Anxiety about dating returns

[agualibre777]

Hey-

 

So over the last year I've made bad choices in men. I dated four different men, all of whom were jerks. One was a chronic liar, the other one was so emotional about how much he cared about me but we had no connection whatsoever, another one blamed my feelings on me and was trying to use me, and the other never really opened up with me at all.

 

So for a week now, I've been hanging out with the guy I met in my yoga class. I like him a lot. We have a lot in common and to talk about and I feel a good energy around him. He tried to kiss me on Sunday but I didn't let him. We've probably talked for 20 hours in the last week or something ridiculous like that. We ended up having sex Wednesday night and talked into the wee hours of the morning. Sent sweet email on Thursday back and forth and talked yesterday too.

 

I noticed I feel anxiety anytime I send an email and he doesn't respond within a couple of hours. I feel like uhoh. He's gonna stop talking to me now. It's like I'm just waiting for the moment he stops talking or calling and I'm paranoid about it. Yesterday I asked him if he wanted to watch a bball game with my friends by email and around 5:30 or so he called me and we talked for a half hour, he said, lets go to a movie instead, I said, no, I haven't seen my friend for a really long time and really want to see her. And said o.k., he didn't really want to watch the game (he used to be in the NFL, I think it's related). I said, I had to go pick my friend up in like five minutes and he said o.k. he'd call me later.

 

So, I thought that meant later that evening but am I wrong? He never called and I text messaged around 10:30, hey handsome lets hang out. And called him around 11 (just in case he didn't hear the text message) but he didn't pick up.

 

So I started having all these anxious thoughts that woke me up this early in the morning. Like, what if he went on a date with another woman and that's But he also could have just gone to sleep... And all these thoughts back and forth about what is more likely. And I know I can't guess and this isn't relevant. I know I wouldn't be feeling this bad if I hadn't had sex with him or felt like I liked him so much so quickly...

 

Any recommendations what I should do to handle these feelings so I don't let them take over me??

[hosswhispra]

So I started having all these anxious thoughts that woke me up this early in the morning. Like, what if he went on a date with another woman and that's But he also could have just gone to sleep... And all these thoughts back and forth about what is more likely. And I know I can't guess and this isn't relevant. I know I wouldn't be feeling this bad if I hadn't had sex with him or felt like I liked him so much so quickly...

 

Any recommendations what I should do to handle these feelings so I don't let them take over me??

 

I think you should back off and decrease the amount that you're pursuing him. You may be coming off sort of clingy now since you slept with him. I would let him contact you now.

[itsallgrand]

I agree with Hoss.

 

If I may ask, do you regret sleeping with him so early? I mean, do you think you were ready to go to that level so quickly?

 

You have now set a tone. Corrections should be made now, in my opinion, so that you won't feel pressured or anxious to continue sleeping with him for reasons other than it is right.

 

I may be offtrack, but I think it is easy to fall into a habit once the first step is made. Is it a habit of yours to begin relationships quickly and intensely with sex?

 

This could be a great opportunity for you to break some old negative ruts. good luck.

[Batya33]

It sounds like you get emotionally attached through sex so I would put off having sex until you have been dating at least a few months and are exclusive. if you two have not decided to be exclusive then of course he can date other women and you can date other men.

[agualibre777]

yeah, i see what you are saying... yes, it is a habit. but honestly, i really tried *not* to have sex with him. i resisted, but he persisted by trying to seduce me, just touching me gently and getting me all fired up. it was really hard. really it took him four hours to get my pants all the way down cause i kept telling him i didn't want to. but when we did the deed, i did want to, i'm really attracted to him.

that morning i sent him an email describing my feelings and he called me at 7:40 in the morning and i went over and stayed with him til 12 at night, just talking and hanging out all day. we almost had sex but didn't (on period). so that's good.

honestly, i feel a connection with him i haven't felt with anyone for years and years. maybe it's making me lose my head a bit. we can talk for hours and he is so beautiful in many ways. maybe he is playing me but i don't get that feeling at all.

sigh. i feel like i'm falling for him and it makes me nervous.

maybe i should try not to have sex with him for a while. it's hard, so hard, because i'm soooooooooo attracted to him....