THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Venomite]

Day 13

 

For the last few weeks I've been doing something I'm not very proud of, yet I couldn't force myself to stop. I had her e-mail and her facebook passwords, so I was keeping tabs on her. It's creepy, stalkerish, and an invasion in privacy, but I did it anyways. (I guess that may break the rules of NC). Well I went on to check this morning, and all the passwords were changed. I know this is for the best, but I immediately got this huge depressing feeling when I found out.

God, I still can't stop thinking about her.

[jennamajig]

Day 1 for me.

 

I was doing well with, then I went to his office yesterday to drop off a sweatshirt. I was hoping for another chance; I just got met with a rude person I didn't know. I just want to wake up one morning not nauseous. I unfriended him, his friends, and his brother and sister-in-law on facebook so I wouldn't stalk. I deleted his phone number, wrote it down on a piece of paper put it in an envelope and gave it to co-worker to hide. I still love the guy, but it won't be happening. I am getting him completely out of my life to heal. I just hope it works.

[Robert013]

Day 2

 

I show up at my house last night after work to meet my ex-ex and my son. My ex was in the parking lot waiting for me. She showed up at my house unanounced. She said you know what I am here for. I told her that I had already dropped off the air mattress at her dads house earlier. She said "Why didn't you call and tell me that?" I said because I did not really want to talk to you.

 

Then she said "Don't flatter yourself."

 

She showed up at my house, not the other way around. What the heck was that all about?

 

She has been trying to contact me for day's about random BS. I was on day 12 of NC.

 

So I asked her when I could drop off her rabbit. She said " I don't have a place for her."

 

So I said what about your room, she said "I am never there. I hardly even live there anymore."

 

Why does she have to say that? Does she think it is a competition who can start another relationship first? Who can hurt the other one more?

 

Well she won and It doesn't matter because anything she did, does, or says is not personal. It just comes from the kind of person she is (imature, rude, needy). Just remember that what you say is also not personal. It just comes from the kind of person you are. So when responding to an ex always respond with kindness, confidence, and compassion. Because this is the type of person we all want to be. I read that some where but it is so true.

 

I am actually starting to be happy being alone. That was one of my goals.

 

I know she is staying with her new boyfriend and has been for almost 2 months now.

 

So I said " Well why don't you just take it wherever you are staying?" She said "I can't".

 

So then I said "I do not want to talk to her, or see her anymore. This is for the both of us. I do not want to be friends, but I don't know what the future holds. I wish you the best, goodluck, and goodbye."

 

I reanitiated NC.

 

The good part about this whole encounter was that I remained calm, and I stayed in control. I showed her and did not tell that no matter what she says to me it doesn't matter or affect me anymore. And it really didn't I was more mad at her for breaking my 12 day streak then anything else.

[Robert013]

WOW.. I just received a text from her and she did not insult me, she was not rude, and actually it was quite normal. It said "Sorry to bother you but i did not see the charger for the air mattress pump."

 

This is the first time she has said sorry to me since the split about anything. I think my kindness is starting to catch on here, but I could just be jumping the gun..lol

 

I looked for the charger cord but I could not find it. I think it is in her dads garage I am only on the start of day 2 so I will respond in an hour or two and tell her that. Then this will not drag out like the air mattress thing. I will not have to worry about unounced visits to my house.

[babes23]

I think you need to set it straight to her now Robert, tell her to list all the items which she think she may want back and this will be the last time to ask. Bundle them all up, return them to her in whichever way you feel comfortable and then get on with things.

 

It seems she's doing it on purpose. Is she your childs mother??

[Robert013]

I think you need to set it straight to her now Robert, tell her to list all the items which she think she may want back and this will be the last time to ask. Bundle them all up, return them to her in whichever way you feel comfortable and then get on with things.

 

It seems she's doing it on purpose. Is she your childs mother??

 

 

No she is not my sons mother. I have already asked her to do that 3 or 4 weeks ago that is why I thought i was done with all this BS.

 

She didn't start asking for random things until I went NC I was on day 12.

[dqueen]

Babes23, I am "drama queen" although I'm quite a good dancer too.

