THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[pumpkinmoon]

I am five weeks no contact today, and I have to say its probably my WORST weekend yet.

 

He has had someone staying over at his. Not sure if its the first girl he was with or if he's got a new one now (someone told me he might have a new girl) and it doesnt make me feel great I gotta say.

 

right now im blanking it out of my head la la la la, coz if I really think about it I think I will crack up big time

 

This must be awful I can't imagine how I would feel but for all I know he could have someone new. But if he does, there is absolutely nothing I can do about it and thats what we have to remember. Thats why I stopped using facebook incase I saw something because I know if I did, it would just hurt me and what could I do about it? Nothing.

[Mustang]

You know what Mustang? I'll almost guarantee it. I dont know about you, but Im finding that the further away from the break up and last contact Im getting, the MORE im thinking about the ex? so it must be happening to them to.

 

dont contact her, stay strong. With your emotions running this high if you dont get the response you want it might set you back BIG TIME.

 

I hope so. The thing is, she's not going to contact me. At all. I agree that I can't contact her at the moment but even if she is thinking about me and wondering how I am, she won't contact me. I told her that I couldn't be friends with her. I told her I wanted her back. I walked away and she thinks that I'm not speaking to her because I still want to be with her. Which is true yes, but even if I get in touch just to see how she is, she will assume that I am chasing her again. So I'm kind of * * * * ed if I do contact her and * * * * ed if I don't.

 

It's a little bit different in that I am 95% certain that she dumped me for someone else and is still with that same person. I doubt she'll be thinking of me when she's with him. What gets to me the most is that she lives in the same building as him, goes to the same uni as him, has the same friends as him and goes to the same places as him... she's never going to think of me because she has him as a "distraction"... if I can even call him that.

 

Then again, after everything, I should hate her. But I don't. I can't.

[Litgirl01]

Strange...it seems like EVERYONE on ENA has had a bad weekend this weekend...including me!! Was there a full moon or something?? It has been a month and a week NC for me. It's just hard... I go from angry, to sad, and back again!

[Mustang]

Strange...it seems like EVERYONE on ENA has had a bad weekend this weekend...including me!! Was there a full moon or something?? It has been a month and a week NC for me. It's just hard... I go from angry, to sad, and back again!

 

Oh don't get me wrong, I've had a great weekend! But in a weird way, I find that makes it harder sometimes. It's a bit stupid to think that way, but if I'm out having fun I always wish my ex was there to have fun with me.

[pumpkinmoon]

I hate the weekends!!!!! I would just like a working week to merge into another at the moment. It has been a hard weekend for me too. And I'm alo ashamed and upset that I never reached 30 days

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

This must be awful I can't imagine how I would feel but for all I know he could have someone new. But if he does, there is absolutely nothing I can do about it and thats what we have to remember. Thats why I stopped using facebook incase I saw something because I know if I did, it would just hurt me and what could I do about it? Nothing.

 

 

oh fairy, I know, your so right, I have been good not looking at his online profiles but I checked one out this weekend and he's hidden it. must be because he doesnt want his new girl to see it, or the girl who is staying at his.

 

i feel like crying

 

im having such a c**p day i am going to go out to the pictures tonight i think, just to put him out of my brain for even a minute. just a minutes peace would do but im aiming for the hour

[Litgirl01]

Shoeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....don't be hard on yourself!!! You are just human after all!!!

(((hugs))) Maybe if you sleep at some point?? Kidding!! LOL

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

I hope so. The thing is, she's not going to contact me. At all. I agree that I can't contact her at the moment but even if she is thinking about me and wondering how I am, she won't contact me. I told her that I couldn't be friends with her. I told her I wanted her back. I walked away and she thinks that I'm not speaking to her because I still want to be with her.

 

It's a little bit different in that I am 95% certain that she dumped me for someone else and is still with that same person. I doubt she'll be thinking of me when she's with him.

 

 

You shouldn't contact her anyway as the Dumpee. Let her get on with her life without you and experience what its like without you in it.

