when having a relationship with someone, how can you not love them?

[atraceofblood]

I've read through various threads and read about how some people in relationships aren't in "love" with each other yet. What does that mean? Why did you two get into a relationship in the first place? I just don't understand. Wouldn't you two be in love when you first started the relationship?

[TheRedQueen]

You can have a boyfriend that you both love and respect, but happen not to be "in love" with, or at least I can, and have.

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

Plus most people go in to these relationships planning on staying together only to find that the person they are with either isn't the person they thought they loved or simply they aren't doing it for them anymore. It's not like you know ahead of time that the woman you are dating is a overly needy princess.

[Batya33]

I always find it a little suspect when people claim to be in love with someone they just met or just started dating.

[TheRedQueen]

I like very few men, have loved even fewer, and have been "in love" with only one.

 

Taking this into consideration, I'd be one lonely girl if I only allowed myself to date men that I was absolutely in love with.

[laboheme]

Love is an emotion that takes time to grow. If you believe in love at first sight, then yes, people could be in love when they start a relationship. Also, when two people have been friends for a long time, they may start a relationship when they realize that they are actually in love with each other.

 

However, I think that in most cases, people start a relationship when they feel a strong attraction to each other and are no longer interested in getting to know other people in a romantic way...That does not necessarily mean that they have those special feelings yet. I don't know what the average length of time is (of course it varies for everyone), but it usually takes a while for two people to admit to loving each other...and unless they're in a relationship first, it can be hard to get to that point...

[yeawutever]

The actual "being in love" feeling varies to everyone. While some do develop those feelings faster than others, some take longer and some never really develop them.

[ZoeMatthews]

You can also kill love in a relationship.

 

My boyfriend broke up with me, then a couple of months later we got back together...we live together now...when he broke up with me, he broke my heart..it hurt soooo badly.

 

I was still hurt when we got back together...but then I found out the reason why he had broken up with me (after being together for 2.5 years). He wanted to date another woman...(they were probably already seeing each other before he broke up with me...so he was actually cheating)

 

I found this out after I had moved in with him. I love the fact that he takes care of me...I think he is trying to make up for a lot of things...but all that love that I felt for him before he broke up with me is totally gone. It died the day I found out that he had cheated on me and now...I am trying to figure out how to break up with him...what a mess...

 

Z.

[atraceofblood]

hmm, I can understand dating as way to getting to know the person, but why jump into a long-term relationship if both don't "know" each other enough to love each other?