UGH!!!!!!! Total frustration here - kids....

[southerngirl]

Any tips for getting my 9 year old kid to eat his supper?

 

Normally, I cook what is served for dinner, its not bad food okay..... If he doesnt want to eat then he can starve... I tell him 'this isnt a restaurant, you can eat your supper or dont eat, but thats whats served. ' Sometimes, if he chooses not to eat, he goes to bed early too, and if he says that he is still hungry I tell him he could have ate and will have to wait till tomarrow at breakfast to eat

 

So.... I have terrible memories of this one time going to visit my father (parents were divorced) and he forced me to eat ALL of the food on my plate. The problem was that there was the nastiest tasting most disgusting pile of SPINICH on the plate. Its not even that spinich bothers me so much, this was just nasty. I can remember crying and begging and pleading and being told I HAD to eat it. To this day I havent forgot that.

 

So, I havent ever forced him to eat anything. I also try to serve kid friendly things too.

 

Well, back to the problem. image removed TONIGHT I made chili. Same as I always made it. Before he eats it just fine. Yet he starts whining and complaining and really its like so annoying like nails scraping on a chalk board kind of whining about how he doesnt like tomatoes. (he eats pizza, salad, spagetti, chef boyardee type soups... whats up with the anti-tomato kick tonight? )

 

Then he starts whining about how its spicy. Its no different than all the times before. So after listening to him do this for an hour, I tell him okay thats it! You have 10 minutes to finish or go to bed.

 

So the clock ticks by, and I walk over and he still hasnt finished theres only 3 bites left. I tell him that he has 3 minutes left per the clock on the wall, pointing at the clock....... He has a choice to eat it or get ready for bed, that Im not going to argue anymore..

 

 

So....

 

Freaking A! He threw up on purpose, then tells me it made him sick so now I told him to go to bed.

 

Well, maybe I wont win the mom of the year award, for it.... but what should I do next time? he is now in his room changing for bed and isnt very happy about it, I can still hear him whining and moaning in there and Im ignoring it.... I will not fight with him, I told him the consequences and now its penalty time.

 

So any tips???? Thanks I needed to vent! ](*,)

 

 

Oh man... ps here..... Im trying to remain calm, he just will not stop screaming and moaning he just came back out here and told me 'its all your fault! I HATE TOMATOES' And I replied 'man Im not going to fight with you, you were told your choices and you made your choice now I want you to go back to your room and go to bed'...... Its 7 pm now , and he will not shut up! he is back in his room and having a temper fit...... fit for a toddler.

[melrich]

How old is he?

[southerngirl]

Just turned nine in november.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Kids are often very picky, and I'm sure it's frustrating. The only thing I might suggest is that if he refuses to eat his dinner at say 5, and then complains of hunger at 6:30, instead of telling him he should have ate it when he had a chance, perhaps you could just offer him the same dinner again? Maybe when he's good and hungry he'd be more open to eating it. Even though it's not ideal, at least it would get eaten, and then in the process he may learn to like those particular foods. Good luck!

[bitbit]

well... i dont' have kids myself... but i baby sit for a 4 year old and a 9 year old. the four year old usually isn't picky about food, but when he's tired, he gets to be really crabby and starts crying when i make him the same thing for dinner tonight that he loved yesterday. basically, i try and reason with him. i ask him first what he'd like to eat, being there are a few easy options and his parents usually provide a few different things for them to eat. if nothing i've listed sounds appealing to him, i tell him that's what there is to eat and suggest the same things over. if he's not having it, i just walk away from it. pretty soon, he's really hungry and when i suggest the same things, he settles for one of them. the most important thing is don't tell them you're going to give them consequences and then cave... they'll learn all it takes is tantrums to get their way and then you'll have to listen to it every day. so it's good you're following through

[southerngirl]

Well now, half hour later he is in his room going on and on even though he is laying in bed.

 

I just went in there.

 

'stop the yelling, i dont want to hear it... its bed time'

 

him 'well im MAD YOUR SO MEAN'

 

i said 'i know its so mean that i tell you that you can go to bed if you choose to not eat and you are in bed now, thats terrible isnt it'

 

he says 'yes thats why your MEAN!'

 

i said 'well now go to bed and next time when i say this will happen dont be surprised' and i walked away..........................

 

 

ahhhh I think he has stopped going on and on, for now..

[kermit]

Stay the couse. He knows the rules now. He'll eat or got to bed hungry.

 

All three of my kids went through picky stages, we accommodated them somewhat, but you've been fair. He won't starve. Ignore the whining.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

blackmailers come in all shapes and sizes don't they?

