics up front - age, what you are looking for in terms of a relationship, educational background/job/career, and a picture that I found reasonably appealing. I also looked for dealbreakers - for me those were too many misspellings, poor grammar, sexual innuendo, the promise of fancy dinners or expensive gifts, the words "no playing games/no flakes" etc, too much psychobabble or abstract romanticisms, and inappropriate photos including photos with one's car or boat, with sexy women, or bare chested (unless it was a far away beach vacation shot but even then I was like "um, what's the point - so you go to the beach." Other pet peeves included phrases like "I like to laugh" or "I like to have fun."

 

 

The word that attracted the most attention in my (now hidden) profile from countless men - and mostly in a very positive way -- was "insouciant." That word appeared in the first 5 words of my profile. A close friend had used that word to describe me, I thought it was apt, and I used it.

 

And I completely agree with looking at other profiles in your gender so that you don't write the same thing everyone does and so you can get a sense of the cyber-landscape.

[quietgrl]

EXCELLENT IDEA QUIET-GIRL -

 

Some girls like guys who wear high heel boots. That's the 'magickman's little ploy of attracting women, wear high heel boots.

 

So, of the OP were to buy a pair of high heel boots, and then measure his new height, then it will be an honest profile.

 

 

I think magickman' is really prince but cowboy boots have high heels.A man can wear boots

[Luke Skywalker]

The word that attracted the most attention in my (now hidden) profile from countless men - and mostly in a very positive way -- was "insouciant." That word appeared in the first 5 words of my profile. A close friend had used that word to describe me, I thought it was apt, and I used it.

 

 

This extracts another experimental idea. Make a profile with full of high level vocabulary jargon rife with words such as that and see how it works.

[Budman]

I agree with what your saying, and quite honestly he would need to write the profile fitting his humor, his wit, and his thought processes in it. He just needs to find a way to tell the story without telling the story. For example instead of saying romantic say, I enjoy candle lit dinners while playing a game of go fish or something that would hint to those features or attributes that he does desire or would desire.

 

Think of it as an autobiography IwishIknew, but the autobiography has to be written to be appealing and eye popping.

[Batya33]

Actually, that was not my goal or an "experiment" - I love words, love banter (preferred to date someone who shares my love of words and banter - and I am right now) and I happen to like the way that word sounds, its derivation, and most importantly how it aptly described my personality. I actually resent people who label others based on their desire to use certain words over others and I do not respect people who use bad grammar or slang just to portray a certain image.

 

I do respect people who speak in a way that is natural and comfortable for them - and, most importantly, in a way that establishes rapport if they are speaking in person to another person or persons even if that means using different vocabulary, speaking more slowly, etc.. It's not the easiest thing to speak so others understand and feel comfortable and included/accepted - but it's something I strive for. I always can tell when someone is using multi-syllabic words to impress and especially love when they use the words badly or in the wrong context - always good for a little (internal) laugh.

 

If I had a goal with my ad it was to be positive, concise, direct about what I was looking for, and designed to encourage people who wanted to meet offline ASAP to respond. Worked fairly well for me and for my sister (who met her husband through a personal ad).

[Budman]

Do you mind if I ask you a question for reference/added info to the repository.

May I ask what age bracket you are in (I'm not asking your age because that is rude, this is rude but more of a indirect rudeness)

 

=D

[Batya33]

I'm 40, and when I did online dating I was 34 to 39 (approximately). I did personal ads on and off from age 19 to age 31 (very on and off as I mostly was in serious long term relationships)

[Luke Skywalker]

People, including the OP, may continually change their profile, and experiment with different styles. Change it once every month, couple of months, take breaks, etc... -- you are in control - that's the bottom line.

[Luke Skywalker]

You're incorrect luke, they are both lies, both equally apprehensible. Have you been doing this in your own profile?

 

Sure, my last profile said I was 'Santa Clause, or 'Santa's Helper', now, that's not true, because Santa Clause doesn't exist, nor am I 'Santa's Helper', so while that could be a lie, I dont see it that way, since it's already known that I'm 'kidding around'.

 

My style would be to take on different roles and express them, thus, I never lie in my profile, at any point, ever. My profiles are supposed to be a work of art - like a painter making a painting and wanting other people to admire and look at their work, and that's my attitude towards it. I want to communicate something and connect to someone - and lying is not necessary to do that.

[Batya33]

The people who lie in their profiles make it worse for those who do not (like me and believe me I would have increased my chances of meeting men had I lied about my age particularly since I am regularly mistaken for being in my early 30s or younger). Because for example there are women who lie about their age/weight there were a number of men who were apprehensive about whether I had been accurate about age/weight. Luckily I screened out 99% of the liars prior to meeting them.

