THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Trei1972]

yes, maybe that's the hardest part.. is feeling like you've been tossed aside, as something worthless. Not even worth a goodbye, or a dear john letter. Just gone. All done with an attitude of get over it already, what are you so torn up about? Like they have no clue as to why this would hurt us so badly!

[Hopelives]

I don't exactly know how long it's been since I last answered his email - maybe 3.5 weeks? It doesn't matter... not really.

 

While I would LOVE to hear Pierre's voice (that's a voice he does for a joke he tells) on the other end of my phone, or hear Kermit the Frog, or Ms Piggy; while I would still LOVE to hear him say, "Hey Babe..." and laugh at his jokes, fall over backward laughing at our antics, listen to his stories of the day, hit golf balls with him, or just veg... While I would love to get an email from him for my birthday telling me he misses me every day, and that none of this makes sense to him either...

 

It doesn't matter. Until HE wants to hear me laugh, see my dimples beam, watch my eyes twinkle while HE tells me the jokes, and stories... it does not matter.

 

I don't think of this as NC, I think of this as living my life. With all my heart I hope he changes direction, comes back for me, works things out with his kids, and so forth, living my life is for me - it is NOT moving on, it is living.

 

Every day I wish I could text him the funny things that run through my mind because I know he'd laugh. Every day I miss him.

 

HOWEVER, every day I'm still a happy person, still excited about life and all that it has to offer.

 

Every day, I hope he comes back to share that with me. If not, I'm still living, I'm still happy...

 

23 or so...

[StillSmiling]

"Go figure .. we live in a disposible life now ..."

 

Boy did that knock me back, I have just been disposed of

 

THAT I think I why I feel so effin' bad, Because I can and will fix anything and the ex just tossed us away...

 

Yep thats EXACTLY how I feel. No talks, no working on it, no fights ... just sorry ... you are off to the bin. I still can't quite comprehend how I he could toss it away to easy if he really felt what he said he did.

 

Yes, we have been dismissed to the bin.

[StillSmiling]

Hopelives, I wish I was it your space in my head. Sadly, I have been coming real close to "it's really done with" to have any more hope for "us".

 

Yes, it's living, but it is also moving on without the hopes that someday it could be fixed. I think that is the difference. You are still hoping "he changes his heart". Some of us here know that will never be the case and will accept that and grow from it.

 

How you have managed to love someone deeply, watch it end and still be "a happy person and excited about life" at day 23 or so is beyond me. Could you please bottle that and send me some? LOL

[brizzle]

Broke NC after only five or so days. It happened to be what would have been our four year anniversary. But something came over me...I let myself go out and socialize and flirt and though most guys made me wish I could be back with my ex, ONE gave me butterflies like crazy. It made me realize that I had no reason to want to go back to my ex. I realized all of the horrible ways that my ex treated me (he lied obsessively and kept things from me and made me feel like crap a lot...but an emotional abuser usually finds success in making you think its YOU thats the problem, rather than them...another thread I suppose). I realized what I was missing was the comfort of being with someone that I know and that I was more scared to lose our "plans" and memories than I was to lose HIM. Don't get me wrong, I love him, and there will be times I miss him, but I also have come to realize he was never the best I could do and especially because he doesnt know how great IIIII am. So, I know a lot of you hate it when people on here say "do NC for yourself", but it's true. I hated hearing it, but it's turned out to be the most freeing experience ever. I phoned him to tell him NOT to contact me in six months because I didn't want to be an option for him...ever. So I cut off all contact with him and wished him good luck and I feel so liberated!

[Hopelives]

Hopelives, I wish I was it your space in my head. Sadly, I have been coming real close to "it's really done with" to have any more hope for "us".

 

Yes, it's living, but it is also moving on without the hopes that someday it could be fixed. I think that is the difference. You are still hoping "he changes his heart". Some of us here know that will never be the case and will accept that and grow from it.

 

How you have managed to love someone deeply, watch it end and still be "a happy person and excited about life" at day 23 or so is beyond me. Could you please bottle that and send me some? LOL

 

Well... life has taught me to be like this.

 

At 18, I was bound for pre-med, taking biology, zoology, anatomy, chem, org chem, biochem, math, genetics, microbio, ... Had wanted to be a doc since I was 5...

 

At 22, I buried a 6 month old son - born March 26, died Sept 26 of SIDS.

 

At 27, I found out I was pregnant again - my son is now 16.

 

At 38, I met a man I thought was the love of my life. He beat me, he beat my son, he emotionally barraged me until I thought I was an ugly POS (I'm a 6'1", thin leggy blond who models) with an MBA in finance.

