Here she goes again...

[Juha]

Well long story short, have been broken up for a while now both have moved on to others...She with her second bf since, me dating half of New England...She would stay in contact one way or the other, me NC and then LC...

 

SHe has played games and I just kept going about my business and stopped playing...I do not contact her at all, have seen each other out a couple of times and have been friendly...SHe wanted to get together , so made plans and she blew me off (this was months ago)...

 

Figured she was done as it has not really happened lately...Until wake up Thanksgiving and there is a text saying "Happy Turkey Day" and then late Sunday night asking if I knew where a street was in my city and again Monday morning asking the same question...

 

SHe could look it up very easily on the computer or the next morning she works in my city so she would just have to ask someone at work...SHe did this in the past after she broke up with me always texting me with nothing questions and excuses...

 

I really would not care but she is different as I love her more than anyone in the world and would do anything for her...

 

WHy does she do this and what does she want???

[melee18]

seems like she's just checking up on you - see what you're doing and if there is anyone else in the picture. looks like thanksgiving got her thinking about the special people in her life or the people that were in her life. i wouldn't read into it much more than that though. just checking in and being curious.

[7out102]

Juha-

 

I can totally relate to brother and what you are going through. My ex has put me through so much hurt since we broke up almost three years ago. We pretty much did no contact for a year after the split. It was a long distance relationship and for the most part it was very good. In the last year my ex has come back into my life, had me come see her, sent me gifts, love letters, cards, pictures of us when we dated, etc.. then she dissappears. About four months after the first time she did this she came back and this time i felt she was very sincere. I gave her the benefit of the doubt, went to see her, had a great time together. I come back home and she disappears again. Read my story in exbf/gf relationships called "like houdine she is gone once again, living me hurt once again" Hopefully it will help you see that our ex's are pretty messed up. Hang in brother..............

[langford]

let it go please for your own sake,my ex boyf spent three years trying to get back together with me and it just decimated my opinion of him. I was nice with him and spoke with him because he was part of my history and that was all.

[Juha]

I have not been trying to get back together with her...She does not send me cards, gifts, or anything else...Does not tell me she misses me or cares about me or loves me...I don't go to see her or ask to see her....

 

I have not contacted her...I don't call, text, email, nothing...

 

Now I did respond on Thanksgiving wishing her a happy one also....

 

I ignored the text Sunday night as I was out with friends, Monday was not working until alte so I was sleeping and told her I did nto know where the street was (really don't know the streets in my city) and was trying to sleep....

 

Don't get it, were not friends not real friends...

[7out102]

Juha-

 

Im sorry man I thought that you wanted to get back with her and you were wondering why she plays these games with you, thats why I was sharing my story with you..

[langford]

It's selfish on her part to contact you for anything,if she has any respect for you at all she'll leave you alone.

 

I'm going through the same thing currently and I think that in a strange way they don't want you to move on they like the fact that you may still care for them,there is a self assurance in it.She knows by your conduct that you are moving on,the txts are a way to see if she still has any relevance.She could have very easily just looked it up.

 

Don't reply to any of her texts it wil be fatal to your peace of mind.

[Juha]

I would not be against getting back together if things worked to being that way...

 

But I am not dong anything to lead in that direction, I did a little after NC and I had dealt with my problems at that time and then dealt with the breakup...

 

SHe does need to mature some...

[7out102]

Langford-

 

You are right my ex sent me a text on T-day and I didnt respond util two days later. I feel horrible that I did now and I wish i hadnt texted her back at all. My ex has never texted me on a Holiday when we were not talking, this was a first. I was so shocked when i got it but it sent me back about 100 steps in moving on.

[Juha]

Langford what I don't get is she broke up with me and told everyone it was mutual...

 

Then she was always in contact with me... All of this while she is dating someone else...

 

SHe knows how I feel about her and that she will always have relevance to me...

 

Yes she still is immature and selfish to an extent...

