THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[PrettyGood]

Well I think I heard everything what he said, but the most I heard was that he SLEPT with other girl. I doesn't give me a silence. How could he do it? I feel betrayed after 2 years relationship. And still how can he suggest things that I didn't like? Like a prior things in his life? I was thinking about children already and marriage and that was things about he was thinking. He told that he always repeated me, but maybe my eyes opened just nowadays

[StillSmiling]

HaHaHa ... OMG, I have had similar thoughts! Only mine are more evil.

 

Not only that I would never have to see him again, but that he can't be with another babe! Oh, we ARE bad.

 

OK, OK , OK .... we were just kidding God.

[StillSmiling]

It's strange to me that only when we lose someone, we find the inspiration to improve ourselves. If we try to improve ourselves for someone we're not dating, we're not doing it for ourselves and it often fails. It's only the loss that gives us the inspiration to keep going, with authentic interest in ourselves.

 

Yeah, what's up with that? I've gone back to all kinds of good stuff like taking up kayaking, and my vitimins, and having my teeth worked, not drinking as much ... list goes on.

 

I'm even going to quit smoking here soon. Nasty habit! Not quite ready just yet. It's something I could have never done being with him; he's a smoker too.

[StillSmiling]

Day 33.5

 

Ok guys and gals, STOP me please.

 

I have just come in from my veggie garden. Yeah, I do all the organic stuff and then smoke cigarettes (go figure) I also run and eat vitimins and than drink too much wine. ACK.

 

So I am making this pasta salad for this BBQ/Pool part I am about to go to in an hour. Go to the garden to pick peppers and the such ...

 

Potatoes. I have tried to grow good, small gourmet potatoes for 3-4 years now. I end up with a handful of marbles instead. So this year, in the spring, I plant again ... with him. He is not really a gardener, but he seemed amused to help me and we planted a couple of raised beds. Toasted with a martini after our efforts and I expected the same results. Too good of soil, and potatoes like crappy soil.

 

Yeah well, I was wrong. Poked a finger in, I have the MOST amazing potatoes I have grown. Gourmet red and Yukon golds, and sweet purple potatoes.

 

I want to drop a small bag off on his porch with a note that reads: "You reap what you sow".

 

I KNOW I shouldn't do it. OH but the temptation on the way to the pool party ....

 

Expectations? Not sure. Jab? Not sure? Telling him he was not willing to work on it? (with potatoes LOL)

 

OK, have gotten that out of my system for now .. maybe. Creepy how the dumpers make us feel at times.

 

This was a vent I guess. *sigh*

[blue_dahlia]

Day 33.5

 

I want to drop a small bag off on his porch with a note that reads: "You reap what you sow".

 

I KNOW I shouldn't do it. OH but the temptation on the way to the pool party ....

 

Please try to resist the urge and don't contact him. In the short term, you may feel good. However, if he doesn't respond or if his reaction is less than favorable, it will hurt more in the long run.

 

Don't put yourself in any position that may cause you more pain. Let it go.

[KaylaJoy]

day 9...

went to the fair tonight, 2 years ago this weekend we were there, our last big hoorah - an amazing night, even by his own admissions. Now two years later here we are...he has backed far away, and though he says we are friends, I know really we are not. We are acquaintances, once friends, once lovers, now just two people with a history. It breaks my heart sometimes, but not as much as it used to. Guess that means there is healing goin' on in there somehow after all, huh?

[Steve 7745]

Day 23.

 

Thought of my ex quite a bit tonight. No urge to talk to her, just thought about her. Strange thoughts occurred.

 

Do human beings seek punishment? Are some of our actions we partake intended to bring retribution against us?

 

The thought sprung to my mind today when I recalled a lecture in high school. Some murder trials that end with a verdict of guilty... the defendent actually smiles. Actually seems glad. That somehow, although they fought and tried to say that they were innocent, that they knew, inherently that they were guilty. That they were wrong.

 

How many times have people done something wrong, something bad or even horrible, such as cheating or lying to an ex, and never have we thought to challenge their thinking? To tell them that what they did was wrong?

 

In America, so much has grown around the concept of not being confrontational. We would rather duck our heads and hide than face off and cause arguments. I recall the case of Kitty Genovese, who was murdered in brought day light. Brutally, horribly stabbed repeatedly. And there were witnesses. Many, many witnesses.

 

And so many did nothing. They watched. They witnessed but did not call the police, did not accept responsibility. At least one was said to have even pulled a chair to the window to watch the drama unfold before them like it was a soap opera on television.

 

Are we letting it happen? Do we let cheaters get away with it? We maybe shocked and outraged when someone tell us that they have been sleeping with someone else, but that is merely how we feel? What do you do in the face of an immorality which has hurt us? To turn the other cheek, will that person truly learn? Or are we just allowing it to happen again to someone else? So many people say, "Once a cheater, always a cheater."

