Abbie Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Day 21 ... ... It's now 3 weeks. I can't believe I've made it this far. I still miss him and love him but he is becoming more of a memory. Getting healthy has to become more of a priority. I have been eating far too much junk food recently. I'm staying with friends this weekend but when I return, I'm going to do a detox week. My body needs the detox and so does my mind. Hopefully, I can detox him out of my head. He is a fool. Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 well, I'm here at day 28. Got a text at 11:30pm last night, thought it might be him, almost hoping it wasn't, wasn't sure what to say or how to respond. It's not his fault, I know that now, and have lost the anger and resentment toward him. Just need to stay away for me. Anyway, the text wasn't from him, it was from the other ex, John, who's driving me crazy. Second text yesterday, and he's engaged to someone else. This either qualifies as manipulation or stalking, I'm not sure which, but it calls for desperate measures, and I think I may have to put a block on my phone! As for Mark, Rascal Flatts sings a song that says "I love it when you're here, babe, but I'm better when you're gone." I think that says it best about my NC with Mark. Link to comment
Mustang Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Day 3 I had a dream about her last night. It was a fairly normal dream. We were out shopping together and we were laughing and joking. I woke up and wanted to go straight back to sleep. I was reading old emails from her last night. I know I shouldn't have. But when she was in Australia she used to send me really long emails telling me all about her time and how much she missed and loved me and couldn't wait to come home. It sounds weird but while I was reading those emails I kind of forgot about the present situation and went back to a time when I was happier. It didn't make me upset to read them. It made me happy. It made me realise that she did love me more than anything once. She has said that "things changed" and I know that they did because things became boring. We saw too much of each other. We ran out of things to say and do. I get the impression that she's having a lot of fun with her new life now and probably feels that getting back with me will mean that she loses that fun life and goes back to how things were. I don't want it to be like that and I wish I could show her how different it could be. But I know I can't because trying anything to prove to her how I've changed or things won't be the same will just scare her away. With that in mind, as much as I want to contact her I know I can't. I don't have any urges to do so because I know that there's nothing I can say that'll make the situation any better. As harmless as being friendly with her is it is not going to change anything and if anything puts me in the "friendzone". The thing I've been battling a lot with lately is that I think that IF we are ever to get back together we will have to become friends again first. I am not expecting to meet up with her and everything to fall into place. That's why I am finding NC so hard because I feel like I am giving up. We'd have to see each other with no expectation on my part. I know that if we were to meet up and hang out we'd get on really well. But the temptation to ask her if she wants to hang out is so strong. On a sunny day like this it'd be nice to go for a walk by the river or in a park and just catch up with each other. Maybe eventually she'd feel comfortable seeing me as a friend and in time maybe old feelings would be rekindled. That said, I know that I am not ready to be "just friends" yet and part of me thinks that she isn't ready to either. If she was totally comfortable then she'd have no problem meeting me just as friends right? I have to back up a bit and give her space to show her that I am not chasing her. It's so hard to do because as you all know I feel like every day that goes by is a day that we grow further apart and she gets used to life without me. We've only seen each other once for ten minutes in seven months. She probably doesn't see the point in seeing me right now. I don't think she'll ever contact me and want to hang out for fear of giving me the wrong idea and I can't ask her because it'll scare her. It's just so hard to know what to do! If I contact her, I lose. If I don't, I lose. Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Day 11 ? Well, I was in the shower, and she called. Left a voicemail. Give me a call when you get a chance, I'm expecting a package, please give me a call. Why would you have the package delivered to my house??? I texted back only. No Package. I'm not counting it as breaking NC. Maybe I should, but I dunno.......Day 4 of NOT SMOKING! Yeahhhhhhhhh Link to comment
needhimso Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I keep dreaming about him. It's just not fair I don't really have the desire to talk to him. I just miss him. We should be together right now doing fun summer things, and we aren't. I'm trying to push away thoughts of him with another girl, but they happen here and there. I just feel like shaking him and telling him to wake up. He has someone who loves him more than anything, would do absolutely anything for him, and has stood by his side through everything, and he just throws it away. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, but I keep trying to tell myself that not talking to him for a while is the right thing to do. Link to comment
BrokenDuc Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 i woke up from a dream with my ex in it too lastnight and well it did not help me at all today at work it was emotionally very tough but i did not break NC Link to comment
Chrisanderson Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I just feel like shaking him and telling him to wake up. He has someone who loves him more than anything, would do absolutely anything for him, and has stood by his side through everything, and he just throws it away. Wow, I say the exact same thing to myself daily. Wish I could just shake her and say WAKE UP! I'm on day 8 of NC and it hurts like hell. Just gotta keep telling yourself that if you call you'll only feel worse when you hang up. Link to comment
