Two Days Of Nc And Im Going Crazy!

[sara_0562]

WOW! I keep reading about people doing NC for MONTHS! I have gone TWO days and its been the longest most awful two days of my life. All i can think about is him. And alli wonder about is if hes thinking about me.

 

I honestly dont know how to keep doing this. I want message, email, or call him so bad but i know if i do it will just turn out bad. He said he wanted to be "friends" cause he still cares about me. I said no because i cant go from loving him and being with him to a simple friendship. It woul dbe way to hard on me. Or would it be easier if i talked to him and was his friend? Because this is so horrible trying not to talk to him! Its effecting everything in my life i have ZERO appetite and falling a sleep and getting out fo bed is hell. Im scred im going to fall into a deep depression.... Its only been two days of NC!!! PLEASE HELP ME!!!

[sparkle1]

What you don't see about the posts who are 3 months nc etc are the posts on day 2!!!! They are very much the same as you...

 

You are basically going 'cold turkey' on your heart. You are withdrawing from someone who has been addictive in your life.

 

You will find it hard..no one ever said NC was easy, in fact i think it is one of the hardest things you can do - but you have to do it, and you know you have to.

 

It is head over heart. Purely and simply.

 

Keep going - it will get easier - but only if you continue.

 

Keep posting on here or keep a journal of your progress....have faith.

 

Sparkle xxxx

[sara_0562]

Thanks.... I come here when Im almost at my breaking point and about to fall of the edge and then i get a nice reply that pulls me back for the time being.

 

When u go NC does the other person know how hard it is to do NC? Do you think he misses me? Or is he just happy that im not bothering him? i guess its impossible to tell

 

And when does the "blood rush" feeling go away? The feeling like u cant eat, like your going to vomit and feel anxious all the time?

[sparkle1]

It is totally individual unfortunately.....the way we all deal with break ups and the effects it has.

 

i was a mess for a long time....but i did always have the knowledge that i was acting in the best interest of me (does that make sense?)

 

The not eating etc is the physical wihtdrawal - it will end. Reassure your self that you are going throu hell! so sleeping and eating is essential to have the energy to be able to cope with the craziness that is happening inside you at the moment.

 

Does he miss you? does he realise how hard NC is for you? Ummm depends on the relationship. The liklhood is he is thinking "hmmm i haven't heard from *** for a few days " - so yes. He will think about you - as you do him. Its only natural. Even if we knew he missed you - would that make you feel better?

 

Sparkle xx

[Pisces_Princess]

NC is really hard. If you read my posts I was with bf for 2 years (1 year living together). He broke-up with me for usual space/losing identity issues.

 

When I moved out I was messaging, calling all the time. Believe me I feel like a drug addict or an alcoholic the cravings are so bad they make me physically shake but I am sticking to it.

 

If you make the first contact and he replies (which mine always did) it feels good for about 10 minutes and then the doubt comes in to your mind "would he contact me if I didn't contact him..." etc.

 

Then I realised I had to stop. I was not respecting his wishes. If he wanted to call or text he would, if he didn't then what was the point in me doing so. What he asked for was time alone and space, it was like I hadn't listened and was ignoring him. I want him back but why would he come back to me if I carried on pushing...

 

Since I stopped he has contacted me. We met on Tuesday night and things went really well. I told him that I would not initiate contact. He said he didn't mind me contacting him, but I said that he asked for space so I am going to respect his wishes. Since then he has sent messages everyday. I just had one now telling me he was thinking of me!

 

It really helps to build up your self esteem if you can just stop yourself, you go up in your own estimation and in theirs too.

 

Just my opinion...I know it's hard, especially when there are unanswered questions.

 

I am thinking of you xxx

[sara_0562]

Aww thanks. Im glad your situation is starting to look up. Im sure your very aware of how im feeling at this moment. Its so weird cause my emotions can change from minute to minute. One minute i think im fine and i cant get over him and have a hppy holiday and then the next moment i crying in bed or starting to write him a email. Its just so hard to go from talking to someone 10 times a day to NOTHING...

[Pisces_Princess]

Exactly. We lived together so I went home to him every night, slept with him every night and woke up with him every morning...and it hurts like a physical pain.