 

Yikes! I forgot to post on Day 6 yesterday...

 

Day 6 (yesterday):

 

Well, it's obvious I can't get him out of my head. I cried a bit yesterday and was feeling emotional that this was all over. I still never responded back to his email and I don't think I really ought to, although the urge is STRONG. I decided to go shopping at the mall to help keep my mind off things but when I was trying something on, I'd think, "Hmm...I wonder if he'd think this looks good on me" or "How would he react if he saw me in this?" and trust me, they were not sleazy clothing at all! It's Autumn - I need cardigans and warm winter clothing, ok! It really does help to keep my mind busy doing things but it only lasts temporarily. I keep thinking of him with his new girl and the things he might be doing with her. He and I are fans of the same European football (soccer for you Americans) team and whenever I watch them play, I think of him because I know he is watching them too. Well, I'll keep pulling...keep walking through this sandstorm and hopefully, find happiness again. I hope he becomes a distant memory very soon.

[Robert013]

Well back to day 1

 

I am not worried because I am in control of my emotions now. i know how to deal with all of them saddness, anger, jealousy, you name it I am starting to be able to master this.

 

I responded to her text message about the charger. I said "It's Okay. Sorry I didn't respond sooner I was busy. I looked for the charger and could not find it. I will look again. If I find it I will drop it off at your dads. If it is not there in a day or two that means I could not find it. Is there anything else that you needed before we take time away from eachother? I will drop that stuff off if I have it. Have a nice day."

 

She instantly sent me another text after I sent it. She said " It might be in your car. It is just that my brothers apartment is really small and his friend has no family, so we wanted her to have a place to go for thanksgiving."

 

Why is she opening up about this? This is none of my business and why would I care what she needed the charger for?

 

This is new for her she has been nothing but cold to me for the past 4 weeks. After I caught her in her lies, and decided to go NC. I am not responding to this I am back on NC.

[babes23]

It's obvious she just wants to get a reaction out of you. Perhaps she's running scared now knowing that she won't be able to "get to you" anymore now your doing no contact, that she knows that you mean business this time and full intend to stand by your word. Good on you, don't let her win!!

[babes23]

Keep on going dqueen, we're on the same number, keep strong!! I still get upset at times but just remember that it's all part of the process. Every day nc is an achievement

[thedude27]

We wont hold it against you You are doing fine. I hope I do as well if mine ever contacts me. She is acting this way because she hasnt dealt with the loss, she skipped that part when she jumped into the R with the kid. Think of it this way, she is where you were in week 1 of the breakup. Albeit different because she is causing the problem with her own selfishness and she is the dumper. Her pain is less because she followed her wants, but now she is having regret because it is real to her now. She doesnt like losing control of you and she is not going to let go peacefully, she will be kicking and screaming for a while till she accepts it. At that point she will either be remorsefull and sorry she did it or she will be happy with her decision. I believe if you think of it in those terms and you will start to understand her actions.

 

She doesnt want to let go, just like you didnt in the beginning. This is her way of not having to let go. We look for signs, they look for signs. She wants a response to reassure her you arent really completely gone.

[fiffy]

Hey Babes23,

 

Completely can relate to that sinking feeling when you first wake up in the morning.

 

It's like as soon as you open your eyes you remember your ex is no longer next to you and the whole break-up comes flooding back. For me it is the worst point. If I let it take over it can ruin my day and I just spend it despairing.

 

I am on day 3 although technically I haven't spoke to him in 4 days. I just sent a message on that first day (monday) telling him how repulsed I was and that I never wanted anything to do with him again.

 

Surprisingly I am feeling ok. This is the first time I have entered no contact because I never want to see or hear from the slimeball again. Usually I did it as a ploy to get back with him.

 

I have realised he is suffering from Narcissistic personality disorder. I came upon it by chance and everything used to describe this type of person is him down to a T.

 

I spent so long blaming myself believing that as he said I was not slim or pretty enough to inspire him to have sex with me or to kiss me. Finding out narcissists cannot have intimacy helped me to stop putting myself down.

