THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[blindreepr]

day 2 complete day 3 starting

 

this is so freaking hard. She's at work right now. I want to just call her and say hello. I know that I can't. I cant help but give myself false hope right now that she will come back. I cant wait till this is over

[orangesoda]

Day 3 AM

 

feel alright now. not too bad. bit sad but its easy to find all the reasons (many) that we wouldnt work out in the end.

 

gonna eat bfast.

[CreoUCLA]

My Ex called me yesterday. Does that count if she called me and I got off the phone pretty quick?

 

From the first page;

 

6. If your ex contacts you, UNLESS IT IS AN EMERGENCY, or there are children involved, you cannot respond. PERIOD. If you do, see rule 5.

 

Hang in there. It will get better in time...

 

-Mike-

[Frangipani]

Day 21

 

Feeling a bit better. Thinking about him less. Kinda feeling more angry at him doign what he did to me now. Bit of a coward. Very pissed that he went camping with one of my best male friends this weekend though.

[Reddy]

Day 6

 

Doing fine.

[Crows]

Day 3 again.......hmm how many days will it take her to contact me this time?

[CreoUCLA]

Day 1

 

So I guess this is my third attempt...

 

I received an e-mail last night from the ex, saying that she was now dating a guy that she told me she had a crush on earlier this year. How do you get over someone that you were "in love with" for nearly 6 years. I had been giving her the benefit of the doubt that she was really working on herself/being single in order to become a better person and to really learn to love herself. She is needy/insecure, and has jumped into something with a guy who also just broke up with his gf.

 

The timing is ironic, because I was actually thinking the night before, that I didn't think I would want to get back together with her. I was starting to really get over her... As they say, as soon as you start to move on, they contact you.

 

After thinking things through last night, I replied to her this morning with this;

 

"Honestly, we both need to move on. I wish you my love, and all the best in your new relationship!"

 

And then that's that - I'm moving on. She will be the same person, making the same mistakes, but with a different guy. I'm taking this time seriously to work on myself to become a better person, and to make sure that I'm healed/healthy for the next woman I share my love with.

 

So, I feel great now. The dysfunctional girl/relationship is no more!

 

-Mike-

[Frangipani]

Day 22

 

Pissed off completley. Thats all I can say

[princess_summer_blue84]

I'll think about it! No promises dave!

[princess_summer_blue84]

ok count me in SuperDave! I'm tired of this man that I was dating. I'm sick and tired of his BS! Count me in all the way!

[princess_summer_blue84]

1 week and 2 days ! That I haven't heard from him. I'm more than pissed! I want to get back at him! pay back 4 Real is a * * * * *!

[Mustang]

Day 1

 

I find when I have nothing to do I really sit and fret about things. I have been doing that today. I just have a head full of questions - "Is she thinking about me at all?" "Has she forgotten the REAL me?" "Does she still love me?" "Who is she with?" "Do I mean anything to her anymore?"

 

I miss her. I really do believe that we can work things out. She just wants freedom from the insecure/paranoid boyfriend she had. I don't blame her. That's not much fun is it? I am scared however. I am realising where I went wrong and what I need to improve on to show her that I am serious about her enough to want to change. My fear is that she won't see these changes and will get with someone else.

[blindreepr]

Day 3 Complete Day 4 Starting

 

Still feel like crap. When does it get better? I want to hear her voice so bad. But I mustn't call. This is for me. She won't forget me anytime soon. She never forgot about any other past boyfriends even the ones she wanted to she why would she forget me? Someone strap me down.

[orangesoda]

Day 4 AM

 

Don't know why but I feel some moments of anger. Not too crazy about that. Otherwise I'm doing pretty okay. Thank god for my job that lets me add shifts.

[orangesoda]

Day 4 Afternoon

 

She calls. I answer. Hangs up on me without a word. Fun stuff.

[cant find my smile]

After 2 months of crying, begging, negotiating, falling for his lines and basically losing all my self-respect I am officially starting Day 1 of NC. Wish me luck.

[deleted-account]

I screwed up my NC this weekend. Got VERY drunk with some buddies and had a great time. Next morning I looked at my phone and realized I had sent her a text at 5 am. She didn't respond but it doesn't really bother me. Back to NC though.

[not my real name]

Day one. Sigh.

Two weeks tomorrow since he broke up with me (while he was still overseas) but he only got back on Thursday night.