 

At 40, "that one" left my life in tatters... I was beyond devastated. Emotionally, physically, mentally battered, I was a mess.

 

At 43, I met... "Pierre" - lol - just thinking about that makes me smile.

 

He is a physician. A family practice doc, someone who treated me like a queen, right up until the day we broke up. We meshed - he is something I always wanted to be. He is successful, funny, loving, witty, smart, compassionate, passionate, ...

 

There was NEVER a day where we fought, argued, disagreed, or did not laugh. Each day I spent with him - I loved and loved that day with him. Each day I talked with him, I laughed... and laughed hard. Each day he spent with his kids, I smiled and warmed thinking of how lucky they were to have time with their dad.

 

Every day I hope when he choked up and said how hard this was and asked if there was someone else, he meant he hoped not.

 

Every day when I think about what he wrote about having "loved every minute I spent with you", I hope he meant it.

 

Every day, I do hope he comes back but reality says it's very possible he will not. Doctors have to make decisions that are life impacting on a minute-to-minute basis and they rarely change their course... I hope, this one time, he does.

 

SOoooo, every day, I live my life. I smile, I laugh, I hope, I dream, I live, I have fun ... and I miss him.

 

But at 44 (on Sunday), I'm too young to curl up and let anguish crumble me. HE would not want me that way and I don't want me that way either.

 

Life taught me to be happy - no matter if someone is in my life, or not.

[KaylaJoy]

I have seen this scenario before, and it's not pretty. Kudos to you for remaining sane through this whole process, and my heart goes out to you. You are obviously not faint at heart, you have a lot of strength, which is evident in your post. I pray you find peace and comfort in Christ somehow.

 

Your husband? He has made a huge mistake, that in time he will regret, trust me on this one. In the meantime, take care of you and those kiddos, and you will be blessed.

 

I'm sorry that this happened to you. :sad:

[StillSmiling]

Day 24

 

Started to slip last night. Odd how there are ups and downs and not sure what triggered it but I had all I could do to not make contact. Perhaps it is that 30 days is coming up fast and the acceptance that it really is over, not more chances, is setting in and has brought a new round of pain.

 

I fail to understand myself in wanting the relationship back. It was grand and romantic and no fights, but it still would have not worked out as a life partner in the long run. Life values and styles just too different. I know that, yet I yearn to be back around so badly.

 

I keep dreaming of somehow running into him. That he will once again express that he is also still hurting. That it continues to be hard for him like it is for me. Not a very Christian sentiment but it would confirm that he really did love me as much as he said and could not be thrown from his thoughts so easily.

 

I want so badly to just forget about him, yet he lingers in my thoughts every hour of every day. That creepy little voice that says "maybe ... just maybe". And I try to shout back "DEAD" ... and it works at moments until the next round of recalling him floods back again. I hate this.

 

To top it off, the guy I had a date with the other night has not called back or responded to my thank you note I left him for dinner. He wasn't any dream man, but sweet and interesting and not hard to look at it. I would have gone out with him again as we seemed to have much in common. It just smacks my self-esteem and feels like more rejection piled on top of this broken relationship.

 

I swear you need very thick skin to play the online dating game. Sometimes I feel like a toy and they are shopping in a catalog. Are we on online dating sites because we are too desperate to fill that hole left behind? So we are this giant glob of desperate people, men and women, fighting to find something and along the way ignoring red flags? Perhaps I have just become a bit phobic after this last almost one year relationship that started from link removed. While he was far from a player, and I know his feeling were sincere, he sure threw it away without any work. Desperate to find the perfect fit right out of the shoot and not have to work on any issues?

 

It's awful to still have so many questions in my head. Ugh. I need this to be over ...

[The Mad Pagan]

I, too, am feeling very disposable today, and I think for many of the same reasons. I dream up elaborate schemes so that he'll see me and see how good I look now, but I dash them to pieces before I do something foolish.

 

Bleah, this sucks.

[Hopelives]

You ask me how I could just be happy, even though I missed him and loved him. You asked if I could bottle it and send it your way.

 

A few things I might point out that struck me as I read your post.

 

1) I'm not online looking to date; not as a friend not as a bf, not as a potential... I'm not looking. I'm grieving the end of what was a fabulous experience and enjoying my life without him DESPITE the fact, I wish he were around to enjoy it with me.

