THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[princess_summer_blue84]

It's okay, don't beat yourself up over it. You're not completely over him, and letting go is hard...

 

Honestly, if it wasn't for my breaking NC a few times, I wouldn't have realized how pathetic, irrational, and confused my ex was. Finding out in an e-mail that she had feelings for another guy was the best thing that happened to me, because it really gave me the kick in the pants I needed to move on. I really began to see her for who she was - selfish.

 

You'll still have up and down days, but keep going... Keep living your life and being happy. Take it one day at a time.

 

-Mike-

 

Ur right ! It is so hard for me to let go. A part of me wants him back in my life and then there is the biggest part of me that is telling me : " why set urself up to get burned again?"

 

So that is why I'm moving on . Gosh how could I have been so stupid to break NC! Darn IT To HECK!

[CreoUCLA]

A part of me wants him back in my life and then there is the biggest part of me that is telling me : " why set urself up to get burned again?"

 

I know those feelings all too well... You're not alone.

 

-Mike-

[Crows]

Day 2 of NC again... she's at work now, usually comes online in a couple hours. WE shal see if the warming up continues on her part.

[blindreepr]

day 2 of nc

 

I'm gonna make it last this time

[The_411]

Not a good day for me, but I know that I cannot talk to her because doing so will resolve nothing.

[istillluvu06]

Day 1......Told me to get out of his life, I will

[surfjon]

N/C and L/C are bitter dishes, I struggle daily to limit discussions to our kids and only our business matters.

 

So many times I want to say something that relates to how I feel about her and how much I miss her, but I don't. Sometimes I feel I've missed an opportunity to reavh out but I'm glad I don't.

[not my real name]

Day Zero. Oh my gosh I'm crap at this.

 

I went out Friday night and was having heaps of fun until a random message from him dated 25 sept. came through. It was a really sweet message about him coming home the next day and being super excited to see me. That's what set me off and by the time I got home in my drunken state I was unable to talk myself out of calling him nooo!!! I wish I didn't. I was doing so well and was feeling much stronger. I cried myself to sleep afterwards - hadn't shed a tear since Monday until then. Was totally back at square one yesterday, back in that panicky not-coping phase. How long til this is gone for good? Why am I constantly looking back?

 

Yesterday, I went round to his house to leave a box of his stuff on his doorstep (knew he wouldn't be home) and sent him a message asking him to fill it up with some of my things and return the favour. He sent me a message this morning stating that he had done so. I got home and found the box in the kitchen as my housemate had brought it inside - she said she was home when he left it there but he didn't knock or say anything - just left it there. I was outraged that he had been so rude (he knows my housemate quite well, they're not best friends but she's like family to me) so I sent him a little message and then it all goes something like this (and I know some of this stuff is big no-no, I'm being ridiculous atm):

 

Me: Thanks for that, thought it was a bit rude that you just left it there and didn't say anything, but whatever. Having a good weekend? (first mistake - leaving it open for him to message back, such a silly girl)

 

Him: Yeah I was on my way to house in hurry, in old clothes so didn't really want to see anyone or get held up. Weekend ok.

 

Me: Oh ok, no worries. I still feel weird about ringing you on Friday night. Sorry about that. You seem short, are you angry with me? (possibly starting clutching at straws to keep him texting me? I'm so lame)

 

Him: No it's cool, I know how it is but yeah, hope your weekend is cool.

 

Me: Okay, I get it now you're giving me the brush off. Fair enough. You don't know how it is though. But I give you ten points for effort. (I am such a moron for saying this!! Whyyyy did I say this? It's just so dumb of me).

 

Him: No I actually do. I'm covered in grease and sh.. so yeah, don't really want to touch my phone. (Must be working on his car). Talk later (yeah right, I know you won't call me - probably a good thing!)

 

 

I need to stop this little game. I think he's humouring me a little to try to make things easier on me. I need to be brave and just cut loose but I'm having a lot of difficulty due to his niceties. I know he still loves me and misses me and this is hard for him too. I'm sure it would be far easier if he just said: I hate you/I'm seeing someone else/I cheated on you/I don't see a future with you followed by a nice slice of 'get out of my life'.

 

I will try to get back on the wagon tomorrow and stay there for a while this time...

[CreoUCLA]

Day 8

 

"What we really need to let go of is the behavior that is the cause of our bad relationships. And then move on to a better way of thinking and acting." -Who Moved My Cheese?

 

Not much new to report. I'm still trying to stop thinking about her, but that will come in time. I still feel that this break-up is for the best. Through working on myself and intense reflection, I am starting to really see changes. I will be a better person, no matter what happens.