 

In the meantime, work on YOU. You know, Ive seen a few of your posts Mustang and you seem like a great guy. Your going to make someone a great b/f and s*ds law says that when you do meet someone new, the ex will get in touch when her relationships gone t*ts up!

 

chin up, Hope x

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

fairy, it just proves your human x

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

Strange...it seems like EVERYONE on ENA has had a bad weekend this weekend...including me!! Was there a full moon or something?? It has been a month and a week NC for me. It's just hard... I go from angry, to sad, and back again!

 

Lit your right, it was either a full moon or something in the water!

 

you have been no contact for exactly the same time as me then, this is five weeks today and for some bizarre reason that I cant fathom out, Im thinking of him MORE not less.

 

I dont know if this is normal or what?

[pumpkinmoon]

Shoeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....don't be hard on yourself!!! You are just human after all!!!

(((hugs))) Maybe if you sleep at some point?? Kidding!! LOL

 

lol, i'm getting by quite well on about 4 hours a night/day atm

[Litgirl01]

Lit your right, it was either a full moon or something in the water!

 

you have been no contact for exactly the same time as me then, this is five weeks today and for some bizarre reason that I cant fathom out, Im thinking of him MORE not less.

 

I dont know if this is normal or what?

 

I feel EXACTLY the same as you do! SUCKS!! We'll just have to help each other get through it! xx

[Litgirl01]

lol, i'm getting by quite well on about 4 hours a night/day atm

 

I need at least 9 hours or I'm useless!!! You are too funny!!!

[Mustang]

You shouldn't contact her anyway as the Dumpee. Let her get on with her life without you and experience what its like without you in it.

 

In the meantime, work on YOU. You know, Ive seen a few of your posts Mustang and you seem like a great guy. Your going to make someone a great b/f and s*ds law says that when you do meet someone new, the ex will get in touch when her relationships gone t*ts up!

 

chin up, Hope x

 

Thanks. I know that I made her very happy. I was clearing out my room the other day and I found some postcards from her when she went travelling last year. She loved me more than anything. I know that I'm a decent guy and what not, but recently.... the whole nice guys finish last phrase has been going round my head. If I'm so great then why did she dump me for someone she'd only known for a month or so? It kind of makes me question who I am and what I'm doing wrong.

 

I know I can't contact her. And I won't. It's just harder than I thought it would be. Every day that goes by makes me miss her more. Not less. Yet, I suspect that she's going the opposite way. I think for her it's out of sight, out of mind where as for me it's absense makes the heart grow fonder. Gah.

[bronte]

I'm sorry I haven't been able to keep up with this thread, I'm having a super busy weekend! I'll try to read and comment on other people's experiences later, but for now I have to share, because I'm upset and don't know what to do.

 

I heard from the ex this morning. So he did notice that it was mid-April and he hadn't heard from me, at least...He says he understands if it's too soon to talk but would like to chat and catch up if I'm ready.

 

So it's a perfectly fine message from a guy who has no romantic interest in me but wants to maintain a friendship. I can't fault him for anything in it...

 

But I have no idea how to respond! I'm NOT ready to talk to him on a regular basis, but I feel like telling him that only reinforces my pathetic-ness. "Yes, I STILL have feelings for you..."

 

I'll feel bad if I don't respond at all, though, and in a way that would just make me look even worse.

 

*head to desk*

 

What really sucks is that I've been talking to a really great guy online the last few days and we've been talking about meeting up for coffee soon, so I was doing comparatively well...Feeling freshly smitten with a new and exciting prospect and not thinking about the ex nearly as much.

 

Do you think they can somehow sense these things?

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

I feel EXACTLY the same as you do! SUCKS!! We'll just have to help each other get through it! xx

 

 

we sure will litgirl. Its good to know theres someone else also thinking of the ex MORE not less. Mustang has noticed it too. I was beginning to think I was on my own with it.

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

1) The fact that he noticed mid April had come and gone and he contacted you says a lot. To me it says he was waiting to hear from you and looking forward to it. When he didnt hear anything he was motivated to contact YOU.

 

2) He said "If your ready" which to me implies that if your not, its ok to tell him its too soon. To be honest I dont think this will put him off because its obvious he wants to speak with you.

