THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Dosed]

Hugs to everybody who is currently in ex-withdrawal - it's not easy but be kind to yourself - don't give in to emotional eating or drinking or chain-smoking during this difficult time - maybe bubble baths, reading a good novel and FUNNY dvds are good - ok and SOME chocolate! lol.

 

Good advice greeneyedgal, although the smoking part still has a pretty good hold at this point in time... grrrr

 

Day 1 for me - sign me up baby!

[Dani0613]

Day 22 baby!!!!! Each day is definitely getting better. I no longer have the constant anxiety I was having initially. I'm getting myself 'back' and although I haven't gone out looking for anything, being completely alone has been good to me. Only set back is the smoking. I was never a big smoker and have GOT to stop! lol. Why do we turn to smoking sooooo much when we go thru a break up??!??! lol

[WadeCure]

Day 28

 

Doing good. I've decided that I'm going to operate under the assumption that my ex is seeing someone else right now regardless if it's true or false. Because it is very true that in her past that she had the tendency to jump into new relationships extremely quickly. The reason that I'm doing this is to go ahead and purge the emotions of "she's with someone else" out of my system for when and if the day were to come that I did find out, the sting wouldn't nearly be as hard. Right now those thoughts do not hurt because (and I know this is going to sound arrogant and tooting my own horn but I have good reason to believe this given her past and her colossal downgrade as of late and plus any self esteem boost I can give myself I will) I know whoever she dates I'm leagues above in terms of kindness. I think this is the final step that I need to take in order to make my ex irrelevant and thus be 100% healed and ready for whatever is next. The next two days should be a cinch. I owe all of my progress to God. I know I'll be better than ever soon.

[Jay_Bird]

wadecure

 

its cool we going through the same days

 

i'm on day 28

 

I think we are built from the same cloth

 

you are a christian like me

 

and I know God put me in this situation,because I was depending on someone besides him

 

for the last couple of weeks,I been feeling like I been drowning,with no help

 

and right now,the water is at my neck

 

I'm breathing again

[WadeCure]

Jay it's very cool. I'll keep you in my prayers. Stay off her MySpace at all costs. Do whatever you can to get your mind off of it. You'll make it man.

[Jay_Bird]

Jay it's very cool. I'll keep you in my prayers. Stay off her MySpace at all costs. Do whatever you can to get your mind off of it. You'll make it man.

 

please keep me in your prayers dude

 

I need them so bad

 

 

and that myspace thing is keeping me back

 

 

folks whatever you do stay off their myspace......at all cost it will set you back..................

 

 

I will keep you in my prayers also

[greeneyedgal]

I think it's beautiful that we can give each other such support! It's very moving to know that we have compassion for those who are going through the same thing - I know what you mean about smoking - when my ex broke up with me last year, I became a chain smoker and quite a regular drinker. Steering away from that now - but yes I know it's difficult!

 

I am spoiling myself in small ways - buying nice body products to make me feel nurtured and looking my best. I got my hair done yesterday in a way _I_ would like, I have been reading long neglected books and watching funny series on DVD, posting on here and trying my best to avoid looking as his last active date on his dating profile. lol. I know it's a weakness I should avoid and like someone above said it is best to assume that they ARE already dating someone else to soften the blow when/if it does happen.

 

All in all I still have periods of emptiness and a keen sense of aloneness but I can't say I feel the despair I did a few days previously - I now feel hope and also that I can focus on other more constructive things for the future.

[challenge]

Day 14. Woke up with hard lump in stomach. Never felt so depressed. Every other thought drifts to jumping out a window. Job is horrible, stuck in an apartment with unaffordable rent, economy is collapsing, and completely, completely alone. She already expects me not to contact her because I accidentally announced NC, but all I want to do is hear her voice, just a glimmer of hope is all I need. She will last longer than I will, she has a giant support structure of friends and family and is living for free. You never know true depression until you've lost true happiness. I need to get my house keys back too. Guess I'll wait until the 30 days are up to ask, but I'll be a mess long after that, unless she sends me some form of contact (but even that high is only temporary). Sorry to be such a failure at this point, but I want to be with her more than anything, and this challenge doesn't feel right to me, it feels like I should be talking to her, being her friend, because I do love her. I'm going to find it very difficult to find myself while I'm sinking into debt and depression. Every day feels worse, but hearing her happy and moved-on will only make things worse, so I'll carry on with the challenge.

 

On the bright side, I met a hot girl where I work, and might ask her out this weekend. The female attention was really comforting, but temporary. I want to prove I can do this, and be alone and happy, but I feel like I lost my best friend, along with her family, which, in a sense became my family. Will try to stay strong, won't allow this to break me.

 

Thanks for creating this community. I trust the wisdom on this thread, and will try to learn from other's mistakes.

