Rosie007 Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 Day 10 I'm starting to feel a little better, bronchitis-wise. My ex, the Neverwas, and I have a common best friend -- the person who introduced us 14 years ago. I talked to him on the day the Neverwas IM'd me to say he was going to start sleeping with another. Tonight my friend and I talked (my friend, not the Neverwas). My friend mentioned he'd talked to the Neverwas. He said two things. One I'd like to forget. One I thought was rather sweet. The thing I'd like to forget is my friend said that he'd said to that guy that if he wasn't in it for the long run, he should stop seeing me. I believe they had this discussion before the IM. I'm a bit annoyed he said that, but I know he was trying to be protective of me. The thing that was rather sweet was that since the break-up, so to speak, my friend said to Rex, the ex, that he was disappointed in him. He said Rex didn't say anything to refute him, but did reply that the situation was messed up. I guess I thought this was sweet because my friend would typically mind his own business in these matters, not wanting to get into the middle of things. In terms of the ex, I've been feeling two conflicting things: 1) optimistic that we'll be together the way I dream of; 2) stronger and more detached from him. Hmmm ... I reckon being optimistic that we'll be together isn't detached. But there it is. -Rosie Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 Part of me feels I won't really heal until I have closure - i.e. I explain to him why I can't be friends and the no contact is not just because I am in a huff with him about what happened at new year (I know he will think this is what it is all about). Should I contact him to explain this to get the closure I need? My friends don't think he will give me that closure as he will say/imply something to keep me with a string of hope so I will be there as his safety net for when things go pearshaped with his current gf. This has happened before. Hi LightLight, Perhaps you could try to get closure here ... with us. Do you think it might be helpful to write exactly what you'd like to say to the Neverwas here, where people want only the best for you, and you can continue to give yourself the space to heal, concentrate on you, determine what's best for you once you're centered again? Big hugs, -Rosie Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 shadow - what an arrogant loser!! I'm really shocked that he even dared to say something like that. Lucky escape methinks... Rosie - conflicting emotions is one of the most annoying in the universe. And they stick around like no one's business. But there will come a day (not too far away) that you have an epiphany of sorts and suddenly one thought takes over completely and you couldn't care less about the ex. Well...you probably could, but not in a love kind of way, but a...an angry kinda way. But feeling annoyed at them is better than pining for them. xxxx Link to comment
GuiltyMike Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 hi. my girlfriend broke up with me a week ago >_ i miss her so much >_> it's 7:21 am and i have to get up in a few hours =( i can't sleep. -michael Link to comment
Shaker Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 GuiltyMike: Welcome to the challenge. Sleepless nights are definitely something we've all had. Sorry to hear about your break-up. It sounds like a good move to keep NC. Link to comment
SadOldMan Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 10 days now since we last spoke? Longest time in 12 years. I still don't feel any need to contact her. I miss her of course, but I am coping far better without her in my life. I saw her in her car today. I didn't feel half as bad as I thought I would. She had a face like thunder. ;-) Link to comment
Shaker Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 SadOldMan, Congrats on today's milestone. I'm glad to hear you're on the mend and enjoying life. Rosie, Actually, I think it is detached because you realize that what you idealize in terms of a place to be with him is different from what is / would likely be. ie: "the way I dream of" is not "the way we'd always imagined it would be", etc. Power on, guys. Link to comment
LBP Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 Had a dream about seeing her in an airport tonight... Bumped into her and basically knocked her to the ground, is how it went... Then we go home, me feeling nervouse all the while, and my mouth is incredibly decayed by tartar and what not... Almost bloody... I wake up feeling a little sad. 31 days... Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 Day 51 NC - spent time with the family last night; I've been doing pretty good; and the pain is lessening up. Everyone else, please keep hanging in there. There will be rough times for sure, but you'll have to get through it if you really want to heal. Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 day 49..yesterday night was pure chill. hung out with some college buddies. it awesome. hung out at an azn bar even though im not 21, the owner were real cool. saw some old buddies along too! man i miss hanging out with these people, also meet some new people. lots of girls too! YEE! i was pretty stoke about that. well yeah my night ended at 1 am cause i got exteremly tired plus i had some alcyholy to drink. well today i plan to hang out with my brother and just relax. i'll update this later. Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 Day 11 Going on a date tonight. Should be fun. Going to see Brett Dennen perform here in Chicago at a few places. I'm excited for it. I have been very angry with the ex, but haven't talked to her. I think the anger is a part of the grieving, so that is good. I'm not regressing much yet. hopefully I can let the anger go soon so I don't have to think about her anymore! I have tried to call her parents but they have their cell phone turned off. I guess that is a good thing for me!!! Today I feel: Excited, Angry, Sad, Disappointed, and Stunned. Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 Day 11 Parsley and Shaker: Thanks for your nice words. This whole thing has been so confusing. It's so helpful to hear from people further down the path. It also means a lot, too. I actually got out of the house for about two hours today. Went to the library, a store, a nursey (bought myself another lovely bouquet), and looked out a couch I might buy. It's the closest thing I've had to a life in two weeks. I'm invited to an Academy Awards potluck party tomorrow night with some of my dearest friends, but I'm not sure if I'll go. I've been so sick, and I don't want to push it. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. I was supposed to go to an MBA Open House today to meet with universities from all over the world, but going into the city (i.e., NYC) just felt too ambitious. I'm rather disappointed about it, and I could have forced myself to go, I reckon, but there it is. I've thought about "him" all day today, but still in that kind of detached way. And still with a strange sense of peace ... and optimism (i.e., that we'll be together the way I always hoped). Not sure what that's about. I do tend to get detached from my feelings sometimes and when pressed how I feel, I often can't tell. I will say this, my resolve is that I will never, ever go back to him for "The Way We Were." Seeing how he's the Neverwas, the first step would be he'd have to own his feelings for me in the first place ... and not just "I miss you / I'm lonely" feelings. I'm talking about I love you, I was a fool, what can I do to make you forgive me, I want to start anew and show you how much you mean to me -- AND I want you to have my children. You know, the fairy tale. -Rosie Link to comment
GuiltyMike Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 Day 1 I feel such an emptiness in my heart >_> I've never gone a day without saying anything to her in the past 2 years I can remember. I always sent a message, a phone call, or something. Today was nothing. I went through ups and downs, I was happy and excited, then as the sun set and night crept up, I felt my happiness fading. My smile was more forced. I thought about her spending all her time with "him" today. She did just that. My going into NC was a liberation to her, I no longer existed. I hated thinking about these things, I kept telling myself I deserve to be happy for myself. I want her back though, I want to wake up and give her a call, and talk the day away, and laugh, and have little spats over nothing, and play games with each other. I see her every day, this is so painful for me. It feels like she won't even make eye contact with me. I'm trying to get confidence and happiness. I'm sick of this void in my life. I want my honey back >_ "I love you." I think of her face when I read that and her voice. >_ She's happier without me, I don't think she misses me at all or even thinks about me. It shouldn't bother me, right. I'm my own person. I shouldn't be thinking about her... but I am, I can't help it. She cut off all contact with me too, and I just sit here with the line open, hoping like a fool for something that will never happen. It's like the cartoons >__> And I want her in my life. I want her to be with me, I don't want to just move on and have this just be some scar on a wound. I love you >_ I went out with my friends and we had an outdoor Barbeque... It was cold outside. I had a burger, plain and I picked at it but I was smiling and trying to be happy. I didn't think about her much. I have trouble keeping food down >_> This feels like this has been the longest day of my life. =( -michael Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 Hi Mike, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I can certainly identify. I remember how horrible it was the first weekend we weren't together. I hated it so much. There is some consolation, fortunately: you're not alone. I found this site 11 days ago. It's made all the difference in the world for me. I hope you can find some solace here, too. I might be bouncing off the walls crazy in my desires and my love for someone who doesn't want me, but I'm still doing NC, so at least I'm doing something right. Hang in there! -Rosie Link to comment
shadow34 Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 Hi there Im not doing too bad at all.... But to those that arent doing too great, I want to extend my thoughts to you and a humungous group hug.... Humungous*group*Hug Link to comment
GuiltyMike Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 I had a bad night's sleep. I can't tell if I'm dreaming of her or thinking of her in between dreams. Meh. I don't think I slept more than two or three hours before waking up then trying to sleep again. I feel so lousey today. =( I still hope she will miss me but I know she's happier without me. I'll try to be more positive when I drag myself out of bed. -michael Link to comment