[iwishiknew]

I did try the height experiment before, About 4 years ago I was on the AOL Chicago chat room and I chatted with this one girl who was 23 and I told her that I was 5'9..I said that because at first she posted on the chat room saying "looking for for a tall guy to chat with" So I instant message her telling her that I am 5'9, if I would have said 5'5 I know she would of canceled me out and I was bored and just wanted to chat and also she lived close to me. She gave me her number and told me to call her and she wanted to watch a movie and told me to meet her 30 mins at the theater..I got there and I saw her by the description she told me of her and what she would be wearing..She was very cute! I went up to her and said "HI" and when she said Hi to me I just could tell by her first impression of me that she didn't expect me to be that short, I was thinking maybe it won't be a big deal at all..Then it came to me that I forgot about that I told her online that I was 5'9 because I was excitied that she wanted to see a movie with me...Anyways she told me she had to go to the washroom and I said Ill be by the front booth..After about 8 mins of waiting my phone rang and I got a text message and she told me "Sorry this will not work out"...I was really upset..I have learned from this experience that being not honest will put you down, just how it happened to me...Also I kinda figure out mostly likely she ditched me because of my height, she was expecting me to be 5'9 and I was 5'5 and didn't give me a chance at all...So yes height does play a factor for some women..

[Batya33]

My guess is she ditched you as much or more because of the lie and the ramifications of that (that she took the time to come and meet you expecting someone who was at least 5"9). It's good that you now realize that lying is not a good approach to dating.

[annie24]

hey - sorry for the night, but I guess you learned something from your "experiment." especially since she had "looking for a TALL guy to chat with" in her profile. Maybe next time, look for the girls that say, "looking for a great guy to chat with" and that don't have an emphasis on height.

[Luke Skywalker]

Ok, so, you DID meet someone from the internet in the past 4 years. You made a grim portrayal that you didn't meet anyone in 8 years, thus you see, you can meet people from the internet.

 

But you've also said something that I, and everyone else on here is going to like. You said it is a factor for SOME women, implying that you believe that it's not a factor for ALL women.

 

Like myself, you get a bad experience from one isolated case and tend to make sweeping generilisations like 'all women are bad', but as you see we are studying this at all possible levels you are coming to terms with yourself that it's not true.

 

Indeed, you are correct, some women wont care about height so it's not so bad

[Batya33]

Ok, so, you DID meet someone from the internet in the past 4 years. You made a grim portrayal that you didn't meet anyone in 8 years, thus you see, you can meet people from the internet.

 

But you've also said something that I, and everyone else on here is going to like. You said it is a factor for SOME women, implying that you believe that it's not a factor for ALL women.

 

Like myself, you get a bad experience from one isolated case and tend to make sweeping generilisations like 'all women are bad', but as you see we are studying this at all possible levels you are coming to terms with yourself that it's not true.

 

Indeed, you are correct, some women wont care about height so it's not so bad

 

A woman is entitled to want a man who is taller than her just like a man is entitled to want a woman who is slim, or curvy, etc. Most people have at least some preferences about looks. To me, though, everyone is entitled to expect that if they are going to put in the effort to meet in person that he or she has been honest to the best of their knowledge about the basic facts - age, marital status, height and weight. There may be other similar facts but those are some general basics. It's just plain wrong - and spreads bad "karma" -- to deceive someone into meeting you by misrepresenting those basic facts.

[iwishiknew]

Ok, so, you DID meet someone from the internet in the past 4 years. You made a grim portrayal that you didn't meet anyone in 8 years, thus you see, you can meet people from the internet.

 

But you've also said something that I, and everyone else on here is going to like. You said it is a factor for SOME women, implying that you believe that it's not a factor for ALL women.

 

Like myself, you get a bad experience from one isolated case and tend to make sweeping generilisations like 'all women are bad', but as you see we are studying this at all possible levels you are coming to terms with yourself that it's not true.

 

Indeed, you are correct, some women wont care about height so it's not so bad

 

 

 

That was from a chat room, that doesn't count..A chat room and online dating websites are different from each other.

[Batya33]

That was from a chat room, that doesn't count..A chat room and online dating websites are different from each other.

 

One thing is the same- she said she wanted to chat with tall men and you claimed to be 5"9 which was a lie, and used that lie to deceive her into taking the time to meet you in person. It doesn't matter if it was a chat room, a web site, a phone call, etc. - what you did was inconsiderate of her time and misleading.