THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[GetMeBack]

I would just like to add for anyone that has been abused...

 

Abuse is able to keep happening in the world because it relies upon the silence of the victims..

 

My book will be talking about the abuse I have suffered..If people dont like it.Thats there problem not mine..

 

I understand your perspective but i am tired of keeping quiet about how people have treated me..

 

Its time for people to know my story..

[GetMeBack]

well I just sent a text saying good luck for his interview tomorrow...

 

I have had enough guys..

 

Something clicked in me today and I have never felt this way before..

 

I am tired of the people I love trying to keep me down all the time.

 

I have come to the conclusion that the right man,would not let me hurt this much. He thinks only of himself..and I am tired of giving giving giving and getting abosloute sod all back.

 

Angry Heart-We broke up november..He continued to sleep with me for months after..and acted as if he was still with me when we met up.

 

7 DAYS is the longest I had gone NC before I did my 25 days.Yesterday was the first time I made contact. I really dont know why I am hanging onto a man who does not inspire me one bit. I got nothing out of the last 24 hours contact but just more hurt and pain.. Now I have to pick myself up again.

 

It will be NC until I have healed now and nothing more..

 

I would rather be alone..

[GetMeBack]

Sorry if I sound a bit abrupt guys.

 

But I need to get a bit tougher..

 

This garbage has been going on too long now..

 

And the people you love are meant to be bring out the best in you. Everytime

 

I talk to this man.He makes me feel like s- h-i t. I need to move on.

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

hi GetmeBack,

 

I didnt mean you wrote an email, I was referring to an earlier post the name of the poster escapes me right now, but basically that you get down in writing everything bothering you, (he/she mentioned email) but then you dont send. I tried it and it does make you feel better.

 

I was using it as an analogy for your book. If it makes you feel good to write it do it, but just think carefully before you publish it. I think its that thats making your ex a bit nervous. I dont know what would be in it from his point of view, but theres something thats making him nervous.

 

I think without that in the equation, there may be hope. Thats all I meant xxx

[GetMeBack]

Hi hope springs.

 

The reason why he is getting nervous..because in my relationship I worked as an escort to practically pay for our relationship basically.

 

He sat his sorry a -s - s at home while I paid for 90 percent of everything..

 

He doesnt want the book to be published because he dont want his family to find out what a low life user he was as he never told anyone what I had to do to support us as he wouldnt get a job..

 

Real names will not be disclosed in the book...he was lazy, didnt work and puts the blame on our break up solely on me..

 

I am deeply hurt..which you can probably tell..

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

yes I can tell, and its understandable. Its normal to feel resentful when you feel someones used you.

 

You can either be a Victim or a Victor, and the best payback is to find peace within yourself and live a long and happy life. Imagine him seeing you in a few weeks, months, years or whenever you bump into each other and your laughing, looking great, with a lovely man who adores you on your arm.

 

that will be the best payback for everyone thats ever hurt you..that you came through despite everything and made a success of your life.

[honeyspur]

Monique - excatly what I wanted to hear from you! I want you to be so mad about this abuse that you stop running to people who can't surrender to love and fight for it.

Paying for 90% of the relationship is wrong and gives a caretaker message - not a lifepartner message. Standing up for your fair share is exactly what you should do and you are right - you can't worry about his fear in regards to the book. The world needs to know and the person out there who was abused like you will read it and know they are not alone....

 

AngryHeart Broke NC did you......

 

LOL - of course I'm not mad. Because she followed it up with some real consideration. I would absolutely try LC if you think you can do it without hurting yourself. That excahange you had was good and the level is where it should be. Maybe try another this weekend? Give it time and see how you are feeling between now and then - if you have a lot of anxiety, then just consider a month is not a long time. It's not weird to just say "hi" after a month.

 

gee is in China omg!!!!!!!!!! 8-) SO COOOL - eat a lucky pig or fish cookie for me if you see them at any bakery!!!! No wait - what Chinese Year is this? Year of the rabbit?? No year of the rat! Hmm...lucky rat cookie just doesn't sound good does it?

[GetMeBack]

Thank you honey I was waiting for your reply..

 

To be honest, I feel a bit strange. The last few hours I have been just sitting here thinking..why am I wasting my time pining over a man who is clearly not on the same page as me.

 

I really do need to wake up and smell the coffee. He has a much inspiration as a fish out of water.

 

He just sent me a text saying ...he will let me know how his interview goes but he dont think he will find out for a couple of weeks the result. Nice to know I am still good enough for giving him support. NOT. sigh. ..

