oh yeah Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 why does he pick so many stupid pointless fights. why does he call me a when im always so sweet to him and why the heck does he call me a when ive only been with him and i NEVER flirt with anyone else or even talk to any other guy. why does he do this when he's mad jsut to make me cry. and then why does he always hang up on me in the middle of his screaming rages and break up with me. and most of all WHY after all this does he eventually call me back saying hes sorry and didnt mean any of that and that he loves me so much and he always says he'll never do that again and he always does. ahhhh my relationship is so frusterating. i love my bf sooooooo much but he confuses me so much... Link to comment
laboheme Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 That kind of situation is not worth it -- simply put, it's abusive and you deserve better. This behavior should not be tolerated at any age, and when you're 17, you have so many opportunities out there that I don't see any good reason to try and work things out. I realize that you have feelings for this guy, but I highly doubt that it's going to get better. It would be one thing if he yelled at you once and then came back and really made an effort to change, but that's not the case. I suggest that the next time he breaks up with you, you don't take him back. He doesn't deserve another chance. Link to comment
emma34 Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Honestly, I'd say get out. Someone calling you those names is SO inappropriate, and he should know that. Link to comment
southerngirl Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 He sounds abusive to me. definitely emotionally which often times leads to physical abuse. Fact is by the time he hits you, he could have torn your self esteem down so low that you think you do not deserve better. Why do you put up with this? You deserve so much more than being called names and being subjected to these rages. How long have you two been a couple? Read this... Its about Losers In Relationships. Ask yourself if any of this applies to how he treats you. link removed Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 That is verbal abuse, in which can lead to more abuse. In my opinion I'd get out. There is no reason to put up with such abuse, especially when you are not doing anything wrong. He has no right to take out his rage on you. The name calling is unappropriate. You don't want to hurt the ones you love, you don't want to see the ones you love cry. And he is doing this to you, and he has got your wrapped around his little finger. This isn't a relationship. Why do you put up with it? How long have you been together? Link to comment
oh yeah Posted December 9, 2006 Author Share Posted December 9, 2006 we are both 17 and have been a couple a little over a year Link to comment
oh yeah Posted December 9, 2006 Author Share Posted December 9, 2006 hes says that he just makes me cry because when i cry "is when he feels like i really love him" because supposidly i never do. i bake him cakes all the time. write him pretty little notes, take him out to nice dinners... sneak out of my house just to spend the night with him when he's sick to take care of him. id do anything for him and he says i never do anything.... i wish hed care more... or at least show it... all he does is say it and on occasion i truly feel like its true.. but those times are not too often Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Im sorry if i come off mean, im not trying to. But I am here to offer you my words and in my OP this is not a relationship. At least, not a caring, tender, loving one. Making one cry DOES NOT justify ones love for someone. I've been in your shoes before, and I got out. Now, Im stonger then ever. It takes two in any relationship. It's not just 50/50, each person needs to put 100%. By the sounds of it he isn't doing anything and you are just taking it and chasing after him. Link to comment
oh yeah Posted December 9, 2006 Author Share Posted December 9, 2006 at times i want to get out and i know its best for me but he has made me give up all my friends and thereforeeee if i leave him, no one is left. i'll have no one to turn to. tons of girls at my school hate me because my ex best friends have said how i put my bf before my friends which he made me do.. i guess i just dont want to be alone and i wish i could feel like he loves me like he says Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 That is so completely messed up. What he really means is that when you cry he knows that he has the power to do that to you. Get out. He will only get worse, he has no incentive to change and this is the way more serious abusive behaviour (such as hitting or worse) starts. By making you "abandon" your friends he has made sure you won't leave him. But if you talk to your friends about this, they will support you. This guy is exhibiting all the classic behaviours of the abuser. Next he will hit you. You sound like an absolutely amazing girlfriend, and you are very beautiful (if that's you in the picture). He doesn't deserve you and in a sick way he knows this and that's why he treats you this way. Unfortunately, there is no way to change his behaviours except intensive councelling and a desire to change. I don't think you should stick around to find out when that will be, if ever. Link to comment
xmrth Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 You'd be surprised how many of your friends will warm right back up to you by dumping the hell out of him, and that's a promise, no matter how ugly things with your friends may have gotten. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 he made you give up your friends?! wow! that should have been your FIRST RED FLAG!!! sorry, but this guy sounds like a jerk. and you are just tagging along for the ride, you're hurt and if you continue to stay you're going to end up even more hurt. i don't know how much more i can offer. like i said, i've been in your shoes completely. in life you need to do whats BEST for you and NO ONE else. why waste your time with someone who treats you so bad, when you can be out trying to meet that someone who can treat you right. your reason for not leaving him should NOT be because you'll be alone. There are millions of people out there, old and new. I rather be alone then be hurting. Best of luck to you. Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Because you've got part of the equation wrong - he doesn't love you. Link to comment
