THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Mustang]

I've decided that she has to prove her "friendship" to me and the only way to do that is to not contact her again until she contacts me. For some reason, I don't expect her to contact me at all.

 

I have been suspicious that even though she wanted me and her to remain friends, she was only saying it because a) she's weak and b) she didn't want to seem horrible. But actions speak louder than words and she's never contacted me except for my birthday and Christmas. So I think she's just being polite and she'd rather not speak to me at all.

 

This will be her test.

[Oedi]

NC day 6 cont.

 

I was thinking of asking out another girl but that damn dream made me think twice. I'll talk to her in a week or two to see if she wants to get together with my friends on my bday and still be like friends. I think i really am starting to give up the idea of being together.

[Brokenhearted87]

21 days today since we last spoke. 15 days today since I last initiated contact to be ignored/blocked/deleted.

 

I STILL LOVE HIM

 

Miss the friendship so, so much

[theredrocket]

Day 18 27 days to go

 

I made it through the work week! The toughest one so far but the weekends are even harder and I am dreading this one. But I'm almost to 3 weeks! and that is motivating.

 

 

Day 21

 

So I've made it three weeks. I am feeling more and more compelled to call her, I think I will tomorrow. I feel nervous

[Buttercup21]

Hi Dave,

Just to say thanks for your advice and i am a fan of your post. I know exactly what the right thing to do is but i am just losing patience and motivation. i went two weeks without contact and then i rang and he was already thinking of getting back together but then i went and spoiled it all bu going back to my stupid dumped girlfriend ways and become this needy stupid fool who will be there when he's ready with click of a button. I have told him how i feel and i would like to work it out. He knows that right and i dont have to repeat it again? you know the way im waiting and if im talking to him having a normal conversation it just doesnt feel he's thinking about it at all and then i bring it up again. I just want to work it out now. I know if i get my way and he works it out and everything i still wont be happy because i asked him to work it out. Im the one doing all the running and all the chasing and its going on too long. I want him to miss me and i want him to come running. I just couldn't imagine him because he is so stuborn and really likes to think hes tough and it will take alot of playing hard to get with him. Now obviously i have seen him go all soft so its in him all right. Please help? any advice at all...

[Oedi]

NC Day 7

 

I really... havn't stopped thinking about her completely. But the feelings have dulled and i feel like I'm free now and there is nothing to stop me to do whatever i want now. Meh... i feel like I'm 120% over her. I think i can contact her next week and stay friends lol.

[K07]

Wednesday marks the end of my first month

[Dancerdlk]

ugh. Broke nc today. Well he kinda did. he came home (we still live togerher) and this is what happened:

 

Him: HI

ME: Hi

Him: How ar eyou?

Me: Good, how are you?

Him: Fine

 

Him: What are you doing tnoight?

ME: Packing then working.

 

HIM: I'm going to the gym

ME: Ok

 

then beforeh e left...

 

HIM: So how are things going?

ME: I dont know, like what?

HIM: Things, how are thinsg

ME: GReat you?

HIM: FIne (he gets annoyed)

HIM: I'm done.

 

leaves

 

then he came home, took a shower went into his room and lcosed the door.

 

back to step one.

 

any advice? Should i have been more friendly? I feel bad that iw asn't, but what does he expect?! He broke up with me and is seeing a new girl!?!?

 

help

[hfc65]

 

any advice? Should i have been more friendly? I feel bad that iw asn't, but what does he expect?! He broke up with me and is seeing a new girl!?!?

 

help

 

Find new living arrangements and forget about him

[KaylaJoy]

I've told him I do not wish to talk to him. I've asked him to stop texting me. He continues. Tonight he texted me to say his dad had been in a wreck and was being flown to a hospital about an hour away, and that he didn't know anything more.

I did not respond, and deleted the text. My reasonings are this: he has a fiancee (that he obtained 11 weeks after he last told me he loved me and still wanted to marry me). I know he assumes because we dated and I met his family that I would want to know this, and while I don't wish his father ill will, I don't think I'm in a position to DO anything about this since we have both moved on and he is engaged, I'm not really sure exactly why he texted me to tell me this. Not to mention, I don't think he ever said a kind word about his dad the entire time we dated. He called him "the old man" and gave me the impression that he hated him, as he dad was very abusive to him when he was young.

