THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[BrokenDuc]

woohoo 1 week

i had a strange feeling of relief come over me yesterday afternoon

although i still think of her a lot it stays in my head and does not reach my heart so i think i have made good progress.

i think to myself if she comes back to me sure i will give it another shot, if she doesnt.. no biggie i have great family and friends and i dont feel the need to be with a partner for the mean time.

 

today i find myself also able to sing, hum and whistle like i use to do when i was a happier man

[KaylaJoy]

Day 32 and I miss him.

[Raistlin]

Day 4

 

I spent some of today feeling sad because of the same question 'what if she's with someone else'? IT's all because she's a b**** and had to go out of her way to 'be fair to me' and mention she's flirting with another guy, while we're trying to repair our friendship.

 

4 days in (again) I feel like I'm running myself in circles. I know I'm addicted to her because I spent hours with friends tonight and found my phone in my hand about 6 times wanting to text her. Each time I would text another friend just to see whats up, or would strike up a conversation and put my phone away.

 

However, tonight found me in my fantasy setting for my home. I was in a dark, dimly lit back yard with a lit pool light that reflected off of a stone wall, looking over a dark, empty street. It was perfect in my eyes, and I wanted nothing more than a girl of my own to cuddle with and share it with. It was so perfect that I couldn't bring myself to swim and enjoy myself like I should have, because I wanted to connect... personally.... with anyone... so badly. Of course, I was thinking about her the whole time, but in a detached kind of way. If there were other females in my life that I could hang out with and/or flirt with, I would probably forget all about my ex.

 

I did get invited to a friends' friends' 21st birthday next month. I sent a pic, and one of my friends's friends' is going to 'play matchmaker' and talk me up. Hopefully, I can flirt with some girls that night. At the very least, this will be an opportunity to make new female friends to hang out with and I can distract myself with new interests.

[needhimso]

Well, I've made it halfway. I honestly didn't think I'd make it this far. On one hand it feels good, but on the other it makes me sad that he hasn't even tried to contact me. It makes me wonder what he thinks of me or if he misses me at all. I guess I shouldn't think about that too much.

[Abbie]

Day 25 ...

 

... I feel quite angry today. The reason why we are not together is because I discovered he was having an emotional affair so I kicked him out and changed the locks. After the anger left, the depression set in and that's when I desperately wanted him back. Today the anger has returned. How dare he play me for a fool. He was stringing me along for months while he hedged his bets as to who would be the best person to stay with long term. It wasn't the first time he betrayed me and I'm not the first person he has betrayed. I won't be the last either. He's stuck in a pattern and is unlikely to change. Today, I don't want him back. He's somebody else's problem now.

[maybeoneday]

Day 2 and doing ok actually! The first 48 hours are definitely the hardest as its a habit to break. Will be breaking NC tomorrow evening but essential as have to confirm times for child visitation at weekend. Will be short, and to the point though and not get drawn in.

[KaylaJoy]

Day 33 of NC. It's been almost two years since we broke it off officially. People are lying when they say it gets easier, and that two or three weeks into it they are good to go. How is that possible? Two years later, even with NC, he's still on my mind everyday. I don't contact him, don't go where he goes, don't talk about him much. But he's still on my mind.

I got an email from him today. I chose not to respond. Don't know quite what to say. He cannot give me what I need or want, and I cannot go back to the 4 or 5 times a year kind of friendship we had "before". So I feel stuck, and I can't even explain it all to him, I just feel like there's nothing I could say, so it's best I say nothing. I miss him, and wonder if he ever thinks of me. I guess he did at least once this month, since I got an email from him.

[Mustang]

Day 4

 

I am finding it a lot harder to do this time around. I went five weeks in April. Part of the reason why I managed it last time was because I told my ex before going NC as to why.

 

Looking back, maybe I went back too soon. I honestly felt a lot better after those five weeks of NC. I thought that I was happy. I thought I was over it. I probably also thought that my ex would be dying to hear from me again. She seemed upset by me telling her I was going NC. When I contacted her for the first time in five weeks, she responded straight away and was really pleased to hear from me.

 

It has since gone back to how things were before in a way. We're "friends". We are in LC. We text every so often and that's it. I am normally the one to text her. But she seems comfortable enough to talk to me. I have no idea if she's with anybody else or not. There is nothing to suggest she's in a full on relationship with somebody new. She could be "playing the field". I don't know which is worse.

 

I really wish I could see her again. I am no longer trying to get back with her as such but I do still hope that I get another chance. But I am not asking her to meet up or anything like that. It has to happen naturally. It has just been so hard to deal with in the last seven or eight months. My ex said her decision was the hardest decision she's ever had to make and that she still thinks of me. We get on so well. I know that things would be cool in person because they were when we randomly bumped into one another in March. But I suspect that she is worried about going back to what it was. She is obviously enjoying life now. What frustrates me is that I don't want to go back to how it was either! I have done a lot of soul searching and learnt a lot about myself.

