Keyholder Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Thanks SD - today's been a reasonably good day I took my dog to the vet's today and there may be some hope that they can find an alternative drug to help him fight the cancer (while - most importantly - ensuring a good quality of life) I then visited a few friends and managed to relax for a few hours I managed not to contact my ex: 2 days of NC and counting! I'm still deliberating whether or not to contact his wife (much to my horror, I discovered recently that he's married; I had my suspicions as his behaviour was very erratic and became increasingly erratic when I asked for emotional support following the news of my dog). I'll probably hold off for now as I want to prioritise my dog and focus on his well-being. Thanks again for all the posts, they're very helpful (as is this forum!) Link to comment
MissIndigo Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Tomorrow will be 30 days for me, and I feel good about continuing beyond the 30 days. I am still angry and upset sometimes, but that's ok. Now, I have a couple of close friends whom I wish could also see the beauty of this. Here's wishing they find the strength and serenity to try it, or at least do what's best for them. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted April 23, 2007 Author Share Posted April 23, 2007 Keyholder, Hey there....I think that telling his wife would be for YOUR benefit....NOT his. I know he did you wrong and I am sure you are not the only one. He used you, BUT.....you are the better person. He will not get away with it... What comes around ...goes around. Take the focus off of him completely....to focus on something is to give it power....let these thoughts go. Think about you and your pets. Try to turn you focus on instead of "anti-guy" to PRO YOU. You have too much to worry about in your own life to even worry about this lowlife. Why woudl you want o be with a lying scum anyway? If he did it to his wife...he would have done it to you. Count your blessings you know this now. God is looking out for you....look at it as a gift rather than a curse. -SuperDave71 PS. Give that pooch a hug for me will ya? At least your pooch has the ability to love you back 100%. Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Day Two, again - I think. Yes, it was two days ago when I found more things the ex destroyed when he went on his little dry drunk rampage, and I sent an angry email. The reply to it was so twisted (you know, he's got 20 days sober and he's already an AA know-it-all, not taking ownership of what he did to me, and indeed trying to put the blame back on me) that much as I would love to phone his parents in an attempt to get back $4600 worth of my own valuables that "disappeared", I'm just giving up on ever seeing them again, and not going to count the days. NC is now permanent. It's "done and dusted", to use one of his most common expressions. OVER. NO CONTACT. EVER!! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted April 23, 2007 Author Share Posted April 23, 2007 thelonelydoll.... THAT is the start of the rest of your life.... -SuperDave71 Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Yes - now that I officially DO NOT EXIST, lol. Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 Today was one of those up, down and all around days. I felt just about every emotion under the rainbow. One second angry, then sad, they asking "WHY" then sorrow, then hope, then it'd start all over again. Then something happened... I STOPPED. I don't know if everyone gets the Word channel or can watch Joyce Meyer Ministries at all, but I think it's pretty awesome. This particular program is called "Enjoying Everyday Life". I have it TiVo'd and it's on 5 days a week. Check it out... link removed Anyway, today's topic was about simple prayer. Now, I'm not an overly Christian person, but I do believe that God's work is present. Today they mentioned taking time out each day to essentially meditate. I thought to myself that I would "pray" in the form of writing in my Journal (which I have done for years)... I did it last year when I started the divorce and got wrapped up in a new guy while I helped my father thru Prostate Cancer surgery, lost a grand-parent suddenly, my uncle thru mini-heart attacks with angioplasty (both on the same weekend, btw) my brother thru knee surgery, myself stuck in a hospital with a blood clot and moved three times... Anyway, the point is that I wrote daily back then and had more peace than I do now. The simple act of getting the feelings into writing was HUGELY important and helpful. Long story short, my advice to everyone fighting those urges to contact their X would be to immediately STOP, grab a pen and paper (NOT a computer) and write till you have no more to write. Once you've done that, I promise that you will have a little peace and feel better. You can write to the person (BUT DO NOT SEND IT!!) or about the person or write to God, or to your deceased, beloved Kitty, as in my case. But if you have tendencies to type something and send it to the person, I'd advise STRONGLY to physically writing in a journal or on a notepad. This way if you still feel the need to send something you have to actually write it again. Anyway, it's helping me and I hope it can help all of you... YAHOOO... day 2 is almost over! Link to comment
Keyholder Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 Keyholder, Hey there....I think that telling his wife would be for YOUR benefit....NOT his. I know he did you wrong and I am sure you are not the only one. He used you, BUT.....you are the better person. He will not get away with it... What comes around ...goes around. Take the focus off of him completely....to focus on something is to give it power....let these thoughts go. Many thanks SD, you seem to have a knack of finding the right words at the right time. And you're right, what comes around goes around... I'm going to focus all my energies into looking after my pooch (I've given him your hugs!) and making sure he has the best quality of life possible. Thanks again for the help SD, I genuinely appreciate it. Day 3 of NC coming up... To everyone else - hang on in there, you can do it! Hugs, Keyholder xx Link to comment
