THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[babes23]

He did. It threw me for a loop - the whole story is in this thread if you are curious:

 

I hurt a lot this morning. It will get better, but this morning is a hard day.

 

So if he finished it why should you be the one contacting him in 30 days or so? At least if he was the one to come back, you'd know he was somewhat genuine. If not then you'd know that it was the right decision for him to make. That's the way i'm going to look at things from now on.

[atlanticstar]

So if he finished it why should you be the one contacting him in 30 days or so? At least if he was the one to come back, you'd know he was somewhat genuine. If not then you'd know that it was the right decision for him to make. That's the way i'm going to look at things from now on.

 

I strongly feel the same way, so I will second that babes. I got dumped so no way will I initiate anything under any circumstances. As you say, how on earth would you actually know that the dumpers interest is 'genuine' if you go chasing them.

 

For all the dumpees out there, assume they aren't coming back. Anything else is a bonus. Let them reach out to you.

 

Continue the silence if you wish to be rewarded

[jennamajig]

So if he finished it why should you be the one contacting him in 30 days or so? At least if he was the one to come back, you'd know he was somewhat genuine. If not then you'd know that it was the right decision for him to make. That's the way i'm going to look at things from now on.

 

I was I had that strength right now. Right now, I am taking baby steps with the 30 days NC. Our break-up was sudden, but he's not a bad person. I hate his actions, not him. I'm not a bad person either. It's been 5 and a half weeks since the break-up, 3 weeks since I moved out. I dropped by his office on Wed to return a sweatshirt and asked him if we could talk. It was not a good choice.

 

I love him and still think he's the "one." I am trying to get rid of these feelings a day at a time. I unfriended him, his friends, and his brother and sister-in-law on facebook to keep myself from seeing his life. That same day, I found some papers of his I had to return and wrote a note telling him roughly this:

 

"Here are some papers I thought you might need. You were right about me coming back yesterday. I shouldn't have, but I wanted you to have your sweatshirt. I didn't want this break-up, but you did. I respect you and so I respect and honor your choice. However, I realized I cannot be friends with you at this point in order to get myself past this. You probably need the same. I am not sure if we could ever get back together, but if we did, we would need to talk about and work through our problem together to make our relationship work.

 

I wish you the best. Good-bye."

 

I felt better after I wrote it. I put in interdepartmental mail (we work at the same university). It felt final. Today, though I feel worse. Time is the only thing that will help me get over this. If he is the "one" then the time apart will bring us together again; but if not, more importantly it will help me be a better person for myself and the real guy who will be the "one."

 

Rambling this morning...

[atlanticstar]

If he is the "one" then the time apart will bring us together again; but if not, more importantly it will help me be a better person for myself and the real guy who will be the "one."

 

Those are the exact words I keep saying to myself.

 

I know you'll be feeling pretty empty right now, but just let time nudge you forwards a little each day and see what happens.

[fiffy]

Hey guys

 

I really need your support tonight/tomorrow.

 

Last week my ex had agreed to come and see me this weekend to talk about what happened. The last time I saw him was 5 months ago when I left his house in the morning after spending the night together.

 

I have tried NC many times and failed but after seeing perverse dating ads on the net I told him I hated him and never wanted to speak to him again. That was sunday night/monday morning so I'm 4/5 days NC.

 

He has called me everyday since. I have been strong and ignored them or had my phone reject them.

 

I know he will either call tonight to see if our plans are still on or he will not call because I have been ignoring him and he wants me to run to him desperately begging him to see me this weekend.

 

I need to stay strong and get through this any suggesstion?

[fiffy]

oh god feeling so outta control tonight

 

have found my ex back up on a dating site.

 

I was told in these patterns of push pull in a relationship dynamic that my ex would do things to try and get me back in the game of jealousy and hurt.

 

He had pulled his profile off this site a few weeks ago because it was upsetting for me but after ignoring his calls he has gone back on. Its like as a punishment for me not giving him attention and I guess he hopes he will get a call from me sobbing with upset.

 

Does anyone else think this is what is happening here?

[babes23]

More than likely but don't give in, if he wanted you back that badly then he wouldn't have re-joined the site.

 

Day 7 for me is almost ending, another two hours to go!! Mixed emotions once again, he hasn't tried to contact me once and never will, that's how much i meant to him!! Gotta keep it going i guess.

[fiffy]

hey babes

 

so happy for you staying strong last night through your wobble!!!

 

I totally know my ex does not want me- he just wants me crying running after him so he feels like a god!! narcissistic pig!!!!

 

I know he is playing games but I am so proud that I have found the strength to say enough is enough

 

something really changed in me this week!

 

tonight is a killer though- secretly I wanted him to give in and call

 

he can't appear week after I ignored his calls and messages though yesterday- he is too proud!!

 

I know that if he loved me that much he would turn up begging for another chance- since I know that is not going to happen healing myself through NC is the only way to go!

