boyfriend nad his ex got each other xmas presents

[sleex]

my boyfriend of 9 months got his ex girlfriend of 5 yrs a christmas present. she also got him something. they were small; he got her a tea can and she got him a bunch of gingerbread men, but it still bothers me. should this be worrifull? I've always be insecure that they remained friends, but it still somewhat pisses me off. What should i do?

[DN]

Do nothing. Anything you might do would probably backfire on you.

 

And those presents are not the sort of gift that anyone would give to someone they have a romantic interest in. They are token gifts to a casual friend.

[sleex]

noted, but the problem is that i asked him a few weeks ago who he planned on buying xmas presents for this year and there was no mention of her. I know only because I saw her present in his room on xmas day & asked him if he got her something, so he told me. why didnt he tell me in the first place?

[joiseygrl]

Maybe it was a last minute gift. Maybe he wasn't planning on getting her anything. I go through that every year with 3 or 4 people. I don't think we're exchanging and they make a comment, "Oh I picked up a little something for you, I'll bring it when we go for drinks." Then it's a mad dash to the store to pick up "a little something" for the unexpected exchange.

 

I woulnd't make a big deal out of it, it's not like he gave her a sexy nighty. Anything you say or do now, is likely to cause more drama than anything else. And who needs drama?

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

Because he wasn't in the mood to argue with you at the time. That could be why he didn't mention anything.

 

The gifts sound pretty lame, and completely impersonal -- and, as the other poster said, I wouldn't worry. They're not gifts you'd give to someone you're "into."

 

If you make a big stink about this, it'll do more harm than good. If you try to get him to cut off all ties with her, he *might* want to interact with her MORE. (Men are weird like that . . . sorry guys lol)

[Bethany]

why didnt he tell me in the first place?

 

Because he knew you would react the way you have. They have a lot of history together and it's not easy or right sometimes to cut the other person out out your life forever. Accept that if they want to remain friends, then they will, whether you like it or not.

 

Sounds to me like they are letting go anyway, so let the natural process of letting go take over and relax. If you interfere with their friendship, you will risk losing him. Don't do it.

[xoxMichellexox]

yeah maybe he forgot to mention her, doesn't mean it was deliberate and they can be friends if they want to

[Hope75]

Yep, I agree with the others. My guess is he did not tell you because he knows their friendship bothers you and he just didn't want to have to deal with that.

 

DN is right- those are just small gifts of kindness- if he had bought her diamoned earrings I'd be worried, but not over a tea can.

 

Let it go- any action you take about it will only upset him and make him resent your jealousy. Remember he made a choice to be with you- not her- so have a little faith in that choice.

[annie24]

yeah, I agree, those gifts are nothing to worry about. they are the kinds of gifts you would give the secretary at your office. tea and cookies are harmless, it's not like they got each other underwear or earrings, etc....

 

if they were together for 5 years it makes sense that they would still have a bond. as long as he is good to you and attentive towards you and not spending lots of time with his ex, I wouldn't worry about it.

[Dako]

If he's that decent to a woman he broke up with, He's a good guy.

And that guy chose to be with you.

[Dilly]

AND he was honest with you when you asked. Don't punish his honesty with paranoia. You haven't been together long enough to warrant complete disclosure. But don't assume he's hiding anything.