honeyspur Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 Mike - I hear you - so sorry you are feeling so bad, but think of it as a cleansing.... You might want to try posting briefly about your sadness and then writing about your plans for moving forward. Making a list of things to do, people to get in touch with, physical activity to engage in. These are things you will need to do anyway, even if you decide to wait until your sadness subsides. Those who have completed this challenge did that early on - so give it some thought. Your feelings are normal though - allow them to move through you, so they can dissipate. Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 Day 12 I awoke to a phone call from my Ex's mom. She was just checking on me. Her parents love me dearly, and are very hurt by their daughter's actions. She was awful!!! I guess she still has all of my photos up and everything. I know she is doing that to hurt herself, and I know how hard it will be for her to take everything down. I went on a date last night. It was our second date. When I picked her up I went in to meet her mom, and was BITTEN IN THE FACE BY THEIR DOG!! I was bleeding all over. It was awful. Eventually I stopped bleeding and we went on the date, but talk about a strange first impression. Today I feel- Sad, Upset, Happy, Irritated, and Swollen. Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 Day 52 NC - doing alright; hanging out with friends still; and it seems that next 30 day marker is closing in. Time is flying; and of course I'm still hitting the rough patches here and there, but it is getting better. I still miss her though; and a tiny part of me is wishing she would come back. Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 day 50...its cold!!! watching basketball as of this moment, then gym later. gotta love the single life. Link to comment
boston23 Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 Hi everyone! I haven't posted in a little while, I had a crazy busy week at school. I've caught myself up on the posts, sounds like some people are doing really well and some people are having a tough time, but it's definitely nice to read how everyone helps out everyone else here!! Parsley, I loved your post about the txt mssg. There's nothing like having a moment like that where your brain could have come up with any emotion, and it came up with an emotion like "ugh, this is annoying." I finally called my ex's sister to let her know I'm not going to be in her wedding. We had played phone tag for a couple of days (and each time I called I had to prepare myself....only to get the answering machine). The conversation was fine, a little scary for me though. There were certain things I wanted to get accross and certain things that I wanted to kind of keep hidden. Pretty much I told her that I would love to be in her wedding, and I think that it would place "undo stress on her family." haha I always speak really formally with random vocab words when I get nervous. I did tell her that I feel like my ex hates me, which I didn't want to say but oh well. Also, my voice was a little shaky so she thought I was upset, but I think that the important point is that I had the conversation and that I don't need to worry about it anymore. So I'm proud of myself for having done it. Link to comment
LBP Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 Another dream about her... So weird, I hadn't dreamt about her in so long! Anyway. Dreamt she was a film maker, bizarrely - we were filming some sort of crazy desert with a volcano underneath taht kept pulsing out lava. I was some sort of writer or something. We didn't talk the whole time, just worked on filming and living in a crazy environment. We spoke once and it was very cordial. So weird... There's day 2! Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 boston - well done! I know you haven't been looking forward to that. I'm so proud!! It's funny you should mention that post, it just happened again lol. Phone went off I sat up all "ooh! message!" then went "...wait..." and looked accusingly at my phone, then read it - a friend giving me her new number lol *dance dance* Had an alright day. Spent awhile with the neph again - giving him a bath hehe. Randomly had a bit of an urge to call the ex to call him something rude then hang up. Pretty much the instant I thought of it I...unthought(?) of it. Also spoke to our once mutual friend who is now just my friend, and dislikes the ex immensely. It's a bit of a weird situation - they 'parted ways' as it were before the break up. Quite funny though, we both referred to what had happened between them without mentioning him...in a joke? Lol "That's totally pc now. You wouldn't want anyone to make ridiculous assumptions about your personality now would you?" "Now who would do such a thing?" Made me chuckle. Link to comment
SadOldMan Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 It's day...erm...I honestly don't know. I do know it's been a bad one. She's been on my mind constantly. I hate it. I have no desire to contact her at all but my mind is going bonkers, putting in scenarios of meetings, talks etc. It's a mad day! ;-) I hate what I'm going through but I still love her to bits. Come on time, do you stuff!!!!!!1111one Link to comment
ruby19 Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 Day 12 I think...though he did email to let me know his vacation, "with the guys, I told you I went with X guyfriend and Y guyfriend, right" was fun. Glad to know that (not) Go away. Can't wait to see what happens when he starts to ask why I'm not answering back Link to comment
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