 

Like a child's cry for attention. "I am doing wrong! Punish me for being wrong!!" And we do nothing. We do not wish to feed it, for we assume that in doing so, the child would just desperately seek more deeply immoral acts to draw attention?

 

Even Gandhi told us to fight. He did not want to use violence, but he still told us to fight. Against that which we deem wrong, that we should fight...

 

Fighting and violence are not the same. Neither is God and faith. We may not bow to any religion, but we must still have faith in something. We need it, crave it. We all need something to believe in, somewhere to put our souls. And lo, sometimes we need to fight.

[lkonohalanbu]

day 5

 

hung out with friends all day, went to all the places i had been with the ex, i missed her a great deal, i did not call her or contact her, i do miss her and looked at her myspace

 

i feel relieved a bit, i know i set myself back a little, but i really miss her

 

onto another day and another battle, sundays are the worst

[DavidWRosario]

You are such a amazing person. Someday when you figure out what happened you gonna look back and laugh.

 

If you contact him - you know you have to start all over again at Day 1 and its not worth it.

 

Besides the best revenge is to live well

 

Dave

[StillSmiling]

day 9...

went to the fair tonight, 2 years ago this weekend we were there, our last big hoorah - an amazing night, even by his own admissions. Now two years later here we are...he has backed far away, and though he says we are friends, I know really we are not. We are acquaintances, once friends, once lovers, now just two people with a history. It breaks my heart sometimes, but not as much as it used to. Guess that means there is healing goin' on in there somehow after all, huh?

 

Yes, it sure does. Congrats on starting to get there ...

 

Keep up the good work.

[StillSmiling]

Day 34

 

Well, I left the potatoes at home and went straight to the pool party. I know if I had dropped them off at his place, it would have been for a reaction. Why do we still hunger for some type of connection with them? Why are we so curious as to how they are doing? I want so badly to be back around his energy, but I KNOW it would not feel the same. And I really don't want to know what is going on in his life unless he could tell me he is as miserable as me.

 

I'm certain he has moved on by now with some other gal. It is not his nature to be alone. It's his nature to not take a break after a relationship, but to rush and fill that empty spot again. Funny, a month ago I was able to wish for him "light and love" and the thought of him being with someone else was not really painful. I almost felt sorry for him. Sorry for him in that his neediness he will continue to make bad choices.

 

But now, well, it bugs the heck out of me! I never felt jealous of him even the slightest while we were together. Even the other woman eyeing him on stage ... I was the one he was going home with. I always felt so confident in "us" and our future together. Obviously too confident. I sometime wonder if that is part of what he was "reading" from me ... that perhaps I came off as taking it a bit for granted. Maybe I DID take it for grated a bit. Oh, another lesson emerging ...

 

The pool party was fun with just a bunch of single gals. Met one new one and we hit it off. Have a feeling she will become a good friend. This is good for me right now. A new man in my life would have to come crashing through my ceiling for me to pay attention to him right now. Just not ready and am no longer going to try and force it with online dating or the such. I have a great circle of friends and am making new ones each week with these MeetUp groups. I want a friendship first with a man before it ever leads to anything else.

 

So, feeling a bit better today. A little bit stronger than yesterday and have no plans on any "potato deliveries" LOL I'm going to the Del Mar horse races this afternoon with the girls, about 30 of us. It's a big deal for us here in South California, and today is one of the biggest races. Will be good for me to get "all cute" and get back out once again. Maybe I should date a jockey so I could feel like a Super Model? =)

 

He2etic: Loved that post. Interesting stuff to ponder. I think we do let the cheaters go on to hurt others. I am always a bit confused why someone here, who has been cheated on, still wants the famous "friendship" when all is said and done. WHAT kind of friend would that be?

 

Ikonohalanbu: Please get rid of the facebook stuff. I tell you, it IS going to trip you up at some point. I was doing the same thing (well, looking at different stuff) and I finally saw something that hurt. You are taking steps backwards each time you do this. And breaking NC.

 

thatdoggirl: You're doing good. Hang in there ... and keep the radio off for now. I went through the same thing with music for a bit. And many were songs he had sung to me! I can listen now without crying, but that takes time. Be good to yourself.

 

Dave: Yes, I KNOW I am going to laugh about some of my thoughts when I finally get through all of this. There WILL be the day that I look back here, and re-read what I have written and wonder who really wrote it and wonder how I could have been so torn up about it. I am looking forward to that day ...

 

And I wonder what insight I will gain today and what lesson will be wrapped up in it. As dumpees, we really are the lucky ones, because it is us that are forced to self examine and will come out of it better people. They head on their merry ways and continue to make the same mistakes and bad choices....

