crab62 Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 Lucky you, crab...I'm still in the denial phase, hoping for such a not-likely change in her mind...I am not moving on at all, even though I am in sorta NC and I am working on myself... hey... been there done that... I know how it feels. ... but like I said.... my exbf is so cold hearted, it was hard not to move on, LOL!! I guess I should thank him for his cold heart, LOL. I am far from being totally healed however. ... I just know I'm past the really painful stuff... at least it feels that way for now. just hang in there.... day by day. The key is to feel your emotions when they come up. I hated when a big cry was approaching, cause it hurt so bad to let it out... but then I always felt better afterwards. also the book "the journey from abandonment to healing" and "codependent no more" were two books that i read alot of... it helped. {{{HUGS}}} to you my friend Link to comment
cookiedough1 Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 Day 3 for me..... I'm having a REALLY hard day today. I had emailed him 3 days ago before I started NC about just apologizing for things I felt that I could have done, etc. I got a reply back from him today....pretty much saying that he ended the relationship because he saw no future in it......but somehow i'm still his best friend and he still wants to hang out, talk on the phone, go to parties together etc. Obviously, I know not to email him back. I didn't...it was REALLY hard not to. But, I'm just hurting, because I feel like he just totally got over me and just wants to go back to being friends. How can you date someone for 1.5 years and then just get over them and decide, i'd rather be friends?? There's no other girl in the picture either. He said that it hurt thinking that he couldn't hear from me....and at the end of the email he hoped that we could rebuild our friendship after things heal. The funny part was where he said "this is not a bad breakup". Right.... God I feel awful.... Link to comment
SighSob Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 hahahah just like my ex-girlfriend. I saw her today and she asked me "will you ever talk to me again?". I answered "Maybe". * * * * YOU * * * * * you've been lying to me for months and you expect me to be friends with you? You don't get the picture, sweetheart... Link to comment
ncGuy391 Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 Day 4.. Went to drop off my daughter last night and my ex hugged & kissed me. This went on for a couple minutes. Don't know if I did the right thing or not. Are we surely but steadily moving ahead or is this just a thing we had. She called me last night around 2am and wanted to see what I was up to. She told me she misses me and she loves me. I'm not going to ask her anything about our relationship because I think that will just takes things back a step. I should have her come to me instead of the other way around. Link to comment
crab62 Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 well folks, this is is... day 30 NC for me...wow. i guess it's a bittersweet thing that i made it huh? sad to be here in a sense and sad that i had to do this, but ultimately it was a good thing... this NC thing. had it not been for this board, i may have called him, and thus set myself up for alot more heartbreak than i deserved. i feel okay today. i've felt better this past week. Christmas was good, and I'm glad. Thanksgiving was a nightmare and I felt awful that I wasted such a good day with my family on that jerk. I had relapsed bad on Thanksgiving... crying hard into his phone and to think that insensitive a** didn't even have the heart to call me back... but sent me a nasty email telling me to "please stop calling!!!!!!!"... that just made me ill... but also made me stronger. I vowed that day that I was done, and I was. That is when I truly started NC. It's one thing to break-up with someone, it's another to do it so cold hearted and insensitive the way he did... and honestly, I'm glad he's out of my life. He appeared to be a nice man, but nice men don't do this stuff So anyway... I guess I'm supposed to reread all my posts and write a conclusion... I'll do that tomorrow. I want to get through day 30 first, LOL!! I still miss the ex, but I think the worst pain has passed... thankfully. It was such a awful way to end it... him leaving on a moment's notice and he completely cut me off... I have never had such pain from a heartbreak like this... but I made it. So thanks to everyone on this board and on this thread... honestly, I probably would have broken NC if it wasn't for this board... and because of the board, I am alot better person today and probably alot more healed than I would be if I was still sucked in to him and his stuff. So maybe I'll still post after this, who knows... but I'm a testament to the rest of you guys that you can do this. If you really want it, you can do it. If I can do it, anyone can. Here's to day 30... and here's to my pride... I am worth more than calling and having the phone hung-up in my face by a man I dated for a year. Whatever happened between us, I was never due that abuse... and NC gave me the tool to stand up for myself and prove just that. So thanks... {HUGS} to everyone. Link to comment
