Girlfriend has given up on us but for in 8 months time

[Jonboy582]

Hey I have posted a similar topic before, but now I am really worried and I know I should not be (well for now anyway) but I can't help it.

 

FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO READ DETAIL GO TO THE END ITS SUMED UP

 

Basically what’s the matter is in 8 Months time (provided she is accepted, but she got very good grades so most likely will) my girlfriend is going to Uni about 400 miles away. This has been bugging me for some time, knowing this will happen but I have not raised this with her. Then last night she raised the point and basically said we will separate then. I know we may well have split up by then, but our relationship has been great for 7 months and I can see us getting closer in the future. So her saying that hit me hard as you can imagine as I don't know how I would cope with that, especially as if we still in love to just end it not through a fault in the relationship would be gut wrenching for me.

 

I wanted to suggest a LDR but could not be bothered to bring that up (didn't want to sound clingy), and she suggested we could be f**k buddies then as I would only see her ever so often (but if we still in love don't think that’s a good idea). She suggested I transferred the course I am doing to where she is but the course I do is only run where I am, and the one she does is only run where she is. So moving is not an option.

 

This all gets me really really depressed, and I know I should not let it but I can't just turn my emotions on or off they are what they are. Even though we may have 8 amazing months in front of us, just hurts she has given up on us already. Doesn't help her Auntie advising her to be single when she goes to uni, as she says that means she can have a better time, (that’s what her auntie did and got back with her bf after and married him) but I doubt things will pan out like that.

 

 

Well that was long so here is it all in brief if you could not be bothered to read it;-

- Girlfriend going to uni in 8 months on other side of country

- Given up on us already, but for in 8 months time

- Getting me down and sad

- Can't stop myself feeling like that although I have 8 months left with her

 

Thanks

 

Jon

[WildIrishRose]

It sounds like you have strong feelings for your gf. I know that this is upsetting for you, but time will tell what happens to your relationship with her. I would try to enjoy my time with her in the meantime, take each day at a time. Talk more about your options with eachother.

 

You are both young, and things in life are dynamic, they never stay the same. If you established a good friendship between you, and should you separate, there is a chance that you may circle back to eachother if it is meant to be. True love comes back to you, it's like a boomerang.

[Jonboy582]

I do indeed have VERY strong feelings for her and I know she feels the same way back. Thats partly the reason why this came as such a shock to me. I guess all I can do is put up and shut up.

[Momene]

LDRs seem to have a better success rate in the US. Here (England), over 90% of first year students split from their partners left at home by Christmas. In my year before uni, I avoided dating as I didn't want to deal with that sort of issue.

 

I'm afraid I don't go along with the "getting back together" theory, despite the odd success story. How would either of you feel if the other had hooked up with someone else during her time at uni?

 

I'd say that if you have/had a great relationship with her, you are more than capable of finding that with someone else. Now your choices are:

 

1. Continue to see her but split when she goes

2. Keep on the LDR idea and hope she changes her mind

3. Split with her now

4. Stay with her but explore other options (a bit dishonest but understandable)

 

Good luck.

[colors]

Wow, I'm sorry Jonboy.

if she really has no intrest in continueing this after 8 months time, why put your heart throught that? Jonboy, you've got to be open with her, you wanted to suggest, Long distance..DO IT! It won't sound clingy, it will sound careing...like you aren't willing to give up on your relationship.

 

p.s I totally agree with you, f*&K buddies is a terrible idea when you still have feelings for her! it messes with the head & heart.

[Jonboy582]

Wow, I'm sorry Jonboy.

if she really has no intrest in continueing this after 8 months time, why put your heart throught that? Jonboy, you've got to be open with her, you wanted to suggest, Long distance..DO IT! It won't sound clingy, it will sound careing...like you aren't willing to give up on your relationship.

 

p.s I totally agree with you, f*&K buddies is a terrible idea when you still have feelings for her! it messes with the head & heart.

 

I will suggest a Long distance relationship nearer the time. I will try and ignor it for now, looking on the brightside all the time we have shared together I got all that and a month extra to come and a Holiday together after Christmas.

 

And I guess I have to suggest a LDR as it would be so sickening to give it all up, and not even try to stay together, it just seems plain madness to me.

 

Besides it is all rather confusing, she has said "I never wan't to leave you" and spoken about how I will be dating a jurnalist, that referring to her after she has her degree I find this all very confusing.

[freedom]

if she can say's that she is going to end the relatonship in 8 months then she has given you a CLEAR SIGNAL that she isnt into you.

 

As a guy, i will say this. There is nothing worst then being used, there nothing worst then giving someone love that doesnt give you the same back. Reason is that it WILL effect your selfworth, DON'T let that happen. Maybe it is best end control the situation and End it.

[Momene]

She loves you but (to some extent understandably) puts her career first. If you can deal with that OK. If not, go to Nos 3 and 4 on my list of suggestions.

[freedom]

Look dude...

She is using you now.

She knows what she wants... She wants her careera first and there is nothing wrong with that and maybe that is what you should focus on too.

But if you continue this relationship knowing that this person will love you till 8 months time.. i will just say its just plain stupid. You are looking for hurt.

Why be with someone that doesnt value YOU or the relationship?

She will say things to keep it as they are, till 8 months time where she will end it.

I would recommend to end it know whilst things are clearer and emotions and feeling arent so deep.

[heloladies21]

I wanted to suggest a LDR but could not be bothered to bring that up (didn't want to sound clingy)

Telling someone what you want isn't being clingy, it's letting her know what you want. You can do it with a go getter tone and mindset and there would be nothing clingy about it. This is a general rule for all situations, it's all in the way that you do it.

 

and she suggested we could be f**k buddies

That's not a good idea as it will only lead to more jealous feelings on your part and getting hurt in the end when she dumps you for good for someone else. Best to either go for the relationship full force or let it go.