[thatdoggirl]

And I wonder what insight I will gain today and what lesson will be wrapped up in it. As dumpees, we really are the lucky ones, because it is us that are forced to self examine and will come out of it better people. They head on their merry ways and continue to make the same mistakes and bad choices....

 

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be the dumper because it seems like they are the ones who move on easier or find someone else. However, I do agree with you on the dumpees or luckier because even though we go through a harder time we go through all the grieving and emotions and we learn from it. We will ultimately be able to establish better, healthier friendships and relationships in our future. While the dumper is off repeating their old habbits.

[PrettyGood]

So here's my 3rd day without him:

 

I can't believe I'm still living in this Earth after so much negative minds and painful days and nights. But I'm still here and I think it's a miracle for me to show myself that I CAN do a lot of things, only if I try so much.

 

Today's morning was hard for me. At the first second I understood that I woke up, I tried to figure out what should I do on lonely Sunday morning. Sure, I began thinking about him. My friend wrote me a sincere message and gave me an compassion.

 

On the afternoon I shut down my computer and dressed beautiful. At last I ordered myself to go for a walk. I never went alone, but it is as it is. Firstly I drank 2 tablets from nerves and went to a book store. I bought a great book: Ralph E.Retherford, M.D. "When chicken soup is not enouth". In my native language it means "When medicine is helpless". The book is about how to create curing miracle through subconsciousness and body connection. In other words through positive inner thinking. Then I WENT TO CHURCH!! Yes, it was almost first time this year, but I needed it so much. Every time I feel too bad to live, I'm going to church to recover my inner peace of minds. I didn't pray, I just sat there and that's all. And it helped me to calm down! Also there was a lot of people, so I felt not alone. It's a good suggestion for everyone! Go to church, not for praying, just to sit calmly and recover your minds. Then I went for a walk.

 

And lately, I came home and watched the newiest "Sex and the city: the movie". I cried a little, but it was easier to cope with my pain, when watching about love. He didn't wrote me anything today. That's good, because I miss him, but also I understood that I have my conscience not to write him too

 

I wish myself and others good luck for the next days to feel NOT ALONE

[Ixtapa]

Feeling really awful right now and I dont even want to explain the situation here. Lets say that I had a short chat with him on MSN which left me with NO hopes of ever being together with him again. I feel like Ive been punched in the stomach really hard. I know I will get better but right now Im just sad

 

Im even wondering if its a good idea to post on here every day....I think I just want to forget that he exists.....guess I will just post if I feel that I need to

[blue_dahlia]

Day 34

 

Well, I left the potatoes at home and went straight to the pool party.

 

Thank you for the post! I was curious what happened. I'm proud of you

[mattysfun]

update.

not sure what today is.

 

while i miss my ex.

 

and me and him never talk.

 

cause even if i did contact him he wouldnt care.

 

and cause he hates me.

 

i miss him.

but im better without him.

 

we had a good relationship.

but an ugly break up.

 

time for the next one.

[DavidWRosario]

Day 5

 

Getting ready to take the kids home. Had a great weekend. Dont really miss her much anymore. Was driving home from church and heard "If tomorrow never comes" by Garth Brooks. Thought about her for a minute, got up again and kept going.

 

God is good all the time.

 

Got a email blast from the past yesterday afternoon. I was a member of the original Geek Squad, but we called it the AV Squad. I was one of the missing members from the facebook reunion group. Was found thru link removed

amazing spoke with some old friend from yesteryear. We are all going to get together next year. That is so awesome.

 

I thought I was extremely limited on friends and now I am getting them by the truckload that is so awesome. I dont feel that alone anymore.

 

Kj - your doing great and will be fine

 

stillsmiling - How was the race ?

 

gg - where are you?

[DavidWRosario]

Day 5 -5 1/2 hours later

 

Back in the dumps again. What a rollercoaster. Took the kids home. They did not want to stay, they didnt want to go either. I know how they felt - saw her wanted to stay, wanted to run, wanted to hold her, wanted to shake her and scream what the hell have you done ? I feel like I will slowly go insane. Need to pray for peace and get some sleep. This too shall pass

[lkonohalanbu]

another day that i made it through, nobody will take these days i've been through nor will anybody do this for me

 

on to life and my bed!

 

the dreams kill me, but each day i dont call or check on her, the stronger i become, each second i take a step for myself into freedom and happiness

 

healing takes time, glad there is a contest to help us out!

 

where would we be if ENA wasn't around!

 

i know where i'd be, hurting, calling, texting, maybe even drive to her house to confront her

 

for myself and only myself! continuing on the healing journey

[PrettyGood]

Omg omg, what a horrible day today. My 4th day without him.

 

Feeling dead. Having so much thoughts about him, seeing him online and knowing that I shouldn't write him, because he betrayed me and asked not to push him. Sure, he also mentioned, that he WOULD BE GLAD to get my messages. How should I cope with it? I love him so much that it seems I could die for him at this moment. Every painful minute I'm feeling like a dying patient with cancer with no hope and waiting for family members which will not come to visit me on time. How can people be so selfish? I love him so much that I can even forgive his betrayal with other woman. But he was so cold, so cold that even didn't want to hear my love feelings and cryings.

