Ladies I need your help.

[drum4god]

This is going to sound silly, but I have always been insecure about my butt. Yes, I know I sound like a woman. I have mentioned it about my girlfriend (probably not a good idea). I have told her I am going to the gym to work on my butt. I told her (again very stupid) other women in the past have complained about it. Anyway, I asked her if it got any better. She said not really. O.K honesty answer. I then said, it isn't that bad is it. She then said, you know what they say if you have nothing nice to say don't say it. I was hurt by that comment. I said wow, it must be pretty bad. I said you know usually when you say something like that you something good to compansate. She said, you are right. She didn't say nothing.

 

I have to admit, the more I type the more mad I get at myself, for sharing that insecurity with her. I didn't realize how upset I was until after I hung up the phone.

 

We are praying together tonight (we are devout Christians), and I want to bring it up, but I don't know what to say. I mean she was honest, and I brought the topic up. Not her. So maybe I asked for it. Its just that it weighs on my confidence, and this is not good. I am having some issues with my girl, and non-confidence is like cyrponite for a man. Most women will run for the hills.

 

I guess I wouldn't feel this way, if she made an effort to compliment me more.

 

I guess what I am asking is. How do I bring this up, without being needy. This is one of the tough issues for men. We need to be strong, confident, but lets be real we are not supermen and have insecurities. I guess it would be wise not to bring it up to her anymore.

 

I don't know. Gosh, I wish I didn't bring it up. It was not wise.

[DN]

It was not wise and you should not blame her at all. She may not have been very tactful but complaining about it will not help you, or her, or the relationship.

 

Let it go - and keep going to the gym.

[CarterJonas]

What's wrong with your butt?

[drum4god]

What's wrong with your butt?

 

 

Its just flat, no shape. Its just there. Its not big or anything, its just flat I guess. I don't know.

[Dako]

My brother and I have no butts.

I got razzed in high school but, I just laughed it off, and until now, didn't know a guy who had it bother him.

 

Maybe some ladies could comment.

[Day_Walker]

Its just flat, no shape. Its just there. Its not big or anything, its just flat I guess. I don't know.

 

Going to the gym isnt going to help do anything to your but besides tone what is already there. It is your genes that you have the problem with. You are just going to have to accept this one, unless you want to get butt implants.

[Dako]

It's genetic, and the scourge of my family.

 

In high school, the brothers would say, "Dako, my man, you ain't got no a--!" I carried a thick wallet and three handkercheifs at all times.

When I worked construction, my heavy tool belt would drop my pants at the slightest provocation, once in front of a lady I fancied.

 

I'd feel funny with implants.

[drum4god]

I don't need your help anymore. We talked about it, and she broke up with me over the phone. I posted the thread in the Getting back together thread.

[SarahRose]

Most men do have flat butts but that is because they have that something extra on the other side that we love.

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

now you know to NEVER let your significant other know what you're insecure about. sometimes it makes them start believing that you're right about your insecurity.

 

for future reference, keep your mouth shut!!!

[drum4god]

now you know to NEVER let your significant other know what you're insecure about. sometimes it makes them start believing that you're right about your insecurity.

 

for future reference, keep your mouth shut!!!

 

I disagree. If you can't be real with your mate, then who can you be real with. Being insecure about one thing doesn't make you an insecure person. Its one thing if you are insecure about everything, but this is one area I decided to share with her, and she used it against me. In fact this confirmed what kind of person she was.

 

She would share with me about how she didn't like her stomach. She had a little pouch. I told her don't worry, you are still beautiful. Her sharing that didn't make me love her less.

 

I guess what I am saying is, when you are with the right person you share almost anything it won't change their love for you.

[Weeblie]

I'm shallow as can be, but I really could care less about a man's rear. If he has a nice round one. Great. If he doesn't. Fine. I'd still smack that.

 

This is going to be a HUGE generalization, but I don't think women are that concerned about a guys appearance. I mean I don't want a sloppy looking man with a sloppy looking body. But if I find you attractive enough to date, then things like the firmness of your bum is unimportant. When you're in love with someone, they're perfect in your eyes.

 

I think your girlfriend is a little too honest, but that's not really a bad thing. I doubt that it means she thinks less of you. She might be a little weirded out because you asked that question though.

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

You said: ""If you can't be real with your mate, then who can you be real with.""

 

You're here stressing how important it is to be *real* with your mate, yet when your girlfriend is real with you, you're making a big stink about it (when, as you might lecture, is apparently something that one should be grateful for).

 

Why do you wish you never mentioned anything to her, when she's giving her true opinion, when she's being "real," if being "real" is something that you seem to so highly prize?

