THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[spazmy]

Buddy, it may be a good thing to do. But make sure that you do not set yourself up for any more hurt in case she does not respond. Friend, in all this, what you are not seeing is that you are giving her an opportunity to do more harm to you. Let her go. Some things are not worth this much pain.

 

Just say it to yourself deeply once

 

Take a deep breath

 

Say

 

SHE IS NOT WORTH IT

 

and bask in how you feel liberated after that. I feel this way periodically. And now, am slowly getting closer and closer to feeling this way all the time.

 

Somebody who destroys life on a whim IS NOT WORTH IT

 

And this life will not be enough for them to know that in the end, they will never be worth it if they see themselves only through the eyes of others.

 

LIFE IS ABOUT YOU

 

NOT HER

 

Forgive and forget is the mantra

[tsarevnaelena]

So I saw he had a profile on JDate, so he's really moved on. So I'm going to do hardcore NC from here on out. This is so hard and I'm sad and lonely, but I have to take care of myself now.

[digitaldiva]

I'm having a hard time not hating him. I truly hate him now. I hate him for what he did to me. I don't want this bitterness to follow me into another relationship. What can I do? He is such a jerk!!!!

[yo]

SHE IS NOT WORTH IT

 

LIFE IS ABOUT YOU

 

NOT HER

 

Forgive and forget is the mantra

 

Well said!

[titch_p]

[QUOTE=flyoffthewall;2082132]To quote a cheesy Pres, "I feel your pain." Cliche, but true. I've been there, myself, and NC was once a lot harder for me, even though it is still difficult. At least I can do it now.

 

Everything in your post leads me to urge you to be strong and stay in NC for 30 days, or at least for as long as you can. There is nothing that you have said that makes it seem that he will ever be your lover again, even though he probably does still care very much for you. My advice is that you face the fact that this relationship is over, and move on. It does sound like an addiction, and addictions are unhealthy. He will sense that you are being clingy, and -- if there is any chance to get back together, which I doubt -- you will drive him away or he will take for granted that you will always be there when his new relationships fail. You sound like a good, faithful person -- you should show yourself the respect you deserve by letting him know that you are not available to him whenever he needs you -- unless he is always there for you, and unless you both want the same thing from the current relationship. I think that you can only do that through NC or by letting him know your true feelings -- and he probably knows your true feelings, even though you haven't necessarily come out and said them. Sounds like he is using you.

 

flyoffthewall, I really do agree with your wisdom even though it is extremly painful to accept the truth sometimes.

It's weird because you had the insight to realize that I'm a faithful person and I'm one of the most faithful and commited people I know. I feel empathy and I couldn't live with myself if I hurt someone elses feelings intentionally. It hurt so much sometimes when my ex got jealous just because his previous ex cheated on him so he assumed I'd do the same. If someone else has had the experience and intense frustration of trying to convince someone that you are faithful when it seems so rediculous because you know you'd never envisage cheating ever then you'll know what I mean.](*,)

The problem is that sometimes I'm too emphatetic, that I think too much about someone elses feelings and forget my own and I know that this isn't healthy because if you don't love yourself then you can become dangerously addicted and needy from the approval of others in relationships.

unfortunately, I have to be honest because, after all, this is what this site is all- I contacted him. I felt bad that I overeacted when he couldn't contact me on Christmas day so I felt I had to appologise for that. I called him and he was very nice and very appologetic and said he would call me again (although I can't imagine him calling me somehow because he said he would before and didn't). However, I know that this good feeling I have right now won't last- I know this because I still love him and he just wants to be friends. I want so much to be his friend but it is very, very hard. I planned to tell him when I called that, yes, I was sorry but I couldn't write anymore because I was finding the friendhsip thing too much because I still love him.

I do want to do the NC but I think I may have to start with not contacting him first and just responding if he contacts me-which isn't much right now, infact I can't think of a time when he initiated contact last? So really if I don't contatc him it is pretty much no contact. I've been initiating all the contact recently and I think even to stop that would be a big step forward for me.

