THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[createhappiness]

Does anyone else feel that the longer you have no contact the less your chances will be?

 

This * * * * is so counterintuitive, it drives me crazy!

 

well, there's been many stories of reconciliation happening after 2 months to after 2 years. it's different for everyone. hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

[Sturmhouse]

yeah, i feel that way too...in fact I was just thinking that I'm decreasing my chances by staying away. The last I heard from my ex was that it would hurt him not to hear from me and that he wanted to still be best friends..

However, wouldn't they try to contact you?? I don't know if my ex is just waiting for me to contact him...but at the same time, I might be just overthinking that.....

 

 

so for now, NC

 

Any thoughts??

 

 

I got the same line. I don't mind contact from you, but it'll be easier on you if minimum contact is made.

[welshman007]

OKay day 1 for me. We broke up on the 14th Decemeber, that was the last time we had any contact but i weakened and text her today. Felt great getting a text back but * * * * e now i feel i have regressed a bit.

starting all over again though with this challenge !

she knows i want her. so i cant see any point in anyother contact.

 

doesnt help though hurting this much, have moments where I just want to cry!

just started sleeping and eating properly again which is fab !

 

i really thought she was my soul match ! anyhow - first post....but def think that all this NC is the best possible course of action although very scary, how can they be thinking of you if you vanish from there life !

[welshman007]

OKay day 1 for me. We broke up on the 14th Decemeber, that was the last time we had any contact but i weakened and text her today. Felt great getting a text back but * * * * e now i feel i have regressed a bit.

starting all over again though with this challenge !

she knows i want her. so i cant see any point in anyother contact.

 

doesnt help though hurting this much, have moments where I just want to cry!

just started sleeping and eating properly again which is fab !

 

i really thought she was my soul match ! anyhow - first post....but def think that all this NC is the best possible course of action although very scary, how can they be thinking of you if you vanish from there life !

[Sturmhouse]

We all have these questions. It's common, not uncommon to wonder how this person we love so much can simply no longer contact us. Do they miss us? Do they think about us as much as we think about them? How can they just erase us from their life?

 

The fact is, dumpers are working diligently post breakup to justify their actions. They will find reasons, excuses, or evidence to bring validity to their decision and to justify it.

 

Immediately, the reasons always seem legitimate and necessary for a breakup, over time though (provided you have no contact), rational thinking will set in and if you did in fact have many redeemable qualities and a solid relationship before those will take priority and a reevaluation will be in order. So, if you use this time to think back on the relationship and come to the logical (see: not emotional) conclusion that the relationship was great despite it's flaws and the failings are fixable, it is likely the dumper will also (eventually, hopefully) come to the same conclusion.

[Sev]

Ok im in on this one! Day one is 3rd January 2009 18:14.........

 

 

but i have to confess i will being doing it for 2 weeks, i have to see her as my stuff is at our house.....

 

Anyway around this!?

 

Also if she does contact me, should i not respond, i dont wanna act a jerk, but i do need time to heal inside...this is so hard!

[welshman007]

yeah thanks for the response. im hoping that she does but more than that im hoping these feelings dont last too long. they are a bit rubbish to be fair !!!!

 

deleted all opportunities for contact although it is possible i bump into her in.

[SighSob]

Absolutely agreed. Guys don't expect your ex's to contact you anytime soon. Right now they have no doubts: breaking-up was the right thing to do!

You (we) are gonna have to wait A LOT of time before they start seeing the big picture! And that applies for us too...'cause it's obvious that our relationships and our ex's weren't as perfect as we want them to be right now...stick to no contact guys.

