THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[xRoh]

Nooooooooo. This can not be happening.

 

Ex just logged onto MSN. I have my status to "Appear Offline" so he doesn't know I'm on. Then he sent this..

 

"I miss you and care about you and wish the best for you beautiful!!! i love you dANIELLE..with all my heart * * * * er, for life and until I die.."

 

Now I'm in floods of tears.

[GoldenHillGuy]

DAY 2

 

Yesterday started out good, and got progressively worse. Today is starting off okay. FOREVER is scarry.

[dqueen]

I don't want to know the exact number of days but I think I'm a little over 2 weeks of NC now. I still can't breathe.

[xxmacbethxx]

forever is scary and i havnt even started yet, im terrified i think im start before i got to bed for a good few hour running start while sleeping lol, still thinking hard about this and looking for advice

[bkunt04]

day 2 of nc for me, i feel absolutely fine. not even the least bit sad, actually. this is coming from someone who was a train wreck a couple days ago.

 

i understand though that im young and there are far more important things than dwelling on the past. little things remind me of her but i quickly dismiss them from my mind. any thought of her finding someone else is immediately thrown away from my consciousness.

 

i keep myself extremely busy... lots of physical activities plus work. i actually cant wait for school to start.

[mattysfun]

everytime i think about starting no contact me and him have a fight.

[Steve 7745]

I'm sorry MacBeth. But no one's "perfect" for one another. Not even the Zodiac Astrology readings promise that. Not even my most recent ex was perfect for me, but I loved her imperfections all the same.

 

You're not getting her back. Not like this. Go NC. Maybe she'll come back and you'll decide to try talking to her, maybe not. But things aren't going to change the way they are now. So take charge and kill the communication, because you're just twisting the knife in your gut rather then taking it out.

[Hopelives]

Does it count if he sent ME an email and I did not respond? (His email was not necessary to send to me; we were broken up, I had just responded to a different one of his a week earlier - hence 13 days NC on my part - and apparently, he felt the need to "stick the knife in" once more.)

 

I have no desire to say anything to him... the thought of what he did, how he lied to me, how he led my son and me on, how he played up "I'm a doctor, I know how to read people" - yep, he does and did!

 

Not that I don't miss him or that it does not hurt, and wish this were all different but in the end, he showed who he truly is... and hopefully, I can remain strong and remember that when I threw out the trash in my life, I did not go back after it.

 

"It is not how you begin a relationship that defines one's character, it's how one ends it."

[Steve 7745]

It's fine if he sends an email, provided you don't respond or check his profile, etc.

[ghostgirl116]

still nc. i haven't counted, as i have no intention of contacting. this is my second stint of nc, and i think i may be at day five? ok, thats counting!

 

i've started to feel guilty and childish for looking at his ex wife's myspace page, even though i didn't go looking for it. i think i looked at it a total of three times. not anymore. last i looked, it looked like she was under the impression they were getting back together? i'm still completely floored with it. he was always respectful of his wife, but was miserable when they were married... and i could see why! she has been extremely disrespectful to him. ok, i know thats just a red herring in the scheme of it. i guess i'm just floored, thats all.

 

i am feeling a little better each day. i can't wait until i'm through this and can just move on.

[Hopelives]

Nah, I don't need to check his profile... seeing it once, when I did not expect to find him out cruising, was enough to tell me his true character... it was such a shock... and I have more class than to stalk, chase, peruse, check-up-on, etc...

 

](*,)

 

And I won't respond to him when he writes... not worth the effort in lifting my fingers...

[bepositive]

Hey, folks

 

Just missing the ex tonight. Although her last contacts were interesting, nothing resolved yet.

 

Take care, all!

[The Mad Pagan]

I thought about him a bit today, more negatively than positively. I wish things could have been different, but this is how it is, and I have to deal with that.

 

I'm looking forward to hitting the two week mark tomorrow.

[mattysfun]

nc lasted all of 12 hours.

talked to his bf and heard he was upset.

just couldnt help myself.