I know I probably seem ridiculous and I feel a faliure considering some threads I've read where people have managed the no contact thing so well and I really admire you. I hope, one day soon I can make the full NC. I may need to do it for myself just to give me the chance to heal.

No matter what, I'm still planning to sort myself out and trying and emotionally distance myself somewhat. I prinited out all superdaves advice about working on myself and loving myself more and look at it for inspiration.

I'm not going to post again until I manage to not initiate contact at least. I need to work on myself and get my life back on track. How can I his friend when i still love him? I know I can't because I'm kidding myself, I'll always want more and it's so painful to know how happily he's getting on with his life and out enjoying himself without me. I need to try and love me more.

Good luck everyone

[Crows]

So my ex texted back this morning. Went back and froth. She finally replied about my roomat egetting married. I replied back again with "yeah il have to find a new roomate or place.. and im playin some ice hockey again"

 

and she hasnt replied again.

 

I asked her how she was since we last talked.. and she just was vague again "about the same as I was before" This was when we bf drank heavily etc.. ... i duno what to do. ... back into NC I go.

[lovemeorleaveme00]

day 2...i feel good about this..

[musashi]

Woke up in a relatively good mood. Did some reading for about an hour and she slowly started creeping into my mind. Took a shower and thought about her the whole time. I used to have conversations with her in my head when we were apart and think of all the things to talk about when we were together. If I saw something interesting or funny I would say to myself "Oh, I can't wait to tell S. that". One of the hardest parts of breaking up with her was stopping those kinds of thoughts in my head.

 

This morning those thoughts have come back a bit. I was actually thinking of writing a letter/email to her but...I don't know. When we broke up I did not plead or beg or anything. I went with it and even agreed in part. Ever since we have broken up I have not expressed to her my feelings or willingness to get back together. She is not a "make the first move" kind of person either.

 

Then again, I think that she does not deserve to know what I am thinking and feeling. I reserve that special gift for people who want to be involved in my life. Plus, she broke up with me and took the initiative there. She can take the initiative to put us back together. And if she does not, then nothing I can do will make her want us back together.

 

Or is there something I could do? Man, I can tell today is going to be one mixed up day. Time to go to the gym (and yes I know I showered already but I like to shower

[ycmanvs]

I completely agree with this. That is exactly what I am doing, and it is day 27. Keep up the good work, and things will get better.

[iwillbefine]

Today is exactly one week since he broke it off. He hasn't called and I haven't either. My roomate went out last night to a club where he always goes on Wednesday, but I went to the Gym and then to bed. I will try not to ask questions when I see her later today. I feel like I am in a really good place. I am planning to get out of town this weekend so I am not alone at home.

[digitaldiva]

I'm sure he will never call me again in this lifetime and I'm sooo okay with that!

[miss_chris]

broke up 6 days ago..officially day 2 of NC.... because i sent him a merry x-mas text like i did all my other contacts so i dont know if that counts...if it doesn't then its day 4 of NC. um. ok i am SOOOOOOO tempted to sent him a happy b-day text because it's his birthday today. what should i do??!?!!? it seems so harmless but i don't know if it's a good idea. help!?

[Confused13]

Noooo Miss_chris, don't do it!!!

 

I have had 7 days of NC now and the ex who previously was ignoring me has text me 4/5 times! I have ignored each and every one of them but at the moment I feel empowered, I am in control of my own future now and I'm not jumping to text him back immediately (I would have done 2 weeks ago!) I will speak to him when I'm ready

 

I think this technique only works if you stick to it

[miss_chris]

gosh it just seems so harmless though. i will have to restrain myself allllll day i think. he hasn't tried to contact me once since we broke up other then to get his things, which we exchanged on saturday so. arrrgg. i hope he has a lonely and sad birthday! haha.

