Love/Friendship

[kasmusse]

I need help! I would really like to see what other people think about this situation! Thank you for taking time out to even CLICK on my post...

 

Ok.

 

I thought I'd post the story from the start to now, to give different perspectives.

 

Around July this year, I was in a long-term relationship with a girl. We had been together for 10 1/2 months, and 'in-love'.

 

I then met this girl in school, the same month, who had been there all along, there was just this one day we had the chance to actually talk and get to know eachother.

This girl appeared to be lonely, she was usually hanging around her cousin, but this cousin had recently 'ditched' her and they were in minimal contact as her cousin spent all her time with her new boyfriend.

The girl opened up about this. I was able to talk to her in a way that made it easy for her to open up, something she doesn't do with anybody.

She mentioned to me after the little 'talk' that this was the first day at school that she didn't or didn't feel like crying. I told her I was glad of this, and she said she was too.

 

I didn't see her again that week, as it was the last week for that term in school and exams were on.

 

Though when we returned back to school, two weeks later, she approached me right away.

 

We spent pretty much everyday at school together for the rest of that month. My girlfriend that I already felt very jealous of this time we had together, and how closer I was getting to this girl. She also had sneaking suspicioun that the girl had more than just 'friendly' feelings towards me, based on the way she would look at me, and talk to me, and miss lessons just to be with me. I denied all of this.

 

Come September the girl I was now good friends with, admitted that she has always had an interest in me, from a distance and especially now that we were close friends. She hated the fact that I was with the other girl, and was determined not to give up on a chance for us to to be. She craved my affection and it came to a point that I'd let her 'hang off me' (hugging) even with my girlfriend around. (As you can imagine she REALLY didn't like this at all!) I kept the fact that the girl did infact have feelings for me... And I kept the fact from the girl and my girlfriend that I enjoyed the attention I got from the girl, and I was too developing feelings.

 

Mid-September I couldn't deny my feelings for her to anyone. I admitted to everyone around me how I felt, broke up with my girlfriend but told the girl as I had just got out of a long-term relationship I can't officially go out with her for a while. Though a week after my announcement and break-up her and I kissed. It was amazing. It felt like it was my first kiss all over again.

 

ANYWAY!

 

From then until the beginning of November, we had everything you would have in a relationship, except for the title of being in a relationship. One day I went up to the girl and said "my time is over, we can call it official now!" And the girl came back at me with "I don't know if I'm ready to be in a relationship, blah blah blah... my parents don't know so it won't feel as real."

I accepted this, as all that was missing was the title so I still got what I wanted.

 

One night she caved in and told her parents, who were fine about it. So she asked me out, officially, and I said yes.

 

Time being with her was amazing. I have never in my life met anyone like this girl. She was nasty, she was beautiful inside and out. I could stare at her forever. I knew that I was in-love because I had NEVER felt

way about anyone before, I came to realise this relationship I was in before this one, I had 'thought' I was in-love. Anyway,

I would do anything for her. I would give her anything and I would give up anything for her. I think at that point I had even considered giving up on friends I had that she didn't like.

I was blind, you see. But I had felt the entire time that there was a chance she loved me too. The way she'd look at me... the way she'd kiss me... the things she'd say... and they way she'd hold me...

It was the most amazing month of my life. I was so in-love.

It had to be love, is it even possible to fall for someone in that short of a time? (We had been 'seeing' eachother before that...)

 

And then, right exactly after we had been together by title for a month, I called her up and noticed that she seemed a bit... distant.

She said "I don't know if things are the same. I don't know if I'm ready to be in a relationship. I have to think about things."

 

I was sooo scared!

I made an agreement with her that we'd break up now and be friends, and if she does decide that 'us' is what she wants, we'd pick it back up.

 

The next two weeks after that were tough. I was very depressed. I had lost my appetite, and even stopped eating three days in a row at one point. I still saw her every few days. I still stayed at her house, and

shared a bed with her. She still held me during the night... sometimes. We kissed once. We even argued sometimes.

 

And then, when the two of us were staying at my mother's house, she gave me a letter. Saying "she's not in-love with me but she does love me". "The friendship we started off with is the best she's ever had, and

she kind of wishes the first few months were spent being friends, she could've kept her feelings to herself". "I grew too clingy and too attached". "She's not ready to be in-love or in a relationship NOW".

 

My emotions were up and down after that. Ofcourse I was deeply hurt and angry that she hurt me. I felt like I had been 'lead on', and I kept thinking of the situation over and over wondering if I had done something

wrong. or if there was something wrong with me. I drove myself crazy wondering if it's because I didn't satisfy her sexually, or if she missed guys...I thought up all sorts of crazy stuff. I almost threatened to cut her from my life completely, as I knew this would hurt her (she very much wanted to stay my friend) but I knew that I wouldn't be able to bare

not seeing her.

 

We still saw eachother after that. Still shared a bed, still held eachother sometimes but we didn't kiss this time. She had mentioned to me and my mum that perhaps later on down the track if her and I were close we

could pick it back up. But I knew that wasn't a plan, or a promise.

 

And now I'm stuck. I call her alot, today's the first day I haven't, I said I'd leave her alone and I have. It's hard. I want to call her every second!

 

We actually are very close friends. I run to her as soon as anything gets me down. Even if it's about her! I love her so much I would be her friend. But it's hard sometimes!

 

What I want to know is, should I hold on? Could something pick up again? Does she still have feelings for me? Should I just move on? Was I just a bit of fun or an experiment? (She insists that I wasn't but I don't know if I believe it.)

 

If there's anything anyone wants to know, or doesn't understand, feel free to ask. I'm sure there are plot-holes lol. I just need SOME help! And I'm glad I've found this site!

 

I'm sorry if something doesn't make sense in it...

 

HELP!

[insofar]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I too have heard the "I love you but I'm not 'in love' with you," and it's a horrible thing to hear. I can't tell you whether or not sticking with her would be the right thing for you but she has been honest with you about her feelings, and she doesn't want a relationship right now. Fairly cut and dry, which, while painful, is much better than leading you on.

 

You could cut off contact with her; if it was anything like my breakup, when you want something out of a relationship that the other doesn't, keeping in contact with them only leads to more pain. Regardless of what you do, I suggest you find comfort in (other) friends and family.

 

I don't believe that there's only one person for each of us; you could easily find someone new, someone more into you down the road. Either way it goes, you'll get through this.

[NKP]

I know its will be hard but i think just stay away from her as much as posible. When you feeling down about her go and see other friends or something and talk to them about it, dont keep it inside.

[kasmusse]

I would cut-off contact for the sake of both of our sanity, but I'm scared that she'll COMPLETELY move on and not need or want me in her life anymore... I don't know.

 

Thank you very much for replying to my post! And you're right...

[NKP]

If she really cares about you she wont forget you and you will always be wanted in her life