 

I have made a lot of changes in my life. I have achieved a lot since the split. My ex has noticed this. It's hard to believe that she's moved on completely because she still talks to me and she could've easily pushed me away by now if she really wanted to. I've given her the chance to tell me where to go and she hasn't. Which is confusing to say the least.

 

My ex is the sort of girl to keep her true emotions in. I can sense that there's still something there from her. I just have this feeling she still cares about me on some level and doesn't want to truly let me go. But at the same time, she is probably worried that her life will not be the same if she gets back with me - by that I mean she may feel like she has to compromise who she is. I'm not asking for that. I'm not even asking to get back with her either really. All I would like is to see her again and show her the changes I've made, show her that she means the world to me and show her that the person I was leading up to split no longer exists.

 

But getting her to meet up with me won't happen. I refuse to ask her if she wants to catch up sometime. I am sick of looking weak. I don't want her to get scared off. Even though I wouldn't be emotional or needy she would assume that I would be and she could also be worried about how a meet up would impact her. She used to always run away and avoid things that were tricky. Maybe she's trying so so hard to stick to her guns.

 

I don't think the break up has been easy for her either. I have been a bit selfish in some of my accusations about her. I know she's a kind girl.

 

So I'm trying to back off. As you can all see I need a break. But god damn, I miss her so much. I miss her more as they days go by. Not less. When the hell will it end?

 

I don't think she will contact me because she will expect me to contact her. I took the expectation away last time by telling her I needed to cut contact. Any contact from me last time would make me look weak. So I didn't. It's harder this time because I am doing it without announcing it. So I could crack at any moment!

 

She says she still thinks of me every now and then and she has kept me around in her life. I know I can't expect anything from NC but IF there is any feelings there still it will make her wonder why I've just disappeared. Enough mystery to bring her back? Hmmm.... unlikely.

[rohded]

So day 1 is over. Thought about her all day really. My chest feels heavy and hollow at the same time. I'm in pain and want to contact her, but I know I can't. It makes it a little easier since this week she has to work the night shift and I work the day shift. She is going to be gone this weekend visiting some of her friends, one of which I know has interest in her. Worries me, but I try not to think about it. I also think she may be heading into a rebound relationship with another guy that I sort of know, he is a good guy, but we had been starting to hang out more and I though maybe being a loose friend would turn him away from this... I guess not. Hope I can stay strong for the next 29 days. Wish me luck!

[Mustang]

So day 1 is over. Thought about her all day really. My chest feels heavy and hollow at the same time. I'm in pain and want to contact her, but I know I can't. It makes it a little easier since this week she has to work the night shift and I work the day shift. She is going to be gone this weekend visiting some of her friends, one of which I know has interest in her. Worries me, but I try not to think about it. I also think she may be heading into a rebound relationship with another guy that I sort of know, he is a good guy, but we had been starting to hang out more and I though maybe being a loose friend would turn him away from this... I guess not. Hope I can stay strong for the next 29 days. Wish me luck!

 

Good luck! I know how hard it is. The first few days of NC are the hardest. After a while you'll stop counting the days and it will get easier.

[spion_kop]

hmm i wonder where bepositive is.

my ex texted me yesterday saying hey i got my full driver's licence, not that you care anyways

 

I know what she is doing and she wants to get a response out of me any way possible.

 

Her bday is coming up in two days and half of my friends have told her to send her a text and the other half have told me to not send or do anything.

Im still on the fence here, do any of you have good opinions?

[rohded]

spion, I wouldn't do anything you wouldn't for a normal friends bday. Give them a text or a card but make that it.

[bepositive]

hmm i wonder where bepositive is.

my ex texted me yesterday saying hey i got my full driver's licence, not that you care anyways

 

I know what she is doing and she wants to get a response out of me any way possible.

 

Her bday is coming up in two days and half of my friends have told her to send her a text and the other half have told me to not send or do anything.

Im still on the fence here, do any of you have good opinions?

 

Hey, Spion!

 

Sorry I didn't get back to you about the birthday thing. My therapist thinks it would look strong to be able to contact my ex and wish her a happy birthday. I want to make sure I actually AM strong before calling, so I probably won't decide whether or not I'm going to call until I actually do it. I still have a couple of weeks, and I've met some really cool women to go out with, so I should be able to do it. Just a "happy birthday, hope you're well," and that's it. I know my ex has a trip to visit her rebound shortly thereafter, so this will also put me back in her head, a la Zorba, who used to annoy his ex's new boyfriends with LC.

 

The ultimate goal would be for my ex's sister to contact me and ask if I want to come out to whatever birthday celebration they're planning. I already have other plans, so I can steadfastly refuse! Ha!

 

So, as others have said, I think it's OK to wish your ex a happy birthday, just don't do any more than you would for another plain acquaintance.