 

This all gets me really really depressed, and I know I should not let it but I can't just turn my emotions on or off they are what they are.

If there's one thing I've learned in this world, it's that emotions are the most impossible thing to control. You feel what you feel and no need to be ashamed of it. This is a normal human reaction.

 

Even though we may have 8 amazing months in front of us, just hurts she has given up on us already.

This certainly looks like the case.

 

Doesn't help her Auntie advising her to be single when she goes to uni, as she says that means she can have a better time, (that’s what her auntie did and got back with her bf after and married him) but I doubt things will pan out like that.

Her aunt's advice is meaningless, she's gonna do what she wants to do regardless of what other people tell her.

 

So at this point the issue is done. You won't be able to shake these feelings and if you wanna stick with this until the eventual break up, feel free, but you're only wasting your time on someone who's not serious about you and this is time you could be using to find someone else. And the break up will feel worse as your feelings for her would deepen by spending more time with her in the meantime, so the pain would be worse as well.

[colors]

I will suggest a Long distance relationship nearer the time. I will try and ignor it for now, looking on the brightside all the time we have shared together I got all that and a month extra to come and a Holiday together after Christmas.

 

And I guess I have to suggest a LDR as it would be so sickening to give it all up, and not even try to stay together, it just seems plain madness to me.

 

Besides it is all rather confusing, she has said "I never wan't to leave you" and spoken about how I will be dating a jurnalist, that referring to her after she has her degree I find this all very confusing.

 

What she's saying is very confusing....she is sending you mixed messages. She tells you you're breaking up in 8 months, than she is feeding you Hope for more?????

I dont' think you should wait till it's nearer to the time to discuss long distance I think you would be wise to do it NOW!

Because if she is NOT willing to do long distance & she has made it clear to you that she is planing on leaving you & the relationship behind....than I'm inclind to agree with Freedom. She is using you to her benefit & Really can't be that into you if she's willing to let go so easily.....Find out where you stand, if you don't..you're asking to be hurt.

You need to talk to her. see if long distance is an option to her. If the answer is NO, i'd say get out now, before your heart is broken & head is messed with.

Don't wait, find out NOW! You deserve to know where you stand & if there is a future.

[freedom]

btw... if you are staying with this person... you aer wasting your energy on someone that doesnt want you all that much.

There isnt anything wrong with you. It is just that she knows what she wants in her future.

If you decide to end it, maybe you will have more energy to look for someone else OR more energy for your own needs and interest. Have you thought about your own future?? about what you want?? Maybe this is a good thing to help you think about your future, Uni, college, become a millionaire, skydiver??

I am saying is dont waste your energy on something that doesnt see you in the future. YOu might as well use the energy on yourself. I can truly tell you that it will be worth it.

 

ABout LDR. Someone has said that they want to end it in 8 months. You just hanging around till that time will look weak from her perspective. What people wait is something they cant have. If you start thinking about yourself and aiming for your own goals irrigardless to what she wants she will gain respect for you and MAYBE think about LDR. until then you are on the weaker end of the stick.

[Jonboy582]

I hear all you people and very enlightening. Its just I really know her, and she isn't the kind of person to use someone. I get told all the time by my friends and hers (including her best friend) how much she loves me and how everyone envies us and what we have. I think it may also be more of the case that she ASSUMES we have to break up when she moves away and thinks that’s the only thing people do when they move away.

 

I will be having a serious conversation with her though, to find out if she is using me or not. And will raise a LDR, and if the answer is no then I will go about ending things. As I know it has to be done.

[colors]

I think it may also be more of the case that she ASSUMES we have to break up when she moves away and thinks that’s the only thing people do when they move away

That may very well be the case. Which is why you should tell her how you feel, don't think expressing your feelings is being clingy. Never let your own fears of how you will appear stand in the way of open communication with the women you love. It's who you are & how you feel, she needs to know that.

 

I will be having a serious conversation with her though, to find out if she is using me or not. And will raise a LDR, and if the answer is no then I will go about ending things. As I know it has to be done

 

Good plan that will clear up any questions you are having & allow you to feel comfortable in whatever you decied to do. I wish you luck & happiness.

[Jonboy582]

Ohh and thanks everyone for getting my mind strait I do feel quite alot better and enpowered. The shock of reading people saying she is using me helped for some reason.

 

I will report back after I have had our little talk, hopefully not tearfull and posting about a breakup.

 

Cheers

 

Jon

[freedom]

sometimes, eople uses others not intensionally, it is just weakness. Approaching her and asking is just a waste of tie because:

1) she will deny it (who isn;t)

2) She did not intend to 'use' you.

If she just plays the wait and see game maybe it you should detech yourself and put your energy into YOUR future.

[colors]

Ohh and thanks everyone for getting my mind strait I do feel quite alot better and enpowered. The shock of reading people saying she is using me helped for some reason.

 

I will report back after I have had our little talk, hopefully not tearfull and posting about a breakup.

 

Cheers

 

Jon

 

Hey Jonboy,

Just wanted to see how your doing? If you've had the talk & feel better about things?

Hope all is well

[Jonboy582]

Hey thanks for asking Well basically im going to leave things until after christmas, tbh I don't want to risk spoiling things for anyone. And the thoughts are not really troubling me anymore ever since I spoke to you guys so its all cool.

 

Thanks again for asking

 

Jon

[colors]

Hey thanks for asking Well basically im going to leave things until after christmas, tbh I don't want to risk spoiling things for anyone. And the thoughts are not really troubling me anymore ever since I spoke to you guys so its all cool.

 

Thanks again for asking

 

Jon

 

Well that's awesome thoughts aren't troubling you anymore.....letting them out sure helps

have a merry christmas

take care