 

2) Since I'm not back dating again, I'm also not put in the position of comparing/contrasting "him" to "new man" which is not fair to either of them. Likewise, I have no holes to fill with "new man" and no expectations that can be unmet as well.

 

3) I posted elsewhere that after 4 days, he was activated again on link removed and he was rightfully scorned and ridiculed as a player, at a minimum, undignified and unrespectful. I would not lower myself to playing the field so soon - as HE truly meant something to me, I'm taking time to grieve, miss him, and yet live my life.

 

It seems that you are back at an on-line dating site hoping to fill a hole that was left with someone else, then comparing that someone else to your ex, then being disappointed when they 1) don't fit your expectations 2) don't respond.

 

You say your life styles are so very different and yet yearn for what you had. I don't mean to minimize your pain and anguish, but really?

 

Was it really "him" or just that you "had someone" and are just looking for another "someone" to fill your life.

 

I LOVE my life. If you read my earlier post on this thread my life has, at times, thrown me hellish situations and yet, I'm still happy.

 

THAT is what I wish I could bottle for people. That no man (or woman) should MAKE you happy - they should add to it.

 

"Jim" did for me. I loved him and still do - whether he chooses to be in my life or not.

[StillSmiling]

Hopelives,

 

I appreciate your words of wisdom. My head will entirely agree with everything you have said. My heart, at this point, is just not agreeing.

 

I was single and did very little dating for a year and a half before I got involved with my Ex. I was perfectly happy living alone (have for 9 years), running 5 companies (no, I'm not a kid) and didn't feel like I had a hole to fill. But at times it does get lonely when you have no other family or children in your life. Great friends, but at times we crave more. That's why I did link removed, as I suspect you did the site you met your guy on.

 

I too have been thrown some real hard balls in life. I lost my husband to Lou Gehrigs and my sister who was my best friend from cancer exactly 6 months apart from each other. A year later I lost my Mother unexpectedly, who I was very close to. So I understand the pain game, and the recoveries and how one finds the strength to move on with life and get back that happiness and joy for life.

 

I am, generally speaking a very upbeat, outgoing, confident, successful and happy person. I was when I met "him". I had no intentions of anything moving too fast .. yet it did. I have never been consumed by a relationship like I was with this one. I let my guard down and buried the red flags.

 

Now, don't get me wrong. We had great times together and he is a great man. We traveling extensively together and being 24/7 for times out of the country created no issues. In fact it was magic.

 

In fact it was perfect. We both had our own spaces, we came together a number of times during the week, spent great times, and than had time for the rest of life was throwing us. And we traveled. So no, he did not come into my life to "fill a hole", but he embellished an already happy life.

 

THAT is what I struggle with now. That he became 4-5 days/nights of my life. He became the person who made me laugh and he became, instead of friends, the person that I spent most of my free time with. And he loved and wanted me in his life like I have never known before.

 

The basic that he and I differ on are things such as spiritual beliefs, finances, who does how much of the compromising and the such. Things that are very "workable" when you are not living together. So when I state that, what I mean is that as a life partner it would not have worked. As it was, it worked perfectly. But he wanted more and I was not ready. It happened too fast.

 

I know I will get back to the place of feeling confident and happy again and content without a man in my life for the time being. But I also know I was not meant to walk this earth alone forever. I'm not going crazy on dating sites, but I am back there peeking, just as you did when you went on that site.

 

I think there is one major difference between where you and I are at. And I hope you do not take this the wrong way because it is not meant to be anything other than explaining where I am at vs. you. You are still holding onto the idea that the may be back. Nothing wrong with that. I, on the other hand, have accepted that he will not be a part of my life any longer. And that ... simply hurts.

[Trei1972]

thank you for responding.. I am hanging in there. Still not in no-contact but soon. Still reading all of your posts and wishing you strength..

[Hopelives]

Clarification:

 

I did not go to link removed to peek, I went to check and see if he was on there... following a gut instinct... after he wrote me a "Hey, thanks for getting me my stuff back. How are you? How's the new S Corp?" I responded, and then... silence... which took me by surprise. I'd thought the email from him was a "toe dipping in the water - how much did I screw this up?" sort of thing.

 

Anyway, after the silence for 3 days, I signed in on phony listing, searched his age, and wallah, he was first profile that popped up. After getting ill, I deleted my phony profile.

 

I have 0 interest in dating ever again. I cannot explain the peace I have found knowing I found "him" and that he was perfect FOR me... geeky, nerdy, smart, charming, hilarious, gray haired, blue eyed, kind, gentle - everything you'd want in a family prac doc ... he was perfect for me... and I'm okay with knowing that... likewise, I'm okay knowing there will never be anyone else. That is not a "pity me" statement as many say in the throngs of hurt, it is an acknowledgement that no other man could mesh like he did - phony on his part or not, there is no other man...