fiffy Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 Congrats Crab62! What an inspiring story! As with everyone you fell off the bandwagon but you got back on that horse and got to day 30! Well done you. Hopefully this will show those just starting how much can be achieved with the support off this board. I have only been visiting ena 2 months. I could not go 2 days NC when I came here. I am now on day 20 and he is e-mailing me. I am 6 months post break up and never thought I would have any strength. I am still in a bit of pain but I am moving forward and getting stronger each day xx Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 I think I am ready to start the no contact challenge. We'll see how it goes. Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 Good idea. One question about the no contact challenge...I'm not going to block my ex from IM (i don't use AIM or Gchat often) and I'm not going to block her profile on facebook. If I don't block her on facebook, will her seeing my profile have any adverse consequences? Or should I block her so she can't see what I'm up to and make her wonder even more. Granted I know NC is for making yourself better, etc...but humor me for a second in the event I want to maximize the chances of reconciliation. Link to comment
SighSob Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 Block her. Actually I think FB can be a double-edged weapon. You could use it to "pretend" your healed...if you know what I mean. Well actually a relationship that bases its existence on having blocked or not your partner on facebook won't last anyways... Link to comment
cookiedough1 Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 Day 4 for me.... I wanted to hear some thoughts on this....if you scroll up to my last post...my ex ended it cause he saw no future but i'm his best friend and that it hurts him to think that he won't hear from me. is there anyway to convince him otherwise? I have a feeling that the answer is NC...but just asking just in case there's something else....sorry i feel so weak i know he's attracted to me and he used to tell me that he would never find a better combination of being hot and smart...i just don't understand how he stopped seeing a future...we used to talk about it all the time thoughts? Link to comment
SighSob Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 Yes, the answer is no contact. Let him experience life without you as a lover and as a friend...hey may change his mind, he may not, either way it's gonna take time. Sticking to NC will help him realize what he has lost. Otherwise it will take much more time, and since it's not exactly like every day is a joy when you've been dumped and you're hoping for your partner to come bacl, I'd reccommend NC all the way. Link to comment
Imissher Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 I believe it is Day 3.. I'm feeling a lot better. I'm just trying to fill my time, and do things to keep my mind occupied. I'm still hoping we get back together, because I have dated around, and I really do love this girl. However, its all on her now. I'm waiting for a little contact myself. Her birthday is in a few days. Do you think I should send her a happy birthday text, or anything? Link to comment
crab62 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Day 4 for me.... I wanted to hear some thoughts on this....if you scroll up to my last post...my ex ended it cause he saw no future but i'm his best friend and that it hurts him to think that he won't hear from me. is there anyway to convince him otherwise? I have a feeling that the answer is NC...but just asking just in case there's something else....sorry i feel so weak i know he's attracted to me and he used to tell me that he would never find a better combination of being hot and smart...i just don't understand how he stopped seeing a future...we used to talk about it all the time thoughts? wait,did I read that right... that he thinks he won't find a better combination than "hot and smart"? seriously, did he say this? cause if he did... I'd kick his a** to the curb. That has got to be the most insulting thing I have ever heard. Like you are "hot and smart", but still not good enough? What does he need? OMG, let ME kick his a*** to the curb. He sounds like my exbf who left suddenly and on his way out said "and such a pretty girl". Like I was a waste. Like the fact that I was pretty but still didn't measure up to him meant that I was wasteful. Seriously, run from your dude and far. Any man who says that to woman has huge issues... that is just incredibly insulting I'm sorry I wouldn't be his friend at all... honestly, I wouldn't. Tell him you are going to go find a guy who not only thinks you're hot and smart, but one who think's you're great as well and one who think's your deserving of being with all the time... cause you know what, YOU ARE!! Link to comment
crab62 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Congrats Crab62! What an inspiring story! As with everyone you fell off the bandwagon but you got back on that horse and got to day 30! Well done you. Hopefully this will show those just starting how much can be achieved with the support off this board. I have only been visiting ena 2 months. I could not go 2 days NC when I came here. I am now on day 20 and he is e-mailing me. I am 6 months post break up and never thought I would have any strength. I am still in a bit of pain but I am moving forward and getting stronger each day xx awww... thanks fiffy!! I appreciate the kind words NC is hard no doubt... but I guess I was lucky that my exbf is an insensitive SOB... haha... cause I never had to deal with making decisions on not writing him back or texting him back... cause he never did try to contact me... bittersweet I guess, LOL!! but thanks. It's been a hard road and will continue to be for a while I'm sure... but I'm better, alot better. ... and you hang in there!! Remember... if our significant other's are not there for us... what good is it for us to to chase them? Don't we want strong supportive people in our life who will help us, support us, and make life easier on us? Why do we want to chase after people who make life harder on us? So you hang in there... and do what is good for you!!... find people that want to be with you... it's much easier on the heart and feels so much better Thanks for your kind words... they mean alot Link to comment