 

Good luck!

[Raistlin]

Day 5

 

Today was kinda hard as well. I started wanting to call her or text her hardcore, and I broke down and cried for over 45 minutes.

 

However, I was able to hang out with friends tonight and I had some drinks and calmed down. I'm feeling OK right now because I am kinda drunk, but I can still think about her, which is a bad thing. I just want these thoughts to go away.

[Nearwater]

Stave, they will, don't drink too much

( as I suck on my nightly gf juice & vodka to sleep)

I'm committed now to Nc, after realizing all the bull about crap from being hurt a year ago, transfering crap from her previous ex cheating ect. It's all about a new guy.

 

I will never speak to the b**ch again in life.

[Mustang]

Day 5

 

I woke up today feeling positive and motivated. I have to find myself a summer job. That is my main concern right now.

 

That said, I miss my ex so much when we don't speak. Even as a friend. But LC just makes me frustrated because it's not progressing. It is at a stand still. We'll make small talk for a day or so over text messages and then that'll be it for a week. I want to suggest meeting up or something to take it further but a) I don't know whether or not she's with someone else and b) I don't want to ruin things by rushing in too soon. I know I have to try and build up her trust again. Baby steps...

 

NC right now to give her a bit of a break and to get myself together.

[maybeoneday]

Day 3

 

This was the day I had to break NC and e-mail the details for child visitation at weekend but it still counts as no other communication and this is of course essential.

 

Reply was ok but a little frosty, typical "in protecting themselves" mode that I am used to and expected. Just shows that I am right about how they are feeling.

 

Onwards and upwards to the next day, this isn't as hard as I was expecting although I know it will be harder after weekend.

[needhimso]

Yesterday afternoon was horrible. I cried like I haven't cried since starting NC. I miss him and love him so much, and my mind was wandering. I'm better this morning, and I have a busy day planned. I have way too much to do in the next week to sit down and sob for an hour.

[Abbie]

Day 26 ...

 

... Today I applied to 2 universities to see if they would accept me as a mature student. I already have a degree, but in a discipline that hasn't really helped me in a career so now seems like a good idea to retrain. I'm going to wait to see if I am accepted before I make the decision to up sticks and make the move but at least I feel good for doing something productive and it will hopefully give me some options.

 

I also feel good about the fact that I have exciting stuff to say if I ever bump into the ex or any of his family/friends. I'm going to stick with the NC indefinetely but I live in a small community so it is inevitable that I will bump into them at some point. I am looking forward to it as even though I know I am making progress and moving on, I want HIM to know that too. Regardless of whether I want him or not, I want him to see that I'm cool and great and I want him to want me. This may sound terribly immature and vindictive, but I want to have control and toy with his emotions the way he toyed with mine.

[Mustang]

I am looking forward to it as even though I know I am making progress and moving on, I want HIM to know that too. Regardless of whether I want him or not, I want him to see that I'm cool and great and I want him to want me. This may sound terribly immature and vindictive, but I want to have control and toy with his emotions the way he toyed with mine.

 

I am feeling the same way right now. It kinda sucks making progress when they are oblivious to it!

 

My ex said to me a while ago, "everything's going well for you and I'm so pleased. You've living a completely better and different life without me!". Patronising as it may be, it made me feel better that she noticed.

[GoldenHillGuy]

I am feeling the same way right now. It kinda sucks making progress when they are oblivious to it!

 

My ex said to me a while ago, "everything's going well for you and I'm so pleased. You've living a completely better and different life without me!". Patronising as it may be, it made me feel better that she noticed.

 

But is progress for YOU or THEM??? Think about it!

[Mustang]

But is progress for YOU or THEM??? Think about it!

 

You mean us making progress makes them feel less guilty?

[rohded]

Thought about her a lot again today. I know I shouldn't play games or anything but I really want this NC to bring her back, I hope it makes her realize what a mistake she has made. I've been working out again, mostly for me, and I've been trying to pick up new hobbies. I hope to make her jaw drop after these 30 days and I go to talk to her the first time. Had a really long day at work, which didn't help. The fear of never having her in my life again is overwhelming. I want to start something romantic with her again but I know now is not the time. I fear she will never want to reconcile because of how many times and how late after the break up I pleaded and begged with her.

[GoldenHillGuy]

You mean us making progress makes them feel less guilty?

 

Point is...........

 

Who cares about what THEY think. The progress is for YOU!!! If somewhere down the road your paths cross again, she'll see your changes. But you can't rush things man. A few months of making changes does NOT a new man make. Live for a year with those new changes, and you'll attract a much better partner anyways. Maybe she'll see you in a year, and realize her mistake. Let the changes be for YOU and YOU only. Women can see right through the 'fake' BS, and telling them you've changed. Live it, and she'll see, or someone will see eventually.

[KaylaJoy]

Day 34. And life goes on....