 

I'm sitting at job and feeling bad. I even can't hear what people say to me, because it feels like I will die soon or go crazy

 

IMPORTANT, yesterday evening his friend came and told me that... he loves me. What a horrible thing! That's a real betrayal! I thought about it once, but not about his visit to tell me it directly! He was crying a lot for me and asking "Why are you so stupid loving HIM? You have a man besides you and I love you! Why can't you love me?!"

 

It's a nightmare! I don't feel anything for this man! I don't love him! I even don't wan to see him. My ex hates him after he saw us sitting on a couch and drinking cider, talking. But his friend was like a madman. He repeated me that he won't go out! He prayed that he could be my friend, if I don't want him as boyfriend! And I repeated it a lot of times for him and told him that it's a nonsense and I will not be with him - EVER. The worst is that he's my neighbour. But my life story is now like drama movie. I'm afraid that HIS friend wouldn't go to talk to HIM as man to man and say that he loves me and ask not to return to me. How horrible... He promised not to do this, but how could I be so sure???? Maybe I need to move to live somewhere else?

 

Phew! My afternoon: I wrote to a Skype window for my ex "So how is it feeling to be alone?" Thanks God, I found my inner power NOT to push the button "Send". So I cancelled this message and he didn't get it at all. What am I trying to fool? Myself? Well I just heard my inner voice telling me: "And what should he answer to this message?". I thought he would tell ok and think, that I'm still the same obsessive his ex girlfriend. So I didn't do it. I'm proud myself and feeling easier some.

[StillSmiling]

Day 35

 

I realized something new happened yesterday while I was out with friends. I actually went pretty long periods of time without thinking of him. What a nice break for my head and my heart! I'll admit to looking for him the crowd at the races a few times, and of coarse did not see him.

 

The days are getting a touch easier. The moments I cry or feel that stabbing wound are less and less now.

 

Still wish I could see him. Still wish I could speak to him or email him. I still miss him so much. But I know I am not ready. And maybe I will never be ready. Perhaps he is going to be the first man ever in my life that just disappears forever. Sad to think about.

 

Started on a pretty serious vitamin regimen, as I still don't have the interest or motivation to cook and really eat properly. I suppose that also will come back in time. I feel like the vitamins are perhaps helping with the stress as well. Maybe it's all in my head, but it feels like something is happening. Maybe it is just the time passing without contacting him ...

 

The next improvement in this whole mess in to quit smoking. Will wait until after Vegas to get that under control ...

 

Hang in there fellow NCers. It does get better.

[ccali78]

Ok so I am on day zero as I failed miserably after finding out everyone knew he was screwing the copy machine girl...

 

At first I got mad and texted him saying I was humilated and everyone knew and all his friends were so disgusted with him. Than I went to bed. I slept good which was nice for a change.

 

Then I woke up and I needed to know if he was still seeing her as these friends do not see him all the time and they are my friends. (they are mutual friends that we both knew before we dated). I have been friends with them all since high school and I believe the same is true for him.

 

So I texted him about 8 times saying I needed to know the truth I could not take hearing it from someone else. I could not take anymore humiliation. NO response. What is wrong with me..

[PrettyGood]

At first I got mad and texted him saying I was humilated and everyone knew and all his friends were so disgusted with him.

 

So I texted him about 8 times saying I needed to know the truth I could not take hearing it from someone else. I could not take anymore humiliation. NO response. What is wrong with me..

 

Well I'm sorry to hear that, I'm in different situation, but I try to understand you. So I think that you shouldn't write him anything. It's hard, I believe, sometimes I even myself firstly do something, and then think that it was wrong.

 

Try to think before you do: What he will answer everytime you want to talk to him. Sincerely, - men not every time give a response. So if you think that bad response will disappoint you - don't write anything.

 

What is wrong with you? The problem is clear - you still think of him. Because you still love him or because of your ego, if you can't let yourself to forget him so early. And to forgive him sincerely. For a long time, sure.

[ccali78]

Thanks NewDilemma. I just feel so rejected but I need to remain strong and not text. I guess I can post the texts on here so I do not send them to him.

[StillSmiling]

So I texted him about 8 times saying I needed to know the truth I could not take hearing it from someone else. I could not take anymore humiliation. NO response. What is wrong with me..

 

Nothing. You are simply in the very first stages of the mess. Just realize you are prolonging the moving on until you stop this behavior.

 

I know it's REALLY hard, and I thought I could never do it. But I have, and life is getting better.

 

Cry, scream, punch pillows, post and read here ... but don't contact him.

 

*Hugs*