oh yeah Posted December 9, 2006 Author Share Posted December 9, 2006 thanks agent - yes the pic of me (before i changed it lol) was me. now its of me n my bf. im jsut scared i mean i would never cheat on him. im just not that knd of person.. but hes really insecure and is ALWAYS (at least 10 times a week) warning me that if i were to ever cheat on him id suffer consequences and he "dares me to find out". i always assure him i would never cheat on him. i wrote in a previous post how just because i didnt bleed the first time we had sex (he was my first) he doesnt believe that i was a virgin and thats supposidly why he always calls me a slu*. He even gives me a "dress code" at school. no skirts, no shorts, no white pants of any kind and nothing that in anyway shows my boobs. so basically i live in jeans and polos or tshirts at school... i dont get it.. i want to look pretty for him ,a nd only him, he jsut doesnt let me i dont get him. i love him so much and try to make him so happy... why doesnt he see it Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Because you've got part of the equation wrong - he doesn't love you. AntieLov_SuperStar, AGREED! He is abusing her. If she sticks around to much longer, it might lead to even more worse abuse. He dares you to find out the consequences. Oooh I feel sick. This poor girl, she doesn't get it. I wish I could give her a great big hug and make her see. Link to comment
oh yeah Posted December 9, 2006 Author Share Posted December 9, 2006 antilove superstar: then why does he keep coming back to me and breaking up with me and staying if he doesnt love me.. why not just move on... he knows i dont want to let him go but i wont force him with me... why doesnt he just leave for good if he really doesnt love me... why be with me for a whole yr already i really hope he does *sigh* Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Because he has power over you and he likes it. The relationship between you isn't about love, and for him it probably never will be, but about the amount of control he has over you. Link to comment
southerngirl Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Did you look at that article I linked about Losers? Seriously this guy fits that bill. He is abusing you and next he will hit you. He is controling you, its all about power and control. Now per your other thread in pregnancy forum you are even trying to get pregnant so that he wont leav eyou???? Im very worried for you. I hope for your sake you do not get pregnant because that could take this abuse to a whole new level. Do your parents know how he treats you? What do they think? Im going to ask some more questions. How is your relationship with your parents? Are they married? Do you have both in your life? These may help us to give you better advice... I had a boyfriend when I was younger, for close to five years total. He was very controlling and jealous. I got pregnant at 19 years old and gave birth to my son at 20. I was a single mom for years, he didnt stick around. Ill tell you he did hit me... Pushed me around.... I left after he started hitting me... Trust me... This guy will do the same to you, he is showing all the classic signs... GET OUT while you still can do so with some dignity! You will look back on this later in life and know he was a loser, if you get out now and work on helping yourself so that you would never allow a man to control you like this. Link to comment
Bethany Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 why does he pick so many stupid pointless fights. why does he call me a b**** when im always so sweet to him and why the heck does he call me a slu* when ive only been with him and i NEVER flirt with anyone else or even talk to any other guy. why does he do this when he's mad jsut to make me cry. and then why does he always hang up on me in the middle of his screaming rages and break up with me. Because you let him. WHY after all this does he eventually call me back saying hes sorry and didnt mean any of that and that he loves me so much and he always says he'll never do that again and he always does. Because he's lying. Link to comment
dil Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 CONTROL FREAK -get away ASAP. I know it's hard, but you won't regret it. Link to comment
huey Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 your 17, in awhile you'll see how great your are and how much to life there is .and how big of a loser this kid is,everybody young falls in "love" you find this out the hard way,its alot nicer when someone shows you respect and real love. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 antilove superstar: then why does he keep coming back to me and breaking up with me and staying if he doesnt love me.. why not just move on... he knows i dont want to let him go but i wont force him with me... why doesnt he just leave for good if he really doesnt love me... why be with me for a whole yr already i really hope he does *sigh* Hey Girl, Because this isn't about love for him- it's about control and abuse. It took him awhile to get you where he wants you- wearing the clothes he wants you to- losing your friends in favor of him, crying whenever he yells at you or calls you a dirty name.... this is all about control. If he leaves you, he is not likely to find someone else who would let him contol and abuse them the way you are. This is NOT healthy, and it is NOT love. I wish you could see how much more you deserve. Ask yourself, would you ever treat someone you claim to love the way he treats you? Would you tell him what to do, what do where, who he could be friends with? Would you insult him and yell at him until you made him cry, all the time? Would you try to control him and accuse him of cheating all the time? I think if you think long and hard about this, you will come up with an answer that will prove to you that this is not love. And I hope you will leave him. Link to comment
oh yeah Posted December 10, 2006 Author Share Posted December 10, 2006 Do your parents know how he treats you? What do they think? Im going to ask some more questions. How is your relationship with your parents? Are they married? Do you have both in your life? These may help us to give you better advice... My parents don't know... my dad is an attorney and if my bf every laid a hand on me, my dad would have him thrown in jail very quickly. i really did consider marrying this guy and if i planned this i wouldnt want my parents to think badly of my bf. My parents divorced when I was 6. I live with my mom but we dont get along very well. I see my dad once a month, for a weekend... but usually dont spend much time w him because one of his gf's is always around... Link to comment
oh yeah Posted December 10, 2006 Author Share Posted December 10, 2006 do u guys think that if i leave him he'll realize he wasnt treating me right and come back and change? Link to comment
southerngirl Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 If your parents knew how he treated you they probally wouldnt like him to be with you at all. He sounds very controlling. You dropped your friends for him. He controls what you wear to school. He threatens you and makes you cry. He calls you nasty names. He tells you that if you do this you dont want to find out what would happen? What do you think he would do? He doesnt own you. YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL AND SMART AND ARE A PERSON WORTHY OF GREAT LOVE. I think you know that. Many of us on this forum have experienced this situation first hand. It would hurt for you to break up with him, I know that.... But girl, I dont think he deserves you! You are 17, so are you a senior in highschool? What are your plans for after graduation? Thats when it starts! Remember this, intelligence really means nothing and you sound like a smart girl, its what you do with it that counts. Link to comment
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