THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[StillSmiling]

Dave: I'm not sure how you can't keep going back to Day One when you have kids to pick up and drop off. I'm so sorry you are hurting. We're going to get through this. Remember how bad yesterday morning was? But it got better? It's going to again ...

 

Megken: Your friends were right to have to you to have gotten rid of it. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he has "gotten to you". What he has done is SO wrong. No one EVER should be put through what he has put you through.

 

StillSmiling: What the hell were you thinking? =) OMG I am SO scared now! 3 hours and counting until I am in the car ...

[livingitup]

My sixth day of not initiating contact...

 

However, she has initiated contact with me each of the last two days. She asked me tonight if we could chat sometime so that I could tell her about my therapy sessions and such. Still being friendly and polite but each time I am the one who gets offline first. Hope I'm playing my cards right this time and I hope she's starting to come around as we really are perfect for one another and we both know it. I just needed a kick in the rear to get my head on straight.

 

Feeling good...and I hope everyone else is getting along okay as well.

[txbboy]

First, I can relate to all of the memories and pictures and how it triggers the hurt ... continue to clean what ever space you have to.

 

Secondly, why would you want someone back that has cheated on you? How could you ever trust her again? Don't you think you deserve someone that will respect you more than that? Hold that head up a bit higher, and hold on for the one that properly care for a relationship.

 

You'll make it.

 

Eventhough she did cheat on me, I would still forgive her. I can't see myself ever dating anyone else. We have so much in common and at one point she was so dedicated to me. I mean I was the only boyfriend to last more than 4 months and she's only 22. I think she's just at a "gut check" time in her life right now. And she needs time to figure out what she's doing. I know because I've been there. I mean everybody goes through that time in their relationship when they decide if they want to take it to another level. Some people embrace it, and some freak out. Besides I don't think I could start all over with someone else. She knows I'm a good guy and she'll realize that she messed up.

[PrettyGood]

Day 20

 

Yesterday evening was unplanned sad. I was so happy for these 2 days and then my new friend told me that he adores some girl, which has a boyfriend, but she's so cute, that he even can't resist her. And yesterday someone who talked about his past with very sexy voice. He didn't hear my voice yet, because we're chatting on Skype until upcoming Friday evening. And the first thing he thought was, that it was me calling! But I didn't. So all the further night he told me about that girl.

 

I listened to him, till I became very sad and passive. He noticed it and thought that I became angry on him. But it was jealousy. I understand that he's very young, and that he's looking at his age girls, not older (as me)

 

Updated:

 

My ex wrote me today, asking how am I. Well I told him that I'm really living and feeling well. He became interested in it, but I told him that it's too late to talk about my life, because he wasn't interested in me for a quite a long time. He thought that I'm angry on him. But I am. I told him that he can't write me any time he wants, because I also have my personal life. And if he doesn't want to invest something into it, then he must not disturb me. He didn't hope that I can say so. But I found my inner power to tell the truth. Well he replied that "You're wrong that I don't care you". But also he didn't tell me that I care. He doesn't try to do anything for me, even show attention. It's his silly f***ing game to act poor boy with a lot of problems in his life! I HATE IT!

[goodguy81]

24 hours and counting..i guess this is day 1

 

this will be difficult ..i really hope she is truly clearing her head and figuring out what she wants and not playing games

[StillSmiling]

Day Done

 

Well, I am going to say farewell to this challenge now.

 

Going through this, falling down, and than having this final meeting last night I think has finally brought me to the place of being able to start moving forwards again ... for me. There is no more reason for a forced NC; it is what it is and I can see it clearly now.

 

As predicted, our meeting was bitter sweet, respectful and very insightful for both of us. I am very grateful for the time we had last night, and for the year we had together. Just as in the death of my sister years ago, I have somewhat moved it from being sad that there was not more of it ... to being grateful for ever having it. Some are never so blessed.

 

I did see him with those different eyes. Clearer and more understanding of what happened and why it happened how it did. And I was able to let him know I forgive him. I understand now why he ended it the way he did. And I was able to tell him in all honesty that I think he made the right choice, even though it hurt at the time, and at time still hurts.

 

Thank you to all that have supported me with such encouraging words in the journey. I still have much healing to do and much to learn. But I don't feel as stuck anymore. It's time for me now, no longer holding onto a hopeful "us".