I'm at a loss for words...am I insensitive for not responding? Should I respond, given the fact it is over, and he is engaged to someone else?? Is this normal to text your ex girlfriend to tell her something like this, since we have no contact now?? (Other than his incessant text messages that I keep deleting.)

[theredrocket]

you are absolutely well within reason to not respond and you seem to have thought through this.

[KaylaJoy]

My ex texted me at 7pm yesterday to tell me his dad had been in a car accident and was flown to a hospital in another city. Then he texted me at 11pm to tell me they thought his dad was brain dead. At 2:10am I got a text telling me his dad had died. This is all very sad, and would be even sadder except my ex wasn't close to his dad at all, couldn't stand him as a matter of fact (history of abuse). I only met the man once for about 30 seconds. Also my ex is engaged to someone else now, so I was really disturbed that he was texting me, waking me up in the middle of the night to tell me this. I'm not a hard hearted hannah, but there was nothing I was going to do about it considering I'm in Indiana and he is in Texas, and we have already broken off all ties. Well - I've broken off all ties, he's still texting me even though I asked him not to. So anyway, I deleted his texts, but I did buy a very generic, not "lovey" sympathy card, and put it to him and his mom, because I do feel bad that it happened. I was very formal in the card, but I felt like I owed him that much. However I did not want to get engaged in any sort of conversation with him, even a texting one.

So I kinda didn't break NC, because this was strictly a formal note of sympathy to he and his mom, but I sorta did because I did respond to the situation. I am still counting my NC streak though! I want to check out his MySpace page (or his fiancees') to see what's going on, but I'm not letting myself...that's gotta count for something!!

[brian123]

Kayla> So sorry to hear that story of yours. Any death is terrible

[theredrocket]

Kayla,

 

very mature and thoughtful (to him and yourself) way to handle it. I agree that your NC streak continues!

[Oedi]

NC day 8.

 

Yea, i think i'll stop NC. My feelings are fine now and i'll treat her like a friend now lol. I don't think i want her back and i want to go date other girls now anyways. I just don't feel the need to get back with her anymore as a couple. I still want to talk to her as friends. Wishme luck and hope she forgives me

[missingmymo]

20 days NC... Just found out he is sleeping with his ex (one month after BU)... today is not one of the good days.

[Oedi]

well back to Day 1. breaking NC totally didn't work out. no forgiveness. She needed more time. I totally accept it now and i can move on and date other people. No need for me to obsess over someone who doesn't feels like she can't trust or forgive me unless given time. I told her that what i said to her was my fault i take responsibility for it. I make mistakes and there is nothing i can do about it. I just have to learn from it and become a better person. She's still hurt right now and now i'll give her all the time she needs. I'll have to totally forget about her as a person altogether. If she can't trust or forgive me then there is nothing i can do. Her experiences with other guys made her like that and there is nothing i can do. I'll give her all the time she needs. I have absolutely no reason to talk to her anymore. She isn't interesting anymore and she just thinks im someone completely different because i * * * * ed up. She still thinks im being selfish and that i think about my own feelings and not hers. Maybe I am but I wasn't born empathetic. I try and sometimes i do things without thinking because im rash. O well, now it'll be the NC challenge of forever until she talks to me. I wanted to do LC but it went a bit further then that so there's nothing i can do now but continue the search for love and become a stronger person so i don't lose myself again like i told her.

[bepositive]

I'm in... I started NC on Saturday, but am willing to start the clock today. My story is posted on another thread (but I think it's too long for anyone to read!). I basically had broken up with my g/f of two years right before Christmas (she was expecting a proposal) because I didn't think I wanted kids and that is her dream. I couldn't let myself stand in the way, so I thought the right thing to do was bow out. A bunch of stuff happened, much miscommunication and missed opportunities, and ultimately she thought I was relieved to be gone when in reality I wanted nothing more than to get back together. Finally, she told me that she had someone new, and that galvanized my emotions. She had been seeing him for about two months, and started two months after the breakup. I bought a ring and proposed, and explained my whole epiphany to her. She had a hard time believing such a rapid turnaround, and after a month of deliberation, she decided to stick with the new guy. The surprising thing is that during one evening together before she saw him again (their relationship is long distance), she remembered all of the reasons why she loved me so much, and was trying to figure out how to tell him it was over.