 

I have a pre-Thanksgiving get-together with my family today, and then I plan on having dinner with some friends. Gotta keep busy...

 

-Mike-

[Crows]

Day 3 again for me.

 

Going out to downtown Vancouver to take pictures of the architecture.

[tazzz55]

I'm in. You can see my story here:

 

She's been gone 28 days today, but we've had some LC, with the last LC on 15th Nov, so I guess this is day 3 of NC. I was really tempted to see her today. Even bought a new towel for the dog today so I'd have a reason to drop by and say hi. Instead of seeing her, I came here instead. I definitely feeling better able to maintain NC, at least for another day.

[blindreepr]

day 2, here it goes

[not my real name]

Start of day one.

I ended up sending a bunch of random messages last night just before midnight, less than an hour later I woke up in a massive crying fit. It will be 3 weeks tomorrow afternoon and it's not really getting easier. I'm laughing and smiling and going out and enjoying myself but inside I still feel like I'm crumbling and I struggle through the mornings. I know it will get better but I just miss him so much

 

I really need some answers. I don't know why because we've gone over it again and again, with me just rehashing the same questions and getting exactly the same responses. Yet I just don't feel as though I can properly commit to NC until I get some kind of well, I'm really not sure what I'm after. I don't know what I expect when I talk to him, but whatever it is I'm not getting it - so I have to let it go! Blah.

[CreoUCLA]

 

I really need some answers.

 

That's something we all face during the initial stages of a break-up. We try to seek answers from the other person, but often times they are confused and don't really know either.

 

By accepting and starting to let go, the picture becomes much clearer. As I got over the initial emotions of my break-up, I began to think things through and revelation after revelation occurred. So, give it some time, be reflective, and soon you will start to find answers within yourself.

 

To help me achieve this, I talked about my situation with close friends. Once I began analyzing my role in the relationship, I would almost always figure out the answers to my questions, before I finished telling them.

 

-Mike-

[istillluvu06]

CreoUCLA....Does this hold true for anger and blame with a partner? Or a long drawn out off and on break up, does time start to heal these things too?

[The_411]

Better day tody saw lots and lots of friends a friend's baby shower. Don't think about her as much and I actually laughed really hard a few times today.

 

Granted baby shower made realize that all of my friends are married and having kids it seems.

 

10 days is 1/3rd of the way through.

 

Tomorrow will be fairly tough as it would have been our two year anniversary of being together.

 

Next milestone date is Thanksgiving (Day 14).

[CreoUCLA]

CreoUCLA....Does this hold true for anger and blame with a partner? Or a long drawn out off and on break up, does time start to heal these things too?

 

I would hope so, but I can only speak from my experiences. In my case it was a break that turned into a break-up. Aside from being emotional in the early parts, I think both sides are pretty amicable... Well, until I told her we both need to move on, because she told me about a guy she likes.

 

-Mike-

[deleted-account]

Haha!! I just realized it's only been 4 months since we broke up, not 5 like I was thinking. For some reason I'm finding this hilarious. I guess it just feels like it's been forever.

[tazzz55]

Back to Day 1. Saw her at the neighbours, so I went over to say hello. I was trying LC. Same story, she's not ready to have contact. I'm getting stronger as I didn't break down at all when I was talking with her. I know where she stands and she knows that I still want to work things out. Oh well, back to day one I guess.

[emalkoc]

Day 12 since the last I heard anything from her..

[princess_summer_blue84]

starting over w/ nc!

[CreoUCLA]

Day 9

 

I am still working on myself... and I have made improvements in my life! One of the issues that my ex and others see, is that I come off as a know-it-all. I always have an answer to everything... Why? Well, I realized that my father is always asking me questions... When I don't have the answer he tells me, "Why don't you have the answer?" or "You never have the answer/know anything." That is just his way of teasing.

 

So, I have been conditioned to always try to come up with an answer for whatever question(s) I'm asked. To this end, I have been saying "I don't know" a lot more lately to him (when I really don't). He made a comment last night saying, "It seems like 9 out of 10 times lately you 'don't have the answer.'" And I'm fine with that. I'm not an encyclopedia, and I know I don't have the answers to everything... I'm not perfect.

 

Now I have to tell him one of these days that I don't appreciate his comments when I don't know the answer... But baby steps.

 

-Mike-

[blindreepr]

day 3 nc

 

ugh, nc is terrible. though contact makes me feel even worse

[glimmerofhope]

Day 1

 

This will be the first of many such days. It's really the only way for me right now.

[CreoUCLA]

though contact makes me feel even worse

 

That's really what allows me to keep going with NC...

 

-Mike-