 

You feel trapped because the past is painful, the present doesn't matter and the future seems hopeless.

 

But you have to keep going. I am just about starting to eat (1 meal each day) and have at last stopped weeping all the time (it got so bad that last week I was in a department store and a lady stopped me and asked if I was Ok. I asked why and she said you are crying. I didn't even know I was!)

 

Please keep in touch with me. Nothing is ever certain, you can't know that he does miss you, but you can't know that he doesn't.

 

The one thing most of us here have in common is that we have all felt like, or are currently feeling like this.

 

I am just at the stage when I am starting to be good to myself. But I am lonely for him and I miss him every minute of everyday.

 

It's nearly two months since the initial split so you are a little way behind me in terms of time. Trust me it does get better xxx

[candy604]

one advice : keep yourself busy as possible. Go out and hang out with friends or watch movies, read a book, or play some sports. It does really help!

 

I'm on my 5 day of NC, it's hard but i keep myself preoccupied with things to do. So now i'm doing alot better. You can do it! stay strong!!

[sara_0562]

Thanks everyone

 

Im having trouble staying busy because i constently want to be home incase he calls or by my computer to see if he messages or emails me. Its horrible. I will leave the house to do something and will just want to come home right away. Its very sad.

[candy604]

mmm... don't be friends right away though..i suggest u just cut off all contact for a few months until ur fully recovered and you know what might help is think of the negative things he did to you.

 

I told my friend who just broke up, that realize ur feelings but then set a date when ur gonna stop sulking and get on with life. Now she's happier and she's doing alot of things she hasn't done in a long time ( swimming, hanging out with old friends, studying more..etc..). You can do it! Just think of it as a time for yourself and a time for you to be independent without being attatched to someone. hehe we don't need boys to run our life

 

Do you have some friends that will drag you out? or have ur family to talk to?

[SpeedingCars]

Don't feel bad at all. I haven't really done FULL NC because it's quite impossible. He goes to my school and is in one of my classes. However, i stopped texting, stopped calling, stopped trying to talk to him about "us"... and we kind of drifted apart. I guess in a way, I sort of lost a friend (not fully because we're still on okay terms) but I got something so much better: MYSELF! I'm slowly becoming who I was before I was with him, and to me, that's so much more precious than getting him back...

 

I know it's hard and you'll want to hear his voice, know what he's doing, if he's over you,etc. and it's okay to feel bad. Accept that you're sad and frustrated... but know that there are others out there that feel the exact same way.

 

Look through old photographs, teddy bears he gave you, etc... go ahead, mope.

 

What helped me was taking really LONG hot showers and looking my best!

 

Oh, and I'd always check my phone to see if he texted and my heart would leap if I heard a *BEEP* because I thought it was him and then it sank when I realized it was someone else... but then, you learn not to expect it.

 

It DOES get better as time goes on. You were SO used to talking to him all the time, now you don't at all. It's a rough transition, but then again think about it: You'll get used to NOT talking to him...

 

Keep it up, stay strong and true, and NEVER GIVE UP!!!!

[Buttermaker]

Don't feel so bad... the woman that just broke up with me, refuses a NC. If I try to avoid her, she gets upset and comes on MSN asking why I am not talking to her. Then when I do come on MSN and chat with her, she is so pre-occupied (like now), that it takes her 3 or 4 minutes to reply to my IM. Then if I don't talk to her, she sends me a sad email. She is the one that broke up with me!!!! lol Then at the end of our so called conversation, she says that I am always on her mind, or something mushy.

 

I'd rather have the no-contact then, this way I can get her out of my mind and move on. You are right, Sara, it's hard to go from caring and even loving someone, to just being friends. But that is what she wants to do. I want to delete her from my MSN so bad, but I don't have the heart.

[candy604]

hey buttermaker she's just playing games with you. good that u decided to have no contact Block her on msn

[FRISCO]

I am sorry for what you are going through....someone just said that, there are many others having the same situation as you are and even worse. Just hang in there and follow all the nice advise you can get here.

 

frisco

[Firedancer03]

The one thing most of us here have in common is that we have all felt like, or are currently feeling like this.

