andy5128 Posted June 3, 2007 Share Posted June 3, 2007 Hi Andyraz How is it tricky? Best thing to do is post your own thread first on whats happened etc to get some views and see what advice you are given. Good luck mate, Andy Link to comment
sandyv Posted June 3, 2007 Share Posted June 3, 2007 Hey hun, thanks I feel the pain, but damm I'm angry too, I would like to de-ball the idiot, how can people be so god darn heartless, I'll never understand.... is he your babies dad? Oh If only I had a gun...... k/d Link to comment
1guygirl Posted June 3, 2007 Share Posted June 3, 2007 well hes the baby's other 50% of DNA dad he'll never be... hes too busy playing that with his other 3 kids, this one he doesnt want, wish id aborted it even tho we planned it blah blah such a nice person dont ya think! Link to comment
sandyv Posted June 3, 2007 Share Posted June 3, 2007 well hes the baby's other 50% of DNA dad he'll never be... hes too busy playing that with his other 3 kids, this one he doesnt want, wish id aborted it even tho we planned it blah blah such a nice person dont ya think! He is a scuzz bag, and you deserve so much better..... Its awful..... I hate hearing stuff like this... nice people always get squashed by idiots...... Link to comment
sandyv Posted June 3, 2007 Share Posted June 3, 2007 Hi mates, Im new here. and Im starting this now. Welcome Paolo.... Glad your joining the happy/unhappy bunch...... Link to comment
MsBear Posted June 3, 2007 Share Posted June 3, 2007 Day 28 Such a tiring day, lots of luggages to carry for such a long way My heart was frozen for a while when I heard the announcement at the station where my train stopped... "This train is to Wimbledon...."..I felt like I could burst into tears... Sitting on the bus, there was a car running beside the bus and we both stopped at the traffic light...I saw the couple in the car holding hands...felt so sad.. I regret that I met him, wasted my time and forced myself to love him when I didnt and now I feel stuck... I dont want to blame him for any misery anymore Still I wish that I hadnt met him before so I could be the same delightful me Link to comment
smickey Posted June 3, 2007 Share Posted June 3, 2007 Day 14 ...almost halfway... Had a very interesting weekend - hung out with a previous ex who has turned out to be an absolute star. He gives amazing advice and since he knows me so well can give me a very honest assessment of me and how I am in relationships. He said I have a tendency to dive in too quickly and also to wear my heart on my sleeve (both true) and that I should take my time and hold a bit back - give them a chance to chase. I know that it's a confidence thing - I worry that if I take too long or make it too difficult for them they will leave but I'm starting to realise that is probably not the case. It's all about maintaining my independence and being a strong woman, rather than becoming dependant on a guy. And at the moment I appreciate the advice from someone who does love me (he still does, as I do him - ours is a very long story), and really wants to see me shine. It's nice to have someone who has such faith in your abilities and who can see that I'm trying really hard and doing well, and has taken the time out to tell me so. It makes me stop and think that if he has faith in me then I should have more faith in myself and give myself a break. Well I've managed to maintain NC for 14 days of the challenge and 44 days altogether. I know he is thinking about me as he invited me to be his friend on facebook yesterday. I've ignored it while I decide what to do - I'm not going to accept, but I'm trying to decide whether to block him or reject the invitation - whichever is less harsh - I don't want to hurt him unnecessarily. He seems to do these half measures - things like this facebook thing - how can you build a friendship after a break-up when you haven't even worked through all the issues? I'm sure he'll figure it out eventually - not that it matters whether he does or not because it's all about ME!! This is probably the only place you can say that without being called selfish...I've decided there's no point trying to second-guess what he's thinking - it's a waste of headspace and makes no difference. Another piece of advice my friend gave me is that I over-analyse (again very true) and have to 'understand' every issue before I can put it to bed. He's encouraging me to just let things go and not worry about them or try to understand everything because invariably to do so I have to make lots of interpretations of someone else's behaviour which are probably wrong. You can't work out everything little thing that has gone wrong so why bother trying? It just keeps it in your head and stops you from moving on. I'm trying to get past the 'but if I just understand this then I'll be ok' attitude and take the 'it's in the past, stop dwelling on it' approach. That frees up more headspace to think about good stuff! Going to see a counsellor today for the first time - curious as to what happens and how it will help me but hopefully it will all be positive. Oops...long post...but it's good to get it out. Hope everyone else is going well - welcome to those who have just jumped on the wagon. Link to comment
smickey Posted June 3, 2007 Share Posted June 3, 2007 MSBear - I know how you feel - there are reminders everywhere if you turn them into that. Try and stop the thoughts before they develop that far and be tough on yourself. That train to Wimbeldon may have had some significance before, but now it's just a train, there's nothing special about it - in fact if you look closely it's probably got graffiti and dirty seats and is running late - why reminisce about it? And the couple in the car? They could end up having a huge argument later in the day - would you think they were so lucky then? There's a few things you can try if you like to stop these thoughts - wear a rubber band round your wrist and 'ping' yourself everytime - it breaks your thought pattern and distracts your brain (and hurts if you do it hard enough). Or perhaps try to imagine sticking that thought on a leaf that is floating on the river and watch it float away - out of your head and out of sight. It's a relaxing picture and again gets your brain doing something else. Worth a try perhaps? Link to comment