[yo]

gosh it just seems so harmless though. i will have to restrain myself allllll day i think. he hasn't tried to contact me once since we broke up other then to get his things, which we exchanged on saturday so. arrrgg. i hope he has a lonely and sad birthday! haha.

 

MC,

 

IMO, you should always do what your heart wants you to do. Do what YOU think is right and noone on this forum can tell you that.

 

Let me tell you a story. A few years back, my ex of 5 years dumped me for my best friend just a week before her b'day. I was shocked and hurt beyond belief. All my friends told me not to wish her and to just continue the NC. What did I do? I organised a surprise party for her and called a few of our common friends too. It was really really hard for me coz all our prev b'days and anniversaries we'd celebrated together. Here, I was just a spectator. In the end, the party turned out to be good and she really had a good time.

 

The point is, I could have just left it. But, I wanted to make her feel special on that day. Infact, I would want to make anyone feel special on their b'day. I didn't expect anything from her. But, I just felt like a bigger person by the end of the day. And guess what happens the same year on my b'day? I was really sad and lonley and my cuz who was in town had a big surprise party for me and I had such a good time. I always feel that the good you do always retuns.

 

Well, that's just me. None of my exes have ever reciprocated that and bothered to contact me on my b'day and I really didn't care. All I can say is, just do what you think is right and what makes you happy. But, don't expect anything in return.

[miss_chris]

I dont expect any thing in return but i want him to miss me and by no contact he will but he told me he didnt want anything to do with me anymore but he said it when he was mad so i dont know what to think or do

[reasonablegirl]

miss_chris, do what he asked which is for you to do nothing. You sent him a holiday greeting and he did not respond. He will not respond to a birthday wish. And, in fact, since he told you to leave him alone, attempting to contact him more will likely result in him being annoyed and more angry at you because he knows you probably can't help but send him something.

 

Also, he is probably expecting you to send him something for his birthday and getting ready to be annoyed and irritated. If you want to shake him up and make him think of you and miss you, do what he does not expect which is to totally ignore him.

 

Leave him alone, give him breathing room.

[miss_chris]

thanks guys, i know it will be a tough time for me today because we made plans for this day a while back together and i can't help but know and think about what exactly hes going to be doing tonight and where exactly he will be, and knowing i won't be there with him celebrating. definatly a weak day for me but i will try and remain strong

[lost_for_words]

Time to start all over again I think...Day 2

 

23rd Dec - He comes round my house unannounced with a few gifts for me. All goes well, we chat nicely and have a few laughs, then he texts me later that evening and we continue to chat via text.

 

25th Dec - He texts me saying "Merry Christmas x" I reply "To you too x"

 

27th Dec - Today is my birthday - and nothing.

[lightandmagic]

so i've nearly cracked over the last couple of days, but i think i'm back on the wagon now, after a couple of posts on here talking some sense into me. so. day 10.

[Irish Jax]

Officially day 1 for me. I have attempted a few times to start NC for the last two weeks, but have broken it. I now feel strong enough and I am ready to move forward with it. Hopefully as each day passes, it becomes a bit easier.

[LilBear]

Ex messaged me on MSN yesterday at 7pm - I was napping

He said : Did *my friend's name* contact you?

 

I didn't see the message until I woke up at 11pm

He was offline then

 

Day 6 NC for me

[MNmike]

Sorry posted in the wrong spot

[foleno]

Amen. Thats write. right as rain. Its not. Its kinda like saying. ot raining out side its a bad day. But man its not worth the though. It is really just another day, just a little wetter. Get an unbralla and enjoy it. Then ex are enjoying themselves, we need to do the same. Thier is no noraml life, sad life, rich life. Thier is justlife, the rest is up to you.

[foleno]

I'm having a hard time not hating him. I truly hate him now. I hate him for what he did to me. I don't want this bitterness to follow me into another relationship. What can I do? He is such a jerk!!!!

 

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