 

I have had a horrible journey with this break-up and feel like I have had the life sucked out of me but I am beggining to feel strong again.

 

I am ignoring all his efforts.

 

On monday I had my phone reject all calls- He tried 12 times, on tuesday the same, he tried once. On wednesday he didn't call then today he tried at 6.45am which I ignored. I also ignored a message regarding if I wanted to sell a bag I have which was weird.

 

But all in all I am proud of myself and have felt no temptation to answer these attempts.

[Robert013]

I figured hell I am back to day one anyhow I might as well respond to it. So a half hour later I said in my text message " I will look in my car. If i find it I will drop it of in a day or two. If it is not at your dads in a day or two I could not find it. That is real nice of your brother and family for inviting his friend to thanksgiving. You are good people. i need a break from you and you need a break from me. I have mentioned this before. Have a nice day and a happy thanksgiving."

 

 

A few minutes later she sends another text saying, "please don't drop off the rabbit." i already told her that I would not but it is still funny.

 

I did not and will not respond to that one back to NC for the third time.

 

I haven't initiated contact in over 3 weeks so I am sure she will try again soon. Let the healing move forward.

 

 

I don't know if responding to the last one was right but it felt good to let her know again that i am seriouse about not talking to or seeing one another. I feel if I don't say that in my final message she will think that it is okay to contact me.

[thedude27]

More like "please keep talking to me"... lol...I agree funny especailly since she is spending so much time with the other guy she doesnt even live at her home(you know she was pissed when that didnt work on you)...maybe the guy is a mime?

[Robert013]

More like "please keep talking to me"... lol...I agree funny especailly since she is spending so much time with the other guy she doesnt even live at her home(you know she was pissed when that didnt work on you)...maybe the guy is a mime?

 

I think she was a little upset that either of her rude coments had no visable affect on me.

 

I don't think so he sure talked alot to me at the bar when we confronted eachother the first time.. Or should I say when he talked to me and I ignored him.

 

The other time we confronted eachother he didn't have anything to say accept i will leave now then.. i was not proud of that moment afterwords but watching him run with his tail between his legs made me feel good at the time. i wasn't going to do anything but he doesn't have to know that.

 

She probaly can't even get a word in with this guy..lol He is full of it and of himself.

[fiffy]

RObert013

 

I think you are doing brilliantly and you are still managing to have a sense of humour through all the * * * * you are being put through!

 

Your ex is a joke she is obviously trying to force a reaction from you, and the new partner is the easiest way to get a massive reaction. You are incredibly strong and you are obviously winding her up something rotten.

 

You have got to question why she still makes contact over pathetic things and why she needs to show you her new life. If she was so happy and so over you why would she care to show you?

 

Its now time for her pain!!

 

Well done, kep it up xx

[dqueen]

Ugh! I feel horrible. I caved and emailed him...I have no self control! Why oh why oh why did I? Now I keep refreshing my email every 10 seconds to see if he responded and there's nothing. Someone tie me up to a chair and lock me in a room with no computer or phone.

[fiffy]

dqueen

 

don't worry if I could tell you the amount of times I have caved in in the last 5 months it would shock you!

 

Its very difficult and him sending you and e-mail the other day made sure that he planted a seed in your head of contacting him.

 

Don't put yourself down it is so hard but you are doing really well just making the decision.

 

I noticed the other day you mentioned he e-mailed you. What did it say? how long have you guys broke up? how long is the longest you have gone nc?

[Robert013]

RObert013

 

I think you are doing brilliantly and you are still managing to have a sense of humour through all the * * * * you are being put through!

 

Your ex is a joke she is obviously trying to force a reaction from you, and the new partner is the easiest way to get a massive reaction. You are incredibly strong and you are obviously winding her up something rotten.

 

You have got to question why she still makes contact over pathetic things and why she needs to show you her new life. If she was so happy and so over you why would she care to show you?

 

Its now time for her pain!!

 

Well done, kep it up xx

 

Well thank you I am feeling strong. Something changed in me a few weeks back and ever since then I feel more in control every day. Granted I still have my moments but they are at home or on here where they belong.