 

Oh well..I really need to get my butt in gear and carry on with my nursing degree. Carry on writing my book. Lose some damn weight as comfort eating has taken a new heights lately..

 

And oh yeah...my first counselling appointment is booked for tomorrow which will be interesting...

 

I am not going to announce my NC but I think i should ignore him when he texts me tomorrow..or whenever..im at the end of the road now with me and him. I have neglected myself so much since nov, loving someone and not getting anything back and I dont think my body can take it anymore. I am already on a shockingly strong does of Prozac..

 

Today I closed the chapter on me and him. Now I look forward to a fresh start. .

 

I really hope everyone learns from me and does not break NC, please please just think about yourself as much as it can be hard too and just let him/her go..just let go. Its the only way...

[GizMo567]

Woa GetMe, now thats a story. I hope everything gets better for you and hope everything is on the way up!

 

Why does it feel like i am truly starting to slip and i am ready to jump off a cliff!? Or potentially commit suicide. Of course i won't but i just feel like my heart is giving out. Like something just died inside of me and i am having a hard time just getting up. I do not know if this is normal or not but i do feel really strange. This really sucks when i just went through all the horror this year and still can't have things go right for me.

[SamT]

Gizmo, i feel your pain man. Ive been there.. try posting a thread on the suicide section. I did eventually, and i did get some great help mate.

 

Things will get better man, you just need to climb this mountain..

[LilBear]

Day 53

Monique, when exes become mean, cold, distant, hurtful, it makes NC easier.

He's not the person you thought he was. Now leave that incident behind, go NC and find someone who deserves you more than him.

 

Hugs.

[GetMeBack]

Thank you Lilbear..

 

I think it will be easier from now on too..

 

I am looking forward to my fresh start.

[SweetSmilingYeti]

Day 6!

 

Well today I over slept because I was so upset about the ex thing last night that I didn't get to study for a test. Turns out we didn't even have it. Oh well, this morning I would have said "at least I didn't have to see my ex and his new girl flirting in front of me". Well this morning my mom and my sister had a little "intervention". I was in bed crying and they came up and talked to me. Everything they said I already knew but idk something snapped in me today. I'm 5'1 and I'm suppose to be about 110 lbs. I'm all the way down to 95 lbs. It really isn't healthy. I've been starving myself. It isn't because I have some weird thought that if I get skinny he'll come back or something like that, I've just been so preoccupied with him that I have even stopped doing that. Chewing and swalloing food make sme naesuos and that is so unhealthy. I can't believe I"m letting him do that to me too. He broke my heart, my hopes, everything and to give him more I now starve myself? NO way! I won't give him that. I won't give him the pleasure of knowing that he not only broke my heart but now is killing me slowly while he flirts and creates a whole new persona in front of me? Nu uh. enough is enough. I promised myself I would isolate myself from him even more. I've been doing a great job with the NC especially since we do sit close to each other in every class we have together (which is every class). I now want to stop glanving at him. I have purposely either moved myself up, so I can't see him or turned my body away from him so when I do look in front of him, I don't see him. I glanced here and there today but I made it my new goal not to.

 

But to the exciting part of today! I got asked to prom...TWICE! Well I got asked once today and then my friend told me this other guy (who I've had a tiny crush on-I just think he is cutttttee) wants to ask me but was scared to. Oh she told him it was ok So I'm going to get asked to prom again! I told my friend that I didn't know if I was going to go which was the truth. I dont know if I am going still. I don't know if my heart can stand seeing my ex grinding with somebody else. Ugh. I want to go though. I feel happy that guys still like me even if my ex doesn't. That I didn't have to change like he did to be happy and find people who like me. It is funny because my ex is now "courting" (pssh I wish courting still existed in high school!) his best friend's ex! The only reason he is doign that is because she is desperate enough to agree to go with him. Of course she belong to the "douche bag group" so she is skinny, pretty, white and rich. Too bad I KNOW he hates her. Even when we had broken up and were still talking he would mumble under his breath about how annoying and pathetic she was. It is funny because that is the only girl that is really giving him the time of day. That is only because she is desperate. She has been trying to get this guy to like her (she even paid for his homecoming meal when he finally asked her to homecoming this year) but he hasn't budge. Probably because she is known as a ball crusher that castrates men and then puts their balls in her trophy case. Or so the saying goes. That is her reputation. Ouch. Good job ex! lol. Everything that hurt last night (the fact that he is now even dressing like them and going to parties and him flirting) seem silly and funny to me now.

