-I'm the dumper-It's still hard-

[HurtDude]

I dumped a girl that I was never with. Yesterday.

 

 

The girl got involved with me while she was in a 7 year relationship with her boyfriend.When all the secrets where out and he left her, she started having feelings for him.

 

I haven't seen her in a month. But we keep in contact on a regular basis, and she frequently says and does things that imply we are more than just friends and that she loves me (but never says it that bluntly).

 

Yesterday I was questioning her about the old boyfriend. She said they talk and see each other daily, and that the feelings are still there.

 

So I typed up a response in which I told her that She should stop making me feel like I'm more than a friend, and that I was going to initiate no contact with her.

 

She hasn't read my email yet (it tells me when she has).

 

 

I feel good in many ways. Like I'm finally in control, being the dumper affords you alot of control. But, on the other hand I wonder if I'm walking away from something that is still there. Its like that feeling like I'm burying something alive.

 

Pretty hard to do. She's going to be pissed when she reads it. But I know this girl, she respects my wishes..if only to spite me in this case. I can see the thought in her head now "Fine, he wants his space. I'm gonna give him it, and plenty"

 

I am going to try to get over her. But I will not lie to you. I am doing this partly because I hope that after a few weeks of no contact with me, she'll start to miss me. Absense makes the heart grow fonder yeah?

 

We'll see.

 

But being the dumper has its drawbacks. I didn't dump her because i stopped loving her, or because I stopped caring, or because i dont want a relationship with her. I dumped her because she told me she doesn't see it happening between us, on several occasions. But that she cares deeply about me, yadda yadda.

 

I'm only the second person she's loved. How easy could it be for her to forget me in a few weeks?

 

we'll see.

[matius]

I dumped her because she told me she doesn't see it happening between us, on several occasions.

 

I think you're feeling emotional right now. That's fine. But the line above is all you need to know (IMHO). It's not working for her, so you did the right thing by breaking up.

 

Contrary to popular belief, being the dumper sucks on the same level as the dumpee. I'm not sure where people get the idea that it sucks less to be the one hurting somebody.

[mcnani]

Contrary to popular belief, being the dumper sucks on the same level as the dumpee. I'm not sure where people get the idea that it sucks less to be the one hurting somebody.

 

 

but a dumper probably gets over it faster (for most cases) because face it, before you broke up with someone you were contemplating it/feeling unsure about the relationship for at least a little while.

 

i think cases where you dump someone because you have no choice is hard for both, but when you dump someone cuz you just arent in love or you dont like them anymore it seems pretty easy (or atleast u get over it fast) from my POV

[HurtDude]

but a dumper probably gets over it faster (for most cases) because face it, before you broke up with someone you were contemplating it/feeling unsure about the relationship for at least a little while.

 

i think cases where you dump someone because you have no choice is hard for both, but when you dump someone cuz you just arent in love or you dont like them anymore it seems pretty easy (or atleast u get over it fast) from my POV

 

True. But this isn't the case here.

 

I'm dumping her because I feel like she doesn't care about me as much as I care about her. That statement could be false though, maybe she cant be with me because of her emotional state with her ex. Maybe she does care about me and does love me the way i love. but the problem is she still isn't being and giving what i need.

 

By the way this girl and I were never in a relationship. I'm just calling it dumping because I'm cutting it off.

[mcnani]

yeah that's the case i was talkign about (where it's hard for the dumper because they have no choice) cuz in your case you really have no choice if you want to be happy and have a fulfilling relationship.... you had to leave that situation and it still sucks

 

so yeah i feel for you, i was mostly responding to the statement about why being a dumper sucks, cuz for most cases (well ok just maybe mine, but i'm sure there are a lot like mine) i doubt it sucks for the dumper for very long. i guess it is what it is... we all go through things differently, i just have to face it that my post break up healing process will be a lot longer than my ex's will be and that's fine.

[matius]

HurtDude... I understand, but you did the right thing for sure. Somebody is out there that isn't so conflicted.

 

i think cases where you dump someone because you have no choice is hard for both, but when you dump someone cuz you just arent in love or you dont like them anymore

 

In my estimation, these are the same thing. Losing those certain feelings for someone doesn't mean the caring goes away.

[HurtDude]

She keeps texting me. Texting me random stuff. Texting me to call.

 

She hasn't read the letter yet. This is so painful for me. I love her so much and i want her to be mine so badly but she doesn't want it.

 

She's going to hate me when she gets that letter and figures out why i haven't been replying.

[matius]

She hasn't read the letter yet. This is so painful for me. I love her so much and i want her to be mine so badly but she doesn't want it.

 

Wow, I've been there before. Try not to take it so personally. Each person is different & just because you two are not a perfect match for each other...doesn't mean another cool chick isn't lying in wait somewhere.

 

Of course, every situation is different.