[Trei1972]

Day 4.. I went back and counted and it's really only day 4 of sustained no contact. Thanks for the advice to not harm myself morally by calling him about the child support. It would be like begging. He knows he is legally supposed to pay it. Maybe he wants me to have to beg. Well I won't do it! I've groveled enough in the last few months.. but no more!

[Mutley]

Last time I talked to her was 55 days ago.

 

Each day is money in the bank!!

[Rosie007]

I miss him, of course, but the unloving / selfish ways he behaved is forefront in my mind right now.

 

Naturally the dream would be for him to call and beg me to come back because he loves me so much ... and then behave differently. But I guess that just means I'm hoping he'll be other than he is .... i.e., change.

 

From what I understand about love, hoping for him to change is not the deal. The deal is can we accept each other as we are, and that doesn't seem to be possible, much as that admission breaks my hurt.

 

I plan to write a list of the qualities I loved about him, and the ones I wished he possess, to give me a better idea of what/who I really want.

[yankeefan74]

And I was able to tell him in all honesty that I think he made the right choice, even though it hurt at the time, and at time still hurts.

 

outstanding!

 

That's a place I wish i could get too. Getting there though.

[WadeCure]

So I think I'm going to take the No Contact challenge here. Hope I can get through it.

Day 1

 

This is probably actually day three or four but I'm resetting the timer. I looked at her MySpace on Sunday and it completely devistated me as far as how much she appears to have moved on already (we broke up around August 20.) Already she reposted her "don'ts for boys" blog which is supposed to be some sort of guideline for people who will date her. In 10 days we were supposed to have our two year anniversary. I'm dreading that day for myself because I think I'll be very sad that day. I feel like her dating someone else is imminent based on her dating history of jumping from one guy to the next in very quick fashion. Whereas I'm feeling like I'll always be alone.

[Ixtapa]

Feeling okay today....even though of course he did NOT answer to my email of 2 days ago. Im not really surprised but Im still curious about his whereabouts. Been spending a lot of time with my best friends who are in town for a couple weeks....I know it is going to be hard when they go as I will be on my own a lot more again. Oh well....I will survive and hopefully feel better and better.

[confusion631]

It has been a hard road to get to day 22. I thought that by this point I'd be thinking about her less...but it's not the case at all. I do however feel a lot better about myself. I know that I don't NEED her to be happy, I'm plenty capable of that on my own. But i'm having a difficult time not WANTING the happiness I had with her. That companionship is something that I think about at least once a day and it's the one thing I miss more then anything about her. It's been almost 3 months since the break up, and I'm staying strong. But her birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks...I've seen all the posts about the ex and the dreaded no contact breaking brithday text. I don't know if I should send her a line or let it go by like any other day. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

[StillSmiling]

outstanding!

 

That's a place I wish i could get too. Getting there though.

 

Thanks Yankee. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I at least feel like I am not as stuck.

[blue_dahlia]

Day Done

 

Well, I am going to say farewell to this challenge now.

 

Going through this, falling down, and than having this final meeting last night I think has finally brought me to the place of being able to start moving forwards again ... for me. There is no more reason for a forced NC; it is what it is and I can see it clearly now.

 

 

Hi SS!

 

NC was always for you; to heal and become stronger, independent and to learn to rely on *you* for your happiness.

 

I understand what you're saying; you no longer have to do NC because it's not going to bring your ex back, you understand that there's no going back. But, NC was truly for you all along.

 

I'm happy you posted! I was so waiting to find out what happened last night.

[exploding head]

Day 48

 

Really hating my ex today. I want her to hurt.. badly. Hope she gets hit by a truck.

[Trei1972]

exploding head.. I've been there. Wanting him to die.. and painfully. Not my proudest moments. But human when someone's hurt you so badly. Today I finally realized that the worst thing I can do to him, and the best for me.. is to cut him out of my life. I told myself.. thinking to him.. "your cut off". I'm cutting him off from the thrill I know he gets when I say how much I miss our family the way it used to be. And those nights he lays awake and thinks of holding hands with me as we fall asleep, with our baby boy between us.. and then realizes that when he calls me to tell me of his sleepness night.. that I won't answer, and I won't get my hopes up for his return to us. I am depriving him of that open door back that he knows has always been there. No matter how much he says he has moved on, he would call me occasionally, just to reassure himself that door was still open. Well it just slammed shut! And he will notice. And so will she.. so don't let your head explode.. you need it to move on with your life! Maybe not immediately.. but eventually.. I know you can do it!

