nikkers04 Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 day 4. I'm feeling ok its been a month since he wanted space. I have this feeling he will be back I just need to find who I was and give him time to think so here it goes on with my jouney of life and faith Link to comment
J_man Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 hey eric, are there things you like about your new place? are you able to check out the neighborhood and see if it'll take your mind off of things? Link to comment
samantha20 Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 hey guys. I'm on day three now of my second attempt at nc. I got to day 10 last time and cracked.. I was feeling SO positive the other day as you can see from my last post, but I'm really wavering again I feel like she's erased me from her mind after 2 years of being inseperable. We've only been broken up just over a month, and she's already been with her new bf for a month. It hurts so much. Being replaced is worse than her not wanting me. I'm back in town with her again and she hasn't attempted to contact me at all. I was so tempted to text her today, but I stopped myself. The only thing keeping me going is the thought that she misses me too but is too stubborn to initiate contact. I want to know that she misses me, even if it's just as a friend. After being like my siamese twin for like 2 years how is it possible for her to not miss me at all?? I don't know where my positivity has gone. She's destroyed our relationship and friendship, so why am I the one desperate to fix it? I feel like she's waiting for me to apologise or something! Another thing stopping me from texting her is that last week I text her and she ignored me, which really hurt and messed me up again, because it shattered my illusion that she was missing me but waiting for me to make the first move. I don't know why I'm willing to settle for just friends after everything she's done. I just miss her SO much. And I'm glad that I've had some space to work on myself, but there's still a big girlfriend shaped hole in my heart. I don't know why I'm relapsing, I even walked past her house today on purpose, just to feel close to her. I shouldn't still be doing that after a month. I'm so lonely guys, I want some affection Link to comment
LilBear Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Samantha, we all relapse sometimes. I fall into a relapse every couple of days or so. Try meeting new people. You don't have to go out and meet new people, you can do so online. I've made some friends while being here on ENA, and they have supported me through my NC. Also, I play a lot of MMPORPG so I meet new people in the games I play as well. Also, involve yourself in something you used to enjoy. But that may be very difficult to do. I used to enjoy reading but I find that I no longer have the stomach for it. If that is the case, involve yourself in something new. For myself, I have started playing new games and meeting new people and chatting with them to get me through my NC. Link to comment
cuddlester Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 What is the purpose of this NC for 30 days? Why is it 30 days? Is this just to make the dumpee feel better or something? I just started day 1 of a NC initiated by my wife. She said she needs to find herself, wants to see what it is like being alone, has no interest in anyone else but doesn't know if she has outgrown me, etc. I had no choice but to accept HER challenge. Yesterday, the last contact, we made love (initiated by her), we hugged and kissed, we laughed and joked around, she made me diner, she said she wanted me to think about what I wanted too (as if I don't know). Anyway, it was weird to me that she was so nice yet there was this 30 day thing looming. Okay, so I am game for this now since I'm in the game like it or not. Now, what's the point of the game? Is it to say goodbye strongly or is this a vehicle for reconciliation? It seems that no one here is talking about a successful reconciliation so why is this NC for 30 days so popular? Link to comment
LilBear Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 This 30 days NC is for you to heal and should serve no other purposes. But then again to each his own. Some do NC in hopes that the ex will come back. For what it's worth, you should do NC for yourself, without any regards for your ex. Link to comment
brlewis22 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Cuddlester NC is so u can take this time and work on you. While u use the time to work on you she may actually realize how much she can't live without you. Sure most everyone on the board wants their ex back...I am one of them, but this about making the pain go away and healing. My ex kept popping into my life giving me false hope and I found that everytime he would do that it was like breaking up all over again. Me personally I don't want to spend every night in the fetal position on my floor crying my eyes out! I am going into day 4 of NC and I cried on my way home today and naturally I thought about him all day, but I like knowing that each day I will feel alittle better. Link to comment