 

of course he didnt respond to my text.

 

is talking to the ex's new bf considered breaking nc?

[xRoh]

Spoke to my ex last night. It was really nice. We kinda argued at first but we made up by the end of the night. We both made it clear that we're not ready to move on and we still love eachother very much.

 

NC lasted for 5 days. I was surprised I could make it that far without losing my mind. I don't know what's going to happen now..

[dudu]

Intro:

Oh boy, we love each other so much but we can't seem to get anywhere. In 7,5 years we dated, had an LDR, wanted to get married, lived together, broke up, lived together, broke up, did other ppl behind eachothers back, tried to break up for good, went platonic, went our separate ways, became FWB, fell madly in love again ..my desire to add marriage and kids to this list collided with her need to be 100% sure about too many things.. I pressured her too hard because she left me in a vacuum to long and now she asked to be left alone..

 

Low Contact history:

Been a week since I last saw her 26/6. Exchanged stuff 30/6. Called to make obligatory dumpee plea if this is really the only way foreward.

 

Got a call hours later in which she appologised for sounding a bit nervous. Well, her answer was no, and wether she told it written with roses or with a restraining order was the least of my worries.

 

NC: I'm up for the challenge, so cleaned her out of facebook and msn at 3/8 15:51 GMT+1 and I'm off.

[Steve 7745]

I'm going to say yes, Mattysfun, if at least you don't do it that often. Also, you did it to find out how he was doing, indirect contact.

 

Day 3.

 

Checked the scales. I'm down to 199.8 pounds having finally killed three more pounds. I feel proud and happy. Today I have to work out, have a date with Natalie and then I want to clean this place. If there's time, I'd like to go and see the Dark Knight again.

 

Whenever I think about getting back together with her, I slap myself in the face. I really just want to let go and conquer all my bad habits. I want to be free to be myself. I haven't checked the MySpace of my ex L, nor have I researched the FB profile of C.

[StillSmiling]

Day 13

 

Just home from my week in Yosemite camping and hiking. It was refreshing to get away, but at times tough as it made me think more of him. And made me wish he was there. And too much quiet time in the early mornings to think about him.

How the hell do I get him off of my mind? I am so sick of crying.

 

Coming home I was flooded with memories again even though I have put away everything blatant, such as photos. The white sage I ordered for the house "cleansing" has not arrived yet. No flippin idea if there is anything to that, but I know that my home which I once loved so dearly feels so "wrong" now. I will give anything a try.

 

To all, typing as I read the posts here, so forgive me if these comments only make sense as I type them as I read.

 

KaylaJoy: On 7/28 you wrote about no FWB. Will you remind me of that story? After just completing a 7 hour drive from Yosemite hiking, and spending 6.95 hours thinking about him, I start coming up with stupid brainstorms of still trying to fulfill a trip to Hawaii with him that I gave him for Christmas. I tell myself, OK, we would have to agree to separate rooms, blah, blah , blah ... and I think about just enjoying him company again. Yeah right. I can see myself headed for another fall and starting the healing again. Dammit. And I liked that you wrote this: "I want him in my life. I know now I can make it if he's not there. " Good words to wake up to. Thank you.

 

KaylaJoy: 7/29 Put the pictures away. There is a time to grieve the loss, but please don't torture yourself. I had to keep on "cleaning my space" and put away all of the pictures, stuff, etc. It feels better. And expect lonely nights... we will all have them for now.

 

gg: 7/28 Ouch. I have done the same nonsense with looking at dating sites he is on, and more than I can even confess here. I'm not certain why we torture ourselves like this? And WHY, when I an normally a very caring and loving person do I find comfort in reading that he too is lonely (not written to me). ?

 

gg: 7/28 You DO need his help in closing the door. Sad as it is, and I am going through the same damn thing. Head says we cannot be buddies now or maybe ever, heart overrides that at times I am feeling JUST like you. And we are both starting over at 53 *sigh*.

