online dating protocol

[btbt]

So...I've gone on a few dates with this guy who I met online. We get along great, there is chemistry etc. etc., he calls and e-mails me regularly, and is always asking me out to do more stuff. But his profile on the dating site shows that he logs in every few days or so.

 

We're certainly not at that exclusive stage, so I get it, but it feels strange. Is there another woman that he is calling, e-mailing, inviting out etc.? What do people think?

[Batya33]

If you went out on a few dates with a guy you met at a bar, and then heard he was seen at a party or a bar talking to women, would you be upset with him? Consider that for most people exclusivity takes some time - a few months - at least a month - to develop and feel right. Until then he can see other women whether on line or in real life and for your sanity you should continue dating others and stop checking his profile.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

He may be still emailing other girls, but then again maybe he's just logging on to see if you're logging on. Give it more time, and see what happens. When you two first start seeing eachother it's normal to still be talking to other people. Eventually you'll figure out that you either want to see eachother exclusively, or just break it off.

[sweetheart21]

He is probably just curious to see if he has any new messages... or maybe just bored and used to logging onto the site. Have you stopped going onto the site since meeting him? Obviously not or you wouldnt know if he still is or not. After he knows you better he will lose interest in the dating site.

[Blue Skittles]

Ok this is really silly - but last time i met a guy from online - i logged in every couple days to check out his pics - i wasn't really looking for anyone. so maybe thats what he's doing... he also could just be checking his messages. I know people that do online dating just to meet friends that have common interests. If he's interested in you, its probably nothing to worry about.

[btbt]

Wow! You guys are optimistic Maybe I'm just paranoid...

 

The responses seem to be mostly from women. Men -- when you meet someone online that you have a lot of interest in (I'm not saying love at first sight or anything, but enough that you pursue with phone calls, e-mails, dates the whole bit), why would you be still prowling around the online dating scene? Or would you?

[Batya33]

Try the online dating message board on ivillage - this issue comes up all the time and the response is typically that until you have the exclusivity discussion you both are free to keep active profiles. I agree with this wholeheartedly. The only difference between this and "real life" dating is that you can see that he may be keeping his options open where otherwise you wouldn't know who he was calling, meeting, the places he was going. Would you expect a man who went out with you three times to stop trying to meet other women unless you agreed on exclusivity?? And I am sure he can see you log on too, right?

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Also if you are seeing a lot of each other for six months and you feel you should be exclusive, buy you two haven't discussed it, and he's still showing signs of keeping his options open, then that would be a different story.

[quietgrl]

Batya33,

 

Your post about online dating very good point.