cuddlester Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 What's all of this big deal about healing? Listen, I got divorced from my first wife who left me for some guy about 10 years ago. Heal? That will never happen, period. I don't trust women like I did back then, and I will never trust even the concept of a relationship. To do so would be to open myself to amazing amounts of damage emotionally. So, now my second wife (of 8 years this time) is trying to decide if she wants to be with me or be a total academic with no man. Again, I have confirmed my mistrust in the American marriage was well founded. The numbers back me up too. Basically, I don't know what heal means. It's more like I have just confirmed my original belief that relationships do not work out and are a vehicle for temporary reprieve of loneliness. The times they do work out, they are not particularly enjoyable much of the time due to inherent differences of opinion and different life paths. That's fine for me but not for most people. So, what it sounds like here is that it's 30 days to feel better about the break up? LOL I think you need more like 30 years. When people break apart relationships, they never heal. They just form scars. Those scars are what the next person deals with. But hey, it's the American way! Divorce is as American as apple pie, and we do it better than any other nation in the world. Link to comment
cuddlester Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 I am sorry to hear that. It's day 1. By day 4, I'll be on the floor and joining you. All I know is that eventually the daily pain and crying does go away--it did from my first wife--but you will never be quite the same. It seemed that for me, things started to really get better once I started having sex with other women again. Of course at my age of 37 and considering how picky I am, I might never have sex again, but I felt old last time too and said the same thing, then was married to the hottest and most caring girl in the world for 8 years before she turned into a dreaded PhD workaholic. Link to comment
brlewis22 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Believe it or not I do feel ur pain in having a failed marriage. I was with my ex husband for 7 years and I refused to give up on the marriage and endured pure hell during that time. He was abusive both physically and emotionally. I can remember sitting on the bathroom floor with a knife wanting to end it all, and I had 2 little girls I had to take care. I was so scared and finally took my girls and left. I endured a divorce from hell that lasted 2 years. I was told all those years by my ex husband that no one would ever want me and I believed that. When I go through a break up now I still feel like that at times, but this NC is really helping me get myself back if that makes since, and allows me to heal faster...or at least get thru day to day functions. Link to comment
cuddlester Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Cuddlester NC is so u can take this time and work on you. While u use the time to work on you she may actually realize how much she can't live without you. Sure most everyone on the board wants their ex back...I am one of them, but this about making the pain go away and healing. My ex kept popping into my life giving me false hope and I found that everytime he would do that it was like breaking up all over again. Me personally I don't want to spend every night in the fetal position on my floor crying my eyes out! I am going into day 4 of NC and I cried on my way home today and naturally I thought about him all day, but I like knowing that each day I will feel alittle better. You know I can totally relate to you too. It seems that I go into those crying spells and feelings of suicide almost at the drop of hat sometimes and for the smallest reason. I'll hear a song that we liked. I think of some tender moment we shared. I'll think of when we met. It's always some insidious thought that just makes me break down. Like a couple days ago when I remembered the time my wife was having four of her teeth pulled out for braces. She was so scared. I went back with her to the chair. Even though she was under gas, I could tell she was still scared. I held her hand, and as each tooth came out, I could feel her squeeze it tightly and I squeezed back because I wanted her to feel secure. See... now I am crying. It's like I can cry on command now... better go. Link to comment
brlewis22 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 U know my ex bf was 32 and not exactly in the best shape, he is honestly a pig...I mean he * * * * s with the door open for crying out loud! lol Me on the other hand I am a very attractive woman that takes care of herself has style and no one ever understood why I was with him bc I could find someone better looking. U know what though I fell in love with him. I had never been so attracted to someone before. He had been divorced twice and hurt pretty bad by both women. I gave this man the world. I don't think he knew how to handle being treated so good. He pulled away. Even though I am sure I can find this gorgeous man, I also know that I have never been so attracted to a man like I was my ex bf. He broke my heart though by not being ready. Link to comment
SweetSmilingYeti Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 My boyfriend broke up with me Saturday February 2nd 2008. I am ready to take this challenge! I saw him today and it sucked! I held back my tears but it sucked butt! Okay okay now tomorrow I start DAY ONE! Wish me luck! Link to comment