 

I'm happy because I didn't have to change to make people like me. They liked me for who I was! I'm not trying to validate myself based on getting a date to prom but it does feel good to know that yes, there are people who not only find you attractive but interesting too! I don't need my ex. It is really sad that he has changed and maybe one day I will get the chance to tell him all this. I really did like who he used to be and it hurts that he thinks he has to be somebody totally different to fit in. As a human being I want to show him he doesn't but I have a feeling he is either going to have to learn that himself or he is going to become one of them (maybe that is what he wanted). I hope it ins't that latter but I can't do anything. Best thing I can do is move on, eat healthy and enjoy life! I've been too sad for too long and for what? He surely can't appreciate the real honest feelings I had for him. Like my sister said today "love is suppose to make you feel good. it is healthy." Everything he did to me made me sad. Whatever! In my mind, although he dumped me and ignored me, I won. I won because I was able to be honest with myself and my feelings. I never wanted anything from him but his love back. I was right. He just wanted to be cool. He used me to get a higher self esteem and when he did he dumped me like last week's trash. He dumped me because he knew I would never ever let myself be something I"m not just to fit in with a certain crowd (a certain crowd I always felt disgusted by!) So ha! day 6 and I have a feeling that I will get through this!

 

Sorry for the long post...

[rjm0827]

Day 8.

 

I don't really miss her and just yesterday I posted saying I wouldn't post here anymore blah blah blah, but I feel like calling her. Only b/c we ended on a not so good note. I told her about me and some other girls I had been with since we had broke up which really shocked her. I just kind of want to clear some stuff up and let her know I'm not mad at her and hope she feels the same. Just end on a good note. I don't want her back, that's not at all why I want to call. What do you guys think? Call or just say screw it? I'm fairly confident that by contacting her it's not going to bring back feeling or set me back.

[honeyspur]

SweetSmilingYeti - don't be sorry - it was a great post - I knew you'd progress - that's so cute about those guys asking you out to the prom....

[honeyspur]

rjm - I really think you should wait - a month is not long - it will be ok.....

[rjm0827]

we broke up mid-Dec so it's been over a month, the whole confrontation thing wasn't but a week or so ago though. i agree, nothing wrong with waiting, i just know it hurt her. i want to call more so to make her feel better and just clear things up.

[bronte]

Having a tough day today, wondering if our not talking has any impact on him whatsoever...I know the point is for ME to heal, not to affect him, but I still wonder...Does he think about me and feel bad that it's come to this? Or is he too busy with his new girlfriend to even notice I'm gone?!?

 

I'm not feeling tempted to actually contact him, I have a little bit too much pride to do that when I told him not to expect to hear from me till April. But I am wanting to look at his Facebook to see what he's been up to over the past few days...just to feel close to him for a moment or two. I know that absolutely no good can come of it, though! Maybe I need to write that on an index card next to my computer as a reminder: "No good will come of it!"

[SamT]

bronte - i know how you feel exactyl!

rjm - i have feelings now and again, just to try and end it on a good note, last time i went NC we ended on a good note, and it was so much easier, at least for me. But i feel its too late now..and i dont want to break the cycle. If she is the Angel ive thought of her as before, im sure she'll except my friendship in a month/years to come.

 

Day 6

disappointed not to hear from her. But relieved all the same!

 

ive had a range of emotions today.

Ranging from episodes of manic depression to laughter. Even been really really angry at her, and had to vent it all on the VENTVENTVENT thread!

 

ive started a thread called Feel Good things to do (in the healing section) - get in on it if you wish! im trying to find ways to take action and get myself out of this state!

[MNmike]

Its been about 2.5 months, I don't know the days.

 

Had somewhat of a relapse today. I felt really sad and depressed. I mean, its been almost 3 months of NC. I can't believe it feels like yesterday we talked.

 

I almost want to call just to see how she is. I still care about her a lot, and am genuinely concerned about her. Even though she kicked me to the curb. Its actually kind of pathetic. But when you really love someone, it doesn't just go away.

 

I know she would like to here from me, or even see me. She wanted to see me a month after the break up, but I said no because I found out she was already dating someone, then she said next time she was in MN she would call me to see me. (We were long distance for the last year of our relationship) And since our last talk, I don't know when she'll call. I do feel she will at some point. She stated "we spent a large part of our lives together, it would be weird if we never saw each other again" and she cried about it. Thats what bothers me. She was so concerned about never seeing me, yet she dumps me. Wants to hang out, be friends. She even said she missed me, and I'm a sweet, kind, great guy. But still felt the grass is greener somewhere else.

