honeyspur Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 Good luck rx - hope the move goes well and hope to hear from you again soon You're a great example to those here starting, so we do still need you Link to comment
Ottersmom Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 Hi everyone, Perhaps you've followed my posts: I heard form my ex after NC from me. He emailed an early Happy Birthday, and apologized again for hurting me. He said he only had good thoughts and feelings about me. I have to say I found that confusing. We broke up in Nov. He said he wanted to see someone else, and he didn't want to be committed to me. I was devastated. He had been married for 29 years previously. Anyway, the man then emailed me for 3 months after the fact, I kept very LC. Finally I broke it off. It was very good for me to do so. So now the email. I waited 2 days to answer. I didn't address the apology part. Just made a small joke about him having the wrong date and sent it. And how do I feel? A little vulnerable. I don't feel good open to whether this guy will respond or not. But what I did learn, and this is huge, I KNOW I CAN GO BACK TO NC AND BE ALL RIGHT Yup, I have learned to take care of myself thru NC and I feel confident. He writes. he doesn't write, it's OK. I will be all right! And that's what I wanted to share with everybody. You'll get there! Link to comment
Wotgorilla Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 That's great! Of course you're going to be alright, just take care of yourself! Dan on Long Island. Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 Day 81 NC - doing okay; pain is subsiding and I can go a little longer without thinking about her; but on the other side of that, there are times when I think about her a lot still. Link to comment
MasterT Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 Day 31 Just got back from church a little while ago. Had a nice talk with the priest there. Had to clear some things off my chest and get some answers. While I got the answer to one question I had, I only heard the same conclusions I had reached about my other questions. Which is frustrating, because the conclusions are so indefinite. Guess I'll just have to wait and see what God decides to throw my way. Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 I wonder how Shaker is doing. Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 Day 5 Ugh! I drank too much last night, but had a great time at my friend's b-day party. I met a very sweet girl and we seemed to hit it off. I didn't get a chance to get her number, but did hail her a taxi and got a very nice goodbye hug. My friend is going to talk to her, and get her side of th story. I got my fingers crossed!!! I had a date today as well. It was amazing today here in Chicago so I met her by Wrigley Field and we went for a walk by the lake. It was very short, and she said she had to meet a friend, so I don't think it went that great. She was sweet, and fun, but there was no real connection, and I wasn't on top of my game because of the hangover. You live and you learn. I am doing better. I can see the growth. My ex's new boyfriend lives right by Wrigley Field, so I ended up walking right past there, and all around his neighborhood during my date. Normally I would be a mess, looking to see if I was going to run into her or anything. I have been in that area a few times since the breakup, and I have always been filled with anxiety. Today I was fine. The thought did come to my head, but it didn't overpower me. I'm growing, and getting stronger. Take care of yourself Rosie. Be strong and don't call. It will pass soon enough. I have to fight the urge all the time, but just think of what they are going to say and think, and know it won't make you feel any better. It will make you feel worse. Today I feel: Hungover, Tired, Confident, Bummed, but Okay. Link to comment
vimora Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Well, I must have restarted NC three times or so now, but each time only lasting 3 or 4 days. The current NC is now going on 8 days, and mostly 'cause he requested some space; even though he initiated most of the contact in the first place. Some good days but still feeling vulnerable. Think about him all the time. Want to ask why he would do such a thing to me? I truly didn't believe him capable of hurting me so much. And the worst is that I still would take him back if he asked me to. But I know that if he never does, I won't go and push him and I'll leave him alone for the rest of his life. What's the point in pining if he doesn't want me back. It's so hard though guys, it's just a lot harder than I thought. I had a few days where I had convinced myself I was better off, but I've been steadily doubting myself lately. But it's only been a week of true NC and a little over a month since he dumped and hurt me. I guess I just need more time. Meanwhile, I've been hanging out a lot with friends, reconnecting with them which is great. They've been really supportive. I've been asked out by different guys on 4 or 5 dates but I've turned them all down, I have no interest in dating at the moment. Trying to focus on finishing my degree and looking for work. And I've taken up a new hobby which I'm really excited about. So I guess I'm doing all the required things to help me move on. Just wrote to vent a bit, feeling kinda sad. I feel a bit better now. Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Vimora, I think you should go on the dates. Why not? Just explain the situation with them and offer to be friends. Who knows, maybe later on down the track you may like one of them and will have a friendship already in place. Link to comment