 

We did meet on millionairematch... it was my first foray into online dating, and my last. I had perused the link removed site and realized it was not for me.

 

From my heart, I'm sooo incredibly sorry about the ALS... for those of us who have known and seen that disease, there is absolutely nothing worse. No cancer, no Parkinson's, no HIV is worse than ALS... I'm sooo sooo sorry.

 

I'm sorry I can't bottle up my "peace" with all of this... Hope is the name of my golden retriever aptly named because she is a kids cancer therapy dog and was my hope when life was handing me grenades instead of grenadine

 

I hope you have a better day - I hope you find peace. Same way, I still hope that he returns...

[Hopelives]

You are still holding onto the idea that the may be back. Nothing wrong with that. I, on the other hand, have accepted that he will not be a part of my life any longer. And that ... simply hurts.

 

I'm not holding onto the idea - yet I do hope. Same way I hope I win the Powerball or Lotto or rolling slot machines in Vegas

 

You made the choice to end this with him... based on what-if scenarios... did you ever talk to him about it? or just decide that it wouldn't work... was it a mutual decision?

 

Reason for asking...

 

about 10 years ago an old bf - Mike - left me without explanation or discussion... got an email about this and that. He then met and married someone else. Last year wrote to me to tell me he wishes he would've talked to me before ending things with us... he is now getting divorced, says he wants to be with me post-divorce and yet, for me, it is over... I don't want to date and I don't want to be with him. He decided that our future together wouldn't work based on my son, my life goals, my dreams - which all changed in the past 10 years... but he never discussed with me whether they were "real" or assumed or just that - dreams... he just assumed that when my beliefs, my politics, my finances were discussed that it was rock solid when in reality, I'm ponder a lot verbally before really coming to a conclusion as to what I think... or what I want.

 

sometimes compromising is ameliorating oneself to another's life - or accepting them as they are.

 

Great relationships are hard to find ... sad when they are tossed aside for potential greener pastures... that don't exist.

[StillSmiling]

I think we have hyjacked this thread for it's purpose, and that is finding the strength in making a 30 day NC.

 

Having said that, no, I did NOT make the choice to end it. HE shocked me with ending it. And no, there was little discussion prior to his abrupt choice and about our differences. I was also "processing" what became a very intense relationship on IF I could very feel good about us living togther or marrying. He tossed me with the owrds of "workaholic, loner, and I am a good person, just not good for him".

 

So go figure ...

 

And we should probably not hyjack the means of this thread anymore. PM? I also have a golden =)

[Steve 7745]

Funny how that works... I don't want to ask my ex for a status update, and trying to read into her e-mails is pointless. (And I don't have a Facebook account, thank goodness!) But, I did Google her name, and the name of her new bf to see if there were any major announcements. All I found was an alumni magazine from her college that had news of a recent area get-together, and a small pic of her as one of the attendees. It really made my heart race, and renewed my longing for her. She's done some impressive things.

 

On top of that, the girl I'm seeing now is becoming super high-maintenance, so I'm going to have to bail out soon. I went into it telling her that I wasn't interested in a LTR, but she's going for it nonetheless. ](*,)

 

Take care,

 

BP

 

Unfortunately, although I deleted my ex from my Facebook, she has made friends with one of my buddies. One I have to see fairly often because of parties and events. I half feel like my ex is slowly strengthening her friendship with our mutual friend just so she has a "back door" into seeing me again.

 

Thankfully, this mutual friend is also a girl so it won't become one of those "if a relationship fails, just pursue his good male chum for whatever reason". However, sooner or later I'm going to cross paths with my ex because of the joint friendship.

 

Sorry about your pain though.

 

Day.... what day is it? 13.

 

Skipped an entry yesterday. I worked out yesterday morning but neglected to this morning again. I just needed sleep. I'm eating light today so I don't gain more weight. Currently, I'm anywhere between 16.1 and 15% body fat, so I'm getting there.

 

Stayed up late practicing C# and my guitar. I've been thinking lately that it's because I've been on this board, I've been forcing myself to think about my ex often. Yesterday, I felt down and ended up reading the old emails she and I passed too and from one another while we were at work. I felt down after, but it was another memory of ours I wanted to relive so I could accept that it was over.

