how do you let go of the love of your life???

[persuaded]

Hi, I'm new to this site... my boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me about a month ago after i confronted him about the future and making a commitment. He left, it is over but i'm finding it so hard to let go. I sent him a letter yesterday and some of things (cards, letters, photos) telling him how much i appreciated our relationship and wishing him good luck for the future.... but it was all bull crap! I desperately want him back and i don't know how to let go!

Everyday is a struggle to breathe, to exist ... help....

[insecure246]

I feel your pain.

[Beec]

First welcome to enotalone. Please stick around.

 

It hurts, you feel like you have a lost a piece fo your heart. You gave to someone else, and they squished it. There is no simple cure. Time and keepng yourself busy with other things are the only things that seem to help.

 

Please do not beg,plead or toherwise chase after him, because it will only chase him away.

[honeyspur]

The theory is, it will take you as long as the relationship lasted to be fully over it in your heart. That's not to say that in a few months, you may find yourself thinking of him less, going out more, getting interested in another man - but to think of him and feel no anger or pain - that may take several years.

 

My roomate, who dated her man for 6 years, almost got engaged, only to break up and watch him run off with a younger woman and get married a few states away. That was over a year ago. She even is dating someone else.

Yet she still spits out nasty remarks about her ex - what is the point, right? It takes a long time.

 

If you allow yourself the freedom to hurt, miss him and regret the mistakes you made in the relationship - you will get through it faster.

The big day will come where you'll realize that not only are you no longer in love with him, but you wouldn't take him back even if he begged. Then you will be on the road to recovery.

 

It is wise to send him the cards, pics, etc and offer your appreciation. You may think it's bull - but it's actually true - you are just swimming in the aftermath of heartbreak. It is commendable and mature - be proud of your ability to see through deep hurt and do the right thing.

 

7 years is very long and I always say, things are rarely over for good, unless someone moves away or left you with bitterness and hatred. Somehow, that does not seem the case with you.

I'm not saying this to give you hope - he may never come back - but for you to think he will forget you, think only bad things of you or jump into bed with 50 woman between now and next Thursday, is silly and unecessary.

 

Try to avoid being overly dramatic about the break up when you are alone, thinking about it - this can lead to some bad self-esteem thoughts - the LAST thing you need right now. Stick with the family and friends who supported your decision to give him the ultimatum - after all they ARE committed to you, right?

 

Don't forget all of us here, either. Come back and keep us updated on how you're doing.

If things end up getting better with your ex - be sure to write about it. If you start feeling crazy or depressed (stop eating, sleeping, eating too much or feel suicidal) call someone you know immediately and ask for support. And come back here and do the same thing.

 

I have a feeling you will be ok though - you seem very level headed. Keep faith in yourself and your decisions. You were right to break things off.

[chocolady]

I think the first thing we have to do when trying to let go is to accept the things we cannot change. I found this site to be a very good start at understanding why can't let go and how we need to at some point because it really is beyond our control.

 

link removed

 

Best of luck to you, honey.

[chai714]

Persuaded,

 

Sorry to hear about your loss. Losing the person you love most can be devastating and make you feel almost lifeless - I understand.

 

Like Beec stated, time and keeping busy are the only known ways to get past the heartbreak.

 

I also found working out, writing in a journal, and volunteering at a hospital to be beneficial activities to overcome heartbreak.

 

Hang in there . . .

[persuaded]

can i just thank you all for your advice and comments. It is compforting in a way to know that others have gone through this ordeal...

 

I was once so smug and never thought it would happen to me and now... well, i have learnt my lesson of humility well.

 

It has only been a month or so but i find that i spiral up and down. some times i'm high, other times low.... but when it hits me that he didn't want me after 7 years, it is so bad.

 

It hasn't helped that last week he kept on texting me. at one point he said 'i love you' ... that just killed me. other times i think he just wanted forgiveness so that he won't feel bad or to make sure that i would 'keep things between us and not tell anybody' ... ironic hey? as i am posting thins on the net now...

 

there's a heaviness in my chest now that occasionally explodes into lacerating pain. I'm keeping busy and positive most of the time and definitely won't do anything stupid.

 

However, life just seems upside down, pointless, absurd and i hate the idea of having to go through all this again!!!!

[persuaded]

can i just thank you all for your advice and comments. It is compforting in a way to know that others have gone through this ordeal...

 

I was once so smug and never thought it would happen to me and now... well, i have learnt my lesson of humility well.

 

It has only been a month or so but i find that i spiral up and down. some times i'm high, other times low.... but when it hits me that he didn't want me after 7 years, it is so bad.

 

It hasn't helped that last week he kept on texting me. at one point he said 'i love you' ... that just killed me. other times i think he just wanted forgiveness so that he won't feel bad or to make sure that i would 'keep things between us and not tell anybody' ... ironic hey? as i am posting thins on the net now...

 

there's a heaviness in my chest now that occasionally explodes into lacerating pain. I'm keeping busy and positive most of the time and definitely won't do anything stupid.

 

However, life just seems upside down, pointless, absurd and i hate the idea of having to go through all this again!!!!