Whats the secret on getting dates from online dating?

[iwishiknew]

Whats the secrets on getting dates from online dating? I have been doing online dating for 8 years and never had a date yet from it...Is there any secrets, tips or strategies on getting dates from online dating? What does it really take to get a date from online dating? Since the beginning I got nothing at all and I want this new year for me to get some dates and even get myself a gf for the first time. Any experts here thats has done online with success? If so can you share with me your tips and strategies.

[Aschleigh]

Well it helps to be attractice and post a picture of yourself.

Can you do that?

Also say what women like to hear.

Talk about love, wanting a long term relationship. How honest you are, how supportive emotionally you can be. Don't say how much you make but if you have a good career it doesn't hurt to mention it.

Perhaps online dating isn't the problem.

Do you have a lot going for you? Attractiveness, money, career, education, etc..

Get those things first and then dating will be much easier I promise.

[friscodj]

Hey iwish-

 

Yes, not a single date in 8 years tells me there is definitely something wrong. Are women just not answering your emails or is there a common point in your communication where things seem to adruptly end? What do you think is the problem?

 

At any rate, first, given the magnitude of this situation, I would take the whole profile down and start from scratch. Don't expect an overnight change here, especially given your track record, but all is certainly not lost. Take it down, start rebuilding, shoot for the end of the month to renew your membership and start fresh.

 

I would start with the pictures. Post some of yourself on link removed and get feedback from the masses that way. Post maybe 3 for now, the ones that have gotten the highest ratings (leave each up for say 50-100 votes). If you don't have any, now's a good time to get a fresh haircut and have one of your female friends take some of you.

 

Then, we look at the profile. Forget the canned "I enjoy long walks on the beach, romantic sunsets, and am equally comfortable in a pair of jeans or a tuxedo. I love to travel, go to the gym, ...blah blah blah." Write something that is both unique, speaks to the reader as if you were talking to them, and illustrates who you are vs. telling someone who you are. Sit and think about what makes you unique, your passions, your interests, something to base a connection on with a woman and stress that. Write something up and then ask your female friends for feedback (do this for the pics too). Post it here as well, or PM me if you like for comments.

 

Then, it comes down to your communication. Just be yourself and don't necessarily look for dates, look to meet people and make connections with them. No pressure, no stress, no pretense, nothing heavy, no games; you're just talking to people at this point. If you don't feel anything don't force it. Feel out the flow and then when it feels right to you, ask to talk on the phone and/or meet.

 

But this is all a ways away yet. Get those photos and profile drafted and we'll go from there. Don't fret my friend, we'll get you out on some dates...

[Budman]

points to thread he wrote as guide

 

Budman's Online Dating guide

 

 

If you have any questions post here or there, and I'm sure someone will help ya.

[cpc28655]

Personaly, I refuse to do any online dating. Nothing really wrong with it, it just creeps me out. A 25 year old girl might actually be a 60 year old man with a sick fetish. Having said that, my advice is EXTREME CAUTION.

[Luke Skywalker]

When you say dates, do you mean, meeting people from the internet, or going on subsequent dates.

 

It's very normal to meet someone ONCE from the internet and never see them again. Usually the first meeting is not even considered a date.

 

I find it hard to believe you are unable to meet someone in 8 years, because I myself have put on some very negative profiles on the internet in the past complaining in effect that nobody wants me (like you are doing on here) and I still got meetings from people who liked the way I expressed myself and wanted to meet me.

 

My only suggestions is dont put an online picture, or if you do, just make it a face shot or something. More information would also be helpful on what you are doing.

[Aurian]

I just started myself (new year's resolution is to get out there, start dating!). I have been looking at a lot of ads lately, so what turns me off?

 

- Lack of detail and/or bad grammar/spelling. Sorry, if you can't be bothered to fill out your ad properly, I don't get a chance to get interested or get to know you enough to either smile at you or accept one. Also, it kinda implies you don't care too much, and that's not a good way to start!

 

- Negativity. A few profiles went on and on about how online dating sucks. Really makes me want to go out with them... not. Ditto for rants about the site, the ex or simply how life is a b*tch. Next!

 

- Trying too hard to be "attractive." A couple of ads went on and on about money and fast cars. I don't really care that much about money and fast cars, I date a guy for his personality. It also makes me feel like the guy has a very low opinion about girls.

