getting back your stuff

[sasha_faye]

haha, I'm averaging a couple of posts a day on this forum!

anyway, when my ex dumped me a month ago, I sent him back ALL of his stuff immediately after the break up. I did not want him to think that I "owe" him anything. I only go to school about a half an hour away (and he lives a block away from my parents) but I figured it was the "least dramatic" way of handling that horrible ritual, since we wouldn't have to communicate or see each other face to face. (I refuse to break NC!)

 

I also assumed this would prompt him to send back my stuff. Or even drop it off on my front door, since he'd just have to walk down the street. He, uh, hasn't.

 

Granted, I'm not about to break NC over some materialistic stuff. I'm just gonna cut my losses. But still, why haven't I gotten my stuff back?? Like, duh. I returned his... where's mine???

 

ERG. Sorry. Just had to vent. I'm feeling the anger!!!

[dnozzle]

What kind of stuff of yours does he have? Is it really worth trying to get it back and running the risk of having to see him or talk to him?

 

My ex still has my overnight kit. Because of the tight airline regulations, we each brough our toiletries and left them at the other's place. I have not sent hers back yet, but am thinking about it. She hasn't sent mine either, but I really wouldn't even bother to ask her to. It is all stuff I am willing to just walk away from, and I wouldn't risk breaking NC to ask her for it.

[sasha_faye]

meh, it's nothing worth breaking NC over. just some clothes, CDs, videos... nothing that can't really be replaced. it'd just be so easy to get them back to me without face to face contact. and it's not like he has any use for women's clothes - I hope not, anyway! meh, I hope he enjoys it all while he has it.

[Shaker]

Hi sasha_faye,

 

I completely understand wanting your stuff back, especially because sending it would look like reciprocity. And be fair.

 

But break-ups are hardly ever reciprocal in any way, so don't expect to receive a parcel. You might get your stuff down the road, or maybe it has been thrown away. Maybe he's enshrining it

 

Glad to hear you're sticking to NC though, and maybe you should treat yourself to shopping when the post-holiday sales are on to get new stuff.

[bella321]

hi sasha faye,

 

It's so admirable of you to be sticking so strongly to your NC. Could you possibly have a friend contact him and collect your things? I agree, it's ridiculous that he hasn't returned your stuff. Is he the type who would have chucked it?

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

I faced the same situation long time ago.

 

He never sent it back. It is over and just let it go.

[renaissancewoman101]

why do ex's do that, when the breakup is done and over with. Why do they refuse to give the stuff back to the other person? Is it a power play?

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

I don't know. I hope I can read his mind.

[Benson]

While we're on this topic, do you think its a good idea to break NC in an email and tell the ex to make arrangements to pick up her clothes and stuff, because my new girlfriend is wondering why I still have a bag full of my ex's stuff??

(no i havent found anyone but it would be fun to put that in there)..

[confusedangel]

my ex gave me back my toiletries while keeping things of mine that he uses. thats both hurtful and crappy! u should jus forget about the stuff its not worth the pain!