Shaker Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 cheatedon: I'm sorry to say, but it's impossible to know why you're hearing from your ex. There are possibilities like it's a habit for him to tell you what he's up to, that he doesn't want you worrying about him, that he doesn't want to lose you as a go-to person, etc. Lots and lots of possibiliites. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I have a question for you guys about my situation. My ex and I broke up just recently, and he rebounded quickly by dating someone new by the next week. Anyway, I read this forum and cut contact. I make no effort to call or text him, but normally about twice a day he texted me. Not with anything important just random stuff. For example this morning "going to car show." Can anybody figure out why? Is it just his way of keeping some contact with me? Yep, he wants a safety net... don't fall for it, don't contact him, if possible don't even read the messages, delete them. Don't save them and over-analyze them. Have you heard of the expression "paralisis by analisis"? you'll drive yourself nuts trying to figure out what he is thinking. I think that one of the best things that can happen when you breakup is that your ex gets into another relationship right away... It helps you with closure, because you can see that there is no chance of reconciliation and you can take your time to heal yourself... To me, going on a rebound relationship is a sign of weakness, and you don't want to be with a weak person, do you? Link to comment
cheatedon Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 No your right I dont, just as I was writing this message I got another text. But nothing important, just another random text. Dont get it at all. Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Cheatedon - I had a friend who had an ex who would text her and ring her a lot - like yours does. To me it seemed like he just didn't want to allow her to move on. He would quite happily sleep with other people, and made no attempt to hide it from her, but he would just keep her on a leash by contacting her so much. It didn't give her the chance to forget him, no matter how hard she tried. Is your ex the kind of person that might act like that? Link to comment
cheatedon Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I know hes dating other girls, but he denies it, says they are just friends. I know the truth, so i cut contact. But since then I get these random texts. They dont say anything important, just random stuff, like "we are eating over at..." and so on. I get it like 3 times a day. I honestly dont think he wants me to move on, and in the beginning I was the one who cried and begged, not understanding why he was ending it. I called..etc..but I finally got ahold of myself and new that I didn't want this anymore, so i cut contact, and this is what keeps happening. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 No your right I dont, just as I was writing this message I got another text. But nothing important, just another random text. Dont get it at all. You don't have to understand it, people act weird all the time. My ex insists on treating me like a piece of trash whenever she has the chance, even though she contradicts herself by saying that I made no mistakes, that it was not my fault, but then she starts judging me for unimportant details of my life and second-guessing my actions... what do you make of that?? I guess she feels guilty for what she did and wants to subconsciously blame it on me and find reasons to support her stupid decision... The point is: Don't look for a good reason for his actions... He is a mess inside as well, I bet they're as confused as we are but feel empowered because they took the decision to finish the relationship... Take away that power by doing NC... be like a Ninja! live in the shadows of his life. Information is power, so don't give power to the enemy! Pull a Houdini on him, disappear from his life... Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 day 34..today is great, but the weather sucks...it feels a bit emo. anyways school started off a lil weird. i had a limbo moment and for reason i just thought about the guy that my ex is with now and how i wanna comfront and start a fight with him. but!!! it was just a thought, you swear like im going to actually do it. considering this guy is humungo! but yeah i think that got my morning a lil bit on the off side. but when the feeling started to kick in, i actually went on eNotalone in the library to relax my rage. well after school, i went to have lunch with one of my homies/classmate. its pretty relieving my friends are always here for me through thick and thin. pretty much afterwards i went to the gym to punish my body for the thoughts i had earlier...yeah im pretty sore which means i pretty much hurt my self lifting weights...anyways tonight im going party first time in a long time. hopefully that will turn out great...forget the hopefully, it will be great reguardless cause im going to be out..well this is pretty much it..nothing exciting has struck me in day 34. hopefully 35 will...who knows?! Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 anyways tonight im going party first time in a long time. hopefully that will turn out great...forget the hopefully, it will be great reguardless cause im going to be out..well this is pretty much it..nothing exciting has struck me in day 34. hopefully 35 will...who knows?! Yeah, just go out there, have a few drinks (have a friend drive you home) dance, talk, flirt, joke around, you get it... get the bad vibes out of your system! hahaha... If she is out having fun, why should you stay home? You deserve to be happy, and your friends deserve to see you happy and active. I'll wish you the best of weekends, and yeah, sleep in till late tomorrow Take care! Link to comment