 

- Stand out! I love the humorous ads, because I love a guy who can laugh at himself or an awkward situation. Some guys punched up their ads by having an off-beat intro, humour, a poem, etc.

 

- Have a picture. I'm sorry, but there are so many people on those dating sites and looks are sooo subjective. You can be perfectly good-looking but your looks don't work for my own personal taste. Also, not having a picture is worse than being less-than-attractive because we think you don't care enough, you're not sticking around the site, you're REALLY hideous, or the search program doesn't even bring you up.

 

At any rate, I wouldn't mind some tips myself. I've gotten zero interest on one site, and a few smiles on a second (hoping they'll go somewhere).

[Luke Skywalker]

The Drawing Board - Secret Room.

 

Door is opening.

 

Hi. Welcome to my secret Drawing Board.

 

Last month, I put up a "I am Santa Clause looking to reward good girls" profile up - meet people from the net.

 

This month, brainstorming some good new year's resolutions - putting them up, trying to find something exotic weird and interesting to write about, and even mean it.

 

Next month - Valentine's theme, looking for poetry and writing something really romantic to stand out.

 

I have a sailor's cap where I can be a mock sailor and pretend to be a captain writing about my adventures at sea (albiet fictional).

 

I can be anyone. Anything. Point is - so can you.

 

Have fun! Enjoy online dating, because, after all, you dont have to be yourself. Be a fictional hero, an adventerous pirate, or even a villan, the sky is the limit, write anything you want to write.

[annie24]

yikes! 8 years and no date? there is a problem here..... if you would like, you can PM me your site with your profile, and I can tell you if I see any obvious red flags.

 

the thing is, women get bombarded with e-mails on dating sites. to maximize your chance of getting a response, send them a short, personalized e-mail like, "Hey - i came accross your profile and I thought I'd say hi. I see that you went to italy on vacation last year - that is cool, I am planning on going there this summer." etc.... just something light, to let her know you actually READ her profile. I can't tell you how many guys I've see who write a stock e-mail. Something like, "Hey beautiful, your profile took my breath away. About me: I'm a fun guy, I love walking on the beach and cuddling by the fireplace, and cooking dinners together......" blah. clearly, that is an e-mail he sent to 100 other women.

 

After sending a few e-mails back and forth, suggest meeting up for a date. If a guy takes FOREVER to ask me out, I stop writing to him, because then I figure he is looking for a penpal, not a gf or a date. typically, I stop writing after 2 weeks. 3-4 if I am extremely interested, but after that, I just give up....

 

Next, are you actually ASKING these women out on dates? because online, women are approached by many men. Of the men I have met from online, less than 5% have been guys I asked out. The rest asked me out.

 

As for your looks...... how are they? If there are areas where you can improve, do that. lose some weight, hit the gym, fix your teeth, consult with a stylist, have them help out your style, hair, etc.....

 

- Have a picture. I'm sorry, but there are so many people on those dating sites and looks are sooo subjective. You can be perfectly good-looking but your looks don't work for my own personal taste. Also, not having a picture is worse than being less-than-attractive because we think you don't care enough, you're not sticking around the site, you're REALLY hideous, or the search program doesn't even bring you up.

 

I figure they're married or have a gf if I don't see a photo. Now, not all the time. One of my good male friends didn't put a photo, and he was totally single, and he is attractive also, but he is sort of shy. He in now in a serious relationship with a girl he met online. he is lucky, because she said that she almost deleted his e-mail because there was no photo, but decided to just give it another chance.

 

- Lack of detail and/or bad grammar/spelling. Sorry, if you can't be bothered to fill out your ad properly, I don't get a chance to get interested or get to know you enough to either smile at you or accept one. Also, it kinda implies you don't care too much, and that's not a good way to start!

 

Yup. I agree. I've also seen guys who tell me they got their "Colege Dipolmia". Which makes me think they didn't.

 

Yeah, why don't you give us some more info about what you've tried, and maybe we can figure out where there is room for improvement.

[Aurian]

Luke, that's kinda fun. It also shows you're interested and visit the site (there are some people online who haven't changed their profiles in years - are they even still the same people?), and put effort into it.

[Batya33]

What I would do when I did online dating (I met over 100 men in person through on line dating, saw about 20-30% of them a second time and a lower percentage more than 4 times):

 

I would respond to emails and write to men who looked like they were looking for the same thing as I was as far as relationships, similar age, educational background, and geographically within about 40 miles usually (most lived much closer).