Dev007 Posted June 3, 2007 Share Posted June 3, 2007 Day 2 Hung out with my family most of the day and went running later. It was my grandparents 60th anniversery. That was a little depressing because I pictured it being me and my ex GF. I pretty much thought about her the whole day again. I set a goal for myself to get at least 1 date this week. Wish me luck, i'm going to need it ahah Link to comment
Knightm29 Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 Day 12 and feel good. Had a great weekend for my birthday. All my best friends were out and i got quite a bit of female attention. This really helped me boost my confidence!! Got a text message off my Ex on Sunday morning wishing me a happy birthday but i deleted it straight away. I have met a couple of her friends recently and I did not mention her name once. On the up! Link to comment
S.Ken Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 Hi S.Ken Dont do the birthday contact thing especially as you are in NC. It wont prove anything really. I am sure she knows how you feel and is a "Happy Birthday" message going to make a big difference probably not.. Check out my thread the important occasion contact for plenty of views on this. It helped me not do the contact on my ex's birthday only last week. If I had made contact I am sure I would of got a "Thanks, Andy. Take Care" kinda reply woohoo! Would of set my mind going again and I didnt want to do that as I have been doing quite well. So IMO I would leave it mate but it's your call.. Andy That's a very good point. Reminds me of one of the last text messages I sent her while I was hiking in the mountains. I told her the view made me think of her (we hiked a lot). Her response: "I am glad you are having a great time." It may as well have been an automated response. I can imagine a similar detatched response if I wished her a happy bday. Screw that. Besides, after that unbelievably sappy and long email I sent her a month ago, a happy bday wish would be redundant. So I guess I should plan some sort of activity on that day that's far away from my cell phone and laptop. thanks. Link to comment
andy5128 Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 Hi All Not sure what day it is unless I look back, 18 or 19 I think... Ok today, so just getting on with things... Welcome Paolo and good luck mate.. Hi Knight, glad to hear you are doing so well mate and had a great birthday weekend, keep up the good work.. Hi S.Ken - I think you have made the right choice doing nothing is so good to do or should that be not do!! LOL. You can't go wrong can you really. If you do something and it backfires you will regret it so best to just leave it or you may just get that robot reply as you mentioned and what will that prove.. Nothing mate! I do agree with keeping yourself busy that day just to keep your mind off the day thats what I did and it worked a treat. You will feel kinda empowered by doing it trust me!! So DO NOTHING... Andy Link to comment
smickey Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 Day 15 Feel like I've been hit by a bus today after talking to a counsellor yesterday. She thinks my ex had commitment issues but that I may have pushed him a bit hard to commit - probably both true although when someone says they want to marry you, you do want to believe that it is true. She also bought out a whole lot of other stuff which I'll need to consider as well. I'm still a bit dubious about this counselling stuff as at the moment it is making me feel worse, but looking at the big picture, I think I need to address these things once and for all so I can get back to being happy again. So I'm willing to perservere to get to that stage - after all, everything else I've tried hasn't worked so why not give this a go? The longer this 'journey' continues, the less I feel it is about him and the more I feel it is about me. I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakthrough and if I just keep chipping away I'll see the light very soon. Hopefully anyway - I don't think I can take much more of this emotional rollercoaster! Link to comment
MsBear Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 Dear Smickey, thanks a lot for ur advice =) Day 29 which was yesterday, went out shopping, such a gloomy day... felt so moody, oxford street reminded me of him but it was just that... Day 30, Im watching film at the moment, feel a bit sad but anyway I feel alright on my own Gonna go to buy some food and cook for friends before I leave for the holiday Send some cards to friends... I sent him so many cards before, everytime I missed him I sent a card... Well, its the end of the challenge right? For me, if the ex hadnt appeared out of sudden a month ago, I would have had 4 months of NC From the beginning, I didnt want to get back with him or to do anything with him, most of the time I regreted that I met him So, this is to get myself back on track and find the one who treats me right, so far its feeling good and I dont want to ever meet him in my life. I cut off contact even with a common friend of us although he is such a good friend but I just dont wanna hear anything from him that involves my ex Keep it up everyone, the pain does go with time, just be gentle to urself Im gonna continue the challenge =) P/S: Im glad that I didnt lose my virginity to u, jerk lol Link to comment
Dev007 Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 Day 3 Started out bad. I thought about her a lot. I kept thinking I am so much better than I was and I want the chance to prove how much better I can be. Then my day got better. I'm in a nursing class and the ratio is about 8-1 NICE So I got to flirt a lot today. That was fun Ended great, wanted to call her and tell her how happy I was but I restrained myself. GO ME!!!! I AM A ROCKIN' STUD Link to comment
smickey Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 MsBear - no problem - it's easy to give the advice - not so easy to put it into practice. Congratulations on getting to day 30! And by the way I'm jealous that you are in London - I miss it a lot. Link to comment