[challenge]

Quick update. She called. I didn't answer. Feel better. Power balance feels different. rollercoaster ride continues.

[ryan2000]

I have had zero contact for 8 days now............ but i'm willing to start again from scratch.

 

So here it goes.

 

Day 1 - 7/10/08

[Rosie007]

Too tired to write now, but wanted to give my day count.

 

Hang in there everyone, and I'll hang in there, too.

[Stelinha]

Still hanging in there

 

Oh, and today I feel sooo angry at him! Grrr

[greeneyedgal]

He sends me a text on Day 3 'How is 's day going?' - I know he was most likely enquiring in a round about way as to how my job interview went as I had a big one today and since I had not informed him of the NC and we had been good friends for a year and a half since, I wrote back a brief but curt response (he'd think it was weird and try to call me). 'Good! I didn't get the job....but otherwise pretty groovy' he writes back 'that's a shame how r other jobs going' (I already have two) and I reply back 'Good!'. I was as succinct as I could be and he did not continue after this - does this mean I have to start again? I think to have not responded to placate him would have been more inflammatory? I'd have to let him in on it otherwise. Opinions?

[WadeCure]

Day 29

 

Today kinda sucks, sorta. Last night I thought about her and I felt almost nothing (woohoo! I take that as a sign of great progress.) This morning on the way to work I felt kinda bad. One more day in the challenge. There's a lot that I have learned in the past 30 days. I look forward to getting it all down. I appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers. I realize that even though this challenge ends tomorrow I've still got a long way to get out of the "wilderness" and into the "promised land," but I'm hoping that the "getting over the ex" portion of the "wilderness" is significantly lessened. So far it's been better than I hoped though I'm sure setbacks are coming. I'm trusting God throughout all of this.

[zedtech]

I'm doing much better this week than the previous 2 weeks since I've initiated NC. Been going to the gym for myself, sticking to my new routine, been going out w/ old friends more and hanging out w/ my family more too. Took up a couple new hobbies, been reading more books these days and hopefully will be able to get around to do something I've always wanted to do... learn to ride a motorcycle

 

Have had more good days vs. bad days lately, it was so tough but I had force my mindset to not give up but to say, "She's gone and doing her own thing, you need to do the same. You - first, anyone else - second. If she comes back then great, deal with it at that time. Right now, deal with bettering yourself for YOU and you only."

 

I still miss her so much and I really want to hear her voice... I'm just not ready to talk to her unless it's about us. And if she does reach, I want a lot of things cleared up before we even begin to think about starting a new relationship.

[Jay_Bird]

day 29

 

 

I'm healing.......but I'm still not healed all the way

 

 

I feel like I'm going to do something I regrect like text her

[cas]

My gf broke up with me last wednesday. We've been on LC since then. Now she's going on vacation, so I'll start NC from today.

 

Day 1 completed.

 

No sign of healing so far. Actually I'm just feeling worse and worse..

[ryan2000]

The nickname thing is a tricky one............ that's interesting that he would still try and relate to you the way he did when you were together. That's confusing.

 

I'd probably keep up with the NC, but if you were gonna text him back, i'd ask him what's up with that! (just IMO)

[ryan2000]

Day 9 (day 2 since starting the NC Challenge).

 

Yet again, i woke up in the hope that she'd be laying by my side. Reality takes about 5-10 seconds to kick in. I'm getting used to the tears that come afterwards, but i do know that i'll eventually wake up knowing she wont be there. I just wish that day would come.

 

Day 8(1) was tough. I was up & down like a hormonal woman. One minute i was king of the world, the next i was crying yet again. I noticed that i Sigh quite a bit. It's the numb feeling in my chest that brings it on. Knowing that she is no longer with me.

 

Somebody told me yesterday that 'Love' is infact nothing magical at all. It is a Chemical reaction in your body, kinda like depression but with the total opposite effect. He then went on to say that because it is a chemical reaction, it has a certain life span.

That sounds really easy to believe and it would certainly answer alot of questions for me.................. but sadly, and pehaps even stupidly, i refuse to believe it.

 

I still love her. Maybe her Chemicals have reached their life span. Perhaps she is cured. But i still strongly believe in love and know damn-well of the consequences & pain that it may (or most likely, Will) cause in the future. Regardless, i'll still carry on believing in Love and believing in her.

 

I am, however, gonna start doing more for myself. I have to stop thinking about this other guy being better than me. And let's just say, for argument sake, that he is............. FINE. I will just have to use that as inspiration to make myself better than him.

 

I have been working on a Reality based TV show for a number of years now, but never had the time or effort to film it. Guess what? I am planning on filming the pilot THIS FRIDAY NIGHT (YES - Just 2 nights away). Just waiting on the permits. If they don't make it in time, fine, i'll just do it next friday night.

 

However good this new guy is........... i betcha he hasn't made a $%&*ING TV SHOW!