meinreallife Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Day 32 Ok folks. I had a great morning. I went to the gym. I put some new tunes on the ipod (some I don't like, why?). I drove into work and just had passing thoughts about her. I did great. Lunchtime. I decided to take in some nature. I read today that spending time looking at something natural calms you more than almost anything. Btw the same article says a plasma TV has the same effect as staring at a blank wall. Anyway, I went on a walk. I sat on a bench and looked out over a pond. It was all very nice, no hurt no thinking about her. For some god-awful reason one lyric of a song popped into my head and I lost it. I believe in the NC. Based on why we split there will be no reconcilliation. However, when does the hurt stop? Link to comment
BrokenDuc Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 i cant even remember what day im up to i think its Day 4 i tooo wish i could just shake and wake up my ex, she gets influenced by others too easily but i am maintaining NC as i will not be the one that tries to sway her decision as to who she wants to be with. it will mean more to me if she decides herself. i feel okish today i did think about her, and am kinda dreading being alone this weekend again so will have to find something to do. i wish i was going skiing with my friends but things were different when they were planning it so i was not in on it... Link to comment
spion_kop Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 hey you guys, im new on this site. I've been reading a lot of the stories you guys have posted. I've been NC for more than a month and i just wanted to ask a question. My ex's bday is coming up soon and i really dont know what to do. I dont want to seem like an * * * * * * * and i want to just send her a text wishing her a happy birthday. But i feel that I may be breaking NC and I dont want to take a step back in my recovery. A couple of my friends are on the fence on this one, because some said to ignore while some said to text. I dont want her to get the wrong impression of me or start to hate me. Link to comment
bepositive Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 Hey, Spion, I'm in exactly the same boat! My ex's bday is in two weeks, and we've been NC for about a month now. I'm going to ask my therapist tomorrow, and I'll let you know what she says... Link to comment
arcadefire Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 I wish I never looked at his facebook. Had to block him a couple days ago because I found out he had a new girlfriend. Who was eerily similar to me except not as attractive and dumber. Boy he sure moved on fast - a tier lower. Those pictures he took... he probably wanted me to see him move on! No more snooping. Not worth the pain. Ignorance is bliss. Link to comment
spion_kop Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 musicdee, he is doing two things. 1) Trying to get you jealous because he knows u check it. 2) Trying to prove to himself and to others that he is trying to move on. Let me tell you, my ex did the exact same thing. Even friends of my ex have told me that she is crazy for leaving me. Yea I had my faults but other couples use to look up to us since we were the 'ideal couple.' So much for that idea. I dont know your full story but if u can give me a short and simple version it may help to clarify. ---------- Thanks bepositive, let me know what your therapist says. This is a tricky and sticky situation, i really just want to ignore it but like i said i dont want to appear like the bad guy since she was the one doing all this crap. Link to comment
arcadefire Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 spion, sent you a pm. As for sending a text, don't do it. It could get interpreted in many many ways. Not worth the trouble of wondering what she'll think of it after you send it. Link to comment
Oedi Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 Day 20 of NC. Hmm... its getting a little difficult today because a situation arose where i need to talk to her to help me do something. Unfortunate. And due to the NC i DONT want to talk to her. blegh. I'll just suck it up and keep up the NC. Link to comment
Mustang Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 musicdee, he is doing two things. 1) Trying to get you jealous because he knows u check it. 2) Trying to prove to himself and to others that he is trying to move on. What if there's nothing on a page to suggest that your ex is with someone else? My ex has no relationship status listed and there's no photos of her with anybody else. You'd think if she was with someone else there'd be some obvious signs by now. I know that when we were together, there were photos of us on MySpace/Facebook left, right and centre and still are. I've untagged all the photos of me and her and deleted everything for my own sake. But her MySpace page still has photos of me plastered all over it and my name under her "Interests". It doesn't mean anything mind you. She's probably too lazy to edit it! I know Facebook isn't a true reflection of what is really going on but am I wrong for thinking that she can't be THAT serious about someone else (if she is with someone else) because there's no "evidence" to suggest otherwise and she is still in touch with me? Link to comment
Mustang Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 Back on day 1 of NC by the way. My ex text me last night about me interviewing Kings of Leon at Glastonbury. She asked me what questions I was going to ask them and told me that she was looking forward to seeing them at Glastonbury. Obviously, she feels comfortable enough telling me that she's going to be in the same place as me without me freaking out and asking her to meet up. So that's something I guess. I didn't respond last night. I have literally just replied saying: "I've got a few obvious questions but I'm just going to go with the flow. Random interviews are where it's at! If you could ask anybody three random questions, what would they be? How's thee anyway? x" Upbeat, friendly, not clingly, showing her I'm independent and getting on with things but also asking her how she is so I don't seem too aloof. I don't expect her to respond. If she does, bonus. Although she would have probably expected me to suggest meeting up or even acknowledge that she's going to Glastonbury. I didn't. This kind of shows her that I know she's going to be there but I don't really care. Obviously I do but a few months ago, I was looking for ANY excuse to meet up. I know she'll be thinking about me when she's there. We watched it on TV together last summer and we spoke about how we'd go together this year. She's never been before and I convinced her that she'd love it. I'm sure she will. It's a shame that I won't get to experience it with her but nae bother. Plus, without wanting to sound shallow, I have backstage passes and I'm interviewing bands. If she was still with me then she could be backstage with me too. Instead, she'll have to wallow in the mud drinking from a paper cup and I'll have access to clean working toilets, showers, celebrities and a free bar! Her loss? Yes I think so. Link to comment