Knightm29 Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 Day 13 Feel ok, playing football tonight and got a busy day at work ahead. Not even interested about emailing or texting my Ex. Still a little intrigued to see if she contacts me but I think she has got the message that I am best when no contact is had. Keep up the good work everyone Link to comment
1guygirl Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 well for me its day 7 of proper NC ive been split 11weeks...NC for most of that but i kept checking out his faceparty as he did mine...became like an obsession and he was using it to be a b*tch to me...so i stopped looking and deleted my file so i basically disappeared off the face of the earth - didnt go down too well with him but not my concern...this is about me now! i must say its been worth it - i feel like ive got some control back in my life and im glad its over between us...infact if i seen him i would genuinely say thank you for dumping me cos its made me a better person in every way - im exercising which im getting my curves back and ppl are saying im loosing weight looking great etc... my new biz is on the horizon. lifes looking good again - infact better without him, and his abuse and put downs and all the rest of his crap. i know there will be the odd bad day but past few days ive felt free like that weights been lifted off my shoulders (and my hips ) it does get better to any newbies...if its meant to be it will be, but more often than not, when you come out the other side, you dont want it 'to be' the way i see it now is ive got the best of him in his baby...that lynn or any other poor cow, can have the rest of him... Link to comment
S.Ken Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 Had a difficult time getting out of bed this morning. I just laid there and verbally rehearsed all the things I would tell my ex if I ever saw her again. I did every possible scenario, both friendly and not so friendly. After about two hours of doing this, I got up, used the bathroom, got something to eat and went back to bed. After another 30 minutes of "rehearsals" I took a nap. Eventually I got up and went to work. Such an odd feeling and it came out of nowhere... at least I didn't break down and write her another long winded sappy email. Link to comment
pilot Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 Hi Everyone--- I wanted to join the party. I am on day 4 of NC. Last night was tough because I found out my ex has blocked me on IM. I know this is actually a blessing, but it is still hard to find out he wants NOTHING to do with me. Anyway, I will not break down and I will come here to post on my progress. Thank you to everyone on this board who has provided support. I truly appreciate all the wise comments. Link to comment
1guygirl Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 hey guys...youre in the right place... ken id no so sooner wake up then id be back in bed...just laying there, or worse crying. id not eat til mid afternoon. then id go to bed bout 9pm. it was cycle for many a week. BUT it gets past that... pilot...when my ex would occasionally 'pop up' after taking me off block on msn even tho i had him on block it would - well it would take my breath away and my heart would stop and back then id take him off block and he wouldnt say anything - he was just headworking me... these days hes on block AND delete and its helped big time..hes done you a big favour mate trust me... Link to comment
Dev007 Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 Day 4 She contacted me because she heard on the grapevine that I was thinking of not being her friend anymore. That got me thinking about her like crazy. On the good side, I flirted a lot with the girls in my class. That was fun. So my day was so so. A bit of a draw back because I illogically think she wants me and I know that isn't true. Link to comment
smickey Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Day 16 Feel like this week has been massive for me and I've moved forward in so many ways. It's been a real eye-opener having my previous ex to talk to - he was very candid and open and made me realise a lot about myself and the way I act in relationships. This whole process is not about my ex anymore - it's about me and it's something I need to go through to prevent heartache in the future and really get my life back to the way it was a few years ago. My friend made me realise that my life now is really good, and full of opportunities and that it doesn't actually take that much input to start seeing the results so imagine what could happen when I do start applying myself! People are noticing the change in me - 2 people yesterday said there was something different about me - they said it was a noticeable change in the way I was carrying myself and it was really good. So all I can say to the newbies is to grab NC with both hands and take it as an opportunity to be better than you ever have before. It's YOUR life to do with what you like so make it the best you can. You WILL feel better for it I promise. Link to comment
lady00 Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Third week of NC. Had a bad night last night. Lots of crying and feeling pathetic. I didn't even date him for that long but for some reason felt we had a strong connection. He felt like we were just friends after acting like he was really interested in me. I think I am doing all I can right now--not contacting him, focusing on my future career and on personal improvement but had a setback yesterday for no understandable reason. I also heard that two acquaintances of mine got back together. It sucks to hear about it happening when it's not happening for me. Link to comment
lizer Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 23 days of NC. cried at random moments throughout the day for the past week. this has been the LONGEST that ive gone without talking to or seeing him since we first met. he dumped me after 3 years in february. he reads my xanga every single day. ive been praying for him and still believe we will be reunited when gods time is right. hardest week thus far. Link to comment
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