luvmykids Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Good for you Parsley! Now try not to think about what HE might be thinking about you not sending anything..okay? mind over matter = I dont mind, because it dont matter! Link to comment
krnelson2 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Day 6... Everyday has been getting better and better, I think I have almost made it to the acceptance stage. I have accepted the fact that she most likely will not come back, and right now that doesnt bother me. I am still thinking about her, probably always will, but its no longer on a relationship basis. Shes just another person that has come and gone in my life right now. The pain of her being with someone else is starting to fade as well. I have learned to live me life for who I am and not for who I thought I had to be. If she wants to be with this other guy...FINE...Its her loss, not mine. I will continue to heal until I am better than before and when she sees that...Well it might be to late to come back. So much has changed in my life since the breakup and on my side its ALL POSITVE...On her side however...Feelings of guilt, sadness, pain, etc that she never took the time to change or heal from. Its sad that people can allow this to happen to themselves. And Its even sadder that I have to see it happening to someone I love, but hey its not my job to care anymore. Its her new guys job, and hopefully they can work it out together. If not she will be in this same position all over again. But the fact of the matter is...I am happy with myself right. Single or in a relationship, I AM HAPPY. I never thought I would be able to say that again, but its true. I dont need her to feel confident. I dont need her to make me feel loved. I need me and thats it. If someone comes into my life that wants to share my new life with me...GREAT... its going to be a blast. And if that takes a while thats fine too. Either way I will live my life to the fullest everyday and be thankful for the things I have not the things I have had that I cant control. Sorry about the rant folks but I have really seen a change in my mood the last couple days and wanted to share my thoughts. -KR Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 OK, I'm on day 3... And it's a tough one. Not because I want to contact him, but because he IM'd me yesterday, twice and sent an email, one of the emails and IM were work-based, but both the IM's were totally pointless, excuses to be in contact... The 2nd IM came when I wasn't around. He asked about work, then the game... No reply. After all those, he finally read an email I sent last Thursday, (before I discovered I should be in NC). The email stated basically that he'd hurt me and that I can't continue on the confusing rollercoaster. I'm somewhat scared and confused. I feel like I'd spent the entire day crying and I haven't. I don't really have a need to contact him at this point, I just feel uncomfortable that now I know he knows... Ya know? Does that make sense? Link to comment
bubbles07 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 I broke NC yesterday , I felt like I may of been to hard on her during the break up telling her not to call me unless its important and i thought that its not good for her to feel like she can't talk to me. I know I know a lot of you are proably banging your heads on the table asking why i did it. I think I did it for me to make myself feel better because know I don't have to live with the feelling " I told her not to call me unless she has something important to say" I felt horrible for saying that so I had to break the ice so to speak. I sent a text of a smiley face with the tongue sticking out. I didn't expect anything back just wanted to let her know that I'm not mad at her or holding a grudge. The reason I say that is because last time i tried NC (in december) she thought i was mad at her and when we finally did talk she broke down and told me how this whole time she thought i was mad at her. Anyways she text back with asking how i've been and what i've been up 2. There was so many exclamation marks and smiley faces in that one message then i've ever seen. I text back a upbeat message just telling her how i was doing great and how I had a fun night on my bday and then just told her I gotta go. She text back again telling me that she was glad that i had a good night and that i am doing good and told me to have a good night. I think that she was almost releived by receiving the text just because of all the exclamation marks and the smiley faces. She never use to do that before unless she was really excited about something. So now I'm just gonna leave it be and step back because I've opened the lines of communication. I feel better knowing that I was the bigger person here and went with what I felt was right for me. I didn't expect anyhing back just wanted to make myself feel better. I'm not going to initiate no more, I think that i've done enough. Now to start over Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Bubbles, I totally understand your position. It's a little different when you still have communication or potential to work it out. I'm glad she gave you a response that you felt good about. And it's good to leave it there. She knows you aren't angry and you can rest. Be careful not to fall into the trap I was getting stuck in and that's wanting that "high" of communication from her. When it's been so long and the previous "high" wears off and you hit that low, that's when you will find an excuse to contact her... Stay strong. I'm not doing so good. I feel awful. I know he read my email and now it's like I'm waiting to see what his next action will be. Will it be cold as ice? Sympathetic? Will he ignore it completely? Will he respect what I requested? Did he understand it the way I needed him to? And most of all, will he try to win me over? It's such a sad feeling of loss I'm feeling right now. I know I cannot continue down the road I was on, it wasn't healthy. But I think about all our times together and all the exciting talks, amazing physical, and silly moments... my heart is aching... But I remain strong. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 OK, I'm on day 3... And it's a tough one. Not because I want to contact him, but because he IM'd me yesterday, twice and sent an email, one of the emails and IM were work-based, but both the IM's were totally pointless, excuses to be in contact... The 2nd IM came when I wasn't around. He asked about work, then the game... No reply. After all those, he finally read an email I sent last Thursday, (before I discovered I should be in NC). The email stated basically that he'd hurt me and that I can't continue on the confusing rollercoaster. I'm somewhat scared and confused. I feel like I'd spent the entire day crying and I haven't. I don't really have a need to contact him at this point, I just feel uncomfortable that now I know he knows... Ya know? Does that make sense? Yes, it does make sense. my situation is such a mess I dont feel that I can give any advice at this point, just wanted to let ya know that what you are doing is the right thing! good luck. Link to comment
bubbles07 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 hi ramsickle, sorry to hear that you not feeling to good today. I think that he will not ignore it because that is just heartless of a person to do. Plus he already communicated with you before this right? As for understanding it the way you needed him to and him trying to win you over, you will just have to be patient and see what happens. I'm pretty sure that he will understand it the way you wrote it. As for winning you over, thats completely up 2 him. Nothing anyone can do will change that. I think that we all think about the good times we had with that person and the way they made us feel but we gotta realize that they might of seen it all differently. Just because it was good for us, it may not of been good enough for them and thats why they are not with us no more. I think everyone later on in life realizes that they either made a mistake or they did the right thing. It just takes time for that to happen. In that time we just gotta be strong and work on ourselves, to better ourselves, and do whats right for us as they are doing whats right for them. Thanks for replying to my post, yeah i do feel better now that she knows that i'm not angry at her. I'm not expecting nothing more out of communication because now I can truly just focus on myself knowing that i feel content with what i did. Before I felt guilty because i thought i was too harsh but now I feel realived and feel like i can concentrate and not have that nagging voice telling me i was an a**. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 If I did send him something, it would probably be along the lines of "Hey, just wanted to say Happy Birthday, now you're quarter of a century old you definitely need some werther's originals and a flat cap. Hope it's not as bad as you make them out to be. Have a good day!" What do you think? Hi Parsley Mi ex's bday is a day shy of Valentine's day, and I think I will probably call her and say to her: Happy bday!, I hope you have a great time today! take care now, bye! I think that is more than enough in both our cases... It shows them that we remembered, but that's it. A standard happy bday call... nothing special. They dont deserve more than that, IMO. Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Luvmykids... hang in there... We're all in this together! Bubbles... thanks. it really helps to have people who understand and support. It's especially hard b/c of work. He just called and texted me, too... All about "work" but I'd already responded to the work email last night and I know he was o/l this morning and would have gotten it. Well, I guess it's just a matter of time and not bringing up anything regarding "us"... Let's see what happens... Thanks again Link to comment
bubbles07 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Hey ramsickle, maybe his texting just about work is his way of trying to avoid the situation. He proably is thinking about it but proably doesn't know what to say. He is proably just trying to avoid it for now until he knows what to say to you. I know its hard to do but just don't think about it for now and just do what he is doing, keep it strictly work, that will make him think also how come your not bringing it up no more. Maybe then he'll try making the first move to talk about it. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Day 2 of NC 27 days after the breakup... I havent seen her since we broke up. Our last talk was somewhat definitive, since she said that I should call her when I could be her friend. Her mom tells me she loves me and thinks Im the best BF she has ever had, with many qualities that she looks for in a man. She says she KNOWS it is not over between the two of us, that she is only confused. I dont undestand why she got scared, just because she says "I gave her too much, too soon". I know, I know, I should definitely get over her and go on NC indefinitely. I wish there was something that could make me forget her quickly. I feel anxious, but also I sense a little bit of acceptance, a part of me is feeling that this relationship might be over... Its hard to accept, but I hope it's for the best... Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 day19! feelin great! i think this challenge has seriously change me!! no joke. for some reason im gettin so obsessed with the way i dress and look now. lol.i mean i definitely always got to look good!right?? haha. before while i was in my relationship with my ex, i really didn't care. i could actualy go out looking like a bum. now i feel like everyday matters. haha i don't know!? anyways my day is starting off pretty well. got some errands to do and i'll be back later to post update! hope everyone's day is going well or at least alright! Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 that's an interesting POV. I guess only time will tell... thanks Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Well I don't have to worry about the birthday message anymore! 