[dstein]

I rarely post but I spend a LOT of time on here. I am on 16 days NC today, ONLY because of this site. My ex moved out on 11/30 after almost 4 years (my story is in my older threads). I have survived both of my kid's birthdays, what would have been our 4 year anniversary, Christmas, New Year's Eve, New Year's day...I couldn't believe how much all of those markers hurt. HOWEVER, I am eating and sleeping now, I do not have a huge pit in my stomach, I barely cry and if I do it's brief. He does get back to town today-he has had the luxury of being on vacation, surrounded by his family and friends since the last time we spoke...this makes me nervous since there is some unresolved household business to attend to, as well as the fact that he still wanted to sit down with each of my teenage boys to get closure or whatever with them. I know I will hear from his sooner or later...

 

I am still totally devastated and heartbroken but there is something really empowering about NC. None of my friends can believe I can do it-they are all so furious at the way this all went down and the way he has "disappeared".

 

Thank you to all of you...I read and absorb EVERY WORD.

[blue_dahlia]

well, there's been many stories of reconciliation happening after 2 months to after 2 years. it's different for everyone. hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

 

My ex and I reconciled 1.5 years after the break-up.

 

There was NC between (I sent three texts that he didn't respond to). I never thought there would ever be a chance again. I healed myself, moved on and had two relationships after him. I completely accepted the break-up. It was over. I read a lot and w/time I became a happy and confident person again. So you never know.

 

Time actually probably helped us. If we would have tried reconcilation earlier the relationship may have failed because we would have carried the same baggage. Today our relationship is so much healthier and it has a solid foundation for a lasting future.

[fiffy]

Hey can anyone help me I am in a really low place.

 

My ex e-mailed me apologising for all his abuse and seemed very sincere. It was long and apologetic. He asked to hear from me again and said he wanted to be friends always and forever.

 

On a very weak moment on day 24 NC (we have been broken up 6 months) I gave in and contacted him. It had been one week after his e-mail. I was very upbeat and happy because I am enjoying life at the moment. He was depressed and sad because his life is in a mess then he just turned on me. Nasty as always. He asked me why I called because he never wants to hear from me again. I responded with because he asked me to. He threw abuse at me and went on and on and on about how great his new girlfriend is and how much he loves her.

 

He put loads of pics on facebook of her the next morning and wrote all over it how in love he was (hes still posting ads on gumtree and internet dating sites though).

 

He is a very screwed up individual and I know I no longer love him or like him.

 

He said I was stalking him and harassing him but I just responded to his request.

 

He is very angry with me and I never know what I have done wrong. He just hates me.

 

I have removed him and his family from my facebook and have had his e-mail blocked I also have a new phone. I just feel so low for being so bad at NC its six months on and I am still a mess.

 

I feel humiliated because when I called he had his mum there and he said to her 'shes harassing me'. I responded to his e-mail! She was in the background saying lets get the police and her parents.

 

I feel like he abused me he was the bad one yet I come out looking like the bad person and the insane one.

 

I just want to be happy and healthy again. I feel like I am a weak pathetic mess. I feel so low and ugly. All the time I have his words in my head. He sent me pictures of his new girlfriend to show me how much thinner she was than me and how beautiful she is. I can never imagine another man saying you are stunning or asking me out. I don't ever get attention from men and his words just highlight what they see.

 

I just feel at an all time low and like just when I get stronger I fall for his stupid lies and tumble down.

 

I think he was angry I did not call over christmas or new year when he expected me to break. I think he is also angry I am ok and moving on in life travelling and booking holidays. In reality I am a mess but I never want him to know that.

 

Will I ever get over this relationship and the abuse?

 

I hate him for what he has done to me and how he just gets away with it and I am the stupid crazy one. I know I nbever have to call him again- I just slipped up. He has no way of contacting me now and I am so glad for that.

[Sturmhouse]

Fiffy, don't know what to tell you. Sometimes, being mad is a great way to get over a relationship. It's an easy way out for some which is why they try to find reasons to get mad. If I were you, I'd just get mad, find a way to assert yourself to him and let him know how you feel. I wouldn't act hurt, I'd just be straight and to the point. Then, no contact (even if he contacts you) and just move on.