 

I would email once or twice and after that would make it clear that I much preferred typing to talking and would ask for his number (if it wasn't offered). We would talk for about 20 minutes (much less if it was clear we didnt' click, if he was rude, if I realized he had lied about something material like age, marital status, etc) - I was warm, friendly but fairly casual because I found I learned more about the person with harmless questions about music, travel, books, theater than the "intense" questions - I wanted to see if the conversation flowed, if he asked me about myself and how he reacted to my questions.

 

After about 20 minutes if he hadn't suggested meeting in person, I would say that it was nice to talk, that I had to go but if he ever wanted to meet in person I would be interested. Often, he would then ask to meet or sometimes he would say that he needed to call me back when he knew his schedule (and that was not always a brush off).

 

I think the reason I got asked out often is because I have good conversational skills, my profile was very positive and had some clever comments - I didn't say silly things like "no games" or "no flakes" - my pictures were very clear and I was very clear about what I was looking for.

[Batya33]

points to thread he wrote as guide

 

Budman's Online Dating guide

 

 

If you have any questions post here or there, and I'm sure someone will help ya.

 

When I did on line dating I refused to IM with men unless we had spoken on the phone first and only then to confirm our plan to meet - any talking I wanted to happen on the phone so I could get more relevant information than I could get from typing. I made one exception - IM'd and telephoned with one guy over a 6 week period before we finally met - he was a fun IM-er and I think I figured we'd never actually meet because we had each cancelled a plan to meet (legit reasons) and it had been so long.

[annie24]

yeah, I certainly don't IM with guys from online. Only with a few friends who live in europe. I don't like it when I am working or typing on here and someone "butts" into my day. Only my friends in europe can do that, because we just can't afford the phone calls I've found that guys who want to IM - things just don't go anywhere. I tell them I don't really IM, but that they can call me. And then I don't ever get a call. So that makes me wonder if they were looking for an IM buddy or whatever, rather than a date.

[annie24]

DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT USE A PICTURE OF YOU AND AN EX. (I have not tested this theory but I assume bad things)

 

From budman's guide.... YES! do not use a photo with the ex!!!! One guy actually had a photo with him, the ex, and their newborn I felt so horrible for her! (And yes, the photo was labeled "Me and the EX") she seemed like such a sweet lady, and here was this guy already looking for a new woman, and she's at home with a newborn. that guy was promptly deleted.

 

Another guy had a photo of him hugging a woman with beautiful scenery in the background. When I zoomed in on him, I saw a wedding ring. I presume he was on a romantic trip with his wife. And he used THAT as his online dating profile?!?!?!? What a sleaze! DELELTE!

 

In general, I wouldn't post photos with other people. If you have to, it should be a friendly group photo, not a bunch of drunk idiots. And yes, if there are girls in it, they shouldn't be kissing you or hugging you. Better yet, it should be a photo of you and your sister, I don't find those offensive. It is sad to me to see photos where half of a girl's face is cut out of it, it makes me wonder if half of my face is on an online profile out there somewhere

[Luke Skywalker]

From budman's guide.... YES! do not use a photo with the ex!!!! One guy actually had a photo with him, the ex, and their newborn I felt so horrible for her! (And yes, the photo was labeled "Me and the EX") she seemed like such a sweet lady, and here was this guy already looking for a new woman, and she's at home with a newborn. that guy was promptly deleted.

 

That's interesting. There was actually some other online dating expert that encouraged people to put up pics with them next to an attractive girl as social proof - that is, if a woman sees you with an attractive woman around you, then she'll also want you, and if the guy is next to an ex- then that would mean he's been confident with girls or something.

 

At first I was toying with that idea - with female cousins posing beside me, but then, it's not in me. It seems given a choice between a negative profile and a pics with me posing beside someone, I'd rather choose a negative profile. I mean, who is going to brag about their 'latest conquest' online, put up pics about it, and expect to build attraction - that's extremely low level thinking that's not going to attract the right people.

 

I got my refund back last year buying into that garbage. Looks like everyone is trying to sell something out there. The point is, the profile you deleted with the baby, may have attracted a more superficial type of girl who wants to get pregnant I guess, who knows.

[annie24]

for me, it is not social proof. it is just kind of tacky. it make me think, "ok, you do not have 1 photo by yourself?" It also makes me think, "Ug, I don't want to join his harem! If he already has tons of pretty girls on his arm, why should I compete to be another?" That's just the way it makes me feel. I dunno, maybe other girls feel differently?

