THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Betty Boop]

Hi Mike

 

Yes mail can be re-directed, he has done that with some of his stuff. I don't know what any of the mail is, or whether it's important or not. A lot of stuff is in both names, connected to mortgage, insurance, bank stuff etc, suppose he's entitled to see that.

I don't want to be leaving mail in a bag outside in case it goes missing.

I don't know what to do when I need to speak to him about joint finance etc, I can't not talk to him, so where do I go with NC.

 

I wish this would all just go away.

[lrw301jl]

NC DAY#1 Again!

 

Hello everyone,

 

I'm back to restart my NC again and this time for real. I'm finally ready finally let go my ex after seeing her with some else. I feel so empty inside, but I realize that I don't have any control over anyone, but myself. I love my ex and she will always have place in my heart.

[farfrmnormal]

Day 8

 

Took a week away from the board to reflect on things going on in my life.

 

Some really positive things came from it - but... I still struggle with the unknown. I need to let it go and let the universe deal with it.

 

That song above made me cry - first time in days.

[CreoUCLA]

 

That song above made me cry - first time in days.

 

Sorry...

 

-Mike-

[Crows]

No contact challenge...... for the 4rth time! day 3! ugh

[emalkoc]

I am starting over myself too Day 2 ugh! I wish I never saw her again!

[narudahija]

im on day 6. and i feel awful. i hope i can really let go this time. this has been my third attempt. i failed on the 4th and 5th days a couple of times. now am on day 6... i think im doing a good job, though i feel awful.

 

i just got online my gmail chat.. saw him already online, then he suddenly signed off. i dont know what to think. maybe he is avoiding me. but he called me last saturday, and last night he texted. i dint take the call. though i just replied very shortly to his text message.

 

i just feel awful today. i know he has someone else... as i have just found out that he already brought a girl into his place a week ago. i really want to let go and get this over with. i want to go beyond the hurts and the crying once and for all.

 

but right now, am crying again. im just too hurt. somebody please talk to me.

[lrw301jl]

I'm starting over again for the 3rd time after answering her call last night about gym membership. I'm so stupid! I guess I just restart again.

 

Day #1

[CreoUCLA]

Day 20

 

Wow, only ~10 days left? My feelings since this NC challenge first started have changed dramatically. I feel happy/confident with myself, and no longer need her or the relationship. I haven't tried to contact her, her friends, and I'm even talking about her less with my own friends/family. I'm just being... me.

 

I feel like I'll be ready to initiate LC with her sometime soon, but we'll see. I'm already at the point where a) I've accepted and let go, b) I'm working on myself and moving on, c) I'm not attached to any outcome(s) between us, and d) I know I don't want a romantic relationship with her (at least not right now).

 

I'll be going to a UCLA basketball open practice/dinner later today, and I have an interview with a company in Los Angeles tomorrow. Basketball season starts this Friday. Yay!

 

Once I really let go and focused on what I can control (myself) and not what I can't, it really got so much easier. So, good luck to everyone in their NC challenge! Be strong for yourselves!

 

-Mike-

[CreoUCLA]

 

i just got online my gmail chat.. saw him already online, then he suddenly signed off. i dont know what to think. maybe he is avoiding me. but he called me last saturday, and last night he texted. i dint take the call. though i just replied very shortly to his text message.

 

Delete him from your contact list if it's going to make you wonder about him every time he signs on/off. Also, don't reply... That's still breaking "NC." Really, you have to give yourself some space/distance from him, or you're never going to heal. Face the pain/grief alone or with friends. Anytime you get a message from him, delete it. Then you can reply with what you would have said to him to a friend/family member.

 

The important thing now is to work on you. Remember, you're the only one who can make yourself happy! You can do this!

 

-Mike-

[lrw301jl]

Narudahija,

 

I'm sorry that you're going through so much. I hope you understand that you're not alone. Is okay to cry and let go your emotions. Learn to love yourself and know as each day goes by, things will get better.

[UndeniablySo]

Sign me up. Lately, every time we have LC it ends up disastrously, so I told him last night that we should stop talking... (I hope that was okay to say?)

 

Right now I don't miss him too much. After we first broke up, I was miserable because we had been spending almost every day together when we were together and it was such a huge change to adjust to. Hopefully this time, I'll be able to deal with it better...

 

By the way, I think this is a great idea... I hope it'll help me resist! Because I know that every time I've broken down and initiated contact, it hasn't been good.

