we are not sleeping together anymore...but how do you let go of all the other stuff??

[Lola55]

Ok...so my last post was about how me and my ex have been sleeping together/spending a lot of time together but don't want a relationship right now. Here is what has been happening since...

 

We are still hanging out/talking on the phone all the time. The sex is stopping (we had a few slip ups), and we both agree it needs to end. However, I am confused now about what to do. We are both not ready to let go of the relationship we have developed over the last few months. The hanging out, the talking all the time, the cuddling, the comfort. He thinks that if we cut out the sex but just have all that other stuff then we are just "friends". I disagree. I think if we just want to be friends then all the emotional attachment and everything should stop to, we should act like just friends. I don't want to let go of all of that though. I like it a lot. We both talked about how confusing it is for us to be so close. Its like, we want to give it time before we get back together (if we get back together), we both like eachother a lot, we are both so attracted to eachother, we have a huge history, and we love one another. Sooooo how do we act? Is it ok to keep doing this without the sex? Are alll those other things just as damaging as the sex could have ended up being? Is it all or nothing? Help please!!

[hosswhispra]

we are not sleeping together anymore...but how do you let go of all the other stuff??

 

By going no contact. It hurts. But believe me it's the best way of healing yourself (and in my opinion, the quickest).

 

Good luck,

hosswhispra

[renaissancewoman101]

If I were you, I would stop all the intimacy, the cuddling, the comfort, the closeness. Act with him how you would with your other female friends. Pull away a bit, but if you want to keep a friendship and hang out with him, do it in a platonic way. Hang out, no hugging, touching, kissing, intimacy of any sort. It will be hard and it will hurt, but if you want to keep a friendship, this is the only way.

 

The other way is to pull away completely, but that hurts too since you are going to be losing him as a friend.

[Lola55]

i think you are right. We need to stop the intimate stuff. It is hard because it feels so good. But if we are not ready to be with one another than it has to end. Any tips on how to stop? haha

[renaissancewoman101]

Stopping the intimate stuff is going to be hard. It is going to take a lot of willpower and determination. The temptation is always going to be there, esp if you hang out with him and do things with him as a friend. It will require a lot of self-control that you view him as a friend and not reach out to him as a SO.

 

But, if you care about the friendship, and want to preserve the friendship, then you are going to have to exert a lot of willpower and self-restraint to NOT act familiar or in a intimate way with him.

 

Hang out, have fun, etc., but do it on a friendly level like the way you do with your female friends.