5 o'clock came and went without me even noticing, so now I don't even have the option to send him an email, and I'm NOT texting him. I rule... I changed my mind Parsley... Way to go! I think I will do that also... if she still feels something for me, she will notice I didnt call on her bday, and on st valentines... I guess she will wonder if she lost me for good... and the most important thing is that I wont have to feel bad if she doesnt take my call or doesnt answer my txt msg... Gosh, I never felt this way for anyone! It totally sucks that I fell in love first and then she dumped me... sometimes I wish I was Mr. Spock... no feelings of any kind whatsoever... Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 day19! feelin great! i think this challenge has seriously change me!! no joke. for some reason im gettin so obsessed with the way i dress and look now. lol.i mean i definitely always got to look good!right?? haha. before while i was in my relationship with my ex, i really didn't care. i could actualy go out looking like a bum. now i feel like everyday matters. haha i don't know!? anyways my day is starting off pretty well. got some errands to do and i'll be back later to post update! hope everyone's day is going well or at least alright! Hey there! Have a great day! And DONT look at her myspace or anything like that hahaha... I broke NC on day 19... I wish I didnt... keep on doing it, be strong... you can do it. Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 for some reason im gettin so obsessed with the way i dress and look now. lol.i mean i definitely always got to look good!right?? haha. before while i was in my relationship with my ex, i really didn't care. i could actualy go out looking like a bum. now i feel like everyday matters. haha i don't know!? I think the fact that you are dressing to impress yourself says a lot! I bet you feel just awesome walking into a room knowing how you look and having that confidence back! Congrats! Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Day 19 NC! Doing great! Went to school, and just got home. TJ, that girl contacted me yesterday and we talked on aim for a good half hour; then i left on an upbeat note. She also texted me late that night while i was sleeping again to say to have a good day at school tomorrow. I swear if these aren't the signs that she's interested in me, then I don't know what is. It's good to be in this situation! But on the lower note, I was thinking about my ex today while i was in class... I always want to call her after to tell her how class went.... there's always something little like that; that can shift my mood from being happy to wallowing into the past... Link to comment
fleur-de-lis Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Day 2 has passed, hope I can make it... I mentioned this before, he had a surgery on Saturday and I went at the hospital and give him all the support I could give. I spent about 4 hours at the hospital, he said he loved me, he kept on caressing me... Then his mother came (from another city...during her way, we had been talking constantly on the phone) and hugged me and thanked me for being there. I believe she didnt know about the breakup. She called me when I got home every time she had some news. The surgery went ok (it was only appendicitis), and I called him on sunday to ask him how he felt. His mother had told me they had left the hospital in the morning. During the conversation, he kept calling me sweety or sweetheart, and I told him I can;t forgive him for what he did to me and the conversation ended. I guess he didnt want her mother to know about our fight. After that, I felt remorsed and called him in the evening to ask him how are things going, if he can walk, how long is he staying at home etc... and that was all. I said I go back to NC because I need it right now, but I have been talking to my mother and she told me it isn't polite to not ask him how he feels, even if we broke up. And I don't know what to do... should I text him tomorrow to ask if he is doing all right? I just don't want to leave him when he has problems, his mother will probably leave soon and he needs someone to take care of him (bring him some things, food, drinks, I dont know). I was thinking to ask this in my message (if he needs anything) . Please , I need your advice Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Day 19 NC! Doing great! Went to school, and just got home. TJ, that girl contacted me yesterday and we talked on aim for a good half hour; then i left on an upbeat note. She also texted me late that night while i was sleeping again to say to have a good day at school tomorrow. I swear if these aren't the signs that she's interested in me, then I don't know what is. It's good to be in this situation! But on the lower note, I was thinking about my ex today while i was in class... I always want to call her after to tell her how class went.... there's always something little like that; that can shift my mood from being happy to wallowing into the past... Hi there! Im glad to hear things are going OK with the new girl... just take it easy, slow, dont rush into it if you think this is a girl who could be GF material... Rebound relationships are sometimes unfair for the other person, so please be careful... I quickly lost interest in the girl my friend introduced me to... The thought of being with someone else right now makes me want to puke... Its difficult not to think of your ex, but you will be de-sensitized over time... My ex's mom renewed my hopes last sunday, I just hope what she said wont prove to be wrong... I was taking the necessary steps to let her go before I talked to her mom... Its like that ahhh2jz, you have good days, and you have bad days. Today is kind of bad for me... I lost my appetite again, I cant concentrate 100%, I feel a void in my stomach... This thursday I'll fly to Guadalajara, Mexico to attend to my cousin's college graduation, so I'll try to drink some tequilas, with live mariachi music and have lots of fun with my family... I hope I dont remember her too much, but its going to be hard, since a couple of months ago my ex and I flew there to meet her relatives... Anyway, take it waaaaay slow and I would recommend to cater to your own needs, dont contact her every day, I recommend