[farfrmnormal]

Day 9

 

Still fighting the urge to call - its not so much because I want to talk to him its because I am starting to get angry. How can someone walk away from 4 yrs and not look back. To be honest, I thought he would have called by now – maybe that’s what I was hung up on. I think things would have been easier if we had left things on a sour note. Things were amicable – not to confuse that with me wanting this by any means. By amicable I mean we left on friendly terms. I have not said hurtful things to him and he has not said any to me. We both cried that day. I said “If you love something set it free; if it comes back to you its your – if it doesn’t it wasn’t meant to be” and I told him I was letting him go. I need to let go – compartmentalize this issue and bring it to the foreground when the time is needed. I still have this feeling that we will be together again – but I hate that.

[Crows]

I'm continuing LC. SHe texted me on wednesday then friday. I texted back.. clear and concise and nice.

 

Back on her bday I called her on oc 18th.. she was very happy to hear from me and commented a couple times. I then tried to send her a video of her fav kind of dog playing with a kitty (she loves bernise mountain dogs) the video didn't work on her computer and she was upset about that. So today at lunch at work I found a picture of a puppy mountain dog and sent it via email saying the title "ruff"

 

Then inside " Since the video didn't work"

 

Then the pic I hope it puts a smile on her face today.

[UndeniablySo]

Day 2

 

Not too bad. I don't really have the desire to call him and I haven't cried, but I do think about him a lot...

 

I'm surprised though that I don't miss him a lot more. I've been keeping busy lately, so maybe that's why.

[Crows]

Since I Have been the last person to make contact once again... it has made me feel like absolute * * * *. I feel I Have taken steps backwards in my healing and it hurts so bad. And knowing that she's mosty likely not contacting me back becuase I didn't for a couple days to her contact,.. ughhh i wanna die tonight... i feel awfull so lonely right now, i have no one to talk to , i'm on the verge of crying

[Frangipani]

Day 9

 

It's hard. The urge to call or text is waning, but it hurts that he hasn't contacted me - when I said phoning or texting was ok. I juts didnt want to 'see' him for a while.

 

Guess he just doesn't care. I replace negative thoughts of what he could be doing with other women (he's a real player when he's single) with he and I in happy times - possibly future times - whether that happens or not it's certainly helping me with healing.

[bacci]

Day 2

 

 

I started NC two days ago. My ex-husband has been giving me mixed messages /stringing me along for nearly two years. total NC is not really possible because of the kids.(shared joint custody) We've been doing everything together for months but i'm really busy and feel strong. Tomorrow i need to pick up the girls from his place for my shift. i'm scared he'll try to read into my emotions and try to use the girls to have me talk. I plan to be quiet, reserved but polite. Don't want to show my emotions because he is very controlling and manipulative, and i need to free myself from his influence or he'll destroy me.

I'm fine for most of the day, a little humiliated and sad, but nothing like before because this was my choice and that felt empowering. I must heal completely and this is the way. Please keep me strong.

[dnozzle]

I haven't been posting my daily updates because I fell off the challenge. My ex contacted me about a week ago, and after thinking about it for 2 days, I responded. We have been talking daily since then. The reason I went ahead and responded was that I realized I really was over the relationship at that point. When we talk now, she is the one who initiates it and I only communicate with her on my terms. I have no expectations of a reconciliation, and very little desire for one. One thing that talking to her did was give me a lot of closure. She has changed drastically in the last couple months and is not the same person I first met and fell in love with. There is very little of that person left anymore, and I have no desire to be with the person she is now.

 

Since the breakup, I did a lot to work on me. I joined a gym and have lost 20 lbs. I started pursuing some old hobbies again. I met some new friends. I even started dating again a little bit. I basically learned to be happy again on my own, without the support of a relationship. I think my ex sees this in me, and that is why SHE is now the one having trouble letting go.

[farfrmnormal]

Day 10

 

I went to kickboxing last night – I wish I could do it for a living or 24 hrs a day. When I leave there I feel so empowered and I realize that it is such a shame that he didn’t give me a second chance in the relationship. I have done everything he asked me to do – it was just a little late (After he told me he wasn’t happy). At first I sought counselling and new activities in the hopes that he would see I could be a better person – after a few sessions with the counsellor and a couple nights of kickboxing the things I was doing were for me. That is what they continue to be.

 

As I mentioned above – I am starting to enter the anger phase, but as with anyone I seem to waver between phases sometimes – which I have been told is normal.

 

Similar to Frangipani I am a little upset that he hasn’t called – I did not ask him not to. Perhaps he finds it hard to talk to me as well and is doing the same thing as me. I feel as if he will contact me one day (as he said I would be the first person he calls when he figures out which direction he wants his life to head). Right now my aim is to be in a better place by then so I can handle whatever the outcome may be.

 

I am really hoping I can figure out what I am holding on to (since there isn’t much left) and let it go.