[Luke Skywalker]

Budman,

 

How many women have you meet online?

 

I want to compare this to Betya33's record of meeting guys? Do you consider yourself to be 'the average guy' online, or the 'popular guy'?

 

The idea that has been propogated before, and would reflect with the OP, that online dating is harder on guys and easy for gals in terms of meeting people.

 

The ugliest gal with virtually no profile or even no pic on is guaranteed to have at least ten guys chasing her and asking her for dates. But an average guy with a straightforward an average boring profile may be lucky just to meet one person every other month - as I've read from other people.

 

Due to the vast amounts of attention women get online, you have to really stand out, or you just get a leaky faucet experience.

[iwishiknew]

Well it helps to be attractice and post a picture of yourself.

Can you do that?

Also say what women like to hear.

Talk about love, wanting a long term relationship. How honest you are, how supportive emotionally you can be. Don't say how much you make but if you have a good career it doesn't hurt to mention it.

Perhaps online dating isn't the problem.

Do you have a lot going for you? Attractiveness, money, career, education, etc..

Get those things first and then dating will be much easier I promise.

 

 

When I send a message to a girl, I introduce myself and just saying " I read your profile and I find you interesting and wondering if you would like to chat" Or I would say " I see we have alot of the same interests and wondering if you would like to chat sometime?..I don't ramble and ramble on, just a brief intro.

 

I am not rich at all, I still live at home and I work part time..I am eduacted, I do have a Bachelor Degree and and 2 year degree and I will be going back to school in Jan.. I am going back to school to change majors because my first major I can't find any jobs at all..

 

One person on this forum told me it could be my location? I have been living in Illinois my whole life and possibly it could be that, I don't really know..Just many girls are really picky...I don't go for high standards like models..I go for average ones that I find cute and pretty.

 

Attractiveness is possibly one of the biggest reasons why I never get any responses back from any girls..I am a short guy and I weigh 127lbs..Many girls don't find any attraction in me..I have known this since HS, many times of rejection and turn downs because of my looks..I try not to let it bother me but its not easy at all. I know it plays a big factor of why I don't get any responses or even why I don't have a gf today. I was on link removed and my ratings were at 4.5 so thats below average so yes I don't have attractiveness or looks at all..I could see why possibly why no girl would want to get into a relationship with me because of appearance could be a factor when having offspring, her kids not turning out so good..Looks do play some factor, Its the first impression a girl sees when she looks at your profile, which is your picture and if she doesn't find you attractive mostly like she will just delete your message and move on to the next message or profile.

 

Besides not having attraction I do have good athletic ability, I workout and play sports all the time and I am not fat or lazy. I am toned with a flat stomach.. I could bench more than my weight..I am also honest, caring, friendly, loving.. I enjoy talking and always having a good time..I do like movies, music..I am always active and outgoing all the time..

 

I wish I could be like other men who gets dates all the time...I can't believe it has been 8 years of online dating and nothing at all..Not even one single date...I don't know what to do anymore, I wasted so much time and money thinking I would at least meet one girl and get to know her but nothing...I am running out of options and time..Time flys by so fast, I can't believe I have been out of HS for 10 years..Since the 10 yrs out of HS I can't believe I haven't had any gf or any relationship at all or even my first kiss..By thinking of this it just seems like a dream that this can't be true at all but it is..Thats just low standards for me..I can't believe how hard getting a gf or dating is..Its not easy at all and its one of the hardest things in my life..

 

 

This is my profile of one my dating sites.

 

 

About Me

 

Hello ladies! I am John from suburbs of Chicago..I am Italian and Filipino.. I am educated and I do have a Bachelor Degree from SIU.. I am very outgoing fun person whos enjoys having a good time!..I love the outdoors! I enjoy playing sports, I do play ice hockey, going to the park..biking,rollerblading..running..working out..car shows, I do also enjoy working on cars on my spare time. I love going to museums, events, concerts, playing pool, watching movies..anything that is fun and exciting..

 

I am looking for an honest, sweet,caring, confident, intelligent, respectful, and fairly ambitious girl whos outgoing and has a positive outlook on life. Someone who is goal oriented. Someone I can have good conversations with and a good time. I love going out and randomly finding new and fun things to do. I need someone that is open minded and willing to try new things. I'm always on the go, and I need you to keep up with me. If you find me interesting please reply

 

First Date

Anything thats fun and exciting either going to a concert or event, going ice skating, walk in the park, rollerblading, dinner and a movie..