cookiedough1 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 crab62, thanks for the reply. He didn't say that to me during the breakup or after...but he always used to say that when we were together. He told me that he's maybe find someone smarter or someone prettier, but never the two together like I had. It's really confusing when there's no other girl in the picture, i'm STILL his best friend, and he was very attracted to me previously...... it just doesn't make sense anymore my only thought is that he's the kind of guy that has trouble expressing emotions...(he dated some girls before me but nothing as serious as our relationship). He never told me that he loved me....i did not either because i never heard those words, even though I felt it. I guess I was just waiting on him. btw, you are inspirational....congrats on the one month mark of NC! you rock....i hope to get there too!! Link to comment
Imissher Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Day 4 I'm hurting pretty dang bad today. I miss this lady a lot more today than I did yesterday. I just woke up (because I work midnights), and I have vivid dreams of going out to Kansas to see my girl. I know I can't do this though. Also what makes it harder is, her birthday is Jan 1st. I'm going to attempt to go NC on her birthday as well... Link to comment
Imissher Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Day 6 It's her birthday today which makes it hard on me. Her last birthday was so great. We were together so much, went and got new tattoos together. I have continued to not contact her even on her birthday. I got her no card, no gift, no calling, emails, texts, ect. I got a text from her a little bit ago though. It just said ''I'm just a piece of sh!t *** (my name)''. Still I have not responded to this. I think she is hurting, but I do not really know. Until I hear more feedback from her, or a clear sign, then I will not contact her. Link to comment
dqueen Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 Day 4: Haven't heard a peep from him since he got back home from Xmas with his family. He and I kept touch through texts and email over the Xmas holiday but it seems he has dropped off the face of the earth now. No hello or anything for new years either...just pin drop silence. As much as I'm puzzled with this and want to know what's going on, I'll just stay quiet myself. He hurt me and I'm not going to lower myself anymore by giving him the attention he craves. I shall continue NC. But I won't be surprised if he contacts me today or over the weekend. Knowing me, I'll probably break it or become all moody and instigate an argument. Link to comment
lauramed Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 This is day 20 for me of NC. This is the toughest since breaking up 5 months ago. We always stayed in touch...more on his part than mine and then all of a sudden nothing. It's his birthday today and I'm trying very hard not to get in touch with him or text him to wish him a happy birthday. I guess I'm feeling very down today and I'm having a very hard time. Link to comment
blue_dahlia Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 This is day 20 for me of NC. This is the toughest since breaking up 5 months ago. We always stayed in touch...more on his part than mine and then all of a sudden nothing. It's his birthday today and I'm trying very hard not to get in touch with him or text him to wish him a happy birthday. I guess I'm feeling very down today and I'm having a very hard time. Stay strong! You will feel so much better and proud of yourself tomorrow if you don't contact him. Link to comment
Imissher Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Day 7 It's hard today. I love her, and miss her. I received a text from her (yesterday) basically telling me she feels bad. I don't know what to think about it. I want to contact her badly, but I wonder if breaking NC would be a bad thing. She still has not said she officially wants to fix things, so as for now I am keeping on NC. Yesterday was her birthday and this time last year we were so happy together. I was holding her in my arms. I'm hurting, but trying to carry on. Wish me luck.. Link to comment
Sturmhouse Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Day 7 as well I find myself seriously questioning if she's worth pursuing today. Even if we could date again, I wonder if she's just convinced that she could never live with me forever. She gave the reasons which are fixable, but what if it's deeper than that? What if she never really loved my personality to begin with? I don't know why these feelings are cropping up. I haven't heard a word from her since I went NC. Not a text, not an e-mail, not a call, nothing. Not even a happy new year. Link to comment
cookiedough1 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Just like you sturmhouse....I'm on Day 7. Haven't heard a peep from my ex. Not sure what that exactly means....but the only thing making me continue NC is the fact that I'm still a wreck and I would not be able to have a "light and funhearted" conversation with him just yet. I don't want him to feel more sorry for me.... Hang in there... we can all do this! Link to comment
Sturmhouse Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Does anyone else feel that the longer you have no contact the less your chances will be? This * * * * is so counterintuitive, it drives me crazy! Link to comment
cookiedough1 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 yeah, i feel that way too...in fact I was just thinking that I'm decreasing my chances by staying away. The last I heard from my ex was that it would hurt him not to hear from me and that he wanted to still be best friends.. However, wouldn't they try to contact you?? I don't know if my ex is just waiting for me to contact him...but at the same time, I might be just overthinking that..... so for now, NC Any thoughts?? Link to comment
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