shadow34 Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 Hey everyone Well I thought I was doing so good, but I think the shock has just hit me. I dont feel like contacting him at all.... But Im sitting here crying my eyes out just thinking about the whole relationship.I gave so much of myself, so completely and I just dont understand how anyone can be so cruel and hurtful. I just keep thinking what is so wrong with me that he couldnt love me back, the old why why why why me deal.... I know that I deserve better and all of that stuff, but right now Im just struggling with it all, its like wham today was the first day I actually broke down properly, I think I must of been trying to hard to stay positive and think happy thoughts that in reality you just have to allow yourself to grieve. So Im going to go and have a really big cry, not that I have stopped, and snuggle up to my puppy dog, pets, always seem to make you feel better and they never get tired of listening. So thats where I am at in my nc challenge, I actually dont want the guy back now...because its just not right the way he treated me, but it doesnt stop the hurt you feel and it doesnt stop your mind questioning how you can love them so so much and give so much and they just seem to be able to get on with their lives. I think to myself, I bet he doesnt even think of me or miss me but who knows what he thinks, I just know that the man doesnt think hes ever been in the wrong with anyone... So yeah at the moment Im doing crappy and just want to go and have some time to feel sad, to feel sorry for myself and to grieve and then hopefully tomorrow is a new day, Ill pick myself up and carry on. Thanks for listening everyone xox Georgi Link to comment
boston23 Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 Hi Shadow: It sounds like it just might be time for you to have a good cry. Sometimes those are really helpful!! Just make sure that it doesn't continue, and continue....like mine did, haha. TJ: I should write down all those little things that I ignored at the time...it's still a bit hard to think up all the bad things about him though but it was stuff he did. And this whole break up should be #1, what a jerk. Day 20 I had a pretty good day yesterday. Studied for the exam that I'm going to try to take this Tuesday (had rescheduled it from this Friday to having those anxiety attacks). Now that I think about I'm feeling much better about everything, not just the whole break up. I still need to focus on letting things go the way that they will. I have this note I wrote to myself on my wall that says in big letters, "You are on the right path!!" so any time I start feeling anxious I can look up at that and realize that whatever is bothering me (school, the ex, the whole doctor thing, sadness, etc) it's all going to work out and whatever I'm doing now is just part of the life that I'm supposed to be leading. Makes me feel better when I think of it as if there's a plan and so whatever happens in my life will work out the right way in the end. I am still really hurt about the break up but I'm trying to make sure that I don't dwell on it. I saw some "To Do" lists from this summer and realized how absolutely wonderful I was to my ex. He's definitely not going to be able to find anyone like me, and he never did deserve me. Link to comment
mcnani Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 i've been doing NC for a month and it's bringing back my perspective... it's like slowly but surely some of the advice people gave me is clicking... i.e. to see your relationship for what it really was.... as much as i TRIED to remember the negative aspects of my relationship with my x, i didn't believe in them. i've found that it really takes a while of telling yourself something till you actually can UNDERSTAND, b/c goodness knows I didn't get anything for the first few months after the break up, i just kept being sad. at this point in time i am REALLY and honestly seeing that the break up is for the better, so i've got my first foot out the door... i'm ready to run! Link to comment
Tshwane Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 day 34 - still grinding Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 Day 37 NC - still doing okay; no mistakes made yet, and hope to keep it that way Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 day-35..hung over. game over! i had a fun night yesterday night. i have to party more from time to time when im done with school. seriously. well today is looing great, hopefully, i can finish up some hw and then go out and do something or at least continue to rest from yesterday's CHAOS! Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 Day 8. Another good day because I had little chance to think of my ex. My sister, brother in law and nephew were over, and seriously...that little boy is the only thing that truly and utterly wipes my ex from my mind. I love him so much!! One time I said to my ex "You and Joseph are the only two people who can do pretty much *anything* and I'll smile and love you. Joseph weed on my bed today...and I cuddled him!" Obviously, it turns out that Joseph is the only one who can do anything and I will still love him. So yeah. Didn't think about him much. Did find myself having a rant at thin air about him a few minutes ago. Which is a good thing. I'd rather rant than wallow. And I'd also rather be talking to myself than him. x Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 Day 38 NC - nothing much to update; it's raining over here but I'm going to hit the gym in a few minutes and just study the whole day for finals coming up. I hope everyone is hanging in there. I have this feeling that maybe she isn't coming back but maybe it's too soon to tell. Or maybe I really do have to fully let go; gosh it's the hardest thing to do. NC seems very easy right now; I've been utilizing my time well; but the letting go process is lagging still. Link to comment
comfyshoes Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 I have a question. Do i get to say i have completed 30 days NC if i don't count looking at emails or myspace or do i have to count form the last time i did that? I just want to make my post about what NC has done for me! (no phone calls, emails letter for more than 30 days!) shoes Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 day 36..well life is up and down right now..nothing really to do with the ex, but school. turns out im moving back home this week. not going to SDSU no more. im actually heading down to Cal Poly Pomona. i guess sometimes plans don't always go your way, especially with your folks. well this week will be technically my last week at CSUN and also my last week if ever to see my ex. im pretty much happy about that since it started to get annoying. well im tired and now after being in the dorms, i got to pack my stuff and go home. sucks, but what can you do.. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 I'm confused rx - why are you leaving? Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Day 11 NC 4 months since the break-up! This is a record for me, never maintained NC for so long. The weekend was very difficult and felt quite weepy and out of sorts, but feeling OK today. Just figure I have to ride the wave of emotion that will hit me from time to time. Not heard from the ex, so he has obviously given up on trying to make contact. Just a few more days and I am half way there...xxx Link to comment
drum4god Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Day 49. I was doing well until yesterday. I saw her in church from a afar, and I saw a real good looking guy sitting in her row. Immediately all the crazy thoughts go in my head. Its crazy, this guy may not even talk to her, but the fact he was a good looking Spanish guy (my ex is Spanish, and I was the 1st non-hispanic she has been with), had my mind going in overdrive. Its so difficult, I do well until I see her in church. I can't and won't leave because I love the church, and I'm very involved. I just don't know if I can handle seeing her with someone. Not until I'm at least over her, or with someone myself. I do take pride despite seeing her, I still have maintained NC for 49 days. No calls, e-mails, texts. I just spoke to her briefly at a party, but she came over to me. Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Comfy Shoes, I think N/C means absolutley no contact or communication, this includes looking at web-sites, e-mails, my space etc x Link to comment
Shaker Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Day 22 I haven't been posting because I've been a little caught up in the 'new': spending time with new friends, meeting new people, exploring my new love interest (which is, by the way, going fantastically well). I miss the 'old' today (not the ex!): old habits, familiar ground, routines. I shook off a lot of the knowns in my life around the time of my split, which helped me heal...but now I need to some how figure out what I still want of the 'old me' and merge it with the life I've created (ie: I need to get more rest, pay more attention to my family because I feel like I can give again, and work harder). Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Hey Shaker - I'm so chuffed that things are going so well for you! I wish I could get into the new. But the fact is...until I get a job, I can't. I can't drive and don't live close enough to any of my friends to walk there. I can't afford to go out, even if my friends invited me. I want to go back to Pompey so much that it hurts. There I had the opportunity to meet new people every day, and could get into new habits so easily. I have best friends here, but they have their new lives made when I started uni. So now my best friends, the ones that I tell everything to, are miles away from me, and all of us without the means to see each other. Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Hi Shaker, It's a struggle isn't it? I am trying to redfine a new me, but I still really like parts of the old me. Trying to balance the old with the new is tough, but I guess it will settle soon enough. I am trying not to be too bitter about all the hurt my ex has put me through, but it is really hard. I have started to miss him again... You sound like you are having lots of fun at the moment which is great and an inspiration to all of us! xxx Link to comment
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