Religion

[veneratio]

You all seem to help out a lot, so here I am again.

 

My girlfriend's religion and my resistance to it is causing issues between us. She says something and I get so turned off by it. The last thing we argued about was marriage & divorce. She was explaining to me that the bible says divorce is wrong because couples should make sure they're right for each other before marriage and that they should be able to work things out. And I got kind of offended cause of personal reasons and beliefs so we argued about it. It may seem small, but all I could think was that she was basically saying my mom should've stayed with my alcoholic, abusive father because it was the right thing to do.

 

But anyway, this isn't about marriage or divorce. Is this something we can get over--our different stances on religion? Or should we let what we have go?

[HellFrost666]

I hate to say it, but unless one of you converts and comes around to the other's way of thinking, I don't thin you can fix this. Religion is a very personal and deep seeded thing, and if the person you are with cannot accept/tolerate your beliefs there isn't much hope for a successful relationship.

[Siriana]

That is a long term problem.

You can't make person change her beliefs. Trying to do that is even rude. And there is simply no use of trying to explain how you think her opinion is wrong. The fact is she was raised that way, tought that way. That's her truth that makes sense to her.

You need to find someone who has beliefs that are similar to yours.

And I am not saying I agree with the girl.

[MacGyverRI]

She was explaining to me that the bible says divorce is wrong because couples should make sure they're right for each other before marriage and that they should be able to work things out.

 

What are your religions?

 

There are just as many bible thumpers who get divorced as anyone else.

[allgood]

if ur mom was in a abusive relationship and ur dad was not willing to change then it was right for her to divorce him

 

my mum told me about a talk a nun gave about divorce in a abusive relationship. she said if the relationship causes the other person to turn away from god because of the abuse then it is right to divorce. since god comes first, then everything else.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Bible - so she's a Christian?

 

In which case, she wouldn't believe that your mom should have stayed with your dad. Christians do not like divorce, since Jesus taught a religion of love and forgiveness.

 

However, it is recognised that Jesus taught a "perfectionist" religion for the perfect kingdom that was developing and was yet to come.

 

In the meantime, divorce is allowed when it is the most loving thing to do, since first and foremost, Christianity is about Love. thereforeeee, the majority of Christians would say "well, we don't like divorce, but when it saves a man/woman from a lot of abuse/pain (as in your parents' case), it is the most loving option".

 

In conclusion, I don't see what the problem is exactly. I think she just misworded her opinion - surely, whatever religion you are, you'd want to be as sure as possible that it'd "work?"

[BellaDonna]

She was explaining to me that the bible says divorce is wrong because couples should make sure they're right for each other before marriage and that they should be able to work things out.

 

This is an idealist perspective, more than anything else. Of course we all hope that a couple knows that they are right for one another before they marry (regardless of religion or what the bible says). The truth is, it does not always work out that way. I would hope that if your GF was ever in a situation of abuse or infidelity that she would not just stay and take it.

 

She is speaking in hypothetical terms. Who knows what would happen if she was actually in the situation. Experience changes everything.

 

I think if you are from 2 different religious backgrounds it can work out, as long as agreement was reached on the following things:

 

*If you got married, the type(S) of wedding ceremonies you would have

*If you had children, the how the child would be raised regarding religion.

*The ability to respect one another's perspectives and agree to disagree on some things.

 

To me those are the biggest issues. If I were you I would not argue too much about hypothethical situations with her because you'll get nowhere. She's speaking from ideals, and ideals do not always show what a person would really do if they were actually in the situation.

 

BellaDonna

[rocio]

There are some religious people who view things as black-and-white. There is only one true religion and there is only one correct view on any given topic.

 

And there are other religious people who understand that the Bible was written in a certain context (ie: ancient cultures) and that it's the main message that matters more that hard rules.

 

It would be very difficult to maintain a deep and respectful relationship with someone from the first group, in my opinion.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Religion is one of those very fundamental beliefs that if not alligned, can really be a HUGE issue. If your core beliefs are not the same, dealing with problems will be difficult because you'll be coming from two very different perspectives.

 

If you have no religion and she does.....she will spend her life trying to "save" you and "show you the light" Fight it man! Fight it!!

 

Ok - sorry, just kidding, but I do think things CAN be worked out if you can at least agree to allow each other the personal freedom of the choice of religion (or none)

[Siriana]

And I got kind of offended cause of personal reasons and beliefs so we argued about it. It may seem small, but all I could think was that she was basically saying my mom should've stayed with my alcoholic, abusive father because it was the right thing to do.

/quote]

 

She didn't say that. You need to ask her directly her opinion about it. You assumed she was thinking that because you are sensitive (with every right) when it comes to that topic. So unless she didn't say that openly and directly ask her what is her opinion. And explain her why you were hurt at the first place with her comment. Depending on the way she accepts your explanation and on her view on this subject you will know more.

[veneratio]

Yeah, as some of you have said, it wasn't something big, but it did turn into an argument. I just wanted to know if you thought our differences would eventually turn into a bigger problem for us.

 

I don't really have a religion. I believe in God and that Jesus died for our sins and the basic morals in the bible, but not most of whats in the bible. We have some differences, but we're basically striving for the same thing. We're both living for God, as she puts it. Just in different ways. I'm definitely not trying to change her though, didn't mean to imply that.

 

She explained things a bit more, and I understand a little better now. I will take your advice though syrix, explain to her why I got offended so she doesn't think I'm just bashing her beliefs and see how she responds. Thanks.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

A lot of Christians don't believe everything in the Bible...ah, the Bible and all its controversy!

[HellFrost666]

ah, the Bible and all its controversy!

 

*Bites tongue*...

[Juliana]

I don't think this is about religion. This is kind of beside the point, but if you believe in God, Jesus and living morally with reference to Judeo-Christian tradition, yes, you have a religion: You are Christian. That you and she interpret Christianity differently doesn't mean one is better than the other.

 

However, I think the larger question is, can two stubborn people be happy together? After all, I'm a life-long Christian, and my husband was an atheist with Buddhist leanings when I married him. A religion of peace and tolerance is no impediment to a happy marriage, but a determination to be right always is.