After all the back and forth feelings...

[need2bme]

Here is what is being sent. Nothing since Tuesday and I am beginning to be ok with it. Was hoping I wasn't, but maybe we didn't have it...so, I am preparing to send it...and yes, at this very moment, it is how I feel, but it is, what it is...

 

 

 

The email:

 

 

Just wondering...

 

 

Probably won't get a reply to this one either, but was wondering...

 

...exactly what happened. What turned your heart? What is it that makes a guy go from being what you want and adoring you, to not being what you want?

 

...you have to know that you are thought of often. You have to know that from the beginning, the feeling that wrapped me up the most was the ease of being with you.

 

...so I sit and think what would be the best way to forget about this whole thing. See, some days are different than others. Some days I think that it has only been 3 weeks (1 of which, I cannot speak to you or have to speak in a manner that does not betray me).

 

...then I think of other days when you scare the crap out of me and I think, well, maybe she is scared. Maybe, she doesn't feel like she thought she did. Maybe she does and doesn't want to tell me.

 

...and then there is always wondering...if someone else is taking up that place now...actually, that last part doesn't really matter, cause there is no way I can control it...and as much as I try, I cannot control much...

 

...one thing I know though, is feeling like this is not fun.....and all I can do is think what it might be like to wrap you in my arms, just one more time and know that for one fleeting moment...I am in a place that very few people ever get to experience....

 

...so, until that time, should it ever happen, I will sit and listen for the chance to once again take your hand and never let go...

[need2bme]

OK, reading that again, makes me realize how sappy I sound, so before I get flamed...I am doing it myself.

 

 

ARRRGGHH!

[AwdreeHpburn]

need2bme - not sappy - just honest.

 

I don't suggest sending it, but it probably feels good to get it out, yeh?

[need2bme]

It does feel good, but a little surreal...thanks.

[southerngirl]

Very nice letter. Heart felt and says whats on your mind.

 

Dont send it.

 

Print it out. Read it, and Burn it. Will feel good to watch the words flame up and become your past.

 

Im sorry your hurting right now.

[bachinit]

I vote NO (to sending it) too.

[Grokker]

Hang in there, buddy. Thanks for sharing it with us on here, and I hope it helped you to do so.

 

And no, don't send it!

 

Y'know something strange happened to me this week. It's now almost four months since my crash-and-burn relationship with a woman who did something very similar to what this girl did to you... came on strong, then turned on a dime.

 

I held no contact for all this time. And, out of the blue this week, she sent me an email and a text message. Trying to get back in touch. I've met someone else and I don't care at all. But maybe that's just what it takes.

 

The fact is, you're hurting now because you are thinking of this as *something you had, that you felt grateful to have, which is now endangered or dead.* It takes time, distance and a wealth of other experiences to figure out that (a) you never had what you thought you "had", (b) it wasn't anything you deserved, let alone needed to be grateful for, and © it was never as much "endangered" as dangerous to you.

 

Trust me. Some day, sooner than you think, you will be glad that she turned on her dime as soon as she did... and that no more of your time was wasted. Even if she does contact you, I'd strongly caution against going back in the ring for a "round two"... I sense that there is only trouble and heartache with this one.

[need2bme]

Y'know something strange happened to me this week. It's now almost four months since my crash-and-burn relationship with a woman who did something very similar to what this girl did to you... came on strong, then turned on a dime.

 

Yep. I get it. I had to flame this one and then finally got a response with a Happy Birthday, a day late...

 

The fact is, you're hurting now because you are thinking of this as *something you had, that you felt grateful to have, which is now endangered or dead.* It takes time, distance and a wealth of other experiences to figure out that (a) you never had what you thought you "had", (b) it wasn't anything you deserved, let alone needed to be grateful for, and © it was never as much "endangered" as dangerous to

 

"Endangered or dead". I like that. It is true and I went out with an awesome girl last night and was thinking about the other girl. I don't know if it was because I was angry or what. Why in the world do we do that?

 

Trust me. Some day, sooner than you think, you will be glad that she turned on her dime as soon as she did... and that no more of your time was wasted. Even if she does contact you, I'd strongly caution against going back in the ring for a "round two"... I sense that there is only trouble and heartache with this one.

