How do I handle a monster ?

[selkie]

A guy whom I knew very briefly years ago found me online a couple of months ago.

I had a personal ad up on Match because I was moving back home and wanted to 'preview' guys who were single back home.

The same day I signed my contract to buy a new home, I heard from this old former flame who lived in my hometown.

At first I was so happy because he was the best kisser Id ever known.

When I first knew him he was also very sweet and a gentleman.

 

 

So for a month or so while I getting ready to move home, I was thrilled at the thought of seeing him again.

But then he started to amp up raunchy talk with each IM and phone call.

 

At first I humored him (yeah I know I should have nipped it in the bud instad of eggin him on)

But finally he went overboard on two occasions and now the thouhgt of seeing him scares the beejeebus out of me.

First he asked if he could trust me and proceeded to inform me how he would LOVE to tie me up, perform @nal, force/pretend rape me, make me hurt a little. Uh -huh.......

 

Then a week later he emailed me a picture of his huge man slug. Yeah his privates.......Thats a first for me.....

And then he proceeded to insult me no end by asking if I would be interested in "friends with benefits"

Yeah we havent even gone out on a proper date and he thinks Id enjoy bein his sex buddy.

 

Unbelievable.

So of course by now I have given up on him and depressed that the once charming guy I know turns out to be a twisted man.

 

I moved back home and he had the nerve to send me an instant message on Xmas night asking me to come by his house later

 

Christmas night.... HAHAHA. Yeah I havent seen him in years and Im going to coming running over to his home.

 

 

So instead of being smart and ignoring him, I flippantly IMd back that I wasnt interested in a Christmas Booty Call.

 

He then texted back that he didnt know why I would say that and I was being a "mean * on Christmas" and that he just thought it would be nice to see me on Christmas night.

 

I then IMd him that calling me a was abusive. He then responded that I was being a and now I made him not want me by being mean.

 

 

Two nights later he IMd me that he wants me a lot and wants to kiss me deeply.

 

 

 

His only response was did I want to come over later at midnight to his place.

 

I know I should have just shut him off completely, but Im so p^ssed off that I guess I wanted to see what a twisted selfish jerk he really is.

 

I got my answer........

 

For now Im avoiding the public places where I can guess he might frequent. But theyre my favorite places too and its very hard to keep driving out of my way to avoid him. So sometime even if its months from now Ill most probaly run into the creep.

 

 

So should I just ignore him from now on or tell him to go to hell ?

[Caldus]

But finally he went overboard on two occasions and now the thouhgt of seeing him scares the beejeebus out of me.

First he asked if he could trust me and proceeded to inform me how he would LOVE to tie me up, perform @nal, force/pretend rape me, make me hurt a little. Uh -huh.......

 

Then a week later he emailed me a picture of his huge man slug. Yeah his privates.......Thats a first for me.....

And then he proceeded to insult me no end by asking if I would be interested in "friends with benefits"

Yeah we havent even gone out on a proper date and he thinks Id enjoy bein his sex buddy.

 

Don't think this guy ever really was a "gentleman". He was obviously putting up a front the whole time. I personally would ignore him. You're just feeding the flames. And yes definitely avoid certain places if you are pretty sure he is there often.

[bigthings46]

that guy sounds like a clown. cut him off.

[Aurian]

Ignore him. He's getting off on the attention, even if its negative. Don't contact him anymore, even if its to tell him off. He isn't nice, that was just a front.

 

If he does stalk you or continue to harass you, save/write down the incidents and talk to the police. Sometimes only the threat of outside action scares off people like him.

[selkie]

oh why cant I leave this situation alone ?

I just emailed him that he is welcome to ask me out on a proper date otherwise I cant see him.

That i have high standards and have never compromised my dating principles.

And that Im not some loose chick who will go hang out at a strange guy's house.

 

Will this inflame him ? Was this really dumb of me or a good way to get rid of him ?

[Caldus]

oh why cant I leave this situation alone ?

I just emailed him that he is welcome to ask me out on a proper date otherwise I cant see him.

That i have high standards and have never compromised my dating principles.

And that Im not some loose chick who will go hang out at a strange guy's house.

 

Will this inflame him ? Was this really dumb of me or a good way to get rid of him ?

 

You already saw his true colors come out. Why are you still giving this guy a chance? He's probably going to lie and say that it will be a proper date and then try to pressure you to do sexual activities during the date. You really need to leave this dude alone so that you don't feed him any more flames.

[Budman]

Restraining order if possible

 

Give the gift that keeps giving!

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

oh why cant I leave this situation alone ?

I just emailed him that he is welcome to ask me out on a proper date otherwise I cant see him.

That i have high standards and have never compromised my dating principles.

And that Im not some loose chick who will go hang out at a strange guy's house.

 

Will this inflame him ? Was this really dumb of me or a good way to get rid of him ?

 

Did I read this right? You sent him an email inviting him to ask you out but you say you want to get rid of him? Asking him to ask you out isn't much of a deterrent, is it? Or are you wanting him to ask you out but none of the creepy tie-you-up-in-the-basement stuff? Methinks he would put on a nice fella mask until he got you back to his place. Then out pops the gimp mask and ball gag, and filthy rag soaked with ether. Getting rid of him will involve you putting your foot down and telling him that you will not see him.

 

Or did I completely read that wrong?

[bighair]

Are you sure that you're not turned on by his sex talk? Or you curious about what it would be like to have sex with him? I am not trying to be offensive or insult you. But, this guy has sadistic/masochistic tendancies. Do you believe that if he takes you out to a nice dinner that he won't expect some rough sex afterwards? This guy is a narcissistic madman. He called you some vile names on Xmas when you were merely asserting your boundaries and asking him to repsect what you want and need.

 

I was going to advise you to get a restraining order against this guy. However, you have initiated contact with him and that tells me that you want to have contact with him. But, if he bothers you , makes you uncomfortable, and you feel unsafe, or if he hurts you, you must call the police and get a restraining order.

 

Your orginal assessment was correct. This guy is a monster. Stay away from him.

[selkie]

This guy is a narcissistic madman.

 

 

Yep that sums it up. I'm aghast at myself for even giving him more thought.

 

I feel like I'm a bit twisted myself to have given him as much time as I did.

 

I've studied psychology. I understand that this guy is a textbook sociopath.

 

I should be kissing the ground and giving thanks that I was too busy to see him sooner.

 

I understand intellectually that I've been playing with fire to have contact repeatedly with him.

 

Don't know what's the matter with me. Why did I send him that last email ? What was I thinking ?

 

I think that Ill just keep a very low profile for a few months. Vanish.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i think this guy was letting you know up front that what he was interested in when dating is kinky sex... so if you don't want kinky sex, then don't date him...

 

i think trying to get a restraining order when you are sending him mixed messages won't work. on the one hand, you are telling him you don't want to have sex with then, then you are asking him to ask you out on a 'proper date'.

 

what you want is a nice guy who wants normal sex. what he wants is someone who wants kinky sex. those two are mutually exclusive. don't waste your time even thinking about dating this guy or responding to him or anything else. just cut him off and forget about it. he is probably just trolling for somone as kinky as he is, and when you won't date him, he'll move on to the next woman who is into that kind of stuff...

[Caldus]

We all make mistakes. Just forget about it and move on.