Abbie Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 Day 22 ... ... I don't think about him so much and I don't feel the pain anymore. My heart still skips a beat though whenever I see a green mondeo in case it's him and then I feel disappointment when it isn't. Link to comment
needhimso Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 I'm feeling pretty good today, but I still miss him. I really didn't want to get out of bed, but I forced myself to get up and exercise for about an hour. I've been trying to exercise at least an hour a day since I went NC, and I think it's helped a lot. I've been more concerned with my well-being than his for a change. I'm still telling myself that this is an opportunity we both needed....I need to get myself back and be happy with myself while he has to do whatever he feels he "needs" to do.We'll have a better relationship if/when he realizes we're perfect together. I'm still holding on to the hope he'll come back, but I'm working toward being ok no matter what. Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 Day 12........... As I was sitting here working, this strange feeling came over me. I'VE LET GO. It was a strange sensation, and I found myself fighting it. I didn't want to let go. But I've been praying everynight that I could move on, and what the future brings will be up to God. I also pray selfless prayers for her that she finds happiness whatever that may be. Well my friends.........I let the feeling of letting go take over me, and its kind of left an empty spot in my soul. Like I was holding on to something and it just left my body. WEIRD. I know I'm healing. NC has been the thing that has helped me the most. PS..........DAY 5 of not smoking. Link to comment
spion_kop Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 musicdee, after reading both the situations I think that you may have overreacted a bit. Not everybody falls in love at the same time. Some people can already feel like they are going to fall in love with somebody from the get go, while others take it day by day until it just hits em one day. I think you put your ex in a very sticky position by putting him on the spot and askign whether he loved you/will love you or not. You should have simply said "i hope one day you can," and let it be. This similar situations happened to one of my friends. The guy said I love you to his gf but she didnt say it back. But he didnt get too disheartened with it, he kept his chin up and eventually she did start loving him. Over time however, he broke up with her because he fell out of love and she took about 1.5 years to get over him. She was the one who was still in love with him after the break up. I think you lost a bit of your composure. As for him already dating somebody else, it may be a rebound as since his gf has similar interests as you, it may be a way to preoccupy his time. If you really want this guy, you have to learn to be patient, and i think that is one thing you aren't by reading your story. Also remember that he has never been in love so you cant question him for not knowing whether or not he is or isnt. Link to comment
meinreallife Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 So, I counted wrong, Day 35. I thought it was 32, but I know it is 5 weeks. Go figure. I dreamt of her, C, last night. Woke up hurting. We have very few common friends, but I do work with one of her friends, M. A bunch of us had lunch today and I sat next to M. We talked about many things, but at one point M brought C up. So you all know, this was an affair, and secret. M did not know. I asked, "How is C doing?" M met my eyes for a second and I realized that M does know. M answered she is doing well. In this moment the words had no meaning. The look took me back weeks in healing. I almost called C on the way home. NC SUCKS!!! Link to comment
Abbie Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 Day 22 (cont) ... ... for some reason I'm really missing him just now. I was fine today but just now, I could really do with hearing his voice. I feel so lonely. I'm not going to contact him as I know it's detrimental in so many ways but I miss him so much. I wish I knew what he was feeling. I go through phases where I don't want him back, but right now I'd do anything to have him back in my life. I wish this moving on lark was easier. Why is it that you start getting on track and then 'BAM' the loss hits you again? Link to comment
Lavishfashion Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 Day one Had no choice but to respond to his email, he used my account to order a limited edition sideshow collectibles item, other than that I did not speak or call him. Link to comment
maybeoneday Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 Stuff happened, she contacted me which broke the NC, stuff happened after that but now I am starting NC again from tonight. Last had contact with her around 8.30pm ish and despite the fact she said she would "check on me later" when she got in from her night out and actually hasn't, I haven't sent a sarcastic text asking why not! This is progress for me. It might only be baby steps, but I have to start somewhere. Something she said on the phone earlier (she called me) about how I always say I can't put up with her lies anymore, made me realise that she thinks she can just do what she wants and I will still be here. Well she is about to get a big shock, because this time I mean it. I have to see her tomorrow as she coming round to get some stuff that belongs to her but I will have a friend here and am planning on just handing her the bag of stuff and that's it. Will be polite because of my child, but I plan on her being here no more than 2-3 minutes. Everything will be ready and bagged up and by the door so it should take seconds. This is going to shock her too. It is about time she realised that I am through with her crap! Link to comment
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