Getting email-harrassed and forced to break NC...need help/advice

[ruby19]

I posted a few weeks ago, my younger boyfriend broke up with me 7 weeks back, I was in NC for five. For about the last month I've been getting these strange emails that I thought at first were spam, very badly spelled "Ur boyfiend left u" which stung mildly but I didn't pay much attention.

 

About two weeks ago these emails got extremely personal and very vicious -started mentioning names, plans we had made and how they went without me, words ripped verbatim out of old emails I had sent him, references to pictures he has of us from before we broke up etc. Things like "you look so happy in those pictures at his parents' anniversary party, too bad you'll never see them again." These emails are like the worst little negative thoughts in my head coming to life and it is totally wrecking any progress I've made.

 

I finally snapped and emailed them all to my ex with a message along the lines - I've been getting these, do you know is going on? He emailed back and said he's been having a lot of email problems lately getting locked out etc. and sorry they are bugging me and he is trying to solve it.

 

I've gone through my computers and email accounts with all the anti-spam, anti-spyware, anti-virus tools I can find, changed all my passwords and secret questions and moved all my old emails and pictures off line. But they are still coming with updates (U ratted me out to XXXX) and I can't see how it can be a problem on my end so I have to conclude the info is coming from his email.

 

He seems very angry and frustrated and is very apologetic and for all his faults I don't think he would stoop to this level. I'm more suspicious that it is his new girlfriend due to the timing. If she was trying to make the divide between us bigger it has backfired because we weren't in touch for weeks and now we are because he asked me to send all the emails to him for his police complaint.

 

I'm not sure where I'm going with all this

-I'm so mad with myself I broke NC but I just couldn't take it

-These emails are driving me insane and I know I shouldn't let them. I've blocked the address they are coming from 3 times and they just set up a new webmail account and keep firing them off

-He hasn't said a word to me since I asked him if the email problems started at the same time as he started dating the new girlfriend so I think I made him mad, not that I should care if he is mad and I really don't want to sling mud, I'm just emotionally drained and exhausted from these proceedings and looking for any kind of answer

-I was still sad, but moving on and looking to enjoy being out of some of the more juvenile aspects of his life, and now I'm squarely back in the middle of them and I didn't do anything to put myself there.

 

Sorry for the rant, I don't know what anyone can do but I have no support system for this except this board. All I get from friends and family is this shouldn't bug you because you didn't date that long and this is what you deserve for dating someone so much younger.

 

Thanks again to the board for being there, you have no idea how it helps just reading other people's stories and knowing people are out there feeling like me and I'm not being judged

[Lady Bugg]

Hmmmmm.....can you delete YOUR email account and set up a new one?

That might be your best bet. Or...just have the emails sent from that address to your spam folder so you'll never even see it.

[rosie76]

What a nightmare! Really sorry this is happening to you, but what good luck to be out of a relationship with anyone who'd have anything to do with someone who'd be so childish and cruel. Only practical suggestion if you don't want to change your address - which you shouldn't have to since you've done nothing wrong and it's a pain to do - is set up a filter only letting you see messages from addresses you've already approved. Don't know how easy that is in different systems, but in Gmail you can just filter everything from certain addresses to certain places. Good luck.

[itsallgrand]

Yup. Delete all old accounts. Set up new one(s). Send out mass emails to friends and family to announce your new address. Do not send or tell ex nor his clan of your new address.

 

It is a bit of an inconvience but a hell of a lot easier than dealing with more of the same.

 

You may want to keep a document with copies of the emails in case this continues over into a phone-drama. Hopefully though, it will end here.

 

Take care. Hope this helps and your stress level lowers soon.

[abstar]

prehaps you should just block the e-mails into a spam folder as people are saying making a new address is a pain..i am really sorry this is happening... and i hope who ever is doing this grows up...if this carries on to be really hurtful...consider complaining t the police i think they can trace the computer they are coming from...x good luck real good luck...