Hope_Springs_Eternal Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 ultimately ...... The main reason I am remaining NC is because I gave all I could to him, I couldn't have given or dedicated anymore to that relationship than I did, so if I was to contact him what would I say? I'm not sorry, I'm not angry, I've nothing to say accept , "The way you treated me was out of order." I don't need him to apologise for me to move on with my life. Stella Sleepwalks id just like to say this part of your post has really focused me on the reason for NC. I am struggling but not posting because I am too distressed to focus on it and am trying to block it all out. Your comment was so sensible, and most of all, so simple. I do think that sometimes the simple solutions are the best and I just hope i can get my brain to focus on what you said. Link to comment
Stella Sleepwalks Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 I think for me I have to accept that my ex will never change. He only focused on issuing blame in the break-up, probably because he is just turning 34 and has lost the girl he had been searching for all of his life, (his words), and he can't bare the thought that he is the reason behind this split. His negitivity and control issues. Contacting him would serve no purpose. He will never apologise. He will never try and make things right. He would rather die alone than swallow his damn pride. That is not my problem. That is sadly his, and he will never see things any different than "I'm right - you're wrong." If I ever spoke to him again, that would be the attitude, so I might as well start the healing proccess now. What is the point in giving him the benefit of the doubt. He has been this way with every other girl in his life, and look where it has got him?! He is the "victim" in all this - let him feel sorry for himself. I'm the * * * * * who stood up for herself. But at least I stood up for myself, and that strength needs to continue throughout all of this until my heart has healed. I'm just being realistic. I don't talk about him to anyone anymore. I post on here because it helps me. But my friends are starting to forget him which is helping me tremendously, and last night I told my mum never to mention his name to me again because she needs to move on too. Breakups affect the people who love us too. Its important they heal and see you getting strong and back on your feet. Keep your chin up xxx Link to comment
LilBear Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 Even if exes do apologize, does it even make any difference. My ex did, but it still didn't erase all the hurt.. Link to comment
Stella Sleepwalks Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 I say don't wait around for one..... If you know you did right then who cares if anyone else believes you. If your feelings don't matter to them, if all they can concentrate on is there own hard-done-by, then you'll never convince them otherwise. Spend your time being positive and let them wallow in their own negativity! The chances our you'll heal a lot faster and walk away stronger and more self assured, while they will never fully recover and end up repeating the same mistakes over, and over, and over, and over, and..... Link to comment
bronte Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 On Day #5...though it's been over two weeks since I first started the NC thing (broken only for the job-related e-mails). I'm so glad I did this--when I started out I honestly felt like I was being a tad melodramatic (possibly because the ex told me I was being melodramatic) and that it was a little pathetic of me not to even be able to talk to him casually when he clearly has no problems whatsoever seeing me as just a friend. But even these two weeks of NC have given me SO much more clarity about the whole situation. Not having him constantly being in contact has allowed me to really take a hard look at our relationship and how he treated me in it, and I consequently feel better able both to acknowledge my feelings and my right to have them... Link to comment
Volkslad Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 On Day #5...though it's been over two weeks since I first started the NC thing (broken only for the job-related e-mails). I'm so glad I did this--when I started out I honestly felt like I was being a tad melodramatic (possibly because the ex told me I was being melodramatic) and that it was a little pathetic of me not to even be able to talk to him casually when he clearly has no problems whatsoever seeing me as just a friend. But even these two weeks of NC have given me SO much more clarity about the whole situation. Not having him constantly being in contact has allowed me to really take a hard look at our relationship and how he treated me in it, and I consequently feel better able both to acknowledge my feelings and my right to have them... Damn right! A little time and space does a lot for clarity. While I was in daily contact with the ex I thought that without her I would crumple. Now, slowly but surely, I'm starting to realize that I'm pretty f'in awesome..and that's why she wanted to stay friends with me so badly..but no way was I going to get friendzoned! Either be with me, or don't..but there will be no middle road! Link to comment