 

As for me, I'm on day 9 of NC with my ex. Last communication was on plenty good terms, she said it would be best if I had minimum contact with her because it would be "easier" on me. I think that's a nice little facade to disguise her guilt and hurt over the decision. At any rate, I have my ups and downs, and I have been doing well with myself. Today, she got online for the first time in a month - at least. She stayed online for a good 30-45 minutes. For the first 15 or so I sat there and stared at her name, waiting for a message. I decided to go watch some TV to distract me, and if she messaged me and I missed it, oh well, she'll have to wait. I would like to assume she was doing something similar, but there's no way of knowing. She hardly ever gets on anymore, and near the end of the relationship the only reason she would get on is to talk to me. Either she turned on the computer and it logged her in automatically and she paid no attention - or - she was online to see if I would contact her but didn't want to be the initiator.

 

Any interpretations? Let's hear em!

[dstein]

Day 17 of NC. Today I just feel sort of numb and ambivalent. I have checked his stupid FB page though, because I can't seem to stop yet. We also have 40+ friends and family in common. Still has a picture of us as his avatar. Makes me crazy.

 

I also feel a little sad.

[Singlestill]

Talked to my ex earlier today (We broke up last week) So today is Day 1 of NC. I am feeling good about it but miss her madly. We were best friends and it hurt to lose that daily contact, and affirmation of her support for me. I want that back so bad but it hurts also to talk to her because it reminds me of what I lost.

 

I am going to put a daily affirmation of myself here each day as well as I need to be able to tell myself I am a good person too.

 

Day 1 NC -

 

Affirmation: I am tender hearted

[Imissher]

Day 10

 

I feel good, very good. I am lonely still, and want to fix this. That has not changed, but my attitude has changed a lot. I am a young man (18), and if we are not meant for each other then hopefully that means I am meant for something better.

 

Again I still love her and am lonely, but the hurt is not nearly as bad.

[Sturmhouse]

Day 10 as well. It's a rollercoaster for me. Some days I'm full of hope, others hopeless. Today, I'm not really focused so much on how to get her back but just the fact that I miss her and the prospect of never being with her again really saddens me.

 

Considering what we had, and how our relationship developed, I am surprised it ended. I know why it ended and I don't blame her for it, but I thought it was worth a little more effort. Ah well, I guess I need to just work on myself and use every opportunity I get to show that to her. I really think she's perfect for me, with some minor tweaks, I think I can be perfect for her.

[SighSob]

So yesterday I had to talk to her cause she needed to give me the nice news she's dating this other guy and she wouldn't stop calling me. I didn't want to know, I was already at a nice point of healing, but in order to move on from me with no guilt she had to give me the final blow. It did set me back.

I find the fact that she's already dating someone else both disturbing and comforting.

It is disturbing cause she's already doing with another guy the things she used to do with me not even a month ago...eew.

It is comforting cause it means she's weak and that she's just trying to escape the pain. I don't think it's true love between them since this * * * * * * * didn't even want to spend NYE with her and went to a house party instead...LOL. I admit I'm already looking forward to an upcoming EPIC FAIL between her and this rebound and I can't wait for her to feel the pain I have been feeling in the past weeks. It's not about getting back together, it's about fairness. She acted like a total * * * * and she deserves to pay for it. You can't drop a guy you spent 2.5 years with and were totally in love with for at least 1.5 and feel no pain.

 

So, day one for me. I won't contact her ever again, and she won't contact me for months probably. I think I'll hear from her as soon as this rebound relationship fails. She can't be alone and she will come back to me. Then I'll have my revenge. I know thinking about revenge to heal is not right, but meh, it is helping me.

[dqueen]

Fiffy, my ex did something very similar to me...in the end, sometimes I feel like I'm the weak one who could never walk away from his abuse. *sigh* Many hugs to you.