[PrettyGood]

Day 21

 

My ex wrote me today. He told me that he will have fun this evening with his job colleagues. I also told him that I'm not sitting at home. I'm going to meet with new people. He asked me who are these people? I told him a story that I met a perfect stranger and we're spending our leisure together now. Also I told him, that stranger is not my boyfriend, because I'm still waiting for my ex reply to return or not. Well he told me that he felt very jealous, because I'm dating someone else, and he can't accept this fact. And also he told me that he wish to return to me, but he's afraid. What a silly apology.

 

But I thought it was good tactic to push him a little bit. He said that returning friendship is "possible variant", but he also told me that he want to meet me on this Saturday to talk. Hmm... ok, I agreed. The things moved on at last. His jealousy succeeded.

[txbboy]

Well i made it! One month and I haven't attempted to contact her at all. Now I've began to fall into a routine. I wake up in the morning and check myspace to see if she emailed me. Then, I go about my business during the day avoiding anything that would make me think about her. Although every time the phone rings or someone knocks on my door, I wish it was her. Finally at night, I check myspace one more time and go to bed. Sometimes out of the blue, I'll get this strong memory of her. I do my best not to think about her face, because if I think about it for a long time I start to lose it emotionally. I keep asking myself why? Why did she cheat on me? I mean we had some problems, but there was never a question of fidelity. And now I feel like I can't trust anybody anymore. But anyway I'm not gonna contact her and we'll see how it goes.

[goodguy81]

ugh I am itching to call to say hi

 

must resist

 

my mind is giong a million miles an hour wondering why hasnt she called..whats goin on in her head..is she having just a hard of a time? am I feeling like this cuz i know i cant call?

[exploding head]

Day 49

 

I have given up hope of her returning. Now I just want to break NC to tell her what a b**** she is.

[Pollywolly]

Day 15

 

Had a really strong urge to contact my ex last night not sure why but could be cos it was 2 weeks since any on either side. Decided to work out for a couple of hours and hope that feeling would go, luckily it did. I feel so dumbfounded that someone who I thought I was so intimate with and close to could choose to eradicate me from their life and not even bother to check on how I was doing but guess that says alot about the kind of guy he really is.

 

I still have conversations with him in my mind telling him about things that have been going on in my life but thats a little bit of a crazy thing to do and must stop that. Still got some of his stuff hanging about the place, a photo of him and me on my dressing table, not quite ready to put them all away yet. Decided that best to stay single until I heal, need to find myself again but trying to stay strong.

[WadeCure]

Day 2

 

I think today is going better than yesterday. Though I still think of her. Now I'm thinking that with her blog post and her MySpace and her personality that she is regressing and I'm progressing as far as being able to find a quality mate. The type of person she is, I don't see how she could possibly attract somebody quality, but I don't know. I do know that likely very soon (if not already) she'll be dating someone else. I hope that I'm able to handle that, should I ever find out. But the plan is to not find out and keep no contact permanent.

[Rosie007]

WadeCure: Congratulations on starting NC. Keep up the good work.

 

I observed some couples today. It's so plain that he didn't love me. Period. He exhibited none of the little tender behaviors I witnessed today.

 

I'm hurt that he didn't love me. I wanted/want him to love me. But he doesn't ... and so much of his behavior was a testament to that simple fact.

 

I need to stay strong and not slip into our old rut. We get a little lonely. He reaches out. I let him back in. But the painful endings kept coming quicker and quicker -- because it just didn't work ... because he doesn't love me.

[txbboy]

I was going strong for a month, but then I messed it up today. I thought I had deleted all my ex's emails, but I was wrong. When I was looking through them, I found the first 2 emails we ever sent each other. I didn't read them but I saw her updated myspace pic beside them. She looked sooooo beautiful and I don't know what came over me. I had this overwhelming sense of desparity and I had to text her. I just texted her that I was going to pay her the money I owed her soon....that's it. She texted back "ok" and that was it. Now I feel like I inadvertantly told her, "I'm desperate." I guess I figured that it had been a month already, and I didn't want her to forget about me. So I just thought I would pop into her life real quick. Maybe it was a good thing. Maybe she'll start thinking of me. Maybe it wasn't a good thing and she'll be further annoyed by me. But, guess I can't take it back. Guess we'll see what happens. What that a stupid move? What do ya'll think?