sngrmom75 Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 i think it's 5 days... he wrote to me today, talking about his therapy sessions and how he hopes that I go to mine and someday after a few sessions we can talk about what we've learned... he doesn't, however, mention if his fu**ing girlfriend is living with him and sleeping in our bed. I have so many things i'd like to say to him but i won't let myself do it. I know that if he is going to miss me at all i have to pull away as much as possible. I know that if he is going to want this marriage to work it will happen within the next few months, before the baby is born. I'm due in july and i had told him when i left that there was a time limit on this situation... that i cannot imagine going through actually giving BIRTH without him there and ever being able to forgive him. I have learned so many lessons about myself and about marriage in general... The biggest one being don't give up on your marriage because you have a few weeks or months or even years of unhappiness... really, don't give up on your marriage without doing absolutely everything you can to ses if it's repairable, because you'll always wonder and you'll always regret it. I was the one to give up first, and I learned my lesson by the time we first got back together 7 months ago. He never learned that lesson and has given up on US and on our being a family without giving any real effort, because it was easy to do so because he found someone to replace me. Someone with a god*amn flat screen tv to replace the one I took with me. Someone to hold at night when he's feeling lonely. Someone to take up any time he might spend thinking he is doing the wrong thing... Link to comment
tarahtori Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 I'm in day 15 of N/C he came over my house on the 20th to get some of his stuff he left behind....that doesn't count as contact does it? Link to comment
mankow Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 day#4 started at 0000hrs I had urge to call her but don't want to make myself more troubles. I found one like mine breakup on this site and thinking more positive now of the relationship we had-almost proud. Not in so bad mood after all. I am trying to function better and to enjoy everyday life!!! Link to comment
messenger05 Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 End of Day 23 Of NC... It looks like today will be the last day of NC for me... the ex is supposed to call tomorrow (although who knows at this point). I know the challenge is 30 days and I know I can do that if i wanted to, but we had set this date prior to me joining this challenge. Also, she is the one that is going to call. I've decided to let her speak. I'm assuming she is going to say that she still needs time to figure things out as 3 weeks is not long enough to make any drastic changes. I'm going to accept that and wish her the best of luck in her life. I am going to let her know that I love her and want for us to be together but understand her decision and let her know that I can't wait around for her. From then on out, it looks like its NC again for an undetermined amount of time. I'm sure its easier to write this out then actually be able to do it tomorrow! Good night everyone... hope all is well or getting better! Link to comment
lovemeorleaveme00 Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 thanks for the nice post stella..its all i needed to read.I was so good NC for 94 days and i was happy today and I just gave in to my urge to greet him happy easter.I did the same xmas after doing NC for 30 days..he responded xmas but now easter nothing..Im ok though!! Im starting day 1 of my NC 5 months or maybe til forever!!! Link to comment
SCbunny Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 i feel pretty alright right now. maybe this is because i just came back from an amazingly fun weekend in Las Vegas. i forgot how much fun going out with a group of girlfriends can be. especially in a place like Vegas we ran into one of my ex-boyfriend's roommates as we were getting in our car to leave for Vegas. so, im 99% sure he told my ex that he ran into me as i was leaving for a fun trip. i wonder if it drove him crazy wondering what i was doing with my single girlfriends this weekend. if you've ever been to Vegas..you know what goes on. even if hes the one that dumped me, he probably still wondered one million times if i was hooking up or not..right? it would feel good to know that he was slightly jealous. not in a mean way..but it would just feel good. Link to comment
hisgirl0507 Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 fed up of not makin any progress with the ex after being broken up a whole year!if any1 would like to give me advice,please search for my posts.thanks. sign me up,day1! Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Day 5 In a pretty good mood today....still want him back though. Link to comment
bronte Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Damn right! A little time and space does a lot for clarity. While I was in daily contact with the ex I thought that without her I would crumple. Now, slowly but surely, I'm starting to realize that I'm pretty f'in awesome..and that's why she wanted to stay friends with me so badly..but no way was I going to get friendzoned! Either be with me, or don't..but there will be no middle road! Exactly--I had thought I had to be his "friend" to be a good person and to prove that I'm not bitter or vindictive, but really, why should he get to reap the benefits of being my friend when he just broke my heart? Maybe at some point down the road if he's lucky, but I should get to be the one to say when and how...it should happen on my terms, not his! Starting Day #6... Link to comment