 

I think that you are right. Now the trick is to let it go and just do for me. I shouldn't have to remind someone I exist. I am still trying to grasp how someone professes so much and then SCREEEEECCHHHHH!!!!

 

I know that Dogg says she wasn't into you then and fine...it still does not help me understand human nature. So, I guess the trick is to remember how it felt when she wanted a break. This is silly. I shouldn't feel this way anyway....what am I, 12?

[heartlessromantic]

The trick - if there is one - is to realize that no matter how much you love or care for somebody, they still have to make the decision to reciprocate. All you can do is try your best and hope that it is enough for somebody to love you back. You can't convince somebody to care for you or to love you.

 

All of the above is generally true but especially true after a breakup.

 

Whatever her reasons may be, the best you can do is to respect her wishes and move on with your life. Know that you care for her and want her to be happy; and be content in the knowledge that she wants you to be happy but just doesn't feel like you two are right for each other.

 

As for "round two", don't count on it. Maybe she will change her mind, maybe not, but you can't put your whole life on pause for her. Move on, and if it does come, your head will be clearer.

 

Good luck!

[need2bme]

Grokker: Well it happeneded buddy. I called her and told her that I did not approve of the way she had treated me and asked if she was projecting her issues with a previous relationship on us.

 

I also asked her about all of the strange questions she asked me.

 

She admitted that she likes non-commital guys. She also said that I was feeling commited to her, as the reason behind getting mad at her for not calling me on my birthday.

 

So, she chases me like crazy, says all the things someone would say when they want to spend their lives with you and then blows me up.

 

Man, I didn't even know what to say to her. Especially after hearing something about the way I describe things and I should have a more imaginative way of describing things. I swear to you that she used a character on a cartoon series that is on tv, to compare me too and that I should be able to be silly...

 

What? In her last breath, she mentioned that I was funny and made her laugh and then I am not imaginative and the fact that I have used curse words (yes, I have been admonished on here ) to describe things, is harsh. I mean it just sounded like she was grasping...

 

She also said that when I spoke to her, it was as if I was trying to convince her. Well, that is enough for me telling on myself, so ya'll have a great one...

[SarahRose]

need3beme, hey man, sorry about the girl. I think it took courage to call her up and just ask her like that. It seems you got some truth and some bs but at least she answered you. She sounds like a flake. Maybe she is looking for someone to be mean to her and that is what she means by non committal.

 

I'm glad you are getting out there and dating others and having some fun.

[need2bme]

I came back on this thread to admit Dogg was right, as were others, and to admit I should have listened...

 

Lets just say that last night it all fell into place. She, basically does not want to commit. In defense of myself, I did not ask her to commit to me AND SHE DID ASK ME!!! Also, as Grokker has stated, I only behaved that way towards the end, as that is how she led me to believe she wanted it; both in actions and words.

 

Now, she states that I want her to apologize over and over. Not the case, I just wanted her to understand where I was coming from. Not that it matters anyway, because there is no convincing (I mention that not because I was attempting to convince her, but realize that is ultimately all I was doing). What is done, is done...

 

I should have backed off and told her to wait, but that is a moot point now. It happened in the exact manner described here by Dogg...

 

However, it will never happen again. I can see now the red flags I should have never put up with. All the fast talking and all the feelings so early in any relationship, can only be bad.

 

I now know of Grokker and a friend I have in real life (who is actually still with his SO), who have experienced what I have and at least they know it isn't fun.

 

In fact, when I told my friend about the sitch, he mentioned some things that his current SO had said/done and I would have sworn they were the same person.

 

So, everyone was right, except me...even though I should have seen it coming.

[SuperDave71]

Submit that letter to a shoebox...

 

 

Write as many as you can and put them also in the same shoebox. This will help you to get feelings out on paper without the possible setbacks of a negative response.

 

 

You can do it!!

 

 

 

SuperDave71

[need2bme]

I will submit it, then burn the shoebox. ;-)

 

I feel like a child, to be honest. I should have held back. Who lets things go and come out of their mouth as I do, after only 3 weeks.

 

I saw the red flags and just kept saying, "why don't we wait and see where this goes". My friends state that people like that always flip again and will want to see you.

 

The problem is, I think part of me wants that and the rest of me hopes I am strong enough to say no...

[blindfold]

print it, put it in a bottle. bury it.

 

1 year from now go to the place and dig it up again. if it still makes sense, call the girl...