vesper Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 oh no I feel sick! I did it with a married man who loves his wife and not me. ffffffffffffffffffff Link to comment
vesper Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 I need help. I don't know what to do how to talk to this guy after we got together last weekend. I am not sure what's going to happen. I told him I did not want a relationship. he is going through a separation just like me, Im going through a divorce. HELP I really dont know what to do how to talk to him at work and relate. I dont want to fall apart I dont want to lose it I really dont want to start back at the beginning ...please = ( Link to comment
Tshwane Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 Day 29 - Yesterday was her birthday and i didn't call her, im much stronger than before and i have to thank NC. This is my second 30 day challenge(stopped at 39 last time), i went back to the gym and have lost 5% bodyfat in 3.5 months. NC does work, just keep yourselves busy. Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 After I decided yesterday that this NC would be permanent, and that as far as the ex is concerned, I no longer exist, I had my very first nightmare about him since the split. In the dream, he had sent me an email telling me that I was abusive to him - typical! But after all these weeks of not dreaming about him one way or another, I'm really hoping that I'm not about to begin a period of having nightmares about him on a regular basis. I guess it happened because instead of having truly let go of my anger, I'm sublimating it. Link to comment
supercalifragilistic Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 That's awful that he would do something like that. I can only imagine the anger you must be feeling. Though I have to say, and this is going to sound crazy, but I kind of "envy" you for having proof that he is no good and that you way better without him. I wish I had something that made feel absolutely certain that he was not the right person for me. But he has been nothing but nice. Too nice sometimes. Oh well. Thanks for the encouragment, I guess I really did change a lot. I guess today is day 20 and I can't even remember the last time I cried, so that's good. Link to comment
supercalifragilistic Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 After I decided yesterday that this NC would be permanent, and that as far as the ex is concerned, I no longer exist, I had my very first nightmare about him since the split. In the dream, he had sent me an email telling me that I was abusive to him - typical! But after all these weeks of not dreaming about him one way or another, I'm really hoping that I'm not about to begin a period of having nightmares about him on a regular basis. I guess it happened because instead of having truly let go of my anger, I'm sublimating it. It's so hard for me to believe that people can be this mean. Even if he has an "excuse". But I guess that's reality. Sure there are many wonderful people, but I think there's just as many evil ones, if not more. And that's what I shall believe until I'm proven wrong. I hope you stop dreaming about the ex very soon and that you find someone who will treat you like you deserve to be treated when you're ready for that. Link to comment
MissIndigo Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 I've made it to 30 days. I feel a little sad today, kind of surprised by that. I still care for the guy very much and wish that we could reconcile the relationship, but there is a voice that has grown over the past month saying, "don't go there." It's been easier to listen to it with each passing day. In spite of that though I can see reconciliation in the future should our life circumstances invite it. It would be a slow process with new boundaries, and I don't know if the person would have the patience or tenacity to see that through. NC continues... Link to comment
papalazarou Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 Well done Miss Indigo!!! Caring for the other person is not a problem. You are only human after all! Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 I need help. I don't know what to do how to talk to this guy after we got together last weekend. I am not sure what's going to happen. I told him I did not want a relationship. he is going through a separation just like me, Im going through a divorce. HELP I really dont know what to do how to talk to him at work and relate. I dont want to fall apart I dont want to lose it I really dont want to start back at the beginning ...please = ( Vespar, I feel for you--I am in a similar situation. I still have to work with my guy who about 6 months ago got "busy" with work and all physical relations abruptly stopped. It left me at my lowest low... lower than I was while going thru the divorce. The HEALTHIEST thing for you to do will keep as much distance as possible from this man as you both will be quite unstable and volitle. If you feel that this could be something in the future, stop now... get strong within yourself, heal from your divorce and allow him to do the same. A year down the road you will be in a much better place. It's VERY hard to do, however. Especially when things are so smokin hot and you crave that good feeling to mask the bad. But in the end, which is where I am (I think) you may have many regrets and have to deal with all those emotions over again. Personally, I really like my guy, he's an amazing person, but altho he's divorced several years now, he's nowhere near emotionally available. In the beginning I told myself it was just the self gratification. But I fell... I was lonely and loved the attention. When it stopped, I had all the exact same emotions flood back only this time there was no one to hold my hand. I have to get over it by myself (and with ENA). It hurts more than anything I've ever known. But each day I am away from him, away from the emotional High (and inevitable low that follows) I get more stable and a little more normal. Good luck to you... I hope you can avoid some of the things I have had to endure... Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 Day 20 I made it to 20 days, that another record, and I don't plan on talking to her. Yippee Mac!!! I feel pretty good today. Last night was okay, I had a sweet potato and buffalo chicken feast. I'm trying to pack on the pounds so I turn it into muscle. I look a little better when I'm a little soft too!!! I don't think about her as much, and when I do it doesn't bother me as badly as it did. I have a full day planned, and hope to ignore ENA as much as possible. It's great to see everyone and help out when I can, but being here reminds me of her, and I don't need that anymore. Today I feel: Confident, Determined, and Dead Sexy. LOL Link to comment
supercalifragilistic Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 Day 20 I don't know if it's because I'm sick with a cold, or if ti's the huge ammount of stuff I hate to do but have to do anyway or what, but I'm starting to feel sad again. And miss him. And if he called me now I don't how strong I'd be. I guess it's a good thing he probably won't, right? I just feel like I lost all my perspective, I just wish he would want me back right now. But maybe I just want that because it would be a quick fix. A sure way to make me happy for a while. Oh god...sometimes life just sucks. Really. I actually had a good day today, even being sick and all. I got great news. But yet, I can't seem to care, can't seem to focus on the positive. I'm just going to hope it's the cold. Yes, that's it. tomorrow everything will be just fine. Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 I'm sure it's the cold bringing you down - and who among us doesn't have those moments of missing the ex, hell even I do! You're doing great, and tomorrow you will be just fine. Just chalk this up to "having a sick day." Lounge around reading magazines, drink tea, make some chicken soup, all that stuff. You're really strong, and tomorrow will be day 21. Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 I've made it to 30 days. I feel a little sad today, kind of surprised by that. I still care for the guy very much and wish that we could reconcile the relationship, but there is a voice that has grown over the past month saying, "don't go there." It's been easier to listen to it with each passing day. In spite of that though I can see reconciliation in the future should our life circumstances invite it. It would be a slow process with new boundaries, and I don't know if the person would have the patience or tenacity to see that through. NC continues... Happy 30 Days, Miss Indigo!!! We're on the same page regarding desire for reconciliation would only be conceivable as aslow process with new boundaries, and concern that Ex won't see it through. I can't imagine any other way that would make sense. Link to comment
Pending Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 The big question I am wondering: Should I bother letting her know that i'm doing NC? She's kept her side of the contact very limited, so should I just go ahead and block her(hell maybe not even all the time so she dosen't know shes blocked) and just go about my life, or is it really best to tell them NC? Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 Should I bother letting her know that i'm doing NC? No way... that would defeat the purpose. In telling her, you're trying to incite a response from her. I know it hurts and seems like she doesn't notice. But in time, wouldn't it be better if she contacts you because she missed you, rather than a "response" to being informed, or figuring out, that you're not talking to her? Link to comment
Keyholder Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 Pending, I agree with Ramsickle - there's no need to tell her that you're doing NC. The main thing right now is to focus on yourself and your own well-being. Good luck! I'm on Day 3 of NC and must admit I'm really struggling today. Although my ex treated me and his wife appallingly (I only discovered recently that he's married, after he e-mailed me to break off the relationship). I miss his humorous emails and phone calls terribly. I miss him, despite everything. It's pathetic I know, and I know that he's an addiction I have to break. Unfortunately that's easier said than done My dog's doing well at the moment - he started his a new chemotherapy programme today, which should (hopefully) give him fewer side effects. I'm giving him all the care and love he deserves, and hope we can spend good quality time together. That's all that matters. Hang on in there everyone, you can do it! Hugs, KH xx Link to comment
Tshwane Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 Day 30 - Wow, looking back i really worked hard. I wasn't in a good place, starking, calling 10x a day, that wasn't healthy at all. But i knuckled hard with the help of friends and here i am on day 30. Do not take breaking nc for granted, it can really set you back. This is my second day 30 and i had to go through hell to get here. Thanks for everyone posting your post really kept me moving forward. To Superdave, your really an inspiration man. Your post really helped me out when i was down. Link to comment
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