 

I really don't think I'll manage the full month - he literally lives just around the corner. Argh. I've already proven terrible at this. I just keep thinking of more things that need to be said when I have to realise that there is nothing more to say. It is officially over. Yes, he knows he is making a mistake but he says it's what he needs and besides, the situation is irreversible now. It will be easier once he is back overseas in a couple of weeks (where he will be for a month).

 

Good luck everyone! Hope you're all doing well so far

[Frangipani]

Day 22

 

So mad right now I could scream.

[selkie]

Day 22

 

So mad right now I could scream.

 

 

You need to find a couple of other men to focus on.

I think you're dwelling on him all your waking hours.

[Frangipani]

Well Im angry now, which is good. healing is happening. No more making excuses for him etc. Just pissed now.

[orangesoda]

Day 4 PM

 

So turns out she called earlier because she's being harassed and just wanted to be on the phone to get the guy away from her...or so she says.

 

Sigh. I know now that this relationship will never work. There are too many obstacles.

 

But my anger is turning to annoyance now. Only a couple days after I tell her we shouldn't see each other anymore, she starts with the games. Calling, hanging up, texting, then calling again.

 

Makes me realize why I stayed single for so long. This kind of crap gets so sickening after a while.

[Reddy]

DAY 7

 

it's been a week! kickass! i'm feeling really good about everything right now. i mean, there are points when i think about her - happens pretty often - but when i do it doesn't upset me as much as it used to. i still think about wanting to be with her but then i talk myself out of it and tell myself that i'm better off. progress feels good... only problem is this whole upcoming christmas thing is starting to get me down. but hopefully i'll be able to power through it.

[CreoUCLA]

Day 2

 

Last night I had a revelation. I hung out with a good friend for most of the afternoon/evening, spilling my guts out about the ex who left me reeling nearly 1.5 months ago. In the middle of dinner, I started really getting to the root of the negative aspects of her and our relationship.

 

I realized that what I had these past ~6 years was one-sided love. I always gave, gave, gave... She reciprocated very little to me. She was jealous, insecure, feared abandonment, etc. Not healthy (for me). She was only "happy" when I did things for her. I saw that we both grew apart this past year, because I think I was finally tired of it (that and she became attracted to the co-worker she is now with). I was finally starting to do things for me, and not for my selfish/self-absorbed ex. I got tired of being used and taken for granted. Now, this doesn't mean that I am free from any blame... But I took the past several weeks to recognize my mistakes, and I have learned/grown from them.

 

Do I love her? No, not anymore. I'm done putting quarters into a broken gum ball machine. Do I miss her? I think only the idea of her. In fact, I just feel sorry for her. I am getting on with my life, and I will find a love that is both reciprocal and makes me a better person. She will continue to base her life decisions on immediate feelings and gratification, with little regard to others. I honestly wish her the best with the new guy, and I hope that he can make her happy. However, I don't think that she will ever be able to love anyone else until she works on/learns to love herself.

 

I forgive her, but I doubt I will ever want to get back together with her. I have deleted the e-mail address/AIM sn that she contacts me at, and I plan to change my cell phone # when I move back to her area in a few months. I'm making a fresh start for my myself. Sure, she can still get in touch with me if she tries hard enough... But, I honestly don't care anymore. I am working on myself to become a better person, and I will stay single until I am healed so that I can give 100% to the next woman I'm with.

 

Did she ever really love me? I don't know. I think she was in love with the feelings/support/love I gave her. Remember everyone, love is a gift. It is not an obligation or a way to feel validated. If you're not getting back what you give, it's better for your own sake that you let go and move on. There is someone out there who will cherish you.

 

Good luck to everyone! I truly understand the pain that you're going through. But, our ex's chose to leave us. We are the prize, and one day you all will see that too. Whether it be getting yourself back, healed, hoping your ex comes back, etc... You have to accept the situation for what it is, let go, and move on. Like SuperDave71 always says, it's how you use this time. That's what got me over a nearly 6 year relationship where I thought she was "the one" in only 1.5 months. My confidence, optimism, self-dignity/worth are all back. Thank you eNA!

 

Getting Back Together? Yes I did... I got back together with myself, and the future is going to be awesome.

 

Sorry for the lengthy NC post...

 

-Mike-

[lrw301jl]

Hey CreoUCLA,

 

Nothing to be sorry about, I bet you feel so much better after venting out the way you feel about your ex and the relationship that you had with her. Hang in there, we are all doing this together!

 

jack