Azucar Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Day 1 just ended two minutes ago....going into Day 2....Feels like 20 million days!!! He called this morniing at 8am....I looked at my phone and really really wanted to answer....but I didn't....waited to listen to his VM. He said...I miss you...I know what makes me happy and that is you...I am going to do what I need to do so that we can have everything we talked about and be together... How am I feeling? Sick to my stomach because he just opened the door to have me call him back...I'm afraid if I don't he will get upset...but I shouldn't be worrying about how he is going to feel I need to just focus on my feelings....I WILL NOT CALL!!! His message....hmmmm....I cried...but then I felt angry....NOW you are going to do what you need to do???? What about the three years we've been together??? Why call and leave me a message Monday morning??? Why not think about how I was feeling yesterday....ALONE on Easter....sooo many mixed feelings....Right now I just need to focus on NOT CALLING....all has been said....I don't need to have the same conversation...it's just hard not answering and not returning his call....AND IT"S ONLY DAY 2!!!!!! Link to comment
Irish Jax Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Azcusar, Mine called last night and left a message as well. You see when I talked to him last, I told him that I was having a medical issue and he kind of just brushed it off and said to leave him a message when I feel better. I wasnt telling him to make him feel bad, just being honest. This pissed me off because like I said, he only worries about things that affect him. Well, apparently he called one of our good friends and discovered I am in the hospital for it and he called and said, "I hope that you didnt try to call me yesterday because my battery was dead and I would not have known if you had. I just turned my phone back on and talked to **** (our friend) and he told me you are at the hospital. Sounds kind of intense. I hope all is well and call me when you feel up to it." I am not calling him back not because I want him to worry, because it wont do me any good. Hes only calling me because he discovered I did not leave him a message and wants to make sure I am not mad at him. I am determined to let him go and get over him. So I know how hard it is not to call. But I know it will be an endless cycle for me if I call him and I will only be disappointed. Link to comment
yo Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 I am really determined to make this happen..no more mails and no more text messages..I am tired of waiting waiting for her to reply back..I need to move on and take care of myself.. Link to comment
hisgirl0507 Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 day 1 didnt go too well.ended up cracking and called him.......he didnt answer though! i hate waiting for him to get in touch with me and how long its going to take.longest i went without contacting before was 6 days so if i can go for at least a week then im sure i will be fine after that but its just getting to that stage of being strong cos at the moment i feel weak and every second i want to call him and wonder when he will get in touch with me. day 1 again from tomorrow! Link to comment
Smotherer Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Hello everyone, Count me in. I am starting NC with my ex. Not sure it is day 1 or day 4. Last Thursday was my last email to her, laying my cards on the table. I got a note back saying that she "found it difficult to talk like this." So I wrote an apology back and left it there. I dithered over texting her a plain "Happy Easter" yesterday. In the end, I did. And I got a plain "Happy Easter" back. Does that count as breaking NC or was I just being civil/polite? Azucar - I read your post with interest. You struck a chord in that you could be thinking what my ex is thinking. Basically, I agonized over giving her what she wanted - to move in with her. When she dumped me, I ended up offering it to her. She told me it was "too late" and that was that. Now I am so cut up. How I wished I had the courage before..... Anyway - Day 4. Or is it Day 1? Link to comment
Cali Girl Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 I've struggled with the NC. So, I went LC (limited contact?). Now he's been texting me every day and night. Asking how my day was. Lately its been "do you want to come crash with me tonight. No sex expected." What the H@LL is his problem? Bronte You are absolutely on the right track! "why should he get to reap the benefits of being my friend when he just broke my heart?" Now I just need to get there as well! Link to comment
RaeKarma Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 day 49 EMT class tonight...im CPR certified yay!! slowly takin steps life and emotions try to hold me down but I wont let them control my progression in life took a chem test today ....yuck ...i seriously need a tutor.... two months until he returns... just gotta keep goin as if he does not exist but that is now harder than ever to do..... Link to comment
wyrllish Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Day 18! Last contact was her initiating a text. Nothing since then...sigh Went through a relatively bad week last week, today seems worse though. Link to comment
Irish Jax Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Should I let him know that I am ok with my health or should I go with the idea that if he was really concerned about my health he would make an effort to know? His message indicated to me that I should call him back when I feel up to it and let him know what is going on. Personally, I think this is BS because if he really wanted to know, he would call and say look I want to hear from you and make sure everything is ok. Instead he leaves it up to me. Shows the lack of care on his part in my opinion. Link to comment
LilBear Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Day 65 He's stopped trying to contact Link to comment
Recommended Posts