cuddlester Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Well, they say love is blind. I suppose love is blind, but I don't love someone until I am with them for some time. And to be with someone for some time, I have to be physically attracted to her. As for me, I am in perfect shape for my age and look much younger. I have a six pack and am very well built. It's not my attractiveness I worry about. It's the aspect that I am getting old, and when you are getting up there, the selection gets pretty bad. But even more importantly, I love my wife today and don't want to be away from her for 1 day let alone 30. It's going to be hell for me. She said she would tell me her decision after the 30 days. Will she? Will she really know by then what she wants? I someone doubt it. And my heart will string me along to her until it destroys me I fear. Link to comment
brlewis22 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 I listen to music that makes me cry all the time. Driving is my time to grieve bc when I get home I have to tend to 2 little girls and I don't want to put that on them. My ex would sing to me where ever we went, I use to get embarressed but then I started to enjoy it. It made me feel special. I cry on my break at work sometimes in my car bc I miss how he would call me on my work phone daily to check on me. He always brightened my day. I believe this man loves me, and I hope that one day he will come back to me, but I also know I better not hold my breath. God has a plan for all of us. Link to comment
deleted-account Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 4 weeks in, aka 28 days. Almost to the goal of 30. I've been feeling weak the past few days though. Link to comment
brlewis22 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Either way u can't prevent her from taking these 30 days to figure things out, but what you can do is make a list of all the things that she nagged you about, or said you weren't doing for her. I mean what got you to this point? When you figure that out u need to decided if she means enough to you to that you want to make things right and change you. Now there has to be compromise here. If you decided during this time that she is who you want to spend the rest of ur life with then do some soul searching. I feel it is also important to focus on the things that she did to hurt you or push you away. Maybe after the 30 days you both can sit down and discuss these things. Sometimes we can be so blind and only see what our partners are doing wrong, don't make that mistake. Link to comment
brlewis22 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 4 weeks in, aka 28 days. Almost to the goal of 30. I've been feeling weak the past few days though. Hang in there!!!!! Its about time to change that goal to 60 days of NC Link to comment
bostoneric Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 hey eric, are there things you like about your new place? are you able to check out the neighborhood and see if it'll take your mind off of things? J_man, things i like hmmmm well lets see not really. with time i'm sure i will come to like this place but it was more a take it or else keep stressing about finding a place to live. I have no furniture, no tv, no bed. I'm still living out of the 2 boxes of clothes I took when I left 2 months ago. I'm really frustrated buying all that "house hold" stuff again, all stuff I thought I would never buy again. i sent the ex the email, now the waiting game starts on when my stuff will show. again she some how is better off because things like the bed she can keep while i have to buy a new one. now i have to buy a couch, dinning table, etc etc.. all things she keeps because I bought them for her when we were together. talk about starting fresh. :splat: Link to comment
foleno Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 I need help. Almost committed suicide last night, will be seeing the doctor today. Hey life is so beautiful. Please do not try that again. My friend try and succeded. So u got lucky. Please stop. Link to comment
foreverlost Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Having a very difficult night... it's been one week since he told me to leave him alone for the rest of his life... I am so tempted to call him. but I wouldn't know what to say. Link to comment
cuddlester Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Thanks for the advise. Actually I have the opposite problem. I tend to only remember what my partners do right. I forget the negative stuff very quickly. It just flies out of my mind in weeks, so I end up thinking I have the perfect partner always. I also never really fall out of love. I just keep in it for years and years. I am just as in love with my wife of 8 years as always. I think she is hot as always and want sex with only her. I am like that, an ultra marriage type. But she isn't like that. She tends to remember things I did wrong even as far back as our honeymoon. She no longer feels sexual towards me or anyone else. It's like we are opposites. It would be so cool if one day I found a partner who was actually like me. We'd be happy forever. If I ever did find her, she'd probably want kids anyway, and I'm not ready for that. Actually after all this BS, I probably will never want kids. They would be nothing more than more human lives subject to the suffering of endless divorces as is normal in the US. Why subject people to such terrible feelings of guilt and sadness? Link to comment
foreverlost Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 day 8.... missing him a lot physically. Link to comment
nikkers04 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 forever...I know the feeling...I miss everything about him, his touch, his laugh, his silence, just HIM! Link to comment
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