 

I really believe that we belong together, so I'm going to stick it out. Thanks for the support!

[KaylaJoy]

I'm OK today. Honestly I have a lot of other stuff on my mind, and haven't really had time to dwell on him and her. I was tempted to check out his MySpace page but I'm always up for a challenge, so I opted to stick it out with the 30 day NC challenge. Honestly, I may gear up for a second tour with this 30 days is done, I think I'll need it.

[Oedi]

NC day 2

 

didn't think of her too much today. Had one time when i felt like * * * * for a second today lol. Other then that she went through my mind a few times while i was with my friends. It wasn't really that bad. especially now i really don't want to get into another relationship with her. I believe it just isn't what i was looking for although it was really really nice.

[KaylaJoy]

Day 13 of NC. I'm sad today. Thinking about his dad's funeral. I read the obit in the paper about his dad, and as next of kin, they have listed my ex AND his fiancee's name! Like they were already married! That stung somehow. It's just all happening so quickly, and it makes me sad...it's like it's all spinning so fast, I can't keep up with what actually happened.

No word from the other ex (my ex ex - "mi amor"). I sent him an email and a text yesterday, and true to his form, he didn't bother responding. Not surprised really. Just disappointed. We had such a good time last Friday night, I'd hoped that I'd merit at least a text back. Wonder if/when I'll ever give up and go in and turn the light off? (metaphorically speaking of course)

[ashlynn00]

Just broke up with my ex today....he needs some time to himself, no other women, just scared as hell with a serious relationship..... we still love each other very much..... DAY 1 of no contact is successful.....Please help me keep strong and not to fail the challange.....this is going to be so hard

[Oedi]

NC day 3. hmm, i just can't sort out my feelings -_-

[jiangkejia]

Day 6

I haven't heard from him at all. I think he has a gf. Time to move on.

This NC probably will go for a long time as he doesn't even care to contact, but actually this makes things easier, at least I don't have to struggle over things like "should I reply his text?" ., "How should I reply?" that leads you to another limbo.

And NC really helps everybody to gain himself/herself back. I have spent much more time on writing and drawing these days instead of moaning and worrying. And I am glad that it 's still not too late to use my talents.

[KaylaJoy]

Long long story here, too long to tell here, but I got lots of posts if anyone's curious...

I have two ex's. I'm in NC with the most recent one. Day 15 today I believe...will post more on that later. But I am starting a new NC subject, this one being my "ex ex". It's significant because he's also the guy that I love, and have for a very long time. We've been in a relationship, but he said he didn't feel the same so he broke it off. We've been friends for more than a decade.

 

John is ex #1. He's the one I'm two weeks into. The one who just recently got engaged. The one who I believe lied to me about just about all he ever told me, which really sucks, because he had me believing in myself, and believing that I really was the most special woman on earth. I needed this belief after Mark (ex #2) broke it off with me because he didn't love me. I needed to believe I was lovable. John did that, then took it all away when he was engaged just 11 weeks after Valentine's Day, when he last told me he loved me.

 

Mark (ex #2) is another story. We have tried very hard to maintain our friendship even though we broke up, but it's been hard, and thru some things some folks have said in posts which validated some things I've been saying, I've come to realize it was mostly ME trying very hard, and every once in awhile he'd make an effort. So I am going to do NC with Mark too. I'm confused, because he ignores me most of the time, then will throw little tidbits of niceties my way and I start thinking this is a mutual thing, even that we have hope of getting back together. Then he'll ignore me for awhile and throw my world back out of cater. I keep questioning this, because it hurts, but I think I should start looking at this with the slant that everyone else does and realize not only is the relationship last on his mind, our friendship is not very prevalent on his mind. I make most of the effort, he just follows thru occasionally. I'm gonna post another thread about this elsewhere, but

I think NC is what I need, although it will have to be longer than a month, because he usually only contacts me once a month or so anyway.

So here goes to day #1. I'm gonna try. I need this, even if I don't want this.