 

Day 8 of NC for me today. He hasn't bothered contacting me which is good...I need all it will take to heal. I really hope I can make to the end of January with complete NC. I must say that I'm surprised though that he has not contacted me...usually he could never go 4 days without emailing or sending a text. I think he is testing me by waiting to see if I will break NC first. Well, he can wait. Forever.

[dreamer888]

I talked to me ex last night about a problem i was having. he was the only one who could help me and he did. i love him so much, but he has moved on and is over me but i am not over him. i thanked him through text today and he didn't respond...even to a thank you. so i am starteing my 30 days of NC TODAY. And going to try so hard not to look back... Oh gosh...this is going to be hard.

[SighSob]

Why only 30 days? NC should last until they come back clearly asking to get back together.

[dolly779]

see this is what i struggle with. having to not respond to them because its not a message clearly stating they want you back. i feel like i'm reading into it too much just to convince myself theres something more to a message when there is not.

you'd think if someone really loved you, they would move mountains. especially if they ended it, and they then realized they made a mistake.

honestly i feel like NC winds up lasting forever because they never move the mountains..

[SighSob]

They may realize they made a mistake, but it's going to take weeks to the least, months or maybe years. When they want to get back together, they'll let you (us) know.

[dqueen]

Day 9

 

Why is it that as NC progresses, I find myself thinking of him more and more? He is in my head ALL THE TIME. Isn't NC supposed to help me FORGET him? Arghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! ](*,)

[ryan2000]

I think i'm on day 23 on my second attempt at NC.

 

It's still so god-damn hard.

 

The dreams still happen everynight. That's the one that annoys me the most. It's so cruel.

 

To be honest guys, i've posted in another thread that i am considering running away to the UK. 10,000 miles away from her...........seems like the only way i'm gonna get over her!

[montgomery]

Hi guys,

 

Been a while.

 

This probably isn't the right place now, but I need some place to shout.

 

I broke NC a few times before Christmas. I was so sad at what was disappearing, I just wanted to clear the air. And it felt like things were cool. I know it was dumb, but I now think that it wouldn't have mattered what I did.

 

I sent her an email saying that I was sorry if I'd been too persistent, that I did miss her, but realised I'd not been doing the right thing for her or me.

 

I've yet to get a reply of any kind.

 

We'd never been friends on facebook so as not to give people at work any more ammunition for their gossip, but she added me just after Christmas. I accepted, and that was that. No messages, no anything. I just left it.

 

Then, a couple of days later, she blocked me. I've only just found out that that's definitely what happened, as she's still there on my friends' list.

 

I thought you blocked psychos and stalkers.

 

I know this is such a silly little thing to get in a state about, but it seems so pointless and hurtful. It feels like a perfect example of the wild schizophrenic way she's acted throughout. Why would you invite me and then kick me in the teeth, humiliate me, AGAIN? I was obviously going to notice.

 

It's now that I realise that I have NO IDEA how her mind works. Looking back, she was always closed and secretive. I feel like I may finally be getting a little perspective.

 

I'm furious with her, so angry and upset, and I never wanted to be. Now I have only negative feelings, and I feel the bit of me that wanted her back has been destroyed. I hate having a problem with anyone, but I feel I've been treated very badly indeed.

 

It seems like such a terrible waste of what was a wonderful, exciting, passionate thing.

 

I'm itching to confront her about everything. I'm having to bite my tongue and my typing fingers. I know I should leave it, be the big man, but I want her to know I'm angry and terribly hurt. I want her to know that the way she has behaved is not acceptable to me. I'd love to know how to do that without making a scene, and burning any bridges that are left (not that I want to get her back, but I can't work alongside somebody I feel so hostile towards).

 

I've started seeing another girl. It's very early days, but I resent the hell out of how I still think more about my ex than about her. It's not fair, though I guess I'm the only person who can do anything about it.

 

(Heh. I don't give much credence to horoscopes and so forth, but I'm never going near a Leo again.)