 

3) You say its a perfectly fine message from a guy who has no romantic interest but wants to be friends, but dont jump the gun. If he was thinking friends and not bothered about you he would have just waited to hear from you and not been 'clock watching' for the middle of the month? I might be wrong, but so might you.

 

4) If you have no idea how to respond, then right now, DONT. Im presuming he wont know if youve opened the mail or not, so its not like he will be thinking your ignoring him. Just take some breathing space and construct a light, friendly, chatty one with nothing heavy in it. something he will enjoy so he comes back for more etc.

 

5) Your online chat friend. Meet him for coffee anyway. Its good to make new friends, and he may not be in real life what you expect. This is all about YOU and what will get you through.

 

6) Yes, I do think they can somehow sense these things, ie. when your moving on etc. Lifes strange like that!

 

Your doing GREAT, and I can see things panning out for you.

 

chin up, Hope x

[postscript]

day two.

technically it is my second day of NC. and guess what. i already gave in.

i know this is part of the process. i knew getting into NC i wouldnt be able to literally go without ANY contact.

he called at about 2am and we spoke for an hour. i answered the private call, to find out it was him on the other line.

i never thought he would call me. i couldn't hang up the phone. i eventually did after an hour and i did feel better after the talk.

he told me he is still unsure about all of this, he isn't sure what he wants.

i told him he has to think about himself and not me. his decision has to be made based on his feelings and not what's in my best interest. he knows this. he is still unsure.

it hurts because it is clear to me that we belong together. i feel i don't mean as much to him as he means to me.

tonight i can't sleep, i'm waiting for sleep to wash over me but it isn't happening.

tonight i really need him. and it sucks.

[pumpkinmoon]

Maybe NC isnt the best for you then? I don't know. I'm confused today. But maybe do LC, not much, and dont pressure him at all xx

[Litgirl01]

Shoe fell off the wagon! LOL ;-)

[pumpkinmoon]

oh you meanie

[ramsickle1369]

But I have no idea how to respond! I'm NOT ready to talk to him on a regular basis, but I feel like telling him that only reinforces my pathetic-ness. "Yes, I STILL have feelings for you..."

 

You have made progress. Don't go backwards. It sounds like you've finally hit that plateau where you do NOT want to talk. Great that he missed you/wants to be friendly. But if you're not feeling "friendly" it will hinder your progress.

Do you think they can somehow sense these things?

 

Absolutely! They really do seem to know about it, don't they? I got there about last September, met someone new, and BAM! "Hey, you wanna grab a drink?" I agreed and he flaked--his usual MO.

 

Maybe NC isn’t the best for you then? I don't know. I'm confused today. But maybe do LC, not much, and don’t pressure him at all xx

 

NC is always hard. It's not about the other person. It's about taking control of your OWN actions. I was in therapy the other day and was saying "I just can't not contact him." She corrected me saying "You keep saying you 'can't' when in reality, you WONT." She was right and tackling my own need for his attention has been hard. But--I am stubborn and turned it from being persistent in GETTING his attention, I am not practicing persistence in NOT contacting him. Every day is hard--some more than others. Yesterday was particularly hard.

 

It's been 3 weeks, he did contact me once... But it was brief. I KNOW KNOW KNOW he will call again. It's him MO.

[mankow]

Day 9th

Being very sure I can do it and want to do it completely (30 days now)

[swtchx]

Day 7.......sometimes I'm ok and sometimes I want to break down and call...sometimes I miss him so much and get sad for how things will never be the same again. But the only thing that stops me from calling is remembering how far I've come to get to day 7 (and it hasn't been easy) and how much I really, really don't want to be back at square one. Plus he won't tell me the things I want to hear even if i did call him so I'd just feel like sh*t!

[postscript]

I know NC is hard but I hate giving up/in.

If all these other enots around me can do it, through the hurt and the pain, I can too.

I must be able to. NC isn't meant to be easy. I know he doesn't want to go NC, he'd rather we just didn't hang out at all, but I want to prove to myself that I can be strong.

Oh well. It's still day two and I feel okay today.