 

But if she is seeing that person still, I feel I cannot contact. It was too soon after our 5 years together, basically immediately after. And that is COMPLETE b-u-l-l-s-h-i-t! Yea, rebound I know. But still hurts. God, I just want to be feeling 100% good again.

 

Part of me really wants to see her, but I'm afraid it'll send me back to square 1.

 

Part of me wants to tell her off, all of the things on my mind. About the other person, how she did it, the cold things she said when I called her. How I really didn't know her as well as I though. How she didn't even try to bring the problems she was having out in the open, and work at making things right with me. Instead BAIL OUT when things get tough. How she made assumptions about my feeling about her. (She was the worst communicator about her feelings I've ever met) How she stuffed it all down and let it build into something too big for her to deal with.

 

 

Sigh.... Maybe I should take some of what I've written here, and send it to her. Just as a final closing statement.

 

Then again, its probably not worth my time.

 

Sorry that turned into a vent session.

[Volkslad]

Day 8.

 

Saw each other in passing at work..but no communication.

 

Got to the elevators at the same time leaving work, someone else was there too, so she chatted with her..good thing as I wasn't sure what we would say to each other.

 

On the elevator ride down, she wouldn't even look at me. I guess she's mad about the NC and was trying to show me that she too could play the "I'm pretending you don't exist" game.

 

She probably got even madder when she stepped off the elevator and saw my ex-ex there waiting for me. She went to leave the building, but had to come back in...she gave my ex-ex the biggest happiest HI ever..but wouldn't even glance over at me.

 

I guess she'll be ok with the NC from now on.

[messenger05]

Evening of Day 12...

 

I really never thought I could make it even this far... the first few days were really really rough on me (as i'm sure it was with everyone else). Last night was a rough spot as well but today I felt better. I kept busy, got some exercise, laughed, and enjoyed being around others. I still think of her all the time, but i'm beginning to realize that I have to give her this time and space and let her do what she needs to. If, when the time comes, I still feel like I do now I will deal with it then. Maybe by that time i'll realize that we weren't supposed to be together - maybe not... i guess all i can do until then is use the time/space i have to better myself in all ways possible.

 

thanks for listening... just trying to get things off of my chest

[demonic-cookie]

Day 3:

 

* * * * ty day. Had dance again in the morning and he got pissed because I didn't answer when he said 'sup. I didn't want him all pissed and I felt like taking the high road so I said, "Sorry, didn't hear you. I'm fine, how are you?" he answered and that was it until french class when our teacher was talking about an AP meeting we both missed. I had gotten the papers for it, so when he asked if he needed them, I said yeah, they gave them yesterday, in a polite manner. Then he got snippy and said, "Yeah, I heard what she said, thanks." It's weird, passive-aggressive behaviour is so not his thing.

 

Then at a poetry slam, we both read, and it was so hilarious. He used the exact same affected "I'm a troubled poet" voice his new girlfriend ALWAYS uses that everyone thinks is really annoying, and it reminded me of what he himself said a while ago, about how he shouldn't be in a relationship for a long time since he "assumes the personality of whoever [he's] dating" and that he just wanted to make himself into the person he's going to be. Annnnnnnnnnd that whole thing went out the window, which I find priceless.

 

So, really bad day, but my friend Joe read a poem and it was so touching I cried, and it made me think about how fake and phony Anthony is right now. His poem was so overwritten and overspoken and just... unfelt. So I feel a bit better knowing that as soon as he stops being somebody else with this girl, their relationship is kaput and he'll be on his own. And then maybe he'll stop and figure out who he really is.

 

Still, it's really depressing. Seeing them together. They won't last because he's pretending to be someone else right now, but they'll be happy for a little while as he's keeping it up, and I won't be. I have to start leaning more on my friends.

[lexion]

day 6

 

i've been feeling down lately

her birthday is close

and i can't get the image of her and her new bf off my mind

[RaeKarma]

day 1

 

 

well technically its not day one of my NC its really like the fifth week but its day one since i signed up for this challenge.

 

I have been tryin to use school as a distraction to keep my mind off the split and it mostly works. But today a feeling of lonliness swept over me. Its like when all ur daily work is done and u go home to that lonley house it just kinda overtakes u.

 

Maybe its i saw a friend today and she asked about him and how i was holdin up. Either way it sucks