 

We were like two kids passing notes to one another during class. It wasn't just attraction, it felt like a genuine friendship too. It felt like we connected on so many levels and then things fell apart. That's why it's so hard to fight the urge to accept "being friends" with her. It felt like there was so much more between us in three short months then there ever was between any of the other girls I've ever dated in my life. But that ship has sailed.

 

Remembering these things, I feel both sad and warm on the inside. I guess it's true that it's better to have loved and lost then never loved at all.

[KaylaJoy]

Day 14 went kablooey. I broke it. Not sorry I did, I think I saw what I needed to see, but I hate that I have to start all over to get right back where I already was.

So I called him, just to say hello, to hear his voice, to reassure him that I wasn't "hostile" as he put it, in case he wanted to call or do something together, just wanted him to know I was thinking about him. He called right back, which is a biggie, since he rarely does that. But I needn't get too excited, he called while on his way to a friend's house, so that was an easy out for him to get off the phone, which he did pretty much promptly as soon as he reached their house.

The air was so very apparent from our brief conversation that he hasn't thought of me, hasn't missed me, has been busy "doing nothing" with his buds, isn't calling me because he doesn't want to call me. All these things were said unspoken, if that makes sense. It was as if he was doing his polite obligation by returning my call, but I got no sense of warmth or fuzzy feelings from him, only polite cordiality, and then he hung up so he could go "run errands" with his best friend.

 

I asked myself what do I want? Do I want to continue to make an effort with someone who tells me to relax and trust him, that he is my friend, yet this same guy has used me, emotionally abused me, ignored me, seldom calls or iniates contact on his own, is always too busy to spend time with me, and the last email I got from him a month ago said he would call me sometime for a "hang out" but it would be on his calendar, not mine. Do I want to keep trying? Is this sadness, sorrow and pain worth it?

No, it's not. NC starts afresh today, and as of today, I am done trying. I think that's the right thing, and I think that's what the Lord wants.

I love the Lord, because He sat and just let me cry today, no beating me up for calling- just let me cry, and I know He understands. I'll cry for awhile, and one day I'll be strong again.

[KaylaJoy]

Footnote -

I've been trying to decide what I will do if 3 months down the road he does decide to call and want to get together, and honestly? I can't reason it out that far ahead. If I knew today that on November 3rd he would call me, I would probably take his call, but if I knew he wanted to hang out, I would probably make up a polite reason why I couldn't, and let it go.

 

That being said, I don't know how I'll feel then. Maybe I won't even take his call or return his email. Maybe I'll be so ready to put this all behind me, and I'll remember all the hurt I've faced because of my relationship with Mark, and I will.just.walk.away.

 

Maybe I will be superfine, and welcome him with open arms and a smiling face as if nothing has ever happened and no hurt has ever occurred. Maybe I will have forgotten all about the pain. I doubt it.

All I know is that I miss him when I'm not around him, but then on days like today when I do talk to him, I'm only reminded of how little I get from him. Not to sound selfish, but I have to ask myself this question: what does his presense in my life do for me? The honest answer? Right now, nothing but hurt. It's been that way for a long time.

 

As Madea (of Madea goes to Jail) says, "if someone wants to leave you, LET THEM GO."

[KaylaJoy]

We were like two kids passing notes to one another during class. It wasn't just attraction, it felt like a genuine friendship too. It felt like we connected on so many levels and then things fell apart. That's why it's so hard to fight the urge to accept "being friends" with her. It felt like there was so much more between us in three short months then there ever was between any of the other girls I've ever dated in my life. But that ship has sailed.

 

Remembering these things, I feel both sad and warm on the inside. I guess it's true that it's better to have loved and lost then never loved at all.

 

I got that. The 4 months I spent with Mark were heaven and hell all in one. But in the end, on your "better to have loved...." note - I decided for myself today that if I could have the love I had with him again, and know it would end up like it has now, I would not do it. I would run, remembering this hurt. It wasn't worth it, as grand as it was, it consumed me and took over my whole life, and it wasn't worth it, because it nearly destroyed me, and our friendship is basically gone for what it was, and all I got out of it was a broken heart that two years later I'm still trying to mend.

 

Just a thought.

[Steve 7745]

I got that. The 4 months I spent with Mark were heaven and hell all in one. But in the end, on your "better to have loved...." note - I decided for myself today that if I could have the love I had with him again, and know it would end up like it has now, I would not do it. I would run, remembering this hurt. It wasn't worth it, as grand as it was, it consumed me and took over my whole life, and it wasn't worth it, because it nearly destroyed me, and our friendship is basically gone for what it was, and all I got out of it was a broken heart that two years later I'm still trying to mend.