(yes, i know it's the wrong way to approach that, but i'm doing it anyway. I need to believe in myself again, i need to believe that i am a good, decent, loving man.........because right now, i feel like an un-appreciated & rejected piece of crap!)

 

Thanks for listening.

 

Ryan

[greeneyedgal]

Ryan! You made me LOL - you are not an unappreciated piece of crap - you are WORTHY! Of somehow who treats you with respect not discards you like yesterday's newspaper - it sounds like you're doing a lot more with your life than most people - kudos to you!

 

BTW, the nickname thing came AFTER our breakup - I think he used it to maintain emotional control over me even though he didn't want to be with me. Grrrr....makes me feel more resolved to stay on NC - It's remembering the crap things about the r'ship that give you resolve!

 

I didn't text him back after that btw - no inclination to - he's seeking other women online - I'm not gonna be a chump!

 

Well hope you're all doing OK - it's no rose garden for sure but I think we're making progress all of us even if one day we're up and the next day down!

[ryan2000]

thanks GreenEyed.

 

I will eventually believe that. And alot of people do tell me that. And actually, i have been handed out 3 phone numbers from girls in the past 2 weeks alone so that in itself should give me some confidence................ but it doesn't.

(Edit just on the phone numbers thing, i always politly call them and say thank you but then am honest with them and tell them about my current situation. It is a MASSIVE thing for a girl to do, build up courage like that - the least anybody can do, EVEN IF IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN, is call them back and say thank you!)

 

Sadly, nobody else can make me believe i am worthy, good looking, whatever, except for myself. I can hear it many times, but i am the only one that can make myself beilve it.

Like i said, i'll believe it eventually, but right now i just cannot. I honestly just cannot. I'm still in the mindset that if i am what everybody says i am and if girls are attracted to me................ then why isn't she?

 

Wrong way to think, i know, but that's just me.

 

(note i have been forced by a female friend who is sick and tired of me not beliving in myself to enter into the CLEO Bachelor of the year WildCard entry. Hahaha! I am so embarresed now. It's awful! But good for a laugh nonetheless. I need to laugh)

 

On your ex texting you Keep going with the NC. It sounds like your in the correct frame of mind now and that your keen with sticking with it! Good on you!

[Stelinha]

I'm glad I've made it so far. I never thought I would- I never have in the past. I dreamt I contacted him last night and then feel like dog poop afterwards. He would have usually contacted me by now as well.

I don't seem to be able to not stop wishing he'd contact me one day though. I realise NC is for me and not to make him miss me

Oh well

 

greeneyedgal- I think you dealed really well with the whole contact issue from your ex. I think it goes against our nature to ignore someone if we care about them and they contact us (I say 'our' nature but my ex certainly seems quite comfortable with ignoring me! Funnily enough he was the one who wanted to stay friends? when it suited him!). I know true NC means NC altogether but It is difficult.

 

Rose007- hope you're still hanging in there!

 

All my support to everyone doing the NC challenge for ourselves, for a great future!!

[greeneyedgal]

(note i have been forced by a female friend who is sick and tired of me not beliving in myself to enter into the CLEO Bachelor of the year WildCard entry. Hahaha! I am so embarresed now. It's awful! But good for a laugh nonetheless. I need to laugh)

 

OMG ryan2000 I think I just saw you! haha - fellow aussie in the know and all

 

Today I had a long drive in the course of my travels and thought a lot. I felt free but not much on the mental plate if you know what I mean - just a whole absense of rumination about how I could be with my ex in future somehow. I play with my cat more now and do nice things for people in the course of my day - I think I'm becoming *gasps in shock* less self-absorbed??? Haha! I also bought a crate of apple juice.....it's better than wine...

[WadeCure]

Day 30

Today is the final day of the challenge. She won't contact me today and that's fine. Tomorrow I'll write up a full report of all the stuff I've learned to share with others going through the NC period. Last night I went and played drums for my church's youth group which seemed to go well. After that I had to drive about 30 or so miles back to my home, and on the way back negative thoughts just hit me like an avalanche. I mean it was probably one of the worst tidal waves of negative thinking I had since the break up occurred. I prayed and asked friends for prayer in helping to overcome it. I asked God to help me remember all of the bad times of the relationship and I think that prayer was answered because without much effort I was able to recall a lot of things that really upset me about my ex. There's a lot of stuff out there that I can criticize my ex over. Despite this, I'm trying my best not to rehash the past. I know it wasn't a good relationship. There's a ton of reasons why it wasn't.

[cas]

Day 2 of NC.

 

Have been quite happy today.. but.. it's only because i've had the feeling that she will change her mind. When I realize that she might won't, i know will be feeling like it's the end of world again..

 

She's on vacation now, so at least i know where she is..

 

EDIT: Nice work, WadeCure.. 30 days.. that's impressive..