SexySadie7 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Fisch.. i had to laugh when I read your post.. especially the last line...."I understand. Well man there is certainly something to be admired by sacrificing physical pleasure for principles, but remember she is trying to get what she wants and denying you part of what you want (not saying she doesnt want sex but you know what i mean). No offense but in the end I think that people who suggest this are foolish because: she is basically saying she doesnt trust you right from the beginning, she is setting you up as the person who has to prove something, what about your standards? she is setting the relationship up for potential failure, because people have sex drives (and trust me your sex drive will increase when you get into a relationship where you arent allowed to have sex) and wanting sex IS part of why people stay in a relationship and there is nothing immature about it so maybe all it means is that you are happy with getting eventual sex instead of immediate sex... Virgins are usually anxious about the first time anyway. All this proves is that you are patient and WILLING to be with her long term, not that you are the kind of guy that wont use her for sex eventually. Finally it is an insinuation that she thinks you might be the kind of guy that if she gives you sex you will stay with her because you will not be able to get it anywhere else. It doesnt make that much sense reallySex grows emotional attachment and thats a fact, IMO she is just hurting her chances of keeping a man around. " Sex grows emotional attachment and thats a fact, IMO she is just hurting her chances of keeping a man around. That's a crock.. cuz if that were true.. all these FWB situation would turn into true love! LOL.... Oh.. yeah.. giving sex to a man keeps him around... sure it does... hahaha..right.. i guess if you are living in back in the 1850s.. Today.. having sex with a guy doesn't seem to mean jack squat to so many guys.. They just take you for granted if you start having sex with them before they fall in love with you. And then it's next... you're like some part of a catch & release program nowadays if you let a guy just have casual sex with you without you having strong feelings both ways. Believe me..I can well relate to how your gf feels. I just come out of a relationship with a guy who seemed like the perfect gentlemen at first, then after awhile we had sex....He not only acts like he could care less. He couldn't even bother to call me for my birthday on the phone and say, "Happy Birthday" even though I had seen him the day before my birthday and even spent the night! Sex doesn't guarantee ANYTHING anymore in these times. Guys are all players now... at least the area I live in they are... they don't even WANT a girlfriend.. they just want some orifice to dump into until they can find something better. Guys use girls all the time for sex...especially now. I think your gf is being smart for herself. Besides... suppose she became pregnant. Do you guys who claim that she must have sex with you, ever think of that??? You do sound like a good guy. At least you sound like you care about her more than yourself. I wish I could meet someone like you. All i meet are cads who only care about themselves and that's it!! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Sex can enhance emotional attachment but I would have no time for any man who would leave me before I was ready to have sex with him on the basis that it can "grow" emotional attachment. I was proposed to when I was 23 where we were going to wait until marriage- we had been dating two years and he totally respected my decision to wait. My sister waited for marriage and her husband was more than willing to wait. I do not believe in withholding sex as a game or as some sort of test but if the values are that she or he wants to wait until marriage the other person should either respect that or not get involved with the person. Those who argue that you need sex to get a man to stick around are in my opinion bitter, negative and jaded and not well-suited for a healthy relationship with a man. I am fortunate in that the men I have been seriously involved with have put sex at a lower priority than my comfort level and have been willing to wait the two to five months or so of exclusive dating before I felt comfortable being that intimate. Their level of respect and caring for me enhanced the relationship far more than sex ever could. As a result, I have rarely had those "all men are players" or similar negative feelings and when I have they have lasted less than a day. Physical and sexual affection and intimacy do not require going "all the way" to add that component to a relationship. 1 Link to comment
TiredMan Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I wonderhow many men have made their women wait? Probably not as much as the other way around. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I wonderhow many men have made their women wait? Probably not as much as the other way around. Nobody should make anyone wait. If you are not comfortable having sex yet and the other person prioritizes sex over getting to know you and waiting till you're comfortable then he or she should leave. Traditionally women wait longer in part because of the risk of pregnancy. I have been with men who were more comfortable waiting so that we could make sure we were serious. Link to comment
quietgrl Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I wonderhow many men have made their women wait? Probably not as much as the other way around. There are alot of men who want sex with commitment but the sad part is Tiredman we don't here these men stories. Link to comment
quietgrl Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 SexySadie7, I'm an expert on this topic but trust me.The men who has overlook me over my sex with commitment views are men not keeping anyway.My high standard hasn't hurt me with men but instead help me in the end.A true man who wants a commitment will respect my opinion and standard but a man who doesn't want a commitment won't respect my no sex standards while casual dating Everybody sex with commitment virgins and nonvirgin doesn't hate sex.That is a seriuos stereotype and a myth about us.The bottom line is if you want sex don't date a person who wants sex with commitment.We're not deny anybody sex in a casual relationship. Link to comment
TiredMan Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 There are alot of men who want sex with commitment but the sad part is Tiredman we don't here these men stories. Because there aren't as many and/or these men give in to the women. I said (in this thread or another one) that according to society's beliefs, men are supposed to be out for sex and up for it all the time. I said in that one thread. When woman are not in the mood, men are expected to deal with it and try another time. When men are not in the mood, most times the woman thinks there "is a problem" of some sort. Unreal! Link to comment
Fisch Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 This would be a good response to my point if I had said anything about gaurentees. Sex is not a guarentee for commitment, just as commitment is not a gaurentee for sex (as in this situation). This is simply a vital part of the complex social and instinctive exchange that a man and woman make in a successfull relationship. If you have sex with a guy and he does not give you what you want emotionally, or if a guy commits to a woman but she never gives him any sex well then the exchange isnt very mutual is it? The whole purpose of my post was to point out the ideal and its potential for being betrayed in this situation. It is (rather obvious) scientific fact that sex grows emotional attachment, if you dont like science... good for you. However, you are putting the emphasis on the wrong gender, it is greater in women that the sentiment of sticking around after sex (to have the male around to protect the child even if there is none its an instinct). So here was my point: a player is a guy who gets gold but doesnt give diamonds, this woman wants to get diamonds and not give gold! The equally unfair polar opposite of the player. Men have some extremely different neurological programming, accept it or be wrong. (please nobody reply with the whole women want sex too, we all know this... we just cant include every little detail in a post, the differences are there.) Link to comment
the yang to the worlds yin Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Isn't it easiest to just say that sex has different meanings and values to each individual person, and thus when selecting a partner, we should look for one with similar beliefs concerning what is such a big part of life? Link to comment
quietgrl Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Isn't it easiest to just say that sex has different meanings and values to each individual person, and thus when selecting a partner, we should look for one with similar beliefs concerning what is such a big part of life? Right on the yang to the worlds yin!Right on Link to comment
TiredMan Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 I don't know. The talk of her needing someone, needing money (with you thinking of even throwing money her way) when you have only seen her one time, makes me VERY suspicious of this all. I sincerely hope she won't ask for money because that would be bad. But I am also hoping you are not being suckered in. Maybe that is just me being careful but this is the vibe I get unfortunately. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Hmm- think about how that strictness squares with how short a time you have known her and how much she is willing to ask of you. Don't confuse someone needing a boyfriend with someone needing a parent or a therapist. Link to comment
TiredMan Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Hmm- think about how that strictness squares with how short a time you have known her and how much she is willing to ask of you. Don't confuse someone needing a boyfriend with someone needing a parent or a therapist. That is my fear and it seems to have many of the signs. That she might be using him. Link to comment
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