 

Just a thought.

 

I may miss my ex, and it may hurt, but I would rather under go this pain and learn from it then to remain ignorant. You won't know until you try, and now you know and by knowing, you can avoid the mistakes you made the first time around. It's like purgatory from Divine Comedy. You're there because you did something wrong, probably out of ignorance but you can still succeed, you just have to keep trying until you get it right.

[KaylaJoy]

You won't know until you try, and now you know and by knowing, you can avoid the mistakes you made the first time around.

 

You're there because you did something wrong, probably out of ignorance but you can still succeed, you just have to keep trying until you get it right.

 

yup and yup on both accounts. I see soooo many mistaks I made with Mark. Like if I would watch it on TV I'd have to grimace and turn my head, I'd be so annoyed!

Unfortunately, at this point, I am so afraid to trust anyone, it's going to be awhile I think before I will let the wall down. I learned not to take a friendship and try to make a relationship out of it unless both parties are very very sure that's what they want (I was, he wasn't). I learned when he says he's not really into you and doesn't want to date you, LISTEN. Even if he's lying in your bed when he says it (which he was), if he tells you this ain't a love thing, LISTEN. I learned you can't change a man's mind or his heart if he has it made up. I learned that you can't "love" a man enough that he will change his mind. I've learned alot, the list could go on.

I also know no man ever touched my heart like he did. I've never loved anyone like I loved Mark, and if God has something greater around the corner, look out world, it's going to be amazing.

[princess_summer_blue84]

Well I was doing very good about my ex- fiancee I havne't heard anything from his over a month and a half until yesturday he contacted me saying how much he miss's me and that he can't wait to be with me and kisses. Please once an ex always will be an ex. HAven't contacted him back either. He can kiss my butt.

[thatdoggirl]

We had been on a 'break' for the past 2 weeks and it ended up with him not wanting space and what made it harder was that we lived together. So it wasn't even really a 'break' because in the second week the cuddling began and then there was a couple times where it was more then that and I was confused. I'm still in love with him but know that he has manipulated me and he doesn't even realize it (or maybe he does). He loves me but says he doesn't think I'm the one he is supposed to marry. So we broke up yesterday morning. He left for work.

 

That's when I made a decision and told myself I had to move out right then and there. I packed up all my stuff into my car and moved back in with my mom.

 

I had read this thread like a week ago and so yesterday I realized I needed to do NC in order to get over him. I still want to be his friend in the end because he is a nice guy and we get along. I just have to look at the reality and know that we aren't meant for each other. So I need a month to get away and have time to myself before I talk to him again.

 

I made a couple exceptions. I'll explain them so it's clear that they aren't exceptions as in any kind of hopes or ways to cause more pain for myself. We had both been signed on a lease for a new apartment and the move in date was August 29th. So I called up the place and took my name off and told them that he was still interested and they told me to have him call ASAP. So I had to break NC strictly for "business" purposes only so I stopped by the apartment while he was away at work and left a note with nothing but the info on the apartment and the paper that goes with it.

 

Then another thing, when we were together... a week or two ago I had invited him to go with me to Kings Island (an amusement park) along with a group of other friends that might go. So I felt it would be rude to leave him out of that and go off with everyone else so I did forward a message that I sent out to everyone invited about that through Facebook so that message included him. However, I know in the he mostlikely can't make it anyway due to work schedules and everything so there is 90% chance he won't reply or won't be able to make it. So hopefully I just don't get a reply about that.

 

I have received a couple texts of him telling me of how he didn't sleep well last night without me and him trying to say hey. Then he tried another text this afternoon and an IM this evening asking if I was going to talk to him. I didn't respond to anything! It's killing me lately because I feel bad and don't want him to hate me or think that I hate him. However, I know that it's best that I don't talk to him for the month so I can go through this.

 

So I technically started yesterday afternoon with this but I'll just say that today was DAY 1!

[Steve 7745]

Unfortunately, at this point, I am so afraid to trust anyone, it's going to be awhile I think before I will let the wall down.

 

There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Just don't leave the wall up so long, you pass up a good thing.

[Steve 7745]

Day 14.

 

I'll make this quick.

 

The good news is, I think I've found out what is causing the pain in my abs and.. private areas. A sportsman's hernia.

 

Bad news is, a lot of people press for a surgery recovery. I don't like that. I'm going to lay off cardio for a few days, but do lots of core exercises and stretching and see if I can't recover.

 

Today's mood is pain.