 

My son and I had dinner together with her about three weeks after the split. She was not being honest otherwise we would not have gone. She could not stop telling us about her new rebound guy and how great he was. At this time she said he was just a friend and she wasn't staying with him. This was a lie i later found out from a mutual friend.

 

So I asked her why she was talking about him so much and not focusing on the real reason for the dinner? A visit with my son. This pissed her off when i didn't have a stronger reaction to her comments on this guy. I have always had the ability to stay focused and be patient with my responses.

 

i think she is mad because I really do not try to pry into her business. I didn't ask her where she was staying. i had no reaction to her other rude coments and just changed the subject. She is digging but I am not giving her any ground.

 

I have been wondering why she wants me to know everthing that is going on with her also?

even when we were in LC I never disclosed any of my plans that she did not know about before the split, or what i have been doing.

 

She tells me i was supposed to go out of town this weekend with her new guy. Who she's been hanging out with. What her plans are for thankgiving. What she is going to be for Halloween, etc, etc. Why does she think that I care? And then tries to contact me over the littlest things. When i don't respond she shows up at my house. CRAZY

 

Like I said before it is not a competition.

[fiffy]

Your calm manner is amazing and so classy.

 

Being so dignified just makes her look like a skank.

 

I cannot believe she discussed that over dinner with your son. Its appaling! How old is he (if you don't mind me asking)? Is he old enogh to comprehend what she was saying about a new lover?

[Robert013]

Your calm manner is amazing and so classy.

 

Being so dignified just makes her look like a skank.

 

I cannot believe she discussed that over dinner with your son. Its appaling! How old is he (if you don't mind me asking)? Is he old enogh to comprehend what she was saying about a new lover?

 

He is almost 8. We were together for 7 years. My sons mother and I split soon after my sons birth. i have had joint custody the entire time. I have him three day's a week. I went with her 6 months later after I had healed.

 

She was just calling him a friend at that time, but still she was there to visit my son and ignoring him to tell me all of this BS.

[fiffy]

That is so bad. 8 yr olds are not stupid and they are receptive to what is going on.

 

Its really bad form to discuss that in front of a child.

 

She was obviously there for her own needs she wasn't thinking about the innocent child in all of this. He too has to accept her leaving and she should have been more considerate of that and showered with him with affection. She should know that it is important for her to show him that it wasn't his fault because he is at an impressional age.

 

It sounds to me like she was just trying to make a point to you.

 

do you think she is trying to hurt you in some way?

 

do you think she still cares?

[Robert013]

That is so bad. 8 yr olds are not stupid and they are receptive to what is going on.

 

Its really bad form to discuss that in front of a child.

 

She was obviously there for her own needs she wasn't thinking about the innocent child in all of this. He too has to accept her leaving and she should have been more considerate of that and showered with him with affection. She should know that it is important for her to show him that it wasn't his fault because he is at an impressional age.

 

It sounds to me like she was just trying to make a point to you.

 

do you think she is trying to hurt you in some way?

 

do you think she still cares?

 

She has done many hurtfull and even detructive things to spite me when she was angry so possibly hurt me yes.

 

I know she still cares she has even made it a point to tell me. "Grass is greener"

 

i can't sit around and wait for her to decide what she wants. i also cannot support her new relationship. I don't want to interfear with its natural progresion. This is about me feeling like myself again. i am getting there but it is a slow process we all know that.

 

I don't want her back the way she is now. if she could somehow transform back into the women i fell in love with then there is a small possability I would want her back but very small.

 

I am sick of not having a smile on my face. When i am in NC I smile more than when I am LC. So I chose my path to healing for me not for her.

[babes23]

I can't believe the cheek of her Robert, she has a new guy and she's acting this way? Pathetic!!

 

I feel crappy this evening

[fiffy]

Robert I agree NC makes me smile more than LC. SOmetimes it is excruciating but I feel I am getting stronger.

 

Babes23 we are all here for you. I hate those crap nights.

 

I find internet shopping helps or just try to sleep it off. Sometimes it is better to be dead to the world than sat up all night thinking about him.