vimora Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Two and a half years ago, I decided to accept a date about two months after having just gotten out of a long-term relationship. We started off as friends but then he became my boyfriend. A month ago, he dumped me. That's why, I don't want to date and rush things. People are telling me, I need to rediscover myself 'cause I didn't have time to do that the first time around before I jumped into a new relationship. The way I see it, when someone asks you out on a formal date, they're probably looking for a bit more that a platonic friendship. Although Kate111, I do agree that maybe going on a date doesn't neccessarily mean that this new person and I will hit it off and it could just turn into a friendship. I just think I need to get used to being on my own first, and spending good time with current friends, who, I admittedly saw less of during my relationship with the ex. Eventually, I'll start dating again, if only to meet new people and without expectations of finding a special someone. At least, I hope I can keep a level head about it. But thanks for the suggestion Kate111, it helps to know that someone is listening. Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 No worries. I understand. Good luck. Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Thoughts of him have plagued me constantly today, but I didn't do anything to torture myself. Certainly didn't break NC. Didn't look at his pix. Didn't look at his online profiles. Didn't step towards him. Held my ground and am trying to let this pass. I'm eating badly. Skipping meals, and then eating nonfood later (popcorn, chocolate bars). Punishing myself with food by eating like a child. On the positive side: I didn't sleep the day away as I did yesterday. Had brunch with a friend ... very healthy, too ... omelet, salad, whole wheat toast. I also went shopping and spent way too much money, but at least I've got some clothes for the dreaded change of season that usually sends me into a tailspin and gives me total CA (clothing anxiety). Bought two cute baby outfits for a coworker. Now I want to keep one for myself for my nonexistent child. I feel like I'm at a crossroads, although a friend suggested I'm manufacturing one. I've been feeling dissatisfied with my job for a while ... or, more to the point, with my boss, who typically I adore. I don't feel like I'm growing in my position. I'm considering a move to CA, and actually got approached on Friday as a result with a colleague a couple of weeks ago. I'm also considering going back to school. There's a really cool Internation MBA that's in Atlanta, Rio de Janiero, and Paris ... plus two weeks in China. It's my dream to live in France -- not permanently, but for a while -- and I love the sound of this program, even if I still need to research the particulars. Having said that, I'm not looking forward to the idea of being a poor student again I don't have much in the way of savings, I'd have to get a loan for school. One other thing: My goal for the past couple of years is to buy a house. What I'm trying to get at is all my current desires / potential goals seem to be at conflict with each other. And then I hear this line in the movie that I quoted yesterday, "I finally know what I want -- and that in itself is a miracle -- and what I want is you." Similar to Goldilocks, that felt just right. But he doesn't want me. I can't force a boyfriend, let alone a husband. I don't want to be a single mom. My mother worked throughout my childhood and all I did was spend my life waiting for her to come home. It was dreadful. So I don't want to do that to my own child/ren. I'm a mess. But I'm still maintaining NC. So I reckon I'm a mess with self respect, dignity, even if I do feel major lonely, despite the fabulous, loving friends I'm so blessed to have. -Rosie Link to comment
Amanda80 Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 How do you block a caller from your mobile phone? Call the service provider?? Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 I don't know. You could change his number to a swear word so you are not tempted to answer it. Link to comment
MasterT Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Lol, I like your idea kate111!! That's funny! Link to comment