 

he is obviously testing you and playing a little power game to see whether you will give in and he can control you... you could probably make him 10 things in succession and he still wouldn't want anything you put down.

 

and he is upping the ante by screaming and yelling about it. and then when he doesn't get what he wants, it's the 'mean mommy' game...

 

really, when they behave like a toddler, which he is, then toddler rules need to apply. give him a few different items on his plate at dinner, then he eats or not... i wouldn't fight him over small details, like if you have bread, chili, salad one night, and all he feels like eating is salad and bread, then fine, he won't starve if he doesn't eat everything and tell him that's it, eat what you want.

 

but if every night he disagrees and complains, and he likes nothing you give him, then it is not about food, it is about who holds power in the relationship, and he is trying to be in charge.

 

btw, it's also good to really apply the 'ignore bad behavior, reward good behavior' rules in these kinds of situations. don't listen to him whine, warn him once, then put him on a timeout, then go crank up the TV and watch it and ignore the whining/yelling etc.... and when he calms down and stops pouting, THEN you tell him its good to see your favorite son again, and what kind of sandwhich would he like in his lunch tomorrow?

 

hang in there, they can go through little monster stages at all ages, and this too shall pass when he realizes bad behavior is getting him nowhere but ignored...

[Dako]

A friend's family used to serve string beans when I was 10.

 

44 years, later, if you put canned string beans in my plate, I'll gag and may spew. Stand back or cover your shoes.

[Helen67]

Kids are often very picky, and I'm sure it's frustrating. The only thing I might suggest is that if he refuses to eat his dinner at say 5, and then complains of hunger at 6:30, instead of telling him he should have ate it when he had a chance, perhaps you could just offer him the same dinner again? Maybe when he's good and hungry he'd be more open to eating it. Even though it's not ideal, at least it would get eaten, and then in the process he may learn to like those particular foods. Good luck!

 

Agreed, even if it is perhaps less convenient to cook earlier, it most likely will be guaranteed that the food would eventually be eaten.

 

Maybe if he tries the throwing up tactic again, you should make him clean up his mess from the toilet/sink himself, he may think twice.

 

My 10 year old has been great with food, the only food that physically made him gag was boiled eggs, which happened when he was around two years, so I have never forced them on him. But as far as I'm concerned, if it never made them gag, then they should not have the opportunity to change their eating habits. And b/c of this my son will try all sorts of food, and loves almost everything!

 

With my 5 year old, it's halarious. He's very placid and layed back, but whenever I'd put something like brussel sprouts or green beans (you get the piccie) he would say, "I don't like them", all I would say is "yeah you do", and he'd eat it! How's that for easy manipulation? Now he loves these foods, more than I did when I was a kid, so I'm lucky with both.

 

The other option with these foods, just to make it more fun for him to eat, was to tell him, how he would have some great farts the next day. I know this isn't everbody's cup of tea, but great for getting it eaten.

 

Our friends who have two kids 9 & 5, are amazed at how well my kids eat, for the basic reason, they allowed their kids to get away with "I don't like this and that" tactic, and now they have a nightmare of a time getting their kids to eat good, healthy proper food. They don't eat salads, barely any veggies and no fruit! Most of their food comes out of tins like Heinz spaghetti etc.

 

I think you are handling your situation correct, don't give in to his demands, and if he insists he hates tomatoes so much, then don't give him anymore pizza etc, that should quickly shut him up!

 

All the best.

 

P.s Southerngirl, I just love your avatar, looks like me after a particularily bad day with the kids!!!

[southerngirl]

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply to my post.

 

It does help. I was really frustrated last night.

 

I just dont understand why sometimes he will have a fit about eating something that he eats all the time! maybe it is a power struggle?

 

Maybe it does go with his age? I dont know... I try not to force him to eat it, though as a whole he isnt very picky at all and is usually open to trying new things.

[justpaisley]

I'm sorry, SG, I don't mean to laugh at your post, but you just sound so frustrated. "Freaking A!" I thought I was the only person that said that LOL... *hugs* You can laugh at me in a few years when I'm going through the same thing, okay?

 

One thing I've always heard is that if you get your kids involved in the process, they'll be more interested in the eating. Like... he's 9, right? Maybe have him grate the cheese to top the chili, or give him a fork and let him crumble it (this is assuming you're putting cheese on top). Give him a butterknife and let him hack away at the tomatoes. Let him drain the beans. Dump the spices in his hand and let him drop them in the pot. Also, maybe let him pick one or two nights a week to choose something to cook all by himself. He could put together a pizza or something and you could do all the "dangerous" stuff.

