cant find my smile

Also back to Day 1 after not even 24 hours. I felt so strong all day, and then like a moron I sliced through my finger with a bread knife, had to get stitches and then felt the need to text him about it. clearly I am looking for sympathy, and when I get no response I am going to feel like sh*t. great...

After 2 months of crying, begging, negotiating, falling for his lines and basically losing all my self-respect I am officially starting Day 1 of NC. Wish me luck.