[shikashika]

Its all speculation...but it COULD be that she doesn't want you to hate her.

 

Everyone wants people to like them.

 

It IS SELFISH and IS IMMATURE..

 

Did she have a low self esteem? It might sound horrible, but maybe she feels better about herself knowing that you still care about her.

 

I know people who want their exes to still like them even when they continue to date other people.... kind of a "Yessssss! He/she still likes me"

 

Unless she wants to be 'friends'............

[Juha]

Shika, she has said she wants to be friends but does not follow up on it and I told her I really could not be just her friend with how I feel about her...

 

Her self esteem was not all that strong as she has had some tough times

but she was so much better after being with me and everybody said it to...

Her family, friends all could see she was much more confident after being with me for some time...SHe was much more at ease and happy..

 

SHe has poor taste in men and everybody she has been with has been a loser, abused her, treated her like crap... Until me, she told me she never thought anyone could treat her this way and that she did not deserve me, earlier in our relationship but that stopped in time...

 

She still puts herself down sometimes, how she is now??? I don't know what little contact I have had with her she does still have a problem with it...

 

WHen I went NC she sent me an email saying that she wished I did not hate her so much and that I said I would always be there for her...

 

Talk about selfish...

 

Shika this is why I said that maybe your ex thought he did not deserve you or was not good enough for you...

 

Thanks to everybody for joining in... I guess I will never really know as we don't talk or hang out... Really stinks so I try not to speculate to much...

[shikashika]

Hey Juha,

 

I feel like I'm in a similar situation as you, the way you write about your ex is similar to how my ex acted/ is acting around me.

 

My ex didn't have a relationship for 7 years until he met me..aside from he had a bed buddy- who left him for his BROTHER, a friend who he had a casual thing with when it was convenient for HER, and one more fling... and that was it.

 

 

again... just speculation....

 

(and maybe I'm just saying this to convince myself or yourself that it can't possibly be you/me)

 

but it seems that your ex/ my ex have never had people who treated them well.. I know it is a FACT with mine... so when they say there is no 'spark' the only 'spark' they had before was that anxiety of being in those bad relationships they were in before... Then they come along to us and hey... none of that 'torture' they were used to before.

 

anyway, it gets tiring just thinking about it over and over and over again.

 

It is soo selfish that people expect friendship from someone that they tossed aside like a piece of trash.

 

Dumping someone and expecting them to like you is like saying..

 

"Hey.. I have had a look at the person you are and you are not for me.. Go away!!.. now!! oh but please still make an effort to like me... I dn't want you to hate me... this will require a lot of effort on your part and I don't plan on making any effort whatsoever because I dont' like you.. but like me please please please... even though I will continue to make zero effort"

 

Juha,

I guess I'll just say what you've been saying to me... you sounds like you can do so much better than this girl ( I know... I know )

 

The only thing that ride the pain out is time..... it would be nice if there was some sort of time machine to speed it up...

 

Take care of yourself!

[Juha]

Shika some differences here though...WIth my ex she always has someone

and can be needy that is why I think she picks bad bf's, I know it has something to do with things that have happened to her in the past...

 

I know this girl and her family, I have known her father, aunt, and aunt's bf

for years...I have played hockey with the father and aunt's bf for years and she would be around never thought about anything with us...

 

I know this girl very, very well... The sad part is the father tells me to come by anytime I am welcome... I have nothing to do with them anymore and to top it off a good friend of mine now goes out with a friend of hers and he is always with her and they do things together with my ex and her bf...

 

Never thought all the crap would hit the fan like this...

 

I don't dwell on it like I did because I think I figured most of it out, still pisses me of sometimes...

 

SHika thanks for sharing some thoughts....

[shikashika]

Hey Juha, sorry I wasn't trying compare too much... that really sucks when you've lost a bunch of friends as well... luckily I didn't get to know my ex's friends that well so no love-lost there.

 

Feel free to contact me if you need a chat!