 

This is just one tactic I've heard with persnickety kids. My mother-in-law told me that she was always like a short order cook. She'd spend all day making a gumbo, only to be told by a brattier version of my husband that he wanted Chef Boyardee. My MIL's gumbo is AMAZING, so the fact that he went for the Chef instead of that is appalling to me. (Now, of course, he'll eat anything.) (Except Chef Boyardee, he won't eat that.)

 

I agree wholeheartedly with your tactics, by the way. If you don't eat what I cook, you don't eat, sorry bud. I'm not a personal chef. My mom says that making kids eat beyond what they want to eat encourages eating disorders though (she's a counselor), but listen, if I'm cooking, my kid is eating. I think that if he refuses to eat then complains of hunger later, he can still eat what I've cooked, but I won't be making PB&J when he could have just eaten in the first place. My goddaughters' mom makes them whatever they want whenever they want and I'll be darned.

[melrich]

Maybe it does go with his age? I dont know... I try not to force him to eat it, though as a whole he isnt very picky at all and is usually open to trying new things.

 

If he is normally a good eater and gets a reasonably varied diet then don't have fights about food. If one night he doesn't want something just let it go.

 

Tension at meal times causes more eating problems in kids than just about anything else. It is a control thing, they want some control over what they eat. Our eldest is similar and it is worst when he is tired. We made a decision a long time ago that if he didn't want to eat what was on his plate then that was fine. We went through all the stuff "you're not leaving till it's all finished", "you have 5 minutes to finish"...it just caused so much tension that we started to dread meal times.

 

Now he can leave whatever he wants of his food. He still gets dessert. If he's hungry after that he gets re-presented with the dinner he left. He rarely leaves anything nowadays but if he has a day where he doesn't want tomatoes we don't sweat it.

[sonjam]

I'm struggling with a picky 2.5 year old. Her dad will only eat green beans and cauliflower, meat and starch. She is doing exactly the same thing, I have to serve her pasta almost every night, with a bit of minced meat cooked in it (for the iron). She used to love fruit, now she won't eat it. My family frustrates me, because I LOVE veggies and fruit!

 

I agree with the others in not making an issue out of the food question. My husband is a prime example. His dad forced him to sit at the table and finish the pumpkin on his plate when he was around 9. His mom had to eventually fetch him from the dining room table at 4 the next morning, sleeping next to the uneaten pumpkin. To this day he will have nothing to do with any orange vegies!!

 

All I think is, make sure he gets a good vitamin supplement, every day, and if he decides not to eat what you are serving, let it go. He will not starve, and will be hungry in the morning, and will start eating soon enough! (you are obviously not feeding him candy and such all day?) My daughter wants sweets, and then I tell her, first food, then sweets. If she doesn't want food, I also don't give sweets, as it will probably only ruin her appetite even further, and also start bouts of bounching of the walls.

 

Nobody said it was going to be easy raising kids huh?

[southerngirl]

Thank you everyone for your replies, Im taking all this in and appreciate it!

 

Nobody said it was going to be easy raising kids huh?

 

Oh you are so right! Wow, its not easy, and the older my son gets the harder it gets... Now have my 22 month old following and im amazed at how different he is. Currently terrified of raising a daughter. Thinking of putting bars on the windows to keep out the boys! haha ( Just kidding yall dont think Id do that)

[ImThatGirl]

Hey Southern! I know I'm coming in a bit late here!

 

I feel so bad for you!

 

I've heard of people putting the food in the fridge and telling the child they can have nothing else until they finish it. (That's their meal for breakfast the next day if they didn't finish that night.) I can't imagine doing that.

 

My kids sometimes eat alot and sometimes won't touch their food. My 6.5 year old son has an obsession with McD's right now. We don't go often. If he hears of anyone else going, he whines and cries about it. I've told him "NO more McD's!" I wish they'd wipe the restaurants off the maps.

 

My children both normally have good behavior. I "used" to be such a pushover mom. I've started being more firm. But they still use the manipulation tactics "you're so mean, I'm so sad, you hurt my feelings." My daughter throws 2 yr old tantrums (she's 3.5.) My son has started throwing 2 yr old tantrums (he's 6.5.)

 

I think you know you are doing the right thing. I usually try to have a variety of food. I don't usually make chili bec they won't eat it. If I do make it, I also make pb & j sandwhiches, and add fruit on the side. I know how frustrating it is when children all the sudden decide "I don't like this 'food, activity, rule, etc." Especially when they've done well with it previously!