 

 

 

Even with a simply profile like this I can't get respones..I don't just understand?..I know its my looks but I don't want to say it but its true..I am just about to really give up and be single till I die..Or in 10 years if I am in the same spot, I'll write to Oprah or Dr. Phil.

[annie24]

yeah, the height, sorry to say, may be part of the issue. but, it doesn't mean it is hopeless, there are plenty of girls out there that don't mind about height or like shorter guys. I know lots of couples with taller girls, shorter guys.

 

as for living in illinois, last time I checked, there were women there, so I dont really think that is it.

 

When I send a message to a girl, I introduce myself and just saying " I read your profile and I find you interesting and wondering if you would like to chat" Or I would say " I see we have alot of the same interests and wondering if you would like to chat sometime?..I don't ramble and ramble on, just a brief intro.

 

this sounds pretty vague. Mention what you found interesting about her profile. and don't ask if she wants to chat. that sounds kind of passive. she is online because she IS looking for someone, so go for it. just ask her some questions about herself.

 

ultimately, i think it comes down to confidence. women love confident men, so learn to be confident within yourself and your talents.

[iwishiknew]

I do have confidence, I can approach a girl.. So what you be a good intro message to write? Thats not to lame, boring or long..What could I write to get right to the point?

[Batya33]

I do have confidence, I can approach a girl.. So what you be a good intro message to write? Thats not to lame, boring or long..What could I write to get right to the point?

 

"Hi, I date people, not profiles, and I am looking forward to getting to know you offline."

[Budman]

Budman,

 

How many women have you meet online?

 

I want to compare this to Betya33's record of meeting guys? Do you consider yourself to be 'the average guy' online, or the 'popular guy'?

 

The idea that has been propogated before, and would reflect with the OP, that online dating is harder on guys and easy for gals in terms of meeting people.

 

The ugliest gal with virtually no profile or even no pic on is guaranteed to have at least ten guys chasing her and asking her for dates. But an average guy with a straightforward an average boring profile may be lucky just to meet one person every other month - as I've read from other people.

 

Due to the vast amounts of attention women get online, you have to really stand out, or you just get a leaky faucet experience.

 

Well I wouldn't go as far to say as I've met over 100, but when I really got confident/experienced I was able to date 3-4 different women a week for a few consecutive months. By 3-4 different women a week, I mean 3-4 different women a week...

 

And no I did not have sex with them =D. I would say I was me, I wouldn't consider myself popular nor would I consider myself unpopular but I would like to think at least average or a lil above average. Personally I've been told over 100 times I look better in person than I do in pictures. I did have pictures with women I went places with but they were just friends =D.

 

My wifey I met from online.

[Luke Skywalker]

IwishIknew;

 

I'm going to offer some rogue advice that everyone is likely going to disagree wtih, but at least it may help you get to the bottom of what is going on.

 

For experimental purposes - lie about your height - your goal is to get one meeting, who cares if they meet you and you are smaller - after all, in 8 years of not meeting anybody, I'd lie about my height and just do a face shot or enhanced shot that would distort my height to see if that would make a difference, or if it's something else.

 

You need to lie about your height to be sure your height is what's really wrong. Or at least need to pursue women who are lower than your real height. Lie about any other sticker points you may have. Do this to experiment and see for yourself what is true or not. We must rule out a few things. Maybe it's the way you express yourself, or the vibes that you are emitting that's thowing people off rather than height or looks - but by the process of elimination we must find out what the problem really is.

[annie24]

I would not lie about your height because she will find out right away. I've met guys who have lied about their height and it's a major turn off to me, that they just couldn't be upfront. it makes me wonder what else they have lied about......

[Luke Skywalker]

I would not lie about your height because she will find out right away. I've met guys who have lied about their height and it's a major turn off to me, that they just couldn't be upfront. it makes me wonder what else they have lied about......

 

 

She wont find out unless she actually meets the guy offline, since this guy has not meant anyone offline in 8 years, then it's negligable if anyone is automatically turned off at his height since he'll get what he wants before that happens - which is to meet someone.

 

Again, it's all about the process of elimination. If height makes a difference of him meeting anyone offline - say between meeting nobody and 3-4 girls a week like Budman (which I highly doubt), then at least it will satisfy the OP of it is a real problem, or if it is an imaginary problem.