 

 

This is very true. I felt the exact same way you are feeling now. I am on day 7 of NC and believe me, its the best thing you can do for yourself. You may not feel like that right away (I sure didn't....at first I thought I had done the wrong thing and almost apologized for doing NC! Can you believe that one? LOL) But ever since I told him that I just couldnt be friends with him right now because its too hard to take that stop backwards from lovers to friends, I knew that I was doing what was best for ME. I felt really bad because he was sad and upset that I was "leaving his life", and my first instinct was to hold him and tell him that everything would be alright (its hard not to feel like that when you love someone, right?). But I didn't and I stuck by my word. Even though its only been a week I know that I'm acting in my own best interest, and no matter what happens between me and my ex in the future, I'm going to be strong and happy regardless.

 

It doesnt always help right away to hear that others are going through the same thing as you because it doesnt magically rewind the clock and take away the pain or bring your ex back. But eventually it is comforting to know that you are not the only one experiencing this. And you can take comfort in the fact that if other women (and men) have gone through this and survived, then so can you! You are strong and beautiful and you will get through this!

 

I still have my bad days and I still wonder if this is as hard on him as it is on me. I still wonder if he thinks about me and misses me. Cause I really want him to, LOL! But I can see that those thoughts are becoming fewer and farther between. I don't constantly think about him. I used to dread watching movies because that was just 2 hours for me to sit there and think about him. But now I can go to a movie with friends and enjoy it because thats 2 hours that I'm not thinking about him! Things do get better, they do get easier. Even though it seems hopeless now, just give it time. It sounds so cliché, but its true: time does heal. Hang in there

[sara_0562]

Well i hate to say this but i broke NC last night. I feel forced into it but i know it was my decision. He sent me a email with a question in it and i felt like i had to answer cause i didn;t want him to get the wrong idea. That lead to a huge conversation later and now i feel stupid for even talking to him cause now im back to square one!!

 

He brokeup with me and keeps saying "if we werement to be together we will get back together!" WHat is this soppose to mean exactly. I feel like hes jsut saying that to shut me up.

 

He also asked me a serious questions: "How do you know im the love of your life?" This question made me go on and on and on about my feelings, pretty much putting my whole heart on the line to have him respond saying "well if we were ment to be we will get back together..." then he left. OMG I felt sooo stupid. Iknow he just wanted to know that istill love him like crazy and he wanted to hear all that nice stuff tomake him feel better. Im so mad that i got trapped like that and now i have to start all over!!! UGGGGH!!!

[SuperDave71]

Trying to be friends with an ex...without any REAL time passing is like trying to get your virginiity back...

 

 

 

Your Friend,

 

 

SuperDave71

[sara_0562]

and i know he wanted to talk to me aswell cause the first things he said were: how are you, how was ur doctors appointment, and how are the kids (i work with children). I worked sohard for two days to not talk to him so he could miss me and think about me and wonder what im doing.... and then i give up like that

[kellbell]

Hey sara,

 

No worries, try not to beat yourself up over this. Everyone has little bumps in the road. The important thing is to learn for it and remember how you felt last night and today when you are tempted to break NC.

 

You are right, he was looking for an ego boost and testing the waters. Next time he has a question or whatever, just ignore him. You can do it. Stay strong chica!

 

(((hugs)))

[candy604]

exactly, he's looking for an ego boost. So if your missing him like crazy n etcc..then he'll feel better. Don't give him that advantage!

[Lysander29]

Take a look at the NC Guide that was put up here:

 

 

 

This should shed some light on NC. Yes its tough, but it has to be done.

[sara_0562]

Hey thanks

That guide really helps. What do i doabout christmas and new years. Assuming im still doing NC till then do isend a simple merry christmas and a happy new year email? Im getting ahead of myself but its good to look to the future cause it helps me get throughthe present...

[bigheart09]

Sarah0562, hang in there. Things will get better. I just broke up with my bf today ( a couple hours ago). We have been back and forth for the past 2 months, but this time it is for good. My bf and I spoke 5 times a day, so this will be very hard for me. But, reading other people's posts is so helpful. It is comforting knowing that there are other people who have gone through the same things and come out stronger in the end

[selfi]

The holidays are always the hardest but as many people have told me, YOU shouldnt do anything but get better from now on.

To help you get through the present you need to live in the moment or you will drive yourself insain