 

Is 7 days the longest you have been NC babes?

 

How you feeling today ?

[babes23]

You're doing really, really well fiffy and should feel proud of yourself. The same goes for me about the chance thing and the only option for me is the nc.

 

I did 11 days nc a few months ago and then i gave in!! I think with him he always thinks i'm going to give in by calling/texting him etc, not anymore though, i've had enough with all that and do deserve a whole lot better!! That's what i must remember.

[fiffy]

how long have you guys been split up?

 

You are really doing so well and proving him wrong is the biggest satisfaction!

[babes23]

It'll be 3 weeks on Monday, so considering done quite good going NC less than 2 weeks after the split.

 

Do feel sad at times, like all i want to do is have a good cry but that's to be expected i guess. Never went into this knowing it would be easy.

[Robert013]

Day 2 still

 

Going out in a little while just posting to get some stuff off my mind. I am going to a local pub to watch a regea band. She might be there if I feel out of control I plan on leaving but if I am keeping my distance and feeling fine I will stay. I hope that I can remain calm and happy so that she can see this if she is there. i am going with two single women so this should help me at least apear in my element. if this does happen then i will gain alot of personal power and this will at least make her think.

 

i just need to release some stress here so that i do not apear to be anxouse or fake. This is one of the steps to gaining control and yourself back. The more you are yourself the the more power you have. I have been gaining in this area in the past few weeks also. This is not an atempt to make her jelous I only want her to see that I am fine without her in my life if she shows up. I am not seeking her out in any way. There are only a few decent bars in my town and I am good friends with the owner of this one. they asked me to come to the show tonight. I am not going to avoid it because of her. Witch I have been for the past 3 weeks.

 

Even though she has basically forced me to have contact with her. i will not speak to her and if she does attempt to speak to me then I have to be me. I also have to be confident, kind, and calm witch is how I was before the breakup. If it does happen then I have to make sure it is brief. I really don't want to have to talk to her, so I can remain in NC. It is going to be no different than seeing your ex walk by on the other side of the street.

[babes23]

Day 8 for me, gone quite fast considering.

 

Woke this morning to find that familiar churning in my stomach, hope that goes away soon. Meant to be going out tonight but i feel uneasy, oh well can't keep holed up in my room constantly can i. About time i just got on with things now.

[jennamajig]

Day 3

 

Woke up again nauseous. Have been sleeping on the couch because I need the TV to fall asleep and I haven't gotten one for the bedroom. Plus, despite the fact that I moved out of our place into a new apartment, my bed is the one we shared for over a year. I got new sheets, but it still hurts.

 

I want to wake up without feeling sick to my stomach. I dreamed about him again last night. We talked about getting back together in it, but I woke up before we did. I don't know why I dream about him. After we first broke up, I had this dream where his father told me to be patient, he would come back (this was five weeks ago). I know that isn't true and is most likely my subconscious telling me what I want to hear, not the reality. I just want to erase him today.

 

I hope the rest of the day is easier. I have no concrete plans today (tomorrow I am helping a friend all day), so I am going to have to force myself to do something.

[fiffy]

Guys I messed up big time!

 

Called him this morning- was wondering why he didn't call if he was coming up to see me.

 

At first the converstation went well. He said he was worried about me and missed me terribly. He even asked me to go away for the weekend to visit his parents.

 

Then I told him about all the * * * * I had seen him doing and how sick it made me feel. I also said he should have told me he wasn't coming up via a message.

 

It all turned ugly because then he was with his brother and did not want to speak.

 

I am in tears because all conversation does is lead to horrible things being said.

 

I tried to talk to my sister and she said I was pathetic and she is sick of it.

 

I have ended up with full blown depression from all of this I am suicidal on a daily basis and everyone thinks its a joke.

 

Why did I call him?

 

It was so stupid. I am wondering if I will ever make a week NC.

 

I feel like I fail at everything.

 

How can not calling someone be the hardest thing for me to do?

 

I just feel so low now and all my hard work has gone to waste and as usual he is out having fun and I am crying in my room.

 

I can't take being a weak and pathitic person.

 

I try so hard but always fail. No one else on this site is incapable of even going a week NC after 5 months of break up.

 

Please help

[jennamajig]

fiffy - do you still have his number? If so, you need to delete it. I did this so I don't call my ex. It hurts so bad as I am so much in love with him, would love him back, but this is the only way I won't be tempted (I've yet to call, just tried contacting him a couple of times via e-mail and once in person to drop something off). You need to remove temptation; and post here when you feel like calling.

 

Seeing him will not help you if you are not over him. Are you? I don't know your story and why the two of you broke up. Have you tried talking to a counselor? It could help. I understand being depressed. I fear I am depressed as well. But you can do this.