Dr.Amore Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Im on week 6 now NC and its hard at times but its getting a little easier to deal with. I have some good days and some bad but im trying my hardest to stay focused. I know deep in my heart she ain't gonna call and im not gonna look like the fool running back again. So iv made my choice to move on in life and turn the past into a memory rather then dwell on it. She wanted to be friends and i agreed out of pity. But when i sit back and look at the whole thing i would be a fool so im going to just ignore her and move on. Being friends just wont do anything for me its better to just separate for good. Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Lol, I like your idea kate111!! That's funny! Someone else suggested it to me so I can't take credit. You could put the number under "dweeb who is only calling for jerky egocentric reasons" or else "slugman"- whatever floats your boat. Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 I wonder what the average time is for people to "get better" after no contact and stop counting the days. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 It has been proven that it takes as long as the relationship lasted. Until then, it's best to start a new life, new habits, so the transition is easier. Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 No way! I'm not waiting 3 years. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 LOL - that's the spirit!! Make the choice to stop obsessing/being distracted by thoughts of the ex! CHANGE YOUR MIND. Link to comment
Scrembledeggs Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Ummm so ok....the "Potentially Ridiculous Party" basically lived up to its potential. It was actually ridiculous. But in a good way, haha. I had planned to do the whole "meet up with the ex" thing on Saturday afternoon, but was still very hungover when I talked to her, and the conversation got...a little rough. We were going back and forth a little bit, questioning whether this may be a little early. Finally, with the knowledge that a bunch of people were sticking around for the whole weekend, I just sort of pulled the plug on the whole idea and decided to stay around my friend's house. After being "wastes of space" all day (but in a good way, y'know....movies and beers, just hanging out), we all went out in the city Saturday night and had....another incredible time. I even helped a bride-to-be finish her bacholerette party scavanger hunt at one bar. Who needs underwear, anyway? haha. So basically, I traded what could have been something between very painful and very awkward for another good time, and I'm happy that I did. Had a longish conversation with my ex last night...we're gonna try for the meeting again within the next couple of weeks, talk on the phone occasionally; whatever. I have no grand expectations. What I do have is other plans, and those are going to keep coming first. If it fits into both of our schedules, then fine...she's a pleasent enough person to be around. But I'm not going to build up my hopes for something that's probably not going to happen. Anyway...I just want to keep the laid-back attitude up. So that means, for now, no more counting. And along with that, I'm probably gonna cut down on the posts for a while...we'll see. You guys can always private message me if you wanna talk more, but I don't want to feel like I'm narrating my life just to take up space on this thread. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 At the risk of sounding dramatic, I will say that my heart has skipped a beat reading your post. What a bright future with this way of thinking!!!!!!! Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Day 6 Hi everyone! I'm doing ok. I am going to work on getting a job today, and work on my portfolio. My friend is going to talk to the girl I hit it off with at the party this weekend and hopefully get her number for me. I feel like I am in high school getting her number this way, but any other way and I would feel like a stalker. I've been thinking about this new girl a lot. Too much. I worry that I am going to get my hopes up and get hurt, and don't need that. This girl had so much positive energy, and even though I only met her for a few hours, she made me want to be a better person. Sounds weird right? Not thinking about the ex too much. The thoughts that used to drive me nuts are wearing down, and becoming less painful, so for all of you going through hell right now, time does actually help. Mr. Eggs- It sounds like you made a very level headed decision not seeing her. I'm glad you had a good weekend, and wish you the best with your ex, whatever that may be. Today I feel: Tired, Determined, Nervous, and Scared. Maybe I'm not so hot today? Link to comment
w3rd Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 I don't remember what day it is... 40 something maybe? I disappointed myself last night though. I was on facebook and checked her profile....there was nothing new in it, just some communication w/ old friends but it really hurt to look at it. I got what I deserve Oh well, I have a VERY busy week coming up so that should keep my mind off things for a while. Link to comment
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