 

Just want to reiterate that my children are normally well behaved but sometimes decide to be Way Dramatic. I try to just stand my ground. Hoping and praying that eventually, we won't have the issues where they think they can run the show.

[ImThatGirl]

Oh yeah - Another thing I do:

 

When I make their plates, I give them large servings. It seems that no matter how big the servings are, they eat about half. So, I double their servings. They kind of get their way by not clearing their plate and I get my way them getting enough food in their bodies.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Southern girl - I hate to sound harsh - But I gotta.

 

I totally (but respectfully) and completely disagree with you here.

 

Kids go thru periods - they say usually in 6 month cylces - where they eat everything around them to store up for a growth sprut, during which, when it comes, they have virtually NO appetite.

 

Punishing a child for not liking a certain food or for not being hungry seems a bit odd to me. BUT as a mother of three, I know how wearing and taxing it gets to feel like you're a 24 hour diner.

 

I'm sorry for your frustration but there are soooo many battles to have, eating, the most natural thing in the world to us, shouldn't be one of them. He's not going to starve himself, his body won't let him.

 

And if his hormones are changing, so may his taste buds be - so he may not like the chili anymore that he's loved 100 times beofre...

 

Be patient with him......

 

And good luck!!

[southerngirl]

When I make their plates' date=' I give them large servings. It seems that no matter how big the servings are, they eat about half. So, I double their servings. They kind of get their way by not clearing their plate and I get my way them getting enough food in their bodies.[/quote']

 

I actually tried this last night with dinner and to my shock he ate every bite! go figure... Thanks for the idea =-)

 

Ta_ree_saw - Thank you for your reply, I didnt think about growth spurts and all that but you make a good point.

 

I simply dont know what to do all the time as a mom its never easy. Since that night he seems to have been eating what he is given so maybe he was just in a mood or wasnt that hungry.

 

Speaking of 'battles' to have with him..... He has now decided to grow his hair out and doesnt want a hair cut. HE is literally 2 months overdo now and I hope he wants to cut it soon. I did trim it a little around his ears and neck so it doesnt look so so bad but theres worse things he could do right? So on this one, Im letting him be in charge even though I personally hate his new look!

[ImThatGirl]

That's awesome that he ate all of his food, Southern!

 

I think TRS made a good point too. Sometimes they will be hungry and sometimes they won't. Now, if my kids seem to want to mess around and eat very little one dinner, I talk them into eating at least a few more bites. If it becomes a continuous dinner time issue, I won't allow it.

 

I can see why you were upset.

 

I can imagine the hairdue issue! My nephews hair is so long! There are even some 6 year old boys with the shaggy hairdue at my sons school. I'm proud of you for letting him be but be sure you don't bother him about it either.

 

The trials and tribulations of parenting. I WISH I knew all the answers! If you find them all, please let me know.

[southerngirl]

Well, I admit this morning i told him it 'looked like crap' ..... *sigh*

 

Yeah, I know bad mom. He gave me the evil eye. Then I said but, if you want to look this way its your hair not mine. His hair is naturally curly and its getting hard to manage the longer it is, and then when I tried to put my own hair gel in his hair he freaked because 'thats for girls'....

 

I did get him to agree that we should go to the barber. I told him he can grow it out and maybe they have ideas on a good trim in this in between phase and how we should style it.

 

Ive always kept his hair pretty short, so Im having trouble getting used to his newer shaggier look.

[ImThatGirl]

Southern..... First off - Big Hugs!

 

Pick your battles! And use positive feedback. I know what it feels like to be frustrated and at your wits end. But telling him that kind of stuff is just pushing him away from you.

 

I think you are having trouble letting him grow up a bit? Make his own decisions, etc. Maybe? Hugs!

[southerngirl]

Yeah my little boy is becoming a man! He is even starting to show signs that Im not cool anymore.

 

I knew this day would come. I should probally tell him that I am sorry for saying it looked like crap and that I think he is handsome... I will do that when he gets home, last thing I want him to do is feel he cant talk to me.

[ImThatGirl]

Absolutely!

 

And by all means, Sweetie, I have no idea how I'll be when my son gets a little older. Probably not much different than you! But from outside of the box, it just seems that you may need to let go "a little."

 

Tell him he looks handsome and maybe that you're having a bit of a time allowing him to make decisions (like hairstyle) that you've always been able to make for him.

 

Hugs~