 

So if you don't want someone's true opinion, and if you don't want them to be real with you, then why ask for their opinion?

[anggrace]

now you know to NEVER let your significant other know what you're insecure about. sometimes it makes them start believing that you're right about your insecurity.

 

for future reference, keep your mouth shut!!!

 

Wow, after I read that, I realized that no guy has ever expressed insecurities to me. Is this why? Is this something many guys think? That we will start to think less of them? Do you think men do the same when women express insecurities too them? I hope not, cause I do that. I would think you should be able to confide in your partner about insecurities.

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

Wow, after I read that, I realized that no guy has ever expressed insecurities to me. Is this why? Is this something many guys think? That we will start to think less of them? Do you think men do the same when women express insecurities too them? I hope not, cause I do that. I would think you should be able to confide in your partner about insecurities.

 

Well, it's my own philosophy, and of course, it's always subject to debate. I think it's ok to voice your insecurities to your loved ones, but in my opinion, it should be done so with limits. Complaining about the same thing every day could make others start to pay more attention to that which one is insecure about. How many women here would talk about their cellulite (if they have any lol) to their men on a daily basis? So next time they're naked, their men can be think, "damn, now that she mentioned it, she DOES have a lot of cellulite...ew..."?? LOL

 

Don't jump to conclusions: I'm not saying that this would cause anyone to love anyone else ANY LESS. That's not how I personally feel. But for me, as a person, I'd rather keep people's attentons away from my own faults, inside or out.

[drum4god]

You said: ""If you can't be real with your mate, then who can you be real with.""

 

You're here stressing how important it is to be *real* with your mate, yet when your girlfriend is real with you, you're making a big stink about it (when, as you might lecture, is apparently something that one should be grateful for).

 

Why do you wish you never mentioned anything to her, when she's giving her true opinion, when she's being "real," if being "real" is something that you seem to so highly prize?

 

So if you don't want someone's true opinion, and if you don't want them to be real with you, then why ask for their opinion?

 

Dude, I don't mind people being real. In fact I relish it. It just the way she said it. She said it in a condesending way, and I didn't appreciate that.

 

This is not something I asked her out of the blue. I said I was going to the gym to work my glutes. She said "yeah you need to". Then I said "Common it isn't that bad is it". She then said "you know the old saying, if you have nothing nice to say don't say it".

 

Again, it how you say things. For example she has shared with me, she didn't like her belly. I said, don't worry you are still beautiful to me, just watch what you eat. That sounds alot better.

 

But it doesn't matter, she broke up with, and I am better for it. She nitpicked over so many things, and perhaps that is why I was insecure.

 

I am O.K. and I will find myself a good women, even if I have no butt. The rest of me is pretty tasty.

[blindfold]

you're not a woman... women have butts that "stick out" and all... men usually don't... i love my bf's butt, simply because it is right there, it is not big or small, it's perfect because it is there, and because it is HIS. he tells me most of his insecurities, and i tell him most of mine too, we try not to neglect this, or to discourage one another from telling them... it is v. important really... she should love you just like you are... that is genetic, it is not smt you can change effortelessly...

[anggrace]

I dont think your girl is going to think any less of you even if you do have a flat butt. Even if she notices it. I think that would be shallow. We ALL have things about us that might be seen as imperfections. I do, my boyfriend does, and I still find him irresistible.

[paulapalooza]

I don't need your help anymore. We talked about it, and she broke up with me over the phone. I posted the thread in the Getting back together thread.

 

I guess that shows you what kind of a person she was.

[drum4god]

I guess that shows you what kind of a person she was.

 

Yep. I am so mad at myself for allowing her to make an attractive man feel so unattractive. She would nitpick about other things. She once bought me teeth whitener, she once told me my facial expressions are killing the mood, she would always comment on my clothes etc. I never said anything, and I don't know why. I was so blind.

 

You know the sad thing is. She wasn't a supermodel. Yeah she was pretty. In fact you can see a picture of her I posted somewhere else (just check some of my old posts, I don't want to see her) and see it for yourself.

 

She didn't have a great body. She had bad breath and she had a mustache. I never said anything. Never. I loved her the way she was. Yet, she pointed out my flaws. Its was so strange.

 

I understand if she wasn't attracted to me, but did she date me for a year. Why did she come back to me after she broke up. When were first started dating she told me how attractive I was, but it was like she couldn't do it anymore. It was like a form of control. She saw everyone especially woman would check me out, and some even flirt. She knew my ex girlfriend, and saw she was gorgeous. So she had to knock me down. That is what I feel. My looks were never an issue. Its something I never worried about. NEVER. The only thing was my butt, but it was never something that crippled me.

 

I am so mad I allowed her to do this. But I will get over it. Its her loss.