 

I posted a profile on link removed last night – I know I am NOT ready for dating, but I do feel I need to expand my circle of friends. I stated strictly in my profile that I was there to meet new people and nothing more. I think a stronger circle of friends and a larger social outlet will help me fill my time better. My weekends are dreadful and I have too much time to over-think and over-analyze the situation. I do however have a fear that it will get back to my ex that I have posted a profile on a “dating” site – even though I am not there to date. That’s another fear I have to let go of.

 

Tonight is Halloween – I look forward to all of the kids in their costumes coming to my door for candy. I may even jaunt out to the grocery store after work and see if I can find a pumpkin to carve. I know I will be putting in my cats eye contacts tonight for the added Halloween touch.

 

Insight? Comments? I appreciate all feedback and learn from it.

[lrw301jl]

Day #2

 

I thought about my ex and her little girl last night. I miss them and plus today is Halloween. It brought memories from last year's Halloween. Addie (ex little girl) was so cute in her sleeping beauty dress. I think my ex is with someone else now, I'm not quite sure. I will be strong for myself. Even though it was my fault that lead to our break-up. I refuse the live in the past. We broke up in June and since then I have trying to make up for my mistakes until now. I realize it takes two to make the relationship work. Right now, my ex is still angry at me. I love her with all my heart and that is why I need to let her go. I refuse to live my life in the past. I realize that the mistakes that I have made and that is why NC will help me work on myself. Most importantly learn to love and forgive myself.

 

Sorry for the rant and good luck to everyone on the "NC"

[CreoUCLA]

Happy Halloween!

 

I have broken NC, with a friendly/positive reply to an e-mail she sent me last weekend. I am pretty much in the same position as dnozzle, in that I am over the old relationship and have let go/moved on. I got myself back! I no longer have any expectations from her, and we'll see if being friends works (I'd like it to, as she was my best friend). But, I won't go out of my way for her.

 

This will probably be my last post in the challenge, as I am now off to start my new and better life. Good luck everyone!

 

-Mike-

[Crows]

Well my ex responded to my email today via text. The email I sent her of her fav kind of puppy (bernise mountain dog) She said "thanks for the bernise mountain puppy I thought over the last few days she was pissed off at me. I guess not. Oddly enough, when i got this text it made me feel alot better.

 

Our contact seems to be slowly getting better and better and it is very.. low contact. Which i'm ok with.

 

So wel' see how this plays out.

 

SO I guess for now.. back to days of NC and wondering whats up... sighh

[farfrmnormal]

Well, its been 13 days since we went our separate ways but two months since he told me he was unhappy and needed a break. There was so much going on inside my head for the past 4 days and it just wouldn’t stop. I needed to say everything I had on my mind and I did. I broke my self imposed NC last night. He sounded surprised to hear from me. As if he didn’t expect it (Which is what I was hoping). He asked why I had not called earlier and I asked him the same (we never said to one another that we wouldn’t call one another). I didn’t call for gratification, I didn’t call him because I missed him. I didn’t beg, grovel, plead or cry – I was strong. My therapist has told me that I need to express my feelings more and tell individuals how I feel, so I did. The conversation started off with small talk – catching up. I asked him how he was (to be honest he sounded terrible) and he asked me the same. I didn’t expect any reactions or responses from what I had to say – I just new it had to be said. I told him how angry I was that he didn’t give things a chance. I also made sure to tell him that I wasn’t calling to get us back – because I know we cannot be together the way things are. I told him that I sincerely hope he can find a place where he is happy again (wherever that may be) and that all things happen for a reason, even though these things don’t make sense. They may not make sense to him, but they make sense to me now. It pains me to see him suffering so much through all of this – he is the only one that can deal with things now. He chose this. I chose to become a better person through all of this. He is a mess right now – you’d think that I was the one that did the dumping. Its hard to understand where exactly he is coming from – I have never been so unsure with myself that I can’t even think about what direction I want my life to go. I honestly think that something inside his head has snapped and he is going through a major depression or break down.

 

Last nights conversation re-affirmed why exactly we are not together right now. I need to let go of what was and slap myself in the face to look at what is – who he was is dead and that’s who I fell in love with, not the man he is now. I told him that he is free to call me if he needs to - I really would like to be friends (I didn't tell him that). Whether he calls or not is up to him – I don't need to hear from him to feel good. I genuinely just want to see him happy.

 

I know many of you are going to frown upon me breaking the NC – but honestly, it didn’t set me back in my healing, it didn’t make me look desperate because I wasn’t begging for him back and I didn’t do it because I was missing him – I did it for ME.

 

I honestly don’t know if I will continue with NC – simply because I don’t feel the need to talk to him anymore. NC is something I feel is done when you need to heal. I am not saying I am completely healed and ready to date again – but I do feel like I am in a better place now.

[Tshwane]

4 months, yes you can also do it.