 

The Mad Pagan: You give me hope. We are the same age. Happy that Day 8 feels better for you.

 

DavidW: You are always such an inspiration. I am still reading and catching up, but 7/29, you ROCK. Good for you guy! And I LOVED how you found "you were NOT a creep". Isn't it amazing how we let someone take out self-esteem away from us? I am dealing with the same stuff.

 

meinreallife: Oh I am so sorry you are feeling such pain. No doubt this is a horrid experience and some damn days are for whatever tougher than others. Know it does get better. I am Far from "there", but I am much better than I was just less than 2 weeks ago when I spoke with him again.

 

To all, I wish us day that contains some peace for our hearts. Know we will all come out the other side of this.

 

I have to keep reminding myself that the 30 days is for MY healing, not an attempt to get back something that I know in my head would have never worked out in the long run. Why I still crave it back is something I can't figure out.

 

I am thankful for the words of wisdom here and for the support ... and for aplace to put these words that rattle in my head ...

[GoldenHillGuy]

DAY 3

 

I don't know what to say. Yeah, it hurts a bit. But since I had already moved on to a large degree before trying to win her back, I'm in a good spot. I've been dating different women anyways. So, its cool. I don't know if I should keep posting here, because this NC will most likely last FOREVER. That's the hard part. FOREVER is such a scarry thought.

[ghostgirl116]

i'm glad you understand needing the help with closing the door. unfortunately, i guess i'm just doing it by myself. just taking his lack of contact and going with that. i keep wondering that he may have done that in the email that i deleted, but i won't know. i have so many other things going on that require my attention, so i know i don't have the time/energy to be concerned with what ails him in his too. that sounds terribly selfish of me in a way... but he made his choice. i guess i just never thought in a million years he'd want to be back with someone who disrespected him so, who made him so miserabel, whom he couldn't wait until she found someone else so that she'd leave him alone... all a red herring, like i said. wouldn't matter whether she was there or not (and she'd always be there, they have a young son together), he still closed me out.

 

had a rough day today. some other stuff going on, and i just feel exhausted emotionally. and there is no one that i can turn to. it sucks.

 

felt pretty peaceful this morning, though. so i'll try and think of that.

 

i hope you are well. thank you for thinking of me.

 

xo gg

[ghostgirl116]

DAY 3

 

I don't know what to say. Yeah, it hurts a bit. But since I had already moved on to a large degree before trying to win her back, I'm in a good spot. I've been dating different women anyways. So, its cool. I don't know if I should keep posting here, because this NC will most likely last FOREVER. That's the hard part. FOREVER is such a scarry thought.

 

i know just what you mean.

 

xo gg

[mattysfun]

I'm going to say yes, Mattysfun, if at least you don't do it that often. Also, you did it to find out how he was doing, indirect contact.

 

 

what if the bf contacted me about it first?

 

my new nc starts the 5th

 

id start tomorrow (the 4th)

 

but its his birthday.

 

and there no possible way im going to act like i forgot that.

[xxmacbethxx]

STARTING NOW

 

this be hard we talk almost every hour

 

im seeing her wen. so im aiming for there im pull my hair out before then

gonna stay busy

 

i hope this works

 

i would started last night but i got incredibly drunk and called her =(

told her my whole plan so i re developed plan

 

so here i go NC BABY FOR THREE DAYS NOT MUCH BUT IM WORKIN ON IT LOL

[bkunt04]

day 3, feel the same as yesterday, maybe a little more bored since its sunday but thats it.

[meinreallife]

Here at the computer while life is wonderful outside. Someone told me that everytime you contemplate the hole in you, fill it with healthy living. Well.. typing here does help, so I am gonna count this as healthy. You guys need to get my back on that

 

Stillsmiling, thanks

 

The heart is this big messy pile of hopes, dreams, fears, prejudice, faith, compassion...and on and on. When you finally find someone you feel good about giving your heart to and they to you, all that vulnerability is out there. Your friend takes your heart. They hold it and protect it and share it all.

 

It really sucks when they give it back.