you stay in touch with yourself, with your thoughts and emotions, because they can be cloudy when you are with someone else... I too would love to have another girl right away to take the pain away, but I dont think its in my best interest to do that... I hope it makes sense Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 should I text him tomorrow to ask if he is doing all right? I just don't want to leave him when he has problems, his mother will probably leave soon and he needs someone to take care of him (bring him some things, food, drinks, I dont know). I was thinking to ask this in my message (if he needs anything) . Please , I need your advice I honestly think that he should be left alone with his thoughts... let him meditate for a while. After a breakup, both the dumper and the dumpee try to take refuge from themselves with friends, family, partying a lot, working long hours, but only after they are left alone, thats where the true analysis begins, you evaluate what you feel, what you had going on, what you lost... Don't call him, he is well, he is under professional supervision in a hospital, nothing will happen to him... he is a big boy and can take care of himself. Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 TJ! thanks man; ill definitely take it a lot slower; My thoughts are still kind of clouded too. I gotta evaluate this more carefully. I might unknowingly slip into a rebound and that wouldn't be good. I hope you have fun in guadalajara man; don't let the past get you down too much! Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Hey Tijuana, glad to know we're on the same page! It's been a difficult day, and so hard not to wonder what he's thinking about me not contacting...if he is at all. Hope we've both made the right decision! Today was...weird. I had singing in the evening, with this choir. I love singing but the thought of just me singing in front of people really really scares me. It was something I talked to my ex about a lot...I couldn't even make myself sing or play in front of him, much as I wanted to, and I was trying to work on that with him, to overcome it. This evening the conductor guy asked me to sing the soprano part by myself, alongside the altos - and it freaked me out. I could feel my heart beating faster and faster, and when it got to the solo bit my voice got so weak and because I was trying so hard not to shake my voice shook instead. It was horrible, I felt like bursting into tears right in the middle of the song. Afterwards it felt just like all the moments in the past when I'd sung in front of people and had sent my ex a text looking for the reassurance he always gave me...but this time I couldn't and it felt so strange, and I felt so hollow and let down. Then on the way back home we were listening to some music, and you know how sometimes it just hits home? It was only 'It's in his kiss" but it just reminded me of the last time I saw him and the fact that our last kiss was me kissing his cheek - different to every other time ever. I could remember the look in his eyes as well...and it was exactly the same with my previous ex. The last time we saw each othe before breaking up, I kissed his cheek, and saw the same look. Overall...not a good day. It's been the most difficult day with regards to resisting making contact. I seem to be going backwards...my resolve that I wouldn't get back with him is slipping because I'm starting to miss everything so very much. Did anyone else get days like this? What do you do? Help! Link to comment
boston23 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 In reply to SD's question about moving on: I definitely feel the way others seem to feel. At some points I feel like I've completely moved on and there's nothing that hurts to think about (and I can even stop thinking about him sometimes...) and then at other times it seems like it's the opposite and all I want to do is see him and figure everything out, etc. And, it's true, whenever I feel those emotions, I can't really remember how I felt before...like it's completely true. When I feel over him, I feel completely over him. And when I don't, I can't even imagine what it would feel like to feel completely over him. It's all a process and I'm definitely still working my way through the process I want it to go faster. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Hey Tijuana, glad to know we're on the same page! It's been a difficult day, and so hard not to wonder what he's thinking about me not contacting...if he is at all. Hope we've both made the right decision! Overall...not a good day. It's been the most difficult day with regards to resisting making contact. I seem to be going backwards...my resolve that I wouldn't get back with him is slipping because I'm starting to miss everything so very much. Did anyone else get days like this? What do you do? Help! Hi Parsley! Oh, how I wish I could go back in time and stop this from happening... But we can't beat ourselves over our past. Think of all the strenght we have acquired, the resolve we have proved ourselves to have, and the dignity we have portrayed. We chose the most difficult path. I just wish all this pain we are going through it's worth it at the end. I wish I could just know what to do in order to be again with the girl of my dreams. To me, the road to happiness is paved with fear and uncertainty, but anyway, who said there is no sacrifice in love? Im certain that this is the girl I love, and I will not just sit and hope for the best... I will take my time, I will give her space, but then come back to try again... I know we are living dark days, but this shall pass... Hang in there! Its okay to miss him, but dont act upon that feeling... Make HIM miss YOU... im trying to do exactly the same... Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Im considering taking anti-depressants to get me through the bad days... what does everybody think about that? I know they dont solve internal issues, but also dwelling in my feelings for my ex don't solve anything either and just make me feel like rubbish... Link to comment
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