 

I made a calendar. I'm starting with 30 days NC and will mark them off as I go. When I look at it, it reminds me of my goal, which is Dec 13. I don't know if I will contact him then. Part of my hopes he will contact me before then, but I am hoping that hope will fade each day he doesn't. When I make it to Dec 13, I hope I can take a deep breath and tell myself to do another 30 and mark it in the calendar. Everyone has strength inside of them - the just need a trigger. At least I will tell myself this as I try and get through this morning.

[fiffy]

Hey Jenna,

 

Thanks for your support

 

I have deleted his number but unfortunately I know it off by heart!

 

I think the calendar idea is great and I will do one today.

 

I am going to restart no contct as of now so tomorrow will be my day 1.

 

It is so hard to break contact when he still calls and gives me snippets of hope.

 

He obviously doesnt want me out of his life but I fear it is only out of massaging his own ego and not out of any love for me.

[babes23]

Fiffy, look at this way, you are wising up, that last sentence you made "I fear it is only out of massaging his own ego and not out of any love for me", you're right and that's exactly how i felt too.

 

I was where you are 8 days ago, that phone call where he was cold to me only left me feeling hurt and upset. But you know what? That was the spur what i needed to go the whole no contact and look i'm still doing it 8 days later!!!

 

What you need to think is why would you want someone like that in your life, you want things to get better right? And that's not gonna happen with him in it. Your not pathetic, your just hurt but there comes a time when you need to stop contact for your own wellbeing, come on you can do it, if i can then so can you!!! We'll post here daily, post how many times you like, do whatever you need to do to get over this.

 

xx

[fiffy]

Thanks babes

 

Without this forum I would be lost

 

I feel so much calmer now, and I know that I only get really upset when I talk to him.

 

He makes me so angry with telling me he loves me and there might be a future but not to get my hopes up.

 

He is just having his cake and eating it.

 

I obviously hurt him when I ignored his calls this week so out of my hate for him I want to make him feel that pain 100 times worse.

 

So this time I want to meet the 30 days NC Challenge- so I had a few false starts I guess I can still get back on the horse.

[jennamajig]

Still Day 3

 

Today is my mother's birthday and I just called her to wish her a happy birthday. She then read the funny card my dad gave her for her birthday and I had to let her go as I found myself crying. It reminded me of the birthday card I had buried in a box in my closet from him (my birthday was in August) where he said he loved me. How could he change his mind in two months? How could he be so cold?

 

Typing this to get the pain out. It's been almost 6 weeks. I have good days and bad. I need to force myself to go out, but I have no idea where. I miss him so much right now, but he doesn't even try to contact me. I'm looking for something that isn't there. And that hurts.

[babes23]

So Fiffy and Jenna what are your plans for today/tonight?

[jennamajig]

I wish I knew. I thought about taking a shower, getting dressed and going to bookstore, sit it the animal section, find some books, and read.

 

I have this guy a dated a couple of times before I realized I wasn't ready and still love my ex. I came clean with him (he is way too nice to be a rebound and I am not that type of girl) and was shocked when he told me he understood as he told a long time to get over his ex after she broke up with him (they'd been together 4 years) and says being friends would be just fine. We discussing seeing a movie this weekend, but it may not work out due to our schedules. I have plans tomorrow, it's just today that is hard...

[babes23]

If today is hard then you take that shower, get dressed and drag your ass into that bookstore Trust me you'll feel a lot better for it!!

[Venomite]

It reminded me of the birthday card I had buried in a box in my closet from him (my birthday was in August) where he said he loved me. How could he change his mind in two months? How could he be so cold?

 

Yes, I know that feeling of 'how could everything change in such a short period of time?". On, Sept 1, our two year anniversary, my ex wrote me this amazing, beautiful poem that told me how much she loved me, and the future she saw for us. Three weeks later she broke up with me.

I'm sure you clasp to that idea of hope, like I do. I always think, her love for me couldn't have turned so bad in only three weeks, so I must still have a chance! It's a terrible way to look at things, because it gives you hope of something that probably isn't going to happen.

I miss her so much, and as much as I want to pick up the phone and call her, or write her an email, I know I can't. Day 14 for me.

Good Luck Jenna

[Robert013]

Day 3

 

I did not see her last night. This was both good and bad. Bad because i wanted to see her but not talk to her. good because I didn't have to break NC. I just miss her company.

 

She never tries to contact me on the weekends. i know it is because she is with him. She doesn't miss or think about my son and i when she is with him. He blocks her from feeling anything. Like a bandaid. Once the band aid is not there she can see the wound again and the pain comes back. she always makes tries to make contact when she is at work or during the week when she is not with him.

 

This is why it takes longer for people in rebound relationships to heal. they are only experiencing what we are experiencing for a fraction of the time. We feel it all the time. it slows the healing process down for them. Once we finally go NC they start to miss us and this can and usually does lead to the demise of the rebound relationship